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Hey girl, Obviously you are at the point of no return. You have to quit. Otherwise what will happen, you'll go back to school and pull the another semester of all nighters, sleeping away the day, not turning in papers, and failing all your classes? Even if you manage to finish school, that lifestyle will not cut it in the real world when you have to show up at your job and do work during the day. The good news is, quitting adderall will improve your life in so many ways. You will feel better about yourself, healthier, more alert during the day, you will start exercising and socializing. It will probably make you a BETTER student. Check out Occasional01's post in the other forum called "I will finish this project TODAY." She got better grades this semester without adderall than she ever did while taking adderall. Here is some other advice: 1. Before you quit, you need to cut off your source to adderall. This week, call your doctor and tell her to not prescribe you any more adderall under any circumstances. Then you can go get that last script refilled and use it up, or tear it up now. Either way, when you're done you're done. You can't have that script lying around, it's too tempting and too easy access. 2. I can tell you really want to quit, but it sounds like you need some accountability beyond just yourself. You might consider telling your parents so they can support you while you quit over the summer. Every day you just have to wake up and NOT take adderall that day. Even if you feel crappy or tired, remind yourself that you are one day closer to feeling truly alive and healthy. If you quit now you will definitely be in decent shape by the time school starts again in the fall. Think of it as a goal: to be as healthy and grounded as possible by September. Believe me, relapsing is NOT worth it because it will only set you back in your progress towards that goal.

This is REALLY inspiring to me today... needed to hear an awesome success story like this. The best kind. Congrats!

I agree with quit-once although this was my experience going to school in the 80s and 90s. Hyperactive kids were normal. They were the norm. I don't really think ADHD is a "thing" beyond simply being prone to getting distracted, a normal thing for kids and adults! It's not a disorder, or a brain chemistry thing. It's a personality trait. I was a straight A student who followed rules my entire life, read a ton of books, had perfect handwriting, and got basically all As in college without adderall. And yet I still get mega distracted and am a perfectionist, and that's what drew me to adderall as a professional adult. My younger brother was the opposite, got Bs and Cs, had really bad handwriting, got in trouble, now he's a banker and makes way more money than me. Neither of us took adderall or got labeled as ADHD as kids and my parents never attributed shortcomings, poor grades, or bad behavior to any kind of "disorder." I think ADHD is a slippery slope of giving kids a crutch to rely on when they fail. And that's to say nothing of the scary and dangerous trend of prescribing an addictive medication to young children. EDIT: I also agree with ldmcniel that if there's any "disorder" it's with society forcing people to conform to a single type of personality that is ultra productive and focused, rather than encouraging unique, creative individuals to figure out where they thrive.

Ashley: It wasn't as bad as I expected. The first night I didn't sleep at all, and that was scary. I spent the whole night and all the next day reading horror stories on online forums about people quitting ambien/benzos and not sleeping for months and truly believed that's what I would be dealing with. But the very next night I slept 7 hours and have not had a sleepless night since. I keep OTC sleep aids on hand in case I get anxiety as bedtime approaches. MFA: Yes! Same here. It was almost immediate.

Ashley, yeah I know what you mean. I'm like, "why didn't I try going off ambien sooner" but the truth is I was not equipped to deal with the withdrawal of ambien until I felt comfortable in my adderall recovery. So don't beat yourself up, it's good you had a way to deal with anxiety while recovering from adderall, and now you're in a stronger and better position to successfully taper down or get to a comfortable level of klonopin. Gotta say it feels soo good to be off all prescription meds, done with that adderall/ambien circle of hell!

Hey there. 100 days is awesome! I'm around 140 days, so just a little more than you. I'd say my energy levels started to even out after 3 months or so, in terms of feeling relatively alert throughout the day and not feeling lethargic. However, I noticed a HUGE difference when I got off ambien at about the 4-month mark after quitting adderall. I didn't even realize the effect ambien was having on my energy levels and mood during the day. Now I feel more energized and happier even with only 5-6 hours of natural sleep compared to feeling sluggish and bored after 8 hours of ambien sleep. May or may not be relevant to your situation.

You would know if you had a drinking problem, just like you knew when your adderall use crossed over into addiction. If you are just having few drinks here and there, or even a glass of wine every day, and it's not dictating your behavior or affecting other areas of your life, there's no problem. The rest is just semantics. Is your ultimate goal to be "sober" in the purest sense of the word, or to be free and recovered from your stimulant addiction? I guess if you are worried about making compromised decisions about taking adderall because you've had too much to drink, that would be a reason to consider not drinking.

Ally, I took Vyvanse for two years, and had taken adderall for two years before that. Vyvanse didn't have the same kick but it had all the same negative side effects that you mention in your posts (feeling disconnected and unable to enjoy fun and memories with your 3 year old, etc). Vyvanse is not the solution if you're looking to break free of the life controlled by stimulants. You need to quit all prescription stimulants. I quit over 4 months ago and feel GREAT!

Go MFA! This is inspiring. I really like InRecovery's advice to think of these challenges as opportunities to rebuild self confidence doing something that you had previously strongly associated with adderall. I have a similar challenge coming up with a business trip next week. It's not international but still has associations for me of similar trips last year doing the airplane, the traveling in a new city, the conference, the whole thing with adderall. Reading this makes me feel more confident about it.

Also, does anyone else feel like the days at work last SO LONG when you're not on adderall? TIme is the slowest thing ever now. I used to get super anxious about meetings because I never felt like there would be enough time for me to crank out projects and get to meetings. Time just zoomed by. I would arrive at work, next thing I know it's 4 pm. Now time just stretches on endlessly. Start work at 8 am and by 11 I feel like I've expended almost a day's worth of energy filling up the past three hours with work, and there's still 5 hours to go in the day.

Hey Cassie and Sebastian, I can identify. Except Cassie, interesting that you were able to make major decisions easily on adderall. I couldn't! At my previous job, I hated it for two years and woke up every morning with a pit in my stomach but felt super stuck. Finally I quit. But yeah, the boredeom. The drudgery. People say "it's normal to feel ambivalent about 20-30% of your job" but I feel ambivalent about 80% of it. On adderall at least I could muster false excitement about weird little projects here and there. Now I feel like a drone going to work every day, just doing work because that's what's expected. However, the light at the end of the tunnel is that during my last job search I feel like I identified my dream job, the job I'm meant to have and be really happy at. My goal is to land that job in the next two years. That helps me push through this current one. Anyway, people say it's a bad idea to quit a job without having another one lined up but for me it felt necessary to do that in order to figure myself out. I started job searching right away and the "gap" wasn't an issue. Do you have enough savings to take the gamble?

Got this idea from a similar chart MFA posted a couple months ago. I was planning to do a 100 day report card, but then it sounded more fun to do a Paint chart. Summary: things improved a lot after 30 days, overall I am more productive although less motivated, and my desire to use adderall continues to decrease every day! My procrastination levels are all over the charts, always have been. Edit: How do I get this image to appear larger in my post?

Everything Occasional01 said. Plus more things I don't miss: Making to-do lists and then promptly ignoring them Getting anxiety about easy things like making a phone call Avoiding the doctor 4 pm headaches... which became 3 pm, then 2 pm headaches/need a drink aches Spending like 30 minutes debating with myself over EVERY purchase at the grocery store. Peanut butter. Toothpaste. Trash bags. Socks. Not to mention the agony of shopping for clothes, my closet was so parched because I couldn't decide between this cardigan or that sweater. This might sound weird, but I am relishing in my ability to make shopping decisions and spend money!

Rick and Occasional01, thank you. Both your responses got me to think hard about this situation from a different perspective. Why didn't I tell him... like Occasional said, it's a drug that cultivates secrecy. It's a drug I was ashamed of taking from the beginning and certainly didn't intend to take for four years. He knows about me taking other drugs like ambien. I have done coke and mushrooms with him (in the sense that he was there, but he didn't take drugs because he doesn't like them) and we both drink moderately. I didn't tell him about adderall because I don't think he, or anyone who knows me, would have believed it was right. Because I am so far from an ADHD personality type, so it's completely incongruant. At the same time it never felt right to have a daily habit be a secret and if I were ever to be prescribed something else like an antidepressant I will definitely tell him. After all we're going to be married. He knows about my family's history with depression and I think that is where his concern is rooted. My takeaway is that like Rick said, he probably doesn't really care if I read the paper or clean the house every day. People change, and my changes also coincide with a new job/different hours. Now I start work at 8 instead of 9 so there's less time to read the freaking paper. His real concern is seeing me retract from friends and activities that i love, which is a sign of more serious behavioral changes. So if i need to push myself to do anything, it's not to read the paper at 6 am but to get out and play tennis with my group or socialize with friends, which I know will be beneficial to my own happiness and ours together. You guys: seriously thank you. It is rad to come here and read thoughtful and supportive responses. EDIT: Finally being able to embrace my inner laziness is AWESOME. You know?

Than you Quit Once. That's actually a good idea to tell a story, just substituting another med that is less sinister (good word). I feel like that might help him make sense and take note of of the positive AND negative changes. Ashley6... he just occasionally comments. "Why don't you read the paper anymore? That used to be your thing." And he definitely has commented on me needing to get out of the house more. Which I agree with. Right when I quit adderall I got a new job that is full time telecommuting so I work from home, and need to be better about meeting up with friends for lunch and after work. Since i no longer bike commute, I'm still figuring out how to meet my normal exercise quota. Never been much of a gym person. So partly the big changes can be attributed to new job/lifestyle. Sometimes it's just hard to be quizzed on this stuff and play it off as normal when I want to be like "but I'm doing sooo much better!"

So my boyfriend, now fiance, of four years didn't know I had a prescription for adderall since before we met. I quit 80 days ago and feel great. Big picture, our relationship is so much better. I am less edgy, we fight less, we get along better, it's all good. Problem is, he doesn't have any idea what has changed or why. For all he knows, a couple months ago I just suddenly decided to stop reading the newspaper that we get delivered that I used to wake up at 6 am to read front to back, start sleeping in, stop caring about cleaning the house (as much), and want to stay in and relax more than going out with friends every night of the week. I wish he could see the positive changes but they are more subtle. So I am stuck. Will he just adapt to the new me (in many ways, the better me) with time? Or should I put extra effort into maintaining my old type A habits in my new lifestyle until it all just blends together? I just don't want to tell him because I never plan on taking adderall again and prefer to leave it behind without creating a weird mystery around my identity, so please help me come up with alternate solutions.

I love your last sentence. It TOTALLY beats the hell out of being a wired sociopath. So far the way I've escaped the blandness is getting out of my routine. I don't mean like going on a lunchtime run (although exercise is good) but like going away for the weekend, to a cabin in the woods or just out of town. Those are the times I've really been able to exist truly free of thinking about adderall. Then coming home and going back to work, sure it still kinda sucks but at least you know there's some human joy left in you.

Agree with Cassie and Rick, don't quit all the meds at once. Put quitting adderall first. I tried to quit adderall and ambien at the same time and it was crushingly difficult. Went back on ambien after two weeks and then felt soo much more rested, stronger and better equipped to deal with quitting adderall. Doing great now! Cold turkey is the way to go. It's hard, but you're not risking serious physical harm. And in the long run, you get through the hard part faster rather than dragging it out.

Flu is like death bed sick for multiple days. But having a REALLY bad cold can be almost as bad, sounds like that's what you have. Bed. Sleep. Tea. Soup. EmergenC. The over the counter cold meds work well. Alka selzer etc. Feel better.

Ouch! I was totally the same way about doctors. Especially because of the blood pressure thing. One time I had a routine appointment to get a birth control prescription, but my blood pressure was too high. Apparently birth control increases BP too so they were concerned. I had to go back twice more in two weeks just for a BP check before they would give me a prescription. And I was so annoyed because I couldn't take adderall on those days. I also worried about getting into a freak accident like a car crash and then my boyfriend/parents going through my things and finding my adderall prescription, which they didn't know about. Hated the idea of them thinking, "did we even know her?"

Hi BarbieDahl, I can totally relate to the adderall part of your story. My daily ups and downs were almost identical. Hour or two of feeling good and motivated, then the crash, edginess, anxiety, and needing alcohol to relax followed by a sleeping pill. I know exactly what you mean about feeling trapped. Especially when the negatives start to outnumber the ever-decreasing positives. It's good you have a supportive husband who believes in the you without adderall. Now YOU have to believe in the you without adderall. Do NOT believe the doctors who say you need it to function. That is a lie. The truth is, you'll feel foggy and hazy and tired for a week or maybe a month after you quit, but you'll regain your energy and motivation and, more importantly, personality and happiness. Every day off adderall you build up a little bit in so many ways: confidence, energy, soul. It's totally possible to come back from the place you're in. Especially if your husband can help out extra with the family duties during that initial quit, and cheer you on to get through it.

Just chiming in to say I'm still here. It is Day 75 or so. Doing great! In fact, just took on a big non-work project (think: planning a really big party where all your friends and family are in attendance ) and am not at all scared about doing it without adderall. In case this is relevant to other people who think they need adderall for work or busy lifestyles: I also thought adderall was necessary to be a top performer and meet high expectations of others at my job/life. It had the opposite effect. It was good for an hour or two of feeling good/motivated each morning, then followed by hours of hyperfocusing on the wrong things, crushing anxiety about things I didn't get done, crashing and drinking too much, and not even caring about any of it.

Ouch, good luck! Same as MFA I have never been able to tolerate painkillers and they make me sick. However this post motivated me to be upfront at my next dentist's appointment about my adderall use which I have never owned up to, even though they've been concerned about my teeth grinding and gum recession. I knew it was from adderall but was embarrassed to admit it so I acted like it was all from stress. Does your dentist know you used adderall?

That's exactly how I felt during the last part of my usage. If I took one Vyvanse (my dose) I would feel as you described, unhappy and unfulfilled, and then justify taking a second to make the most of the day and actually try to get some enjoyment. That's when I would start to feel inhuman. Congrats on quitting while in college. I am grateful that I graduated college right before the adderall craze really kicked into high gear. It seems like an unreal amount of pressure.

Was going to be like, "I'm a success story, no relapsing here!" But looking back I realize how close I was to relapsing - it was luck and circumstance that I couldn't. Now I feel like I'm out of the woods. But yeah, that first week or two is dangerous territory and I feel like the near-misses were part of my recovery for sure. I've never written about my near relapses here. Both these things happened around five days after quitting, I was so desperate. 1. Was texting my cousin who also uses - she lives in another state but has a script that needs to be filled here. We decided she would mail it to me to fill and we'd split the bottle. Luckily, two things happened - another week passed before the script arrived in the mail, so I was already feeling a LOT better. Still went to the pharmacy to fill it, but because it was in her name to get it filled without insurance was ridiculously expensive - so I pulled the plug on the whole thing. Mailed the script back to her. 2. Tried finding a new doc who would prescribe. Had just switched health insurances to a new system that makes it very hard to get a script for adderall. I found out it would take at least a month and 3 different doctor visits at minimum to get a new script through their system. It was so annoying at the time, but in retrospect probably saved me!