LILTEX41

Ok, so the other thing is that any time a counselor is an AA advocate they are going to be biased and believe their way is the only one that works. I've had a few counselors that were against AA. I spent so many years confused and somewhat a mess because of the entire situation. I'm telling you right now, you don't have to do that! Check out Stanton Peele's website. He's a great resource as well. http://www.peele.net/ you For me, I had to do all the homework I could and find the right path for me. What works for me may not work for someone else, you know what I mean? I just know that today no matter what, my first and foremost priority in life is my Sobriety. God is the only thing that comes before it. My family has been a wonderful source of support. I normally talk to my mom whenever I feel unsure about going to events or places where there will be alcohol. I know she is on my side and has my back. There are few people I trust today, but I know she's one of them and I am always so thankful I can turn to her. Ok, I gotta get going, but hope I've been of some sort of help today. Please let me know how you are doing and let me know if you ever want to talk! I'm always here if you need support!

The book, Sober for Good by Anne Fletcher is awesome! I have met plenty of people who either a. do not drink or b. don't drink anymore. They don't go to meetings. They've been sober for over 10 years. They used to have a problem, so they quit and they know they can't drink. Period. I was under the assumption for so long that was not possible due to the jargon I was fed at AA. I do at times miss going to AA though just simply to be around other people that are in recovery. I guess that's why I came to the boards here the other day. I needed to talk to people who are in my situation. Ok, so there are also other programs! Hooray! Here's a list: SOS - Secular Organization for Sobriety RR - Rational Recovery WFS - Women For Sobriety Smart Recovery (my favorite/the one I am a member of today) - Self Management and Recovery Training http://www.smartrecovery.org/ When I went to rehab it was all 12 step based. I tried to overlook that part. It was tough. Outpatient was the same thing. I found myself getting annoyed at times. However, the good part about rehab was that it protected me and cemented my sobriety in my head. Basically, knowing I spent all that money, accepted help, and everyone around me knew I went...it just made it easier for me in the end. It helps me too whenever people try to casually get me to drink with them. If it's someone I am close to and I trust I know I can always be like, "Um, dude, I went to rehab. I can't drink." That usually shuts them up.

Ashley, This is the 3rd time I've tried to reply back to you and I pray I don't erase it again. Ugh! Ok, so first off so glad to hear back from you. Second, don't worry about what those AA/NA people tell you. Those programs are not the only way to get sober even the people in AA will tell you that. Ok, 4th time I just erased everything. I'm going to write and then send going forward.

Newboy, You definitely sound like you are on medication from your writing. Try the vitamins. I take St. John's Wort. It seems to have improved my mood. It does not give me a high. Exercise gives me a high and I love it. I don't take any medication today. At one point I saw a shrink and he had me on 3 different kinds of drugs. I was a zombie. Maybe for some people, that's good. All I know for me is I am so happy to be drug free today. I don't have to mess with ANY side effects of any medication. My brain has healed and I haven't had a using dream about adderall or anything in over six months. You will be FINE! PROMISE. As far as having slight attention problems/trouble concentrating...don't we all have issues with that? In today's society with all the technology, advertisements, and social media, how do we ever get anything done? What I've found helpful is setting up alternative strategies. Devour any material on how to overcome ADD without medication. I've found setting up structure, tasks lists, and keeping to a routine extremely helpful. There is tons of helpful information on this website of course. You can overcome your inattention problem without medication that promotes robotic psychotic obsessive compulsive behavior. You seem very intelligent and I can only imagine the type of success in your future when you are willing to let go of the euphoria created by a stupid man made pill. Good luck in your journey my friend! Erin

Newboy, You definitely sound like you are on medication from your writing. Try the vitamins. I take St. John's Wort. It seems to have improved my mood. It does not give me a high. Exercise gives me a high and I love it. I don't take any medication today. At one point I saw a shrink and he had me on 3 different kinds of drugs. I was a zombie. Maybe for some people, that's good. All I know for me is I am so happy to be drug free today. I don't have to mess with ANY side effects of any medication. My brain has healed and I haven't had a using dream about adderall or anything in over six months. You will be FINE! PROMISE. As far as having slight attention problems/trouble concentrating...don't we all have issues with that? In today's society with all the technology, advertisements, and social media, how do we ever get anything done? What I've found helpful is setting up alternative strategies. Devour any material on how to overcome ADD without medication. I've found setting up structure, tasks lists, and keeping to a routine extremely helpful. There is tons of helpful information on this website of course. You can overcome your inattention problem without medication that promotes robotic psychotic obsessive compulsive behavior. You seem very intelligent and I can only imagine the type of success in your future when you are willing to let go of the euphoria created by a stupid man made pill. Good luck in your journey my friend! Erin

Ashley, did you ever get a chance to meet up with Mike? Where are you in Texas? I'm in Houston. I am trying to arrange a group meeting here sometime soon. Would love to meet you! Erin

Where do you guys live in Houston? I live in The Woodlands and would LOVE to meet up! We could do lunch or coffee or whatever. So excited! Erin

Hi Ashley! (((((Hugs))))))) I know this is difficult. I remember when my friend broke down my addiction for me over a phone convesation. She had been clean for a year and went through pill addiction as well. At first I didn't really believe her until she shared her experience. She went on to explain she was constantly chasing a high. She took a pill and as soon as it wore off she'd base her whole day around the next pill. She'd dump her pills out and constantly recount them to make sure she had enough and know when she was going to run out. She'd do crazy things like drive all across town, hours at times to get to a pharmacy, or doctor in order to get another script. She went on and on and the longer she talked the more reality set in that my problem was no longer just a little joke. I had a serious addiction and it was by far the most important thing in my life. NOBODY got in the way of me and my pills. If you think it is not that serious, just give yourself a few more years of it. Addiction never gets better in my experience. You could tell yourself it's not that bad and try to kick the habit on your own. I tried to do that several times. Adderall always found me again. It wasn't until I wound up in the emergency room for the 2nd time due to an adderall overdose that I finally accepted treatment as I knew it was awfully strange to be carted away in an ambulance not once but twice for the same type of incident. The first incident I was able to refer to as a freak accident. The docs messed up my pills. It wasn't my fault, etc. The second time I didn't have any excuses. I finally had to accept responsibility and admit my addiction for once and for all. I did not have the money. I was still paying for the last hospital bills, but I went anyway. They even sent me to a psychiatric unit because they didn't know if i was crazy or overdosed. From there they sent me to detox. I stayed there for a week. I then did outpatient for a couple months. I can promise you today that it was worth it. I've been fighting alcoholism and drugs for 20 years. I have a bachelors degree. I am successful. Because I never hit rock bottom I wavered in and out of sobriety. Treatment is what finally got me sober. I couldn't skirt around the issue anymore to my friends or family. Everyone knew I was in rehab and how could I get away with drinking/adderall again? It was totally worth the money. I have 16 months of sobriety today. I am free from drugs and alcohol and my life is really good. The question to ask yourself, how much is your life worth? Do you want to still be fighting this battle a couple years from now? How bad do you want help? It's a lot easier to do it surrounded by a supportive environment that it is on your own. At least to get you the initial recovery that you need. It seemed so silly to me at first, but looking back I am so thankful I did it. It sure as hell made me happy when I finally was free. Free enough to know I don't ever want to go back to rehab ever again and I'll do whatever it takes to make sure that doesn't happen...and that is why I'm here on this website today. To reach out to people needing help for something I've overcome. I cannot believe I'm on the other end of this thing today, but just imagine you can be too! Imagine how awesome it will feel a year from now when you can come back here and help others! I will pray for you that the right answers will come to you. This is a big decision you have to make and only you know if you're ready for it or not. You don't have to make any decisions right away, but if you are worried and scared to death to lose your best friend adderall like I was, then you have already crossed a bridge to your recovery. You have admitted you have a problem. This is the first stage of your recovery. I remember crying uncontrollable upon coming to grips with my addiction. It was the most terrifying feeling I'd ever known. To feel so completely and utterly dependent upon a substance that was a stupid f-king orange pill...the fact I'd given up my life for it and yet to be so frightened for my life without it all at the same time....it is the worst feeling on earth. I never ever in a million years thought I could do it. I thought I'd take it till I'd die. Life without it seemed unbearable. IN reality that was my addiction talking. My addiction lies to me. It wants me dead. It wants me to be miserable. It is trying to kill me. CHOOSE LIFE today Ashley! You are so worth it my friend. There is a beautiful life waiting for you on the other side of this. This is one of my favorite quotes and I'll leave it at this: E.M. Forster We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. You can do this girl! I have faith in you! Godspeed Erin

Luann, I am here to tell you that your life will get SOOOOO much better once you are off of it permanently. It's going to take some time, but you WILL get your old self back!!! These crying fits you are having is all DUE TO ADDERALL. I will be 16 months clean from adderall as of March 12th, 2012. I don't even think about it anymore, but I sure as hell did when I first stopped. Reading your post brought it all right back to me and OH MY GOD I WOULD NOT WISH THAT TORTURE ON MY WORST ENEMY. You CAN get THROUGH this. My life is so amazing and blessed today. Do you know that I went to a psychiatric hospital and they actually diagnosed me as bipolar because I had ODed on adderall? They thought I should keep taking it and that my craziness and mental instability was genetic. They didn't even see it linked to adderall!!! Adderall is a CRAZY DRUG. It messed up my life for 6 years. I look back on all that time now as wasted years of my life. I promise you girl, you will be so AWESOME once you are free and clear. The fact that I have overcome adderall is ASTONISHING. When I look back to how badly it had its grip on my life (ruined my relationship with my fiance, wrecked my car, went to ER twice, etc.) and the fact I still wanted to take it??? Really?? If I can get off of it, anyone can!!! My heart goes out to you and GOD is with you always. He strengthened me and pulled me through and he WILL do the same for you! You MUST BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND STAY POSITIVE. Train yourself to think I WILL OVERCOME ADDERALL and imagine how AMAZING YOUR LIFE WILL BE WHEN YOU ARE DRUG FREE. I am training for an Ironman right now. In detox we had to write our COMEBACK STORY. I have dedicated this year, 2012 as my COMEBACK. I just ran a half marathon and finished 3rd place in my age group. My dreams are coming true now that I am drug free. Adderall was straight poison for me. You can fulfill your destiny with God's help once you're clean. Praying for you tonight! (((((((((HUGS))))))))))))) Erin

Hi, how are you doing? Are you still interested in a group here in Houston?

Hey Enigmatic, In response to your question above, I wanted to share some helpful tools I picked up from a recovery program I'm in called Smart Recovery. The links are below. I found them very useful and thought they'd be good to share. Let me know if you have any questions. It's been a year for me since I used adderall, but I still have days (today was one of them) where I miss having it to help me clean and be productive. For me it's no longer an option, EVER. I can't imagine going back to my life as a full fledge addict. I used it for weight control first and foremost, but it nearly almost killed me twice. I could never go back to it. I don't want to. Even though life is tough without it, I know my life was a thousand times more difficult being on it than it is now. I love myself again and feel so good about where I'm at today. I have absolutely zero desire to ever go back on that crap no matter what. I'm into running marathons now. I always felt disgusted by my alcoholic/drug behavior and I just think back to that person I was and I how I don't ever want to be her again. That's what helped me more than anything move beyond it. In the beginning (I was addicted to it for 6 years) I rationalized it in every way shape and form. There were oh so many benefits and everyone around me saw the good in it for awhile. Over the years, it grew so out of control though. I was a slave to it. I guess that's the thing that makes me so happy today. I have complete freedom in my life now to be whomever I want and I'm happy. I don't have to be ashamed anymore. I may not be the star at work or the cleanest person on earth, but at least I don't stay up for hours on end, days at a time, fixating every moment every hour on when I'm going to take my next pill, get my next high. Thank God I don't have to worry about running out anymore or if my friends and family know about my secret little addiction. It's good to be free. http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/library/Tools_and_Homework/Quick_Reference/CBA_Worksheet.pdf http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/library/Tools_and_Homework/Facilitators_Handout/Change_Plan_Worksheet.pdf http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/library/Tools_and_Homework/Quick_Reference/CBExercise.pdf

I do have ADD, but yes I bounced back and forth between adderall and cocaine. Yikes! I'm sure I would've found other drugs had I not had access to either of the two I just mentioned. I loved speed. Now I am addicted to exercise and find the high I get from running, etc. to be the best high yet.

Best of luck to you Dagny. Sounds like you have a great plan in place. I know how you feel about the treatment world not knowing much about this drug as far as addiction goes. They sent me to detox....doctors seemed somewhat clueless about how to treat me. I just wanted you to know that I have been 1 year clean as of November 12th, 2011. If this adderall addict can do it, so can you! Can't wait to read more and see how your recovery is going. Best of luck! Erin

Way to go!!! So glad to hear it's going well. It gets better!

Hi, M. So glad you're here and so proud of you for your 3 week success! You can get through school without it and you will be SO proud of yourself in the end. I was on adderall for 6 years as well. I've been clean for (it will be 8 months on July 12th) and I'm SO grateful. I recently just quit my Supervisor position at work (last Friday) and getting ready to switch to night shift. I will make the same so really it's just a matter or title and stress reduction. Today was my first day back without being bombarded by management to do all their projects, etc. It was the best day ever. Quitting adderall is not easy by any means, but what I do know is that IT GETS BETTER. I remember how hard it was in the very early days just to do laundry or any type of chore for that matter because all I could relate them to was doing them with adderall vs. not being on adderall. The pain was almost excruciating in the beginning, but I liked that I was sleeping and eating again. Those were like little sprinkles of heaven that I could look forward to everyday. They felt like precious gifts that I would not trade now for the world. I can't even imagine how horrible it would be to be back on adderall right now as I am finally at a place of feeling good again. Ok, so back to my story about giving up my position at work for now. Yes, ADD still. Ha ha. Anyhow, my point is that I know eventually I'm going to get my A game on once I find something I love. I have slowly improved my skills and it gets easier over time without adderall. There are so many days more recently where I just get up, make my list of chores for the day, mark them off one at a time, and go to bed without even thinking/missing adderall anymore. These days are awesome! Recently, I'd forgotten about it all together because I'd become so focused on training and other stuff. Last week I remembered it because my mom brought up the fact it was my 1 year anniversary from when I quit everything and I thought, "Omg, I stopped thinking about it without trying to not think about it!! Whoooo hoooo!!" I also remember having dreams about it every single night for nearly a month or more when I first quit. I used to have these vivid using dreams (of course I was on seroquel), but anyhow, those are gone now too. I have/had eating problems like you mentioned as well. I'm not going to say it's they are gone by any means, but what I do know is that I have a chance to be healthy now and I will beat them eventually. I guess that was always my biggest turn on with adderall - the fact that I was the skinniest I'd ever been and I got to drown myself in all of my addictions in order to get there. I used to chain smoke, barely eat, and drown myself in booze/pot. I felt like I finally had everything I needed in order to get the man of my dreams, a awesome body, a good job, and total independence. Funny thing, I found a hot guy, he moved in with me like after a week of knowing each other (that's how stable I was from the adderall) and in the end he blasted me after I kicked him out (by the way all this happened 1 year ago 7.6.10) and he said such horrible things that I decided to get help. He told me my jaw shook like a meth head among all sorts of other terrible things and that I'd never find anyone. Luckily, he hurt me enough that I realized he was right and he gave me the motivation to quit. He's still a dirt bag rotton scum bag piece of crap, but he helped me to change so for that I thank him. You seem very smart and I think you're going to do great!! By the way, in case you or anyone needs extra help, I found a new program recently which I highly recommend. It's called Smart Recovery. http://www.smartrecovery.org/ It has amazing tools for learning to help cope with urges and reframe your thoughts/behaviors. Ok, I'm off to bed. Good night and best of luck! Erin

I can't stand know it all doctor's who act like they know what they're talking about when in reality they don't know squat about half the medications they're giving. Ugh!!!

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Lil Tex's Quitting Adderall (and getting sober) Rewards: 1) Sleep 2) Sanity 3) Happiness 4) Health 5) New Opportunities 6) Exercise! 7) Friends! 8) Repair family relationships 9) Training (see list of all races I am signed up for below) - Bridgeland Sprint Triathlon (august 2011) - Clear Lake Olympic Triathlon (august 2011) - San Antonio Marathon (november 2011) - Half Ironman/Austin (october 2011) - The Woodlands Marathon (march 2012) - The Woodlands Ironman (may 2012) 10) Self Respect 11) Self Worth 12) Self Esteem 13) Lost weight through eating healthy and have a crazy sculpted physique (I look a thousand times better now than I did when I was malnourshied unhealthy and chain smoking cigarettes). I feel awesome. 14) I have more energy than ever 15) I have finally stopped wanting adderall. This is by far the biggest accomplishment. I thought I wouldn't be able to live without adderall. What I've discovered was that adderall stopped me from living. It shut off the world around me and left me as prisoner to it's wrath. Everyone around me knew I was sick and people ran from me. A psychic even told me that. She said said they could tell I had a good heart, but as soon as they knew me for more than 15 minutes they ran like hell. That's not a way to live. Get help if you need to people! There is an incredible life out there waiting for you and believe me it is patiently waiting for the day you can man up and get off those junk pills! You are WORTH IT!!!!!! Love, Lil Texan

Hi, Member. I'm getting ready to head to work so I don't have much time, but wanted to respond. YOU CAN DO THIS! There is a FANTASTIC life out there waiting for you!!!!! I haven't been on this site in a few months as I've been so busy, but looking at everyone's stories right now makes me remember how bad it was. I'm about 7.5 months clean right now and feel amazing! I can't promise you I would've gotten clean without a 2nd hospitilization/outpatient, but what I can promise you is that life is SO much better without adderall! I used to freak out that I'd collapse at work without adderall and they'd all see me for what I truly was, but what actually happened was that I've changed so much that one of my employees actually followed my lead and quit taking her adderall as well. I get compliments all the time about how I look so healthy and amazing now. I am 100% myself again and people sure do love the new me they've never known. As follow up to my previous post, here's a new list. I'm going to add as another thread. Lil Tex's Quitting Adderall (and getting sober) Rewards: 1) Sleep 2) Sanity 3) Happiness 4) Health 5) New Opportunities 6) Exercise! 7) Friends! 8) Repair family relationships 9) Training (see list of all races I am signed up for below) - Bridgeland Sprint Triathlon (august 2011) - Clear Lake Olympic Triathlon (august 2011) - San Antonio Marathon (november 2011) - Half Ironman/Austin (october 2011) - The Woodlands Marathon (march 2012) - The Woodlands Ironman (may 2012) 10) Self Respect 11) Self Worth 12) Self Esteem 13) Lost weight through eating healthy and have a crazy sculpted physique (I look a thousand times better now than I did when I was malnourshied unhealthy and chain smoking cigarettes). I feel awesome. 14) I have more energy than ever 15) I have finally stopped wanting adderall. This is by far the biggest accomplishment. I thought I wouldn't be able to live without adderall. What I've discovered was that adderall stopped me from living. It shut off the world around me and left me as prisoner to it's wrath. Everyone around me knew I was sick and people ran from me. A psychic even told me that. She said said they could tell I had a good heart, but as soon as they knew me for more than 15 minutes they ran like hell. That's not a way to live. Get help if you need to people! There is an incredible life out there waiting for you and believe me it is patiently waiting for the day you can man up and get off those junk pills! You are WORTH IT!!!!!!

I love the "adderallic" term, but I agree that you'd be better off saying "Adderall User". I equate adderallic with alcoholic and I don't think you want to go calling anyone who takes adderall and "adderallic". Me on the other hand, YES. I am absolutely 100% adderallic. The difference to me is someone who takes it as prescribed vs. someone who may have a prescription, but is also abusing it. There is a big difference between the two.

Looks awesome!!!! Great job, Mike!!

Hi, I'm glad to hear you didn't lose friends or family members b/c of adderall. I assumed wrong and you know what they say about assume. Anyhow, I think once you get some good rest and it's finally out of your system for good, you'll start feeling better. It sounds like you are going through some hard times right now and honestly counseling would be a great thing. Most universities offer some sort of counseling (and this should be free). Have you checked around at your school? If not there, how about a local church group? They also have those 1-800 hotlines available if you start feeling really bad. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help. ((((((((Hugs))))))))) Erin

How are you doing? Hope you are going strong!

Johnny 5, great advice!! Asilve, I can relate with everything you've said and I hope that you take what I'm about to say to your very inner being. I am not a doctor, however, I've been in your shoes. I've tried almost every drug there is besides heroin. I was addicted to adderall for six years. I was a crazy person on adderall and everything was a 1,000 times worse when I had it running through my veins. I felt like every problem and/or situation was too much to handle. Life felt like it was unbearably hard towards the end. It made me paranoid, anxious, OCD, and as if the world was caving in on me (this was when I'd taken too much and hadn't slept on top of poisoning myself with alcohol and pot). When I'd finally ween off of it for maybe a week, I'd become lethargic until I could get my hands on the next prescription/dose what have you. This is a terrible way to live and you will not have a clear head until you are completely detoxed from everything. My suggestion to you is to quit everything cold turkey for a month. Sleep, eat healthy, and try some exercise once you have a little energy back. You will feel like a new person. I lost friends in the midst of my addiction as well. I wasn't myself anymore. I was a prisoner to drugs and alcohol and they came first over all others. Your friends and family will come around again once you get "You" back. Right now they are most likely scared of you or for you b/c they don't know what's going on or how to help you. Seriously, I like what Johnny said about getting a new group of friends if necessary...joining a group, or something along those lines. Feel free to email me privately if you want to talk. Best wishes to you! Erin

Johnny 5, great advice!! Asilve, I can relate with everything you've said and I hope that you take what I'm about to say to your very inner being. I am not a doctor, however, I've been in your shoes. I've tried almost every drug there is besides heroin. I was addicted to adderall for six years. I was a crazy person on adderall and everything was a 1,000 times worse when I had it running through my veins. I felt like every problem and/or situation was too much to handle. Life felt like it was unbearably hard towards the end. It made me paranoid, anxious, OCD, and as if the world was caving in on me (this was when I'd taken too much and hadn't slept on top of poisoning myself with alcohol and pot). When I'd finally ween off of it for maybe a week, I'd become lethargic until I could get my hands on the next prescription/dose what have you. This is a terrible way to live and you will not have a clear head until you are completely detoxed from everything. My suggestion to you is to quit everything cold turkey for a month. Sleep, eat healthy, and try some exercise once you have a little energy back. You will feel like a new person. I lost friends in the midst of my addiction as well. I wasn't myself anymore. I was a prisoner to drugs and alcohol and they came first over all others. Your friends and family will come around again once you get "You" back. Right now they are most likely scared of you or for you b/c they don't know what's going on or how to help you. Seriously, I like what Johnny said about getting a new group of friends if necessary...joining a group, or something along those lines. Feel free to email me privately if you want to talk. Best wishes to you! Erin