sky

yes, I always refer to "the lucky ones" who have had some sort of profound enough wake up call to stick around. That's the way they used to talk in the recovery home... those of us who got busted or hit a bottom hard enough to get remanded to the recovery home were "lucky" as we were in a good place, vs those who were still out using and would ultimately not make it... it's sad, but you're right, insidious drug made all the worse by the fact that it is legally attainable and readily available and EVERYWHERE! you can fucking find it everywhere, almost as easily as alcohol or weed. everyone and their fucking mother has it nowadays. And since people are prescribed it, it's easy to keep getting... I'm to the point now where I'm jaded and cynical, I can't look at every new Tell Your Story post and think they're going to stick around for too long... it's sad, but that's how I feel. It's like I feel like I can tell who's just passing thru. I think it's the lurkers who are probably the best off- listening rather than talking, hearing and studying rather than just bla bla bla whoa is me and then bounce cuz they can't handle the discomfort of quitting.... another thing they used to say is "take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth..." shut the fuck up and listen.

he'll probably not see what you wrote, hasn't been online since Nov 13th, 2012... and there you can see one of the issues we face-- it's an insidious drug that, as you've said, makes us feel like we can't do without it. I feel for you, I have no idea what college would have been like if adderall had been all the rage like it is now. I am sure that a ton of your peers are also using adderall, I am sure that a ton of working lawyers, judges, cops, DAs, truck drivers, physicians... are all using adderall to make them feel 150%. That only lasts so long. The lucky ones seek help, seek a way out... they can see it's not working, that it's destroying who they are, who they were, their relationships to themselves, their loved ones, their spirit, their god... it turns people into machines with a focus on banal "successes" that really don't matter and probably don't come to fruition anyway... like doing well on exams, getting thru law school, burning thru a 12 hour day... on the surface those goals may be reached, but they are not done with any satisfactory results- they're just "completed", but the end result pretty much sucks ass. So, there are a bunch of us who keep on keeping on, sticking with it even though we battle the addiction part that calls to us and lies and tells us we can manage it now, etc. If you stick around here ADDLawStudent, you'll see that a lot of folks pass thru, post a bunch for a few days, maybe make it a month, and then bounce. Maybe they get tired of this site and move on, but probably most go back to the adderall. If you want a way out, you have to keep on not using it. It doesn't make life better, it is an evil concoction that fucks with peoples brains. It slowly turns them into subhuman zombies devoid of feeling and emotion and erases the people they used to be. Get out now, do whatever you have to do to stop using. Just don't take any more pills. A bunch of other people on this site will say the same thing. Even though life may not seem peechy once you stop, it is much better. It is real. You have to deal with it in a way you may not be used to as you don't have the bionic brain that adderall gave you, but it is legit. You can look people in the eyes and know that you are standing on your own two feet, not aided by a drug, those people will fail in their own right, the road doesn't go off into the sunset, it drops out from under your feet if you don't get off of it. So welcome to the forum. We understand your plight.

hey have you looked into being allergic to gluten at all? It has similar symptoms- chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia are both listed as symptoms. I have been vegitarian/ veganish since sept of 2012 (mostly) and have had horrible GI issues that I thought were my body adjusting... but have been thinking that maybe I am allergic to wheat gluten. I too am often fatigued after eating, and I thought the after lunch naps were me coming off the addy and weed and cigs, but now I think it might be the fucking bread.... you might look into it if you haven't. I'm going to try laying off the gluten and products that contain gluten. Gluten allergies are the new ADD, f'in everyone's got it it seems. 10 years ago, who the hell had gluten allergies???

It gets better in that cravings are rare, and things aren't triggers as much, but still- life happens. And now we don't have the same crutches to fall back on, so it's about dealing and finding ways to deal without resorting to drugs. So yes and no. Just had a kale, apple, banana, orange smoothy. was yum

we're all on the path, so there's no real there and back yet, as it's a long and winding and tumultuous and real path to there. but yes it's possible, we're all at various stages of being poster children for the very real possibility of changing your life around into something better. adderall might have been great at first, but then slowly became horrible, and then we discovered it was horrible, and then we decided to do something about it, and then we found this site. Stick around this site, read, post, give and get help; this site helps, it keeps you accountable, it keeps you positive, it fills you with hope that you can do it. All you really really have to do is want it, and then do it. The doing it part isn't easy, but it is doable.

you actually sound like you need to help yourself now. none of that is healthy for you. he is gone until he wakes up and realizes what he's become. you can't make that happen. no addict quits for anyone but themselves-- they can realize what they've lost (loved ones), but sometimes it takes losing much more to snap out of it. You don't sound like you're in a real safe place there with him, at all. you sound like you're enabling him to keep on doing the same things with no repercussions, and you're waiting for the old him to return. He may never return, a lot of people don't make it out of drug addiction, a lot do, adderall is a fucked up drug, he may be able to recover, but he has to want a new life. You cannot make him see that, you can only take care of yourself. If he's just biding his time until he can get more, that's not quitting.

I learned that eating too fast causes a myriad of ill effects... I myself have been eating too fast. today I ate slowly, chewed a lot, and by golly it worked! symptoms are gone... I think. lesson learned: chew your food! digestion starts in the mouth, not in the hands.

hells yeah, journals are great. I myself do not keep one, wish I was so motivated to do so, used to, but yeah, I'm sure its a great way to dump thoughts and feelings and get creative and everything. I have actually never ever ever heard of anyone dissing keeping a journal. I think it's universally thought of as great.

... yeah only if you don't think it all the way thru, or are already on the road to relapse irrespective of them at all.

MFA yeah it's pretty annoying actually... they're so spun up n I'm pretty mellow so I just kinda think it's a bit much. But at the same time, they're at like 120% and some part of me envies that energy and brain function on overdrive.... I quit cuz the repercussions of that weren't worth it, but if you're not counting those it was pretty good stuff.

... I sort of turned a friend/peer onto addy early on when I first started using it... he seemed like someone who'd definitely dig it, and he did, got his own scrip and everything. Then when I quit I told him why, and he sort of supported it, but he still takes it. I do think everyone has to come to terms with why they ought to quit on their own... we all know that all the articles in the world don't get us closer to quitting until that day we realize we need to quit... Cigarettes anyone? fuckin the worst thing you can do, and yet people still smoke knowing it's horrible... I did. folks with emphysema still smoke. So really, kinda like AA/NA credo, you gotta show people by example- attraction not promotion.

I'm west coast, not far at all from SD..... depending on the time of day.

duuude no doubt... crazy powerful and disturbing movie....

http://youtu.be/lgo3Hb5vWLE

suggestion: don't take adderall. what about a healthier attempt? maybe see a trainer at a gym? chart and catalog your calorie intake and try to burn calories doing low impact exercise for long periods of time? There's got to be a bunch of better alternatives to a quick fix, which you know won't last....

I asked my dentist friend/client about the silver filling, she said pretty much don't worry about it, that there was a study done at UCLA that determined there was no problem at all... who funded that study is another matter... I'm going to research it some more and see what I can find. She did say it was easy to remove the silver fillings though, so that's good.

*every

yeah I heard the reason speed freaks have such bad teeth is the dry mouth that allows bacteria to flourish whereas our saliva keeps that from happening... trippy info on fillings. I totally feel sluggish and blase, only have 1 silver filling though, but maybe that's enough? I'll check into it more and maybe ask a dentist friend to pull it out and replace it with an alternative, like gold. hell, just get all my teeth covered in gold while they're at it. maybe a grill. I've had that one silver filling for eons too.

one possibly good thing about relapsing is realizing how much you've grown to despise it... after some time, you've changed, your daily habits and attitude and persona have changed and evolved such that it's repulsive... case in point: I went on a long vacation recently. It began with a long ass drive. driving and smoking go hand in hand. I got it into my head that it would be nice to smoke while I drove, even though it'd been more than 3 months since I'd quit, even though I thought it was disgusting and it bugs me when I can smell my neighbors smoke, etc etc... I even told myself that's how people start smoking again, "it starts with one...". I had the internal dialog for about 70 miles, then bought a pack when I stopped to fill up. I waited another 15 or so miles, then opened the pack, took one out, and lit it. It was FOUL! I smoked maybe 1/5th of it, then chucked it out the window. I was repulsed by the way it made me feel, the taste in my mouth, the smell of my car and clothes and hand. I wanted it out and off and damn was that nasty. I then chucked the entire rest of the pack out the window (sorry for all the littering, I just needed it gone). So, that relapse taught me how much smoking is foul and repulses me now, how disco 70s it is to still smoke after all that we know about how bad it is for you... I don't miss them at all. I did think about buying a pack for my return drive home, but that was probably the addiction talking, it wasn't hard not to and to ignore it/ tell myself I'd be happy I didn't....

So do you notice anything different now that you've stopped smoking? I don't really. Can't say that I feel more sharp or remember things better or whatnot... not really sure. I am definitely more social and when I look at myself in the mirror I don't feel like a lame, don't look all drugged out heroin sheik (chic?)... Aren't you supposed to cough up a lung of black tarry nasty phlegm after quitting smoking? I never did this time, I have when I've quit before, tho those times were just a couple of white knuckle weeks, but after more than 3 months off cigs and weed no phlegm... hmm...

yeah I totally agree. No it wasn't a huge problem, but I was pretty much 98% of the time a daily smoker. Though I had a reverse tolerance, so just a little bowl/ hit would do me. I just didn't like the way it made me towards the end, I was way too introverted, I'd screen calls when stoned and regret if I answered as I was totally awkward I thought. It stopped working, stopped being something to spice up a day and became a habit that was holding me back. When I quit the addy I told myself I'd dry out for a bit, see if things got better sans the weed, which I'd been wanting to quit for ages. Its funny how people react differently to drugs- I have friends who can smoke and go out into the world and be funny and social, it's like it has not affect on them- but I hated smoking at parties or in social settings where there was more than one person, I just withdrew and became introverted and slow, dull, bla. My eyes were a dead give away too, red bloodshot and glassy, whereas other people's eyes don't change at all.... weird.

thanks quit-once, thanks MFA--- not aggression, agro, just kind of impatient and quickly annoyed. It comes on fast and dissipates fast, but I don't think its pleasant to be around. Before quitting I smoked a ton of weed, that mellowed me out for sure, so now not smoking weed, not taking adderall, not smoking cigs- I guess my true colors shine thru. agro is like edgy, but not in a good way. I remember the wellbutrin mellowing me out before, but I was also taking adderall, smoking cigs, smoking weed, drinking, etc... so not sure what will happen this time around. Hopefully it'll take my edge off. I just googled agro to see if there's a better definition than I'm giving here, and I don't think it's the right word now... I think edgy is better. Easily annoyed, quick temper but it stays inside, not outwardly hostile or aggressive, but quick to get annoyed if something goes "wrong". Nice to be back, how's everyone doing? what'd I miss???

yeah definitely. I think the quit has brought out the agro in me for sure... I actually put myself back on the wellbutrin 2 days ago after getting back from my trip... same kind of thing: agro with other drivers, impatient, find myself saying a lot of things are "good not great", erring towards the negative a lot more these days.... I don't like it.

hahaha yeah probably...

I fell of the vegan wagon... I kept craving beef, it was weird, I felt very un-veril n kind of lethargic... just had a mediocre workout, buying beef now to add to my vegan chili...