sky

thank you my friend Falcon, you're right... that movie Happy talks about how truly happy people are happy within, their happiness does not come from external sources- fast cars, fast women, money, fame, fortune, but instead comes from a place where they are content to live peacefully with friends and family, community, they are happy with what they have, and health, love, and the time to enjoy it is perfection. I am trying to get to a place like that, where I am happy with what I have and what I have is a lot. true enough my friend, things will pick up, we just have to keep on doing the right things and thinking the right things and soon enough a bright new dawn will break...

that's kind of where I'm at these days. trying to maintain a healthy positive attitude but still lethargic and lacking motivation and oomph. I eat healthy, exercise regularly, chant, read positive mind expanding literature, get out more, and I've quit all the bad habits I thought held me back (weed, cigs, bad diet, porn) and still after almost 3 months I don't sense a profound change nor upward momentum. I'll remain patient and keep trying to evolve daily, but I keep wondering when I'll be excited and motivated again.

So I started watching the movie Happy on netflix, it's a great reminder of what's important and why we may tend to be more depressed or unhappy, vs happy and content... if you have netflix home streaming thing on your computer, you should check it out... not as action packed as MacGuyver but left me feeling good, like a good smack up side the head to wake up to what matters.

Lea, SomedayDreamer, Congratulations you two, keep it up!!! yesterday sucked ballz for me, this morning I read this thread and it was a good reminder to get up offa that thang and make yourself feel better... so I incorporated a walk into my morning routine. gonna get some shizz done today, clean my sty of an apartment, go to the gym tonight... and today I feel a hell of a lot better than yesterday. keep on truckin you two, good j o b!

OMG you called it MIDDLE AGE!!!!!!!!!! ugh, that sounds so old... can't we consider mid 50's to be middle age? let's call this the AGE OF ENLIGHTENMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

plus, looking down at that pill and thinking that it contained the power to bring me up, make me motivated, give me the extra something that I "needed", at this point in my life I'd rather find within and create myself than relay on a soul starving pill. It took turning 40 for all of this to come about. For the previous 20+ years I had no qualms about taking anything nor did I see the harm in it, but turning 40 literally changed my outlook... I quit the adderall a few days after my birthday... quit week a few days after that, and quit cigs about 6 weeks in...

totally agree... dunno why it was SO easy though. day 1 was hardest, but not at all that bad... hardest now is when I drink, I'll get momentary cravings, or other times when I'd normally have one... after jobs, after visiting fam, etc... but quitting cigs seemed to go hand in hand with quitting adderall n getting healthy. but of course you gotta be ready n decide. for me the last straw was that video I posted with the kids asking for a light. dunno why that did it but I was like "aaaand scene".

+ feeling connected, or starting to... like my soul is returning + liking me when I look in the mirror (not loathing myself and my vapid seeming life) + feeling healthy, physically, mentally, emotionally, for the first time in decades + social and sociable, talking to strangers, connecting with people, not seeing that wtf is this guy on? look in peoples eyes... + quit smoking + quit smoking weed

yeah, just one of those days... gonna be 3 months on the 21st. on the rollercoaster of life, this is the corkscrews at the bottom of the apex... haha, just ho hum today.

Me too! feel like ass today. don't want addy, but feel like shite for no apparent reason. been in sweats all day.

actually, being around ppl you know who are on adderall are kind of annoying... it's like "calm down dude..." I couldn't help but wonder, was I that annoying? it seemed so obvious too, legs shaking, pounding water, way too excited about dumb shit... I dunno, maybe that was my isolated experience, but didn't make me yearn for it, kinda just made me feel dumb for not realizing sooner. You can have a hell of a good time with just alcohol and weed and soundgarden and 3rd row seats...

Each persons bottom is different... that sounds weird. mine wasn't so harsh, I'd gone with my bff/ friend w benefits on a birthday trip, she didn't take addy, we fought on the trip, we never used to fight, I was a dick plain and simple, I was edgy and easily pissy, things that bugged me shouldn't have, I wasn't sweet or nice or that much fun (I'm being too black and white here, it wasn't that bad, but to her it was, we did have fun, but I was also kind of a dick)... and when we got back she said something like "you've changed, you're kind of an asshole now..." and so I thought about it for like 2 seconds and figured it was the adderall making my personality suck. I literally googled Does Adderall Change my Personality and found this site within 5 minutes of having that thought. I decided to quit then and there. It wasn't a big bottom, wasn't tragic or painful, I decided to quit. I still have all the pills from my last refill. So there are no rules to quitting-- there are things that might make it more likely we stay off, but come on we're all addicts and if we want to find it again it ain't that hard... we may have to jump thru a few more hoops than just getting up and getting it from the bathroom, but it's still easy and readily available if we get on that mission. The thing is to be ready and want something different. We all decided that adderall had negative side effects on our lives, that's why we thought about quitting, but it's not easy, life isn't easy, sometimes work is boring, sometimes life is boring, sometimes we feel lackluster and can't get into mundane daily tasks, and we remember that adderall charged us up and made the most mundane things if not fun then at least more interesting... and so some people go back to it cuz they miss that... but it's not going to work, even people who take it as they should and recommended by their Rx don't love it after a while. So we have to find a new source of happiness and motivation, we have to deal with life and make it better if it's not entirely satisfying. There are ways. A ton of people actually live healthy lives without the use of drugs to spice up their days. We can do that too. We just need to work a little to do so, and give our bodies time to adjust and repair, and not give in to temptation too easily as we are wont to do, because we are momentarily weak. And there are other ways to lose weight/ maintain a healthy body/ not gain weight other than taking adderall, much better ways.

10-4 good buddy!!!

yeah I mean, I figure folks are just busy, maybe this website doesn't do as much for them.... who knows, but when folks don't come around as often I start to worry.... and hope they're just busy or living life....

no no no on a burger......... I've been vegan/ vegetarian since sept.... had a nasty In N Out burger......

Jamie Eason seems like she'd be a good workout buddy......... lol at you haven't gone shopping in 2 years! damn girl!! that is hella funny.... does NY have the restaurant rating system? where each place has an A B or C rating?

AWESOME lea! great to hear, glad you're trudging thru it and doing great what you gotta do.... it does get better... the commitment is important, like some have suggested on here, if you're having a hard time with the commitment, try it out for a set amount of time... like say I'll see if I like my life better after 6 months of abstinence from adderall, or a year, or something that makes sense cuz there is that period of time where your body needs to heal and repair, and that takes time, more than a month or two... good job though! proud of you for stickin with it.... I relapsed last night, had a fucking In n Out burger... we were famished after working all day, I'd had a bunch of drinks, we went to In n Out and I ate a burger... was good, my body didn't love it tho... oh well... I wanted a cig too, didn't succumb to that brief craving. glad this morning I didn't... It's funny, if I don't see any posts from folks on here for a bit I kinda start to worry about them...... esp folks early on in quitting, is that weird? so keep us updated!! InRecovery, Sounds like an exciting time!! moving to a new state?? damn that sounds kinda epic! hope you love your new environment........!!

Hey Good Morning folks... (still morningish here on the west coast ...) How are ya'll doing today?

damn I hate running out of "Likes This'"' is there any way we can get more per day? yeah, for all of ya'll relapsing or ain't ready, don't sweat it- the seed has been planted, you'll never enjoy it like u did before, you'll always know there's another, better, way.... no one is perfect, we're all slightly fucked up, I've had a bunch of drinks tonight, maybe that's why we all get along so well.... we're all damaged goods... but fuck an a we're good people. don't stray too far, keep comin round, just don't tempt us with your tales of how you love adderall life, just come around and get and give love.....

... or, u just gotta be ready to suck, for life to suck, work to suck, etc... gotta just suffer thru it all, cuz that's normal. the thing is whether ur ready to suck or not... cuz no matter what, if u ain't ready u ain't ready...

lol ur disposal ...

yes "As A Man Thinketh" is great! When I read it I was like " I know these quotes!", turns out that song I posted is like almost direct paraphrasing... the lyrics come in at 6:35... George Clinton obviously read James Allen too...

oh cool!! tell me what you think! it's a trippy book, a holistic approach to healing ADD, I totally believe that "our" (Americans) diet and lifestyle has led to the much higher occurrence of ADD, autism, depression, etc... and that book talks a lot about different types of ADD and what behaviors manifest, and then how to curb the "symptoms" with various lifestyle changes- mostly diet and exercise. I watched Forks Over Knives on netflix and have been 99% vegan since (still have a tiny bit of cheese sometimes, and I'll break it for sushi, but I just learned that most sushi we get in the US is farm raised fish, which is totally different than an active ocean fish with predators and freedom and whatnot.... so, sushi I'm kinda on the fence with now...), and no refined sugar, no white anything (bread, pasta, etc...), or crap food... really attribute a lot of the way I feel to eating healthy and exercising regularly, not smoking anymore..... sure preach a hell of a lot now though, wonder if that just goes with the territory.... at least I'm not pushing religion...

... funny, not sure how much of a nightmare this just was but I woke up kinda pissed-- just had a dream where I got a reminder from FB on my phone that someone named Rick Something had just posted to The QA Forum - like fb all of a sudden was privy to the forums, and I was pissed in the dream, and like "how the fuck...!?" and was seeing in the dream the forum on fb and I was worried/scared of being outed on fb to my friends on there.... weird. I remember in the dream thinking "fb is fucking insidious!" and when I woke up lay there pissed thinking it was real, then checked, then came here n saw this dreams thread... btw describing dreams sucks, just doesn't f'in work.

yup, definitely feels better to be healthy... I'm at the gym right now...