LILTEX41

HI Greg, Thanks for checking on me. Yes, I'm hanging in here. Having a rough week, but staying POSITIVE. How are you doing?

You guys are the best! Thanks Krax. Yeah, that's really crappy about your wife's father. Have you ever told him how you felt about him making those comments? Cassie, that's great advice. I actually figured out a big part of my issue was going on back at the pill and it totally jacked me up for the past few months. I quit taking it this past week and I'm feeling so much better. I haven't been taking my vitamins either so I will give that a shot and see if that helps. Z- this video is perfect! I love it. Thank you!

This is getting really exciting fast. Krax- I love what you said. Yes, I am one of those people that has suffered with all that crap for a long time. It's my biggest challenge to date, but I am working through it still and have lots of hope that one day I will be fully recovered. As always, just a work in progress. You're absolutely right about the media/advertising today. It does not help. What I 've learned does help is having unconditional love and support like you mentioned and to keep all focus off this matter. I think having you for a father will help your daughter immensely as your opinion I'm sure she values way more than some stupid ass doctor. She is so lucky to have you!

Wow, you guys!! Thank you so much for all the amazing support. I AM SO GRATEFUL to be SOBER and CLEAN from Adderall. And grateful I did NOT go back on it. I am feeling so much better this week. Mila, I will definitely check out those books at some point. I have read some Geneen Roth books before and she's awesome. Thank you! InRecovery, You are absolutely right. I have to be super cautious when it comes to my recovery because I was abusing so many things that I know once I fall off the wagon and get triggered, the cycle will start all over again. I have gone down this road too many times and every time I relapse I want to do it all again. I know that is my pattern and I know if I would've gone back to Concerta I'd be getting hammered and back on aderall in no time. Z - how much do you pay a month to do that? Have you made friends or new "co-workers" this way? Sounds awesome. Sweet Caroline - So proud of you girl! It is NOT worth it. I'm so glad we all recognize that. There have been so many amazing gifts as part of my recovery and these are the things I need to cherish and treasure when I fall back into this warped addictive way of thinking. I know that all my future gifts lie in the realm of recovery. It is a hard battle at times, but today I especially realize that it is WORTH IT - ALWAYS. I am so glad you are doing well. HC, Amen! You said a lot of great stuff and reminded me about how bad it is to isolate and of course that's what I've been doing which is really not helping me. I am going to start my fitness journey again tomorrow. I am saying this now so I actually do it. Today was day 2 of skipping morning gym again. I just need to get the ball rolling. Anyhow, I am so grateful for this site. and all of you. I don't know if I'd still be clean without this amazing place to come and cheer each other on. It always helps me to help someone else and I am so thankful ya'll are still here for me and one another. Hugs!

God, You remind me so much of myself. I love the part where you mentioned, "but I knew it was killing me." Well, that's the bitch about Adderall huh? Makes us into Superman or Superwoman. Funny thing about it though is it will play all these crazy mind tricks on you....especially in the beginning. That's when it really got me hooked. I remember loving how skinny it made me. I remember thinking I was this incredible machine at work. What I didn't realize though was how everyone around me knew there was something incredibly wrong with me. One time someone even tried to make me feel better about being too skinny as if I was naturally that way and there I was on speed trying to achieve exactly that. People referred to me as the sledge hammer from my jaw bouncing around so much. People even thought I was obsessed and crazy about work to the point of it making me look like I had a serious problem. And the opposite sex...well, let's just say my ex wanted the relationship to be over way before I knew it and someone else told me Id never meet anyone unless I made some serious changes These are the types of things you can always look forward to by continuing down the path of Adderall abuse. Well, you probably won't know what people really think, but I'm just saying don't let the superman powers fool and trick you. You might not be as glorified and amazing as you think you are in the cast of adderall's spell. We could just try to love ourselves regardless of our imperfections, be able to sleep 8 hours a night, and do the best we can with what God gave us. I mean I totally feel how you are feeling especially in the very beginning, but just think about that one guy who committed suicide while on it. Anyhow, hope you can find your way out of the storm my friend. It's not worth it. Hugs

Yeah, I know what you mean. I am going to go read some stories. I am just in a deep dark funk right now which made the concerta seem like a ray of light. But I know it is not the answer. Thanks for the reminder inrecovery. Yes, this shit can sneak back up at any time and I have to be on guard of who I talk to about it as well. It is not a good idea to discuss this issue with someone who was not an abuser.

I know. I had triggering thoughts, but thank GOD I worked through them. I didn't finish the stupid race. It was a disaster. Got sick and just did half the swim and bike. Thanks for asking!

Thanks Zerokewl! I struggle when I am stressed out and turn to food the same way I turned to drugs/alcohol. It is an emotional crutch. It's been really hard on me this year ever since I started working from home. I know the short term answer can be speed, but obviously this will just lead to a thousand other issues and it isn't a real long term based solution The hard part for me is pausing,distracting, and making a better choice when I feel the tidal wave of emotion take over me. Do you ever feel like that? LIke sometimes, just out of nowhere you will get hit with something that feels so terribly upsetting and hard to bear that you just want the feeling to go away so you stuff yourself sick and then you are left with two problems, I hate it, but I have had success in the past at times defeating this urge so I know I just need to get better at building up the muscle of resistance. It's just that sometimes it still flairs up at times and when this happens I automatically want to run flying back to Adderall/add drugs and luckily thank god I don't have them on hand or easy access to them. I can't imagine ever having to try and quit all over again.

Hi everyone, So I made an appointment with my doctor tomorrow and I was actually going to ask her about getting back on Concerta because I have recently been struggling so much with eating. In the past I would've just gone straight to the doc and said please hook me up. However, tonight I did a cost benefit analysis and it reminded me of all the other problems that will return if I turn back to speed for a quick weight loss fix like I did in the past. I suddenly remembered how when I was on those meds, I would be wired all day and need something to come down at night. I remembered how those meds triggered the addictive beast within me and he'll want more and more speed. I remembered how much he loves to drink alcohol along with the speed and how those two will then blend into a giant trigger for wanting more - pot, cocaine, and whatever else eventually. And I remembered how awful hangovers are along with not enough sleep, blacking out, and spending money I don't have and drinking and driving on and on. Tomorrow I have 3 years and 10 months clean from Adderall. I am cancelling the appointment with my doctor and going to rely on my inner strength to stop using food as a drug and just do whatever it freaking takes not to walk down the dark path of destruction the way i have so many other times in the past. My road to Victory is on this path of being clean and I need to remember that at all times. Just wanted to share. Love you guys! Keep moving forward!

Hi guys! I know I haven't been around much, but I've been so busy and want to get back on here soon! I'm doing another half ironman on Sunday and just wanted to share my excitement. You guys rock! Keep up all the great work!

You got this Rob! Glad you are here! Good job on day 1!

Shea, I had the same type of experience when I was tweaked out in Target once too. I actually thought people were following me all over the store talking trash about me. To this day I don't know if it was real or I was hallucinating. Get as much sleep as possible. Keep an index card hand of all the consequences you have experienced from Adderall. On the back list all the reason you want to quit. Keep this with you whenever you are triggered to get more pills. You CAN DO THIS. You've come to the right place for help!

Hey Sweet Caroline, I am so sorry to hear about this. How is she doing today? Major prayers your way. (((Hugs)))

Yes, you need to work on building your frustration tolerance. I wrote you a big long thing and then lost it. Go to Smart Recovery, Resources, Articles and Essays, and click on Irrationalities Related to Low Frustration Tolerance (LFT). The good news is you can learn to dispute the irrational beliefs you are telling yourself such as I have zero tolerance for loud noises, being interrupted, and obnoxious people, etc. Once you start disputing these and formulate Rational Beliefs you will no longer feel so hopelessly devoted and dependent on Adderall. People with addictions are known to have a very low frustration tolerance and act impulsively with their drug of choice when upset or frustrated. The key is learning how to develop High Frustration Tolerance so when life throws you curve balls you can handle it without falling apart. Hang in there and do not give up!!!

Wow, yes there is so much HOPE! You are doing all the right things. You've got to be feeling so much better than you did in your haze from all those chemicals. But it does take time and PATIENCE. Do NOT expect a miracle. Think of it like the first person you ever fell in love with (hopefully this was in middle school). Do you feel that way about this person now? Do you remember how hard it was when you broke up? Do you remember feeling like your life was over and you'd NEVER find another person like this again or be able to love again? Do you remember how long it took to recover the pain and heartache from the first person you loved? This is the only way I can describe to you what it's like to recover from Adderall. You can't force it, push it, or make the pain go away simply because you wish it would. It simply takes time....lots of time and the more distance you put between you and this drug the easier it gets. It's like being cut open and bleeding out for some time. But the more you keep nursing your wound by doing all the healing restorative acts like you are doing now, the faster it will heal. Eventually, it will just become an old scar to remind you that once upon a time you got badly injured. It will leave you with an incredible story to share with others, but your life will go on and you will do great things. You may even find that with this affliction, it lead you to a greater victory you had no intention or ever saw coming. Whatever you do, just keep moving forward and nursing that wound. Do not re-open it again. Time, patience, perseverance, and new hobbies/interests will help greatly. Stick with it and come to this board for support. You will draw great strength from the people here. They are AWESOME! And big kudos to you for all you have done so far in this short amount of time clean. You are doing AMAZING!

DO it! You could probably make a killing off those t-shirts, lol. At least this would give you something fun and enjoyable to do.

Sweet Caroline - I am so HAPPY for you! You sound AMAZING! Hesperus, Let me just tell you this. The people on this board are amazing. I have been on this board for some time now (been away a little too long), but to see all the progress everyone is making is FUCKING AWESOME! They are absolutely right. You just have to hang in there for dear life and DO NOT GIVE UP. It is a battle WORTH FIGHTING through. Yes, you are right. You have not made it past the wall YET(until NOW). You just keep telling yourself, "THIS DRUG IS NOT GOING TO BEAT ME. I AM HURDLING OVER THE WALL THIS TIME AND I CAN DO THIS." Keep thinking THOUGHTS OF VICTORY and do NOT allow yourself to think thoughts of defeat. You CAN DO whatever you tell yourself you CAN DO and I'm telling you right now that YOU CAN DO THIS. Your life without this drug is LIMITLESS and FULL OF POTENTIAL. You can stay stuck on the hamster wheel and keep getting the same results as you've been getting or you can CHOOSE to get off, collapse for a period (it will eventually pass), and then CARRY on to live a life you deserve - a GOOD life. Stay strong and NEVER ever GIVE UP!

I have learned that no matter what I am going through (no matter how difficult of a struggle), that it will pass. I have a much better grip on my emotional health today in that I no longer have to down 60-70 mgs of Adderall a day, smoke half a pack of cigarettes, drink 8 beers, and smoke a bowl to get through the day. I can have a bad day and go to bed at 9:00 and wake up feeling good physically. Whatever stress, bad mood, sadness, anger, hurt, worry, or problem I face...I know taking pills and turning to alcohol and drugs will only make those things worse. I have learned that as long as I make a "to do list" either the night before or morning of my day, I will accomplish everything on it the same way I did with Adderall. I will actually just do everything on my list (and not veer off it to do 100 other projects at the same time). I have time for my relationships today that I never had on Adderall unless I was partying with a friend and giving them my Adderall as well. I am able to laugh today and act like a normal human being around other people (not a paranoid crazy person anymore) I am able to relax, meditate, and be at peace today. I have the capability to do anything I choose as long as I want it bad enough. It takes more effort and yes it is not an easy quick fix anymore, but I feel like a superstar because I know that whatever I accomplish it was by my own strength and I didn't cheat in any way to accomplish my dreams.

Be patient. You are only a few months out. The cravings are so strong in the early days. Exercise if you can. Do anything to boost your natural energy and do NOT worry that you still feel like this. You just have to keep riding the wave of compulsion and it will pass. Some days will be harder than others, but know that it will get easier and easier over time. Stay STRONG. You CAN OVERCOME. Hugs!

The path without Adderall is beautiful if you will allow yourself the time, commitment, and patience that is needed to endure the road ahead. It is not always easy, but if you put it in perspective it is totally worth it in the long run. I have been sober now for 3.3 years. Clean from Adderall 3 years 8 months. The longer I'm sober the clearer my reality becomes of what I did in my past and how my addictions affected the people around me. It scares me now to think about ever getting lost into the sea of addiction again because I remember how hard and painful of a struggle it is to break free from and I just want you to know I want to offer my support in helping you break free. We all lean on each other here. I have been away for awhile, but I'm back now and very glad to be here. You CAN do this. We will help you. Welcome to the site!

EXCELLENT Occassional! You are EXACTLY right!!!

Yes!

CONGRATULATIONS!!! So proud of you!

I just want to say I'm really proud of you Sweet Caroline for your honesty. You could've easily let you stimulant addiction sneak in the back door again, but you came here instead and shared. That is so AWESOME! You are truly on a great path to recovery. Cassie, Loved the articles you posted! Those once again remind me why I am not to turn to drugs for weight loss...EVER again. Yes, it is the easy way out in the beginning, but eventually you get screwed in the end by this nasty drug. I need to keep this in mind every time I struggle with weight issues. THANK YOU!

But you're doing it!!! Yes, just keep fighting my friend!