sky

get off the fence. as long as your in a state of limbo it's going to call to you. remove the Ritalin as an option and you'll find other avenues to solve the issue. what are you doing now that's different from when you were taking Ritalin? ie: diet changes, exercise, meditation, studies? see if there are books on being productive in a "boring" environment. I'm sure there are.

thanks my brother falcon! how are you feeling these days? are those walks helping? your walks inspired me to get on my bike and get out and get some air in the mornings...... definitely feels good, especially now that it's nice out.

wow that sucks!! Its hard for me to give you any advise, but I just wanted to say hey, boy that sounds crappy...! maybe it was the coffee/ running plus the new environment times the shirts... bro that sounds awful! do you have certain tools you can use when you start to feel that come on? like, you know how we have tools we use when we start to feel urges come on? do you have those for panic attacks? Like when you feel them come on you change your course of thought, or concentrate on something else, etc... I don't know, is there something that you can do when you feel them come on? or do you just have to ride them out?? man oh man, I hope you're feeling better.............

lol, thanks........ I feel like my mom should have made cupcakes for us all...

Do you have to come clean with your doc? I mean, all that stuff ends up in your medical records, and some stuff is better left out, especially in light of healthcare and insurance being a business, and as a business they want to constantly protect their bottom line, and some things in your medical record might preclude you from getting insurance or changing insurances, etc... I'm not entirely sure. I know that I never told them I smoked, ever, nor about my past history with other drugs. Of course that may not have been in my immediate best interest, but since it is a history that never goes away, I figure it was better for the long run... obviously I'm not working the best program there... but seems like entirely honest is not always in our best interests... like, when keeping it real goes entirely wrong. I dunno, you gotta protect you, I don't see though, besides allaying any guilt you may have, how telling your doctor that you started abusing the pills will help, aside from the fact that he would be more reluctant to prescribe them in the future. but hell they KNOW they're addictive, and everyone they give them to gets addicted, and as we use it for longer and longer we ask for a higher dose, so they know we're stepping up... I mean, that's just the way it goes. So to me, unless you want to burn that bridge of getting it in the future, which I can understand, I don't think you HAVE to tell him you were abusing them.... when I got a recent physical, my doctor asked me about the wellbutrin and adderall that I had been prescribed, I just told him I stopped taking them and was doing great, and better than when I was on them. That seemed sufficient to me, and I didn't want to open a whole can of worms with admissions on what I was really doing with them and how I was making suppositories and whatnot. kidding. my two cents.

lol real good thank you!! actually still in bed, and it's past noon, this is not one of the Successful Habits of Highly Affective People... or however the title goes. But besides being a lazy ass today, I'm feeling good! edit: Not normally still in bed past noon, couldn't fall asleep, and then my cat was keeping me up with his marching around and meowing at the crack ass of dawn, so I put in ear plugs and put on a eye cover mask thingy and then way overslept... not typical though. and yes, I was having some round about 90 days ho-hum bla-ness that was a real bummer there for like a week or so, and to combat it I took a bunch of bike rides, read stuff that made me feel better, chanted, exercised, and waited for it to pass, which I knew it would, and it did. So yeah, 90 days since I last took adderall, and it is good. Still hoping for a profound increase in natural energy and motivation, creativity, qi, etc... and I'm not sitting on my hands waiting for the miracle to happen to me, I am actively doing shit that I think is moving me towards that end, but still waiting to feel it. 90 days off adderall, and my drug of choice for like almost 20 years, weed, and 6 weeks since my last cigarette... wow.

yup!! I'm back on my bike these days too! finally warming up here, rode to the beach and read the past 3 days in a row, except today when I cleaned like a mo-fo and got my kitchen spotless, finally, was a disgusting disaster... was actually that Tips for Adderall Recovery post this morning that got me going to clean up my place..........

ugh, girl, damage control stat. I realize it's not something you want to talk about, so being very general, I hope it's something you can just walk away from... no matter what, curtail that shit so you can live a happy life, and wake up feeling great......... I know I don't need to tell you, but get some help with it if you can! obv not your friend who's not helping you by thinking it's cool n badass. the other thing is to keep it in perspective. it may be huge now but later it may not be that big of a deal... I have no idea, but for example the way High School seemed so important at the time, but once it's over and in the past, it seems so petty and lame, though at the time everything was SO important....

it's hard to make a rational judgement of this situation without knowing all the facts, but on face value yeah it seems ridiculous, though doctors are generally very careful about what they do for fear of lawsuits, which are rampant. I wonder if they did any trials of changing her diet, adding exercise, etc. I mean, it seems ludicrous to prescribe adderall purely as a stimulant. that's why it seems like something of the story is missing... you know?

hey emmmapea, how long has it been since you took adderall last? you gotta give yourself time, your body time, to get used to you not taking adderall any more... it may take a week or so until you feel over the hump, so if you're having a hard time getting up and going in the "morning" that's normal, we all went thru the same thing... those are the stay in sweats all day watching netflix and coming on this website days... but if you are feeling claustrophobic and want to get out and get your blood circulating and get some air and sun, just do whatever you can! that'll all be bonus points right there. you'll start to feel better as some days pass since you last took it, and soon enough you'll be doing much much better, ask anyone on here- the beginning days suck, then slowly things get better and better.... keep it up girl.

you're not alone no matter how much you isolate yourself in your bedroom. we're here and we understand. you can come here any time for support on your journey from the depths of hell back to the crispy surface of reality... it was a good job flushing your pills. that will make it a lot easier to stay the course and not fold to impulse and wavering commitment, and the longer you go from the last time it was in your system, the better. then you can clearly start to work on those things that you want to achieve and conquer those traits you want to eliminate. One thing we have to avoid doing, and fuck an a I do this all the time too, is compare ourselves to other people, and especially judge ourselves based on our perceptions of other people. we can't see the full god like perspective where we know it all, so our perceptions and judgement are clouded and short sighted and biased by our feelings of inadequacy and self loathing... welcome to this great community...

I sounds like you have that one unspeakable thing that's in your way to apath of healthy living / being Adderall Free. Are you able to talk about it with anyone? it sounds like it weighs heavily on your soul, and causes you a lot of distress... it sounds like if you make that a prority to deal with, come to terms with, resolve, and be at peace with, you'll feel all around better about your self and life in general. It sucks to have that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach (soul) first thing when you wake up and once again realize o m g what have I done...

right?! was a good reminder of what's important in life, and to be grateful for what we have... I know the things that get me down are actually petty things- like wanting a new corvette, my new boots getting scuffed, not winning the lottery... those kinds of things make me toss and turn at night, but I shouldn't let them get me down....

yeah I thought they were cute too... and the Danish people, now I want to move to Denmark, or that other country where everyone was so happy...

Just watched Vegucated on Netflix... great movie about eating vegan. So beneficial to oneself and the world, especially beneficial to animals who don't get eaten!

the time clean isn't for anyone but you, so whatever keeps you motivated and on course is what you should consider it... I've said before that after a certain point I stop counting because to me that is a tie to the past and who I used to be, not who I am in the now... eventually, the adderall will be a chapter in your life, not who you still are. That is what I didn't like about NA, the counting... I mean, people with decades clean and sober are still counting?? It didn't make sense to me, at a certain point I don't want to keep recalling where I came from, but that's just me. What matters is the now, who I am... sooooo, keep on keepin on sheila...

see you're going into rehab all wrong. you're setting yourself up for failure. we can help you, but not while you're actively using. I feel like if you're on adderall and have no intention of stopping until you go to rehab on 2/14, then you, out of respect for everyone else on here, shouldn't post on here. read posts, get inspiration, write to your hearts content, but not on these forums, as we are all not using/ quitting, and actively using until you're forced to stop in rehab is not quitting. the reason why you're setting yourself up for failure is because your mind set is fucked. you view adderall as something great and something to take advantage of as long as you can, not as something destructive and that has caused losses for you. So once you enter rehab, you are going to miss it, pine for it, and like you've said- do your time and as soon as you can use again. there are a lot of folks who come around, those of us who write and give and get support, only have so much to give. It honestly gets frustrating pouring your heart out to people you're trying to encourage and help, only to see them bounce after a few days of posting on here. In other words, you've got some soul searching to do, some things to figure out, and as long as you're actively taking adderall with every intention of continuing, you're not going to be able to sort that out, as your mind is poisoned by the very thing that is causing trouble, and as long as it's got a grip on you, it's not going to let go. I've seen a shit ton of folks enter rehab fucked up, they do the exact same thing, they use on their way to checking in. how do you think they do? My suggestion, stop using now and enter rehab sober and wanting to quit and move forward...

great job sista. I remember when you first came around here, you've come a long way baby!

I totally agree with occasional01. You did your best, prob shouldn't have popped that, for your own sake, but whether you get the job or not depends on a lot more than anyone can fathom. If you do get it it won't be because of the addy, nor will it be due to the addy if you don't. myriad reasons why you will or won't.

Right on sista!!! good job......... thanks for letting us know!

here there, welcome to the forum. You'll get a lot of insight from folks on here, it's a great community of people all dealing with similar plights and at various stages in their quitting/ recovery. Your story is like many of ours, especially in our younger years where we had to learn lessons the hard way, and over and over and over again... the lucky ones live to tell their stories, live to regret wasting so much time out there, live to be grateful for being one of the lucky ones who made it and make it. It was tough being young, we all remember those times, and like the big fat bank account of free money, youth was so easy to blow thru. The hard days of partying, abusing our bodies, poisoning our minds, the affects lasted as long as the effects, hangovers were slight, sore throats were mild, raspy lungs, scarred veins, all those things were battle scars that we wore with pride, romanticized, they made us cool and righteous, our friends were our family, and together we toed the lines, put our lives in each others hands, said fuck you to the world... and it was hard to see that bank account getting depleted because it seemed endless. But someday it runs dry. If you can manage to turn things around before it's empty you'll be a miracle, as most of us run that shit until the wheels fall off. We have to go to jail, we have to lose loved ones, we have to see the pain in our parents or spouses or kids eyes as we fail them once again. Still, we're lucky they don't have to bury us, or watch us go away to prison. It's not a life time disease if we don't let it be. We can learn to redefine ourselves. We can walk away from all of that and become totally different people, with new hopes and aspirations, with new dreams and goals. We can become totally different people, with maybe some unique and crazy stories to tell, but those stories are our past, not who we are today. I am not the same person I was when I was 20s, I am completely different, with a new set of values, with a new perspective on myself, my family, strangers, and the world. I don't have to fight that battle on a daily basis nor be in a constant state of peril fearing that I will relapse and constantly staving that off. We can work to better ourselves and become new and improved people. It takes work, it is a never ending process, it is a perpetual state of ascension, rising higher and higher each day... So welcome to this forum. I hope you're one of the ones who stick around and becomes a part of the community, who develops a plan of action for quitting and getting life straightened out, who gives advise and insight to new folks who show up here. We see a lot of people come and go, it's nice when the Quitting Adderall family grows by one more who decides they want something better for themselves, and adderall isn't a part of that future...

thanks Cassie, that's good to know/hear... I guess I thought that things would start to come around as soon as I (we all) started making the right decisions and doing things to better ourselves and lives. But yeah, I guess it happens on its own time. I think it's frustrating is all. Like I want some indication of a thumbs up from the universe to keep on keepin on.... maybe I'm missing it and it's actually there, I dunno. maybe it's a sort of test to see if when the going gets (very minorly) tough whether I'll stay the course or break cuz I'm just a big dumb pussy... fortunately the frustration isn't making me want to break in that regard, just kinda bumming me out a little... but good to know that it takes a bit more time for things to start to come around and look up, and yeah, probably it's allllll in my head cuz I'm feeling a little ho hum.... thanks for the words of wisdom...

no I got the new human milk formula..... jk, yeah it probably doesn't fall under the "vegan" category.... hell if it gives me some POW I'll make an exception... UPDATE: I like the colostrum, I do think it gives me some energy and is a nice addition to my morning l-tyrosine and tea...

I just ordered some Colostrum from amazon.... it should be here in a day or two, I'll let ya'll know what I think of it... anyone have any experience with it?

right on brother man, I like that.... I made the mistake of checking my credit card balance last night before bed, up around 9k, had me worried all night, think that's weighing heavily on me, but I'm gonna push that aside and my goal is to pay off my credit card by the end of the year, and stop spending money on shit....