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4 years clean - a recovery timeline


Cassie

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THANK YOU for this. I'm on day 41 and noticing some of the others who quit around the same time as me report that they're feeling great. Meanwhile, I'm laying here battling intense fatigue that doesn't seem to be letting up. No amount of sleep can make me not feel tired. Tonight is New Years Eve and I'm supposed to be going to a friend's house party... but I SO do not have any desire to go. I wish I wanted to go, but it sounds absolutely agonizing. Ugh. 

 

Although it's somewhat discouraging to read your timeline and realize that I still have an extremely long way to go in my recovery, it also gives me a huge affirmation that I made the right choice by quitting. Why drag it on any longer? Why delay the recovery any longer? And why would I ever even slightly consider going back to Adderall, knowing that I would be back at square one all over again? Right now really sucks. And I'm realizing things are gonna really suck for a while. But I do have hope for the future and I can't wait to get to the point where you are right now. 

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This an amazing post!!!!   Thank you so much for sharing the timeline.  I think a lot of people will definitely be able to benefit from seeing that.  

 

You have been a great inspiration and  hope to others here. :)  

 

I just started eating a lot of vegan meals myself and I can honestly say I cannot believe the difference it's making so far.  I just feel like the food cravings have vanished and I feel so incredibly nourished.  It's amazing the changes that take place when you eat a crap ton of fruits and veggies.  I really think this is the key to so many health problems in our society today.  I lived off all processed foods for really the last 20 years or so and I swear I can now see how eating all that junk caused depression, anxiety, mood swings, and eating issues.  It feels great to finally be this healthy.  Glad to see you found that for yourself as well.

 

Anyhow, congrats on 4 years!  That is truly an amazing accomplishment and it's great to see how far you've come!  :)

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Awesome! Good job. This gives me hope. That first high was the best high and everyone chased after it. Then adderall consumed me, I didn't consume it anymore. It was such an evil drug. Everyone knows this. I'm a little bit over 170 days soober and I don't want to ever use it again. 3/4 of 2014 was cool. The remaining ¼ sucked. Then half of 2015 was spent on sleep deprivation and lifeless activities. U become too focused on not living life. All the crap that I did while wired on adderall were very insignificant. I can finally sleep. I can finally eat. The weight gain is normal. 2016 is gonna be good. The most important thing is to tell someone about the addiction. Most people can't stay sober alone.

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I am not sure if I do or not.  I remember being paranoid about it at one point.  At the very least I think it makes those "eye floaters" get worse.  

 

Also I think I read somewhere it can amplify your problems if you have a family history of Glaucoma.

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I had eyesight problems while using.  Bad night vision, Inability to read things without the words blurring together.  Inability to read the fine print.  And horrible depth perception.  It all turned around after I quit and I still don't need glasses :).

Reminds me of a favorite joke: 

Do you know the difference between a brownnoser vs. a shithead? 

 

depth perception 

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on the first week of my senior year (september 2014) we were assigned to write an essay about our favorite word. i chose the word" hope". For me  to actually chose the word "hope", i should have experienced hope in many ways. i don't even know if i truly understood what hope meant then.  fast forward to the end of school year (may 2015), i'm hopeless, addicted and depressed  as shit. the drug changes the brain's pleasure system. i think i became anhedonic. i'm friends with a recovering meth addict who has been sober for more than 20 years. she was also doing heroin for 20+ years and did methamphetamine for  2 years. her experience with meth turned her anhedonic for a while but she told me that she has completely recovered. she doesn't have any long term damage.  adderall changed me but i'm sure it's not permanent. i feel like my thoughts are void.. i tend to stare at something for like minutes not realizing that i'm spacing out.   the beginning of my senior year, i didn't have any problems with my emotions. now i feel like i hate what i've done to my mind. ps im almost 6 months sober in 2 days. 

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 4 years later...

Timelines like the one Cassie posted here are priceless. I absolutely loved reading it. She wrote it on New Years Eve 2015, over 4 years ago. I cant believe the similarities of her experiences with mine. She obviously put in the work and it looks like she made a complete recovery after 3-4 years. What a journey. I am so committed to the same journey. Im comming up on 16 months, and I see that at 18 months, she still suffered severe anehdonia and continued to improve through the 3rd year. This supports the theory that our brains need significant time to heal from this drug, like a traumatic brain injury. Thank you Cassie!  

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I am on the same train! I am 23 months and on the same train.  It is worth it, things get so much better - life is not perfect but that is ok.  Still anhedonic and not sure what I like to do for fun but I am working and social and happy.  I still get aggrevated too quickly and intensely but my relationship with my children is so much better - I feel joy with them! I hope year 3 is even better but it's already so worth it!

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I too am with you DC and Speedracer. I am at 17 months now and many things have significantly improved but I still have severe anhedonia, anxiety and I’m not motivated to do anything pleasurable because nothing really drives me. I can find comfort and peace at times but I’m not excited, happy or really motivated to do more than just survive and keep up with basic responsibilities and obligations. My sleep is excellent and I do get pleasure from food. LOL. This is one hell of a journey of self discovery and that requires a level of commitment and persistence that is mind blowing. I never knew how difficult this would be. I do have hope that things will continue to improve. HOPE is not something I had a few months ago and that alone is encouraging. Tiny improvements day after day putting one foot in front of the other and as I continue moving forward no matter what hardship stands in my way. It feels good knowing that I am not doing this alone and that others can relate. All the best my strong friends.   

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  • 6 months later...

just read this post and want to cry. its almost my exact journey in the beginning. I just relapsed at a little over a year becasue i felt i wasnt getting better. to hear you started feeling way better at two years than one year, i am encouraged to keep going and not hate myself too much for this two week relapse i just put myself through. congrats on four years

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  • 2 years later...
  • 3 months later...
On 1/7/2016 at 2:38 PM, fkadderall said:

Does anyone have vision problems from adderall?

I have EXTREME "Dry Eye", according to the optometrist, the WORST case he's seen in his ENTIRE career!

I ALSO experienced "double vision" on 3 occasions, twice while going 70+ mph on the freeway (VERY unnerving), and once while home watcing TV!

THEN, they're the NUMEROUS times I COULDN'T ACCURATELY SEE what was in front of me!   (I took the "shyte" for almost 30 YEARS, and worked up to fairly high doses!)

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RosaRita are you quitting Adderall? I have been on it for 24 years. I tried quitting and never got past six months over those years.  Today is day six and I feel awful.  I did not sleep last night. It is now 8 AM and I’m just gonna be on the sofa today. Maybe I’ll get out and take a short walk. I asked myself if it’s worth quitting at my age since I’ve been on it so long and I am now 67.   I also have extremely dry eyes and have been looking at various glasses that seal them up so when I go outside, they don’t water so much.  i’ve been weaning for a long time. When the dose was higher I used to chew my teeth and my tongue and have lost two teeth. It is supposed to be very bad for your bone health and I have osteoporosis. I can’t look back on the years of using the stuff, but I don’t know how I’m gonna do this, I’ve gone on and off so many times and every time I go off I tell my kids and then I go back on and it’s not good for them to hear about this. how are you doing now? I know this thread started along time ago.

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On 1/24/2024 at 7:01 AM, Groundhogdaze said:

I asked myself if it’s worth quitting at my age since I’ve been on it so long and I am now 67.  

Welcome to the forum.  Yea, it IS worth quitting, at any age, unless you plan to take it for the rest of your life.  It is an unsustainable addiction.  Need more motivation to quit?  Just start searching this forum using terms like "long term side affects"  or "physical health".   Use the search box tucked inside the blue bar at the top of this page. 

I rarely encounter anyone older than me around here, but you have about seven years on me.  The Quit gets more difficult the older you get, the longer you used and the higher your dosages.  But, what is the alternative?  Looking forward to an earlier and  more difficult demise?  If you are going through hell, keep going.    Thirteen years ago,  I quit cold turkey.  The first three days were mostly sleep, then the fog set in and that lasted for about the next ten weeks.  The fog began to lift around nine months and then after a few years I felt mostly recovered.    I wish you success in your Quit!

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Thank you for the encouragement.  I am still off it. Lost track of the days already.    I've also been taking clonopin for sleep all these years.  I'm mostly off that and doc has me taking gabapentin.  I want to get off everything now and clean up my health.  I think those first 3 days were the worst.  I have always gone back on after 2 days.  I can't believe this drug is even prescribed except thats the pharma industries job.  Thanks again. 

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