lea

Congratulations - Reading your post reminds me of me with the thin thing ... BUT in 3 months I've gained 7 lbs and stabalized -- really not as bad as I thought it would be and I haven't been watching what I eat for quite some time. I feel very unhealthy although I'm just starting to get back into healthy eating and exercise... and you know what? Muscle really does have a GOOD memory! Mega- congratulations for kicking out the roomie!

Yes ladies -- I love this support -- wish I had it when I was going through various ages and stages of relationship hell :blink: I'm 50 and these forums didn't exist back in the day -- or maybe they did and I just wasn't aware of them!

I say cut the cord on the faux bf - at least while you explore the possibility of the new guy. Why not??? You can always come back and revisit your decision later. 2.5 years is a long time to go without a commitment girlfriend! You deserve so much better

btw - seeing everything as a huge catastrophe is a symptom of depression I'm on wellbutrin - 300 mg and prozac 40 mg. Just started topamax @ very low dose, up to 75 mg after 2 weeks and I think I'm starting to feel something - slightly better focus/ less impulsive. I also take l-tyrosine, yerba mate & atrophex -- all meds & supplements in the morning. The supplements give me a boost of energy on an empty stomach. I've tried just about everything. HATED 5-hr energy, rhodiola (an herb) did nothing, DMAE did nothing, it's just a matter of trial and error and finding the right combination. Your shrink sounds pretty cool.

Hey Sebastian - I'm so glad to hear that you are still here. It's 10 weeks for me too and I'm just starting to feel normal again. I do take antidepressants and personally see this as an asset, rather than a liability. Everyone has their own opinion about meds and I respect that. I believe that depression is a chemical imbalance and biological disorder. It is an absolutely miserable existence and no way to live. I hope that your appt today is successful. It is my belief that meds do about 30% of making things better, the rest is up to you, but that 30% sure does help take the edge off. Be well my bro and stay plugged in -- we're all rooting for you!

Hey Dagny -- Welcome! I'm 50 and was diagnosed with ADD as an adult and only used amphetamines for ADD in the past 5 years. I do believe I had it as a child/ teenager, hence the need to work twice as hard as everyone else but that's water under the bridge. I did use diet pills when I was younger but they didn't make me feel good the way ADD drugs did. So I'm 10 wks off ritalin today and I'm FINALLY starting to feel normal again. Normal in that I'm getting things done @ work, returning calls & emails in a timely manner, opening mail and making a dent in the piles of stuff I've procrastinated in the last few months of heavy ritalin abuse. I'm telling you this so you know that it's possible. I was so confused and out of it the first few weeks I thought the fog would last forever, but it doesn't. Like you I also have a history of depression and have been on antidepressants for 15 years. I know you know this but your doctor needs to go - bigtime! Go to the ASAM website (American Society for Addictive Medicine) or talk to your primary if you feel comfortable, about finding a new psychiatrist who specializes in addiction. There are many of them out there -- really good ones who get it. It's funny because I read your post the other day on nootropic supplements and I'm thinking ... ok, another obsessive researcher like me. I hope she writes more about herself! Are you still taking adderall and if so, do you have a plan for quitting? Please stay in touch. There are a lot of great people on here, like FALCON People of all ages and stages of recovery who can and will help you immensely. xoxo

I love Ina too

Actually, rehab sounds like a pretty safe place to be right now. Adderall and opiates are a whole different ballgame as you know, so if rehab is an option, don't rule it out. Either way we are here! Read our stories and you will see a lot of similarities to the vegetative state you describe so well. I pray you don't have to fall too low to get back up.

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling bad and have to echo the above comments. I do think this will pass. It will likely be long gone by the time you start your new job and don't listen to the filthy addict that's telling you you're craving adderall. I'm not trying to undermine the adderall craving, just the voice that's letting them into your head at time when you are feeling low and vulnerable. You've come so far and it's so important to diss-associate work with adderall. Feel better soon sweetie

That's amazing -- great job !!!

This is the way I feel almost every day and it's really frustrating. Everyday it's a struggle to do the most basic things and if I don't need to be at the office I don't go and don't shower. It's been 9 weeks (clean) and I'm in a slump so I definitely know how you feel. Huge project due in 2 weeks which of course I'm procrastinating. I will, however, do this without ritalin even if it's done in a b_ass ackwards sort of way.

I'm telling you - the vitamix is worth every penny if you're into juicing. It juices everything and anything. Here's the recipe for the glowing green smoothie (makes a pitcher and lasts 2 days in the fridge): 4 cups romaine 4 cups spinach 1 cucumber 1 pear 1 banana 1 lemon And here's one for kale chips -- really easy: Break up a head of kale into big leaves and put them on a cookie sheet, spray the leaves with olive oil and sprinkle lightly with sea salt. Then bake @ 400 until the leaves shrink down - check them after about 20 minutes. They are really good.

Yesterday I made carrot, apple, beet & ginger - DEE-LISH! Don't be discouraged if you can't do juice only - If you just do it for breakfast you will still feel great

I do, believe it or not, have a full-fledged career -- I'm just not too excited about it but it's the only thing I've ever done... I have a few projects I'm involved with but definitely need to start focusing on some new things. It's just hard to get motivated. I miss that feeling of doing something I love - FLOW .... haven't felt that in ages.

Thanks guys -- the support and encouragement is really helpful during these times of complete dullness - as in very little excites me. I'm drinking green smoothies and doing everything I can to be healthy and still feel meh for most of the day. 2 months it's been, 4 more months to go... til 6 UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH But really what's the alternative??? There is none, maybe that's what feels so depressing.

I try to notice the small things that are good -- six months seems like forever but I'm DETERMINED to see what life is like on the other side

haha me too !

Hey SearchingSoul - Don't laugh but my friend recommended a book called the beauty detox solution about healthy eating with some really good recipes for green smoothies (ie smoothies made of fruits and veg). You don't have to follow the whole plan but I find that drinking the glowing green smoothie every morning not only gives me energy but keeps me full for hours! I invested in the vitamix which is a superpowered blender which literally takes seconds to blend, grind, make ice-cream or sorbet (out of fruit) -- anyway, not to sound like an infomercial but just drinking water with lemon and a green smoothie in the morning makes me feel great and not even want to drink coffee. It's funny because on ritalin I used to go half the day without eating on tons of coffee -- with the green smoothie I can easily go thru til lunchtime feeling energetic and good, not hungry, not speedy... it's wierd feeling good without feeling speedy. Still trying to get used to that one

I tried this back in the day and it did NOTHING for me -- other than feeling like I drank 10 cups of expresso! Yuck -- but I know a guy who lost his pharmacy license for abusing this shit.

Good for you girlfriend! 8 weeks for me tomorrow so hearing your posts is like looking into a crystal ball I still have those feelings of anticipation when I see my doc even though it's just for run of the mill antidepressants. Fortunately they are short and fleeting. It feels good though that I don't have to run straight from doctor's office to pharmacy!

In my experience, quitting ritalin has been more difficult than smoking AND painkillers. For me, I prefer an upper to a downer but I suppose it depends on the individual. At a different time in my life painkillers allowed me to greatly extend the recovery period of an injury - my fear was that this addiction would go from pills to snorting to injecting and this fear is what drove me to stop. Pain meds were associated with bad things and once stopped I didn't think about them much and the longer I went without using them the less I thought about them. Ritalin was associated more with day-to-day living and enhanced performance. Even though I not longer buy into the big lie I still find myself trying to increase energy and motivation with supplements. I do believe though, that as time goes by energy and motivaton will come easier. I think a lot of these deficits are in my head to be honest.

11 months ... that's wonderful, CONGRATULATIONS !!!!! And thank YOU for YOUR support and guidance

That was amazing! I've been thinking a lot lately about how uncomfortable I am no longer chasing the high. Not that I ever want to go back there but trying to live in the moment feels awkward because I've grown so accustomed to the mindset of an addict. Intellectually I get that the present is the only thing that is real and I've had glimpses of this since quitting 7+ weeks ago... I am truely inspired by your words because they seem to make sense of it all.

I love Jon Kabat-Zinn -- have used his meditations for many issues

OMG requiem for a dream straightens me the F up every time!