lea

I feel for you and wish I could give you a HUGE hug! Here is a link to an updated version of the classic - Codependent No More by Melody Beatty - one of the best books I've ever read on the subject. http://www.amazon.co... melody beattie Also check out al-anon & nar-anon online and if you really want to feel the love and see that you are not alone in what you are going through, check out a meeting. Drug of choice is irrelevant when you are caught up in the cycle of caring about someone who you think is addicted. I agree with the tough-love approach, she's not going to give it up until she comes to the realization that the drug is doing (A LOT) more harm than good. In the mean time, it wouldn't hurt to have her read some of the articles on this site. A lot of people identify so strongly with the stories people post this can expedite the quitting process. Either way we are here!

Sounds like a plan! I also agree with M_F_A about the dopamine -- keep in mind that dopamine deficiency will be -- depressing at times -- but not all the time -- and this too shall pass. Superfoods help immensely! Those green smoothies in the morning really do give you energy! Investing in the vitamix has helped me greatly. I can't wait to check out the books you mentioned. Your attitude sounds great! Don't get bogged down by depression and you will be fine. Welcome!!

OMG -- Now I'm AWAKE!

You are so down-to-earth with a sure-fire winning attitude and I for one have surely benefitted from your wisdom. I know you are going to rock it and wish you great success! xoxo

MFA -- I love your new pic !

Sebastian -- I'm glad you filled your script. Read all internet reviews with caution. Wellbutrin is a medication that's been around for decades, studies have been published in peer reviewed journals, you know the drill. Depression is a chemical imbalance. It is similar to type II diabetes in that there is a nature vs nurture component -- it's biological but can be brought on by environmental factors -- like abusing your body with adderall and then shocking it by stopping. You may have been depressed before and part of adderall abuse was masking it -- a lot of people are but the important thing for now is that you need to feel better. Like Type II diabetes, depression may require meds at times in your life but this does not mean that you will be on them forever. Depression remits with diet, exercise and lifestyle -- this has also been studied and published in peer reviewed journals. (Caveat -- I'm not a doctor -- just an obsessive compulsive researcher on things that interest me -- so take my advice with a grain of salt too -- well, not with the salt, lol ) As you know I take wellbutrin and have no problem with it but that's me. I've been taking it for years and have no intention of ever stopping but that's me too. I'm older than you and perhaps slightly less idealistic. You sound like an awesome dude with a wonderful career and the fortitude to have persevered this far into a very difficult quit. You deserve to be happy!

so if you can look beyond poor photo quality -- here's my hair 3 months after quitting. Not bad eh ?!?!

Addendum to above post -- yesterday's grand total was 2 glasses of wine and 2000 mg primaforce phenibut caps. I fell asleep at a reasonable hour and slept until 10 which for me is unheard of. So my conclusion is that taken with choline, it definitely helps with relaxation and sleep -- just don't take it everyday.

Hi -- Funny you should mention this because I just took phenibut today for the first time in over a week. The reviews scare me too although honestly, I have not noticed any signs of dependency ... however ... you're talking to someone who is a garbage-head addict, in other words I have a pretty high tolerance for almost everything except alcohol. The wierdest thing that happened to me from Liftmode Phenibut Crystals was the 15 hours of sleep. The capsules even combined with picamilon did not have much of an effect. I took 500 mg phenibut XT by serious nutrition solutions (SNS) who also makes picamilon. I took a total of 2000 mg throughout the course of a day (less picamilon) and felt very little. Then nothing for a week. For comparison I ordered another kind of phenibut from amazon by primaforce, also 500 mg, started w/ 1 and eventually 2, then 2 more a few hours later. Took it with choline instead of picamilon and felt very calm. So far I'm up to a total of 2000 mg (4 capsules) penibut and 1 glass of wine. Feeling pretty mellow which is a good thing because I have to go out tonight and I want to have a halfway decent time. So as you can see I'm pretty high strung -- can't take benzos b/c I'm an addict so I've done my share of experimentation. As far as internet reviews go, take them with a grain of salt. Everyone takes them for completely different reasons. For me I have decided to not to take phenibut more than once a week just in case the possibility of dependency exists, although this has not been my experience. Be careful though. I do worry about supplements because of the complete absence of FDA oversite.

Good job!!! I think the hair and skin will repair after the quit. Biotin also helps. Your health is a great reason to quit and whatever brings you to that point is a wonderful thing. I thought the same thing about flushing the pills so I had to laugh -- how much $$ am I flushing down the toilet ?!?!?!?!?!? This will be the best investment you have ever made!

Ashley -- Congratulations! The one-year club is just an incredible accomplishment and I have enjoyed reading about the many trials and tribulations along the way. You are a true inspiration.

That's great to hear! When do you start your new job???

That was intense! LilTex you have always been an inspiration to me. Regardless of when this post was was posted I will always have tremendous gratitude for your words - xo.

41 days is fantastic !!! Easier said than done but try and keep your eyes on the prize! Depression will come and go, especially as the psychological effects of quitting set in -- but they really are in your head. They will pass and if you can go 41 days off adderall you can tolerate the lows, after all what goes up (your brain on adderall) must come down -- but it won't stay there forever. Your boyfriend sounds wonderful and so is your attitude about quitting! Just stick it out. Your weight will stabilize, eventually. Have you tried supplements??? Clearly they are not for everyone but for me they have helped. L-tyrosine, atro-phex & yerba mate are the ones I take every day. And then there's the old fashioned method of distracting yourself with higher level interests and endeavors -- easier said than done which will come in time, I'm impatient and for that reason supplements help but seriously, it will be 11 weeks for me this Tuesday and already I am starting to feel glimpses of , dare I say, good moods ??? And it's not from the supplements. Depression is totally normal and it will pass. Crying is good. It will make you a deeper person. Stick it out and keep posting about your journey. edit -- about feeling lost, my worst depression since quitting comes on the days I see my shrink because I used to take my first med of the day right before my appt, with double shot of expresso & nicorette ... so since quitting I have gotten a lot more out of therapy because I actually go in feeling depressed and not trying to mask it with drugs!

I agree with the first reader's comment: "I had a comment but I forgot what I was going to say"

I kept a full electronic journal on the last all nighters prior to quitting -- they are very scary and I read them ALL THE TIME! I say do whatever helps you and as you can see -- it helps others as well. I think you will find your mind a lot less cluttered once you quit !!

I'm just trying noopept -- will let you know if anyone is still reading this ...

Welcome Jamanda -- No judgement at all! It's totally your decision. Sometimes the anticipatory anxiety is far worse than the real thing though. It's scary to think about quitting something, even temporarily that's been with you for 8 years and helps you function. Think about all the people who quit smoking to get pregnant. They dread it and it sucks in the beginning but in the end they never regret choosing nicotine over having a child. But again that decision is yours to make. I wish you strength in moving forward in whatever you choose.

UGH !!!! Hope you are feeling better. Drink lots of tea and eat some BOMB ASS MATZAH BALL SOUP ! I too find this very healing.

So I tried this for anxiety because I read somewhere that in "crystals" form it crosses the blood-brain barrier and something about GABA ... blah blah blah ... So these crystals were so strong I fell asleep for 15 HOURS!!! They take a while to kick in so I may have taken a second dose prematurely, and yes I was tired but damn ... that was scary. So I've switched to the capsules taken with picamilion, another anti-anxiety supplement ... and btw all of the above purchased @ amazon not illegitimately! The 2 capsules together seem to mellow me out without knocking me out. Has anyone else tried these?

congratulations!!! This site can be a great distraction from work - stay with it!

Thanks Cat -- great idea !! I think maybe even just going to a museum would be a welcome change of pace ...

Hi Leila - I have to agree with the suggestion not to quit everything all at once cold turkey -- especially the klonopin, which ideally should be medically supervised. Also, the klonopin will likely take the edge off any rebound anxiety you might have, as long as you're not abusing it I tried many times to taper and I couldn't do it. I was taking anywhere from 80-150mg ritalin IR a day at the time I quit cold turkey and I had no physiological withdrawal other than sleeping a lot. The first week or so I was so happy to have quit I wasn't even depressed but eventually the depression hit. I have been on wellbutrin & prozac for years so I think I definitely would have been a lot more depressed without meds. I also think there's nothing wrong with taking lexapro -- especially while quitting adderall. My two cents -- have a ceremonial flushing of your remaining pills and make a solid commitment to living adderall-free. Read the articles on this site, read the books on ADD and procrastination, do whatever it takes. You know what it's like to be addicted. Quitting is certainly not always going to be smooth sailing but sometimes it's not that hard either. It's all kinds of things, both good and bad, but I'd take any and all of it over the daily fear of being found dead of a drug overdose ... you can do this if you really want to and you sound determined so DO IT !!!

The blandness is not pleasant - I'm not sure which is worse, blandness or depression... They both seem to come in phases and they both eventually pass ... and then come back ... and then you start feeling better for a while ... and maybe the next time you start feeling better for a little longer ... then the blandness ... that's as far as I've gotten. But I'll take it! IMHO it still beats the shit out of being a wired sociopath

That's for sure !!