BeHereNow

Searchingsoul please try not to be so hard on yourself!! Everyone fucks up in some way, and this is a site for quitting and recovery, so......there are lots of people here who relapse, and who have relapsed, again and again..... It seems like you have the clarity and intention to quit, which is an insight and a desire not everyone even has.... So THAT is a major asset to you, the foresight to carry you into a better future. Also, addiction is not a healthy pathway as we all know, but I can think of a number of MUCH worse things you could do in this world..... Congrats on getting rid of those pills AND the dr!!!! <3

We all know that the TRUE energy source is healthy food.... What are the best foods that you've found help you through quitting? For me, there is NOTHING like raw produce + protein. After eating a huge salad with baby spinach, dark leafy greens, avocado, almonds, olive oil, eggs, and whatever I have around, I can literally FEEL the energy boost within 20 minutes as it digests. Mmmmmmm, food!!! Others?

No worries LilTex! You were sharing good info and we all have different triggers we have to live with. It's good to be exposed to them sometimes, it builds strength through resistance training

Kyle_Chaos: On the question of mental sharpness, I have to say that although I'm riding the waves from day to day, I am 40ish days in and I do feel sharper and sharper every week. Little mental breakthrough moments, and frustrating why-doesn't-my-brain-work moments. I do think it's a gradual improvement. Been eating really healthy, working out, taking lots of supplements and Tyrosine, and its HELPING. Last time I quit, I was an undergrad, and the return was gradual too. I do remember a dawning but major breakthrough after about a year, when I started my senior thesis. THAT was when I really felt the full mental sharpness return. It was because I was genuinely passionate about it, and felt confident about my project, my abilities and my mind. Actually, I remember during that time I had a one-day relapse where I felt stupider the whole day--I felt I had lost that whole work day by taking adderall. That's how much my sharpness exceeded adderall. Anyway I really think that being engaged in something you LOVE really helps the mental sharpness return. InRecovery: Sorry to hear about your test, that's a tough blow. I think MFA is right--it takes time to get back into the school game. I took time off too and it was definitely an adjustment. When you get your test back, I think it would really help if you make an appt to talk to your professor. You can go over the exam and where you went wrong, which shows that you care to learn, and maybe see what opportunities you might have to improve your grade this semester. Extra credit opportunities or what you can do better next time, etc. Just bring a genuine desire-to-learn attitude, be professional and friendly, and maybe even say that you've been out of school for awhile and that you're still getting back in the swing of things. I don't know if its any consolation, but I am consistently one week behind in a class and just went to my prof to talk about the work from LAST week....I am still that far behind...I'm sure it doesn't look great, but whatever......I explained that I spend hours on it every day but it's totally new to me, that I'm struggling and its slow going but I really want to master it. He helped me out a LOT by going over it with me. I think showing that you care makes a huge difference, and one on one time helps too. I'm going to start going to office hours every week. Maybe that strategy would help you too? MFA, That sounds like Groundhog's Day, talking about yourself over and over in interviews. Sounds so rough!!! Sorry you're going through that!! I could totally see how that would get boring. I wonder if there are ways you can jazz it up a little, like by rewriting your story slightly (I don't mean lying, just focusing on different aspects of yourself), so you're not just repeating yourself? Also, I might be completely wrong about this, but I'm wondering if part of the reason you're getting bored has to do with any underlying beliefs about your own story. As you know, we have to work really hard to regain our confidence to replace the fake confidence the poison offered. I wonder if it would help if you try to boost your natural confidence levels a little? Maybe get some complements from people, remember old ones, give yourself some complements, think about your good qualities? Because if you're feeling extra confident about YOU, then you might be more interested in sharing your story-- you might have more love for your own story, because you'll have a sense that it's a valuable story worth telling. (Which, by the way, it IS.) And THAT will show, and will look great to employers.

I can't look at pictures of it either, quit-once.... its a major trigger so i won't be clicking the link, though I AM curious to read the article. Anyway maybe you could go for a walk or something to get your mind off that nightmare of a pill?

Hey Ashley, As someone who is also working through massive public speaking anxiety.... I don't know how much I have to offer, but I'll try. Its really hard to speak in front of your peers too, I think they are the toughest audience anxiety-wise. It's all about practice. The more you do it, the easier it gets. And anyways thats the whole point of your class....right? I mean as long as you go up there and do this, you CANNOT FAIL. Nobody will judge you harshly if you seem a little nervous, because it's normal and shows you care. And theres nothing wrong with it. Its tough, but try not to speak super fast to get it done and over-with. If you go too fast, the audience won't get as much out of it, so take your time to explain/unpack each point. It's OK to take little mini pauses and a deep breath here and there. It radiates confidence, its actually good for your audience, it helps them process what you're saying and it can draw them in further with the suspense. Maybe, pretend you are talking to a good friend. Bring your beautiful colorful personality into it! Smile, gesture, pace around the room, speak from your heart/mind, be GENUINE. It sounds cliche but...be YOU. Bring your whole self into it. You know, the vibrant self that adderall tried to steal from you. Don't be afraid to laugh at yourself if you make a little mistake! Don't overprepare. In my experience (and everyone is different), I do my best when I only prepare a few main points, then go in there and speak from the heart, improv style. I think people sometimes overprepare when they're super anxious...I do..... but you'll be more genuine, less rehearsed, and less nervous if you just prepare a few main thoughts you want to cover, and fill in the rest as you go. Over-preparation can block your heart from expressing itself in the moment as thoughts occur to you. You have it all within you! Try to interpret that nervousness/anxiety as a good thing. Take a breath and say to yourself, OK good I'm nervous, that means I have a little adrenaline rush to help me be on my game. (MUCH easier said than done, but something I strive for.) OWN IT. Just take over the stage and take your moment to shine! You are a voice in this world, and you have great things to say!!! And they will want to hear it!! Also, remember that NOBODY is judging you as harshly as you are judging yourself. Remember, YOU'RE AWESOME!!!! Confidence is key!!!! Good luck girl! Its nothin you can't handle!!!

ldmcniel, good for you for wanting tomorrow to be day 1 again! Because every time I've relapsed, I go right back on the bandwagon, big time, and I know I'm not the only one..... and that's the ultimate loss of progress. Sometimes it takes multiple attempts to quit, and even though you lost some of the healing your brain has done, you've already put in some high quality "practice" days prior to your relapse, where you "practiced" and trained yourself to have the willpower, the drive, the motivation, to go adderall-free....to get through the day. You know what you're in for, you know that you CAN go without it, and hopefully that momentum will carry you forward after this little relapse. Now, flush those pills and get on with it!

I have a friend who had great results from a UV lamp or whatever they are..... he was also on antidepressants and is a really positive person in general though..... It makes sense to me. Sunlight makes me happy.

SomedayDreamer that's awesome that you quit smoking so fast and are back into running!!! I feel ya about trading the runner's high for adderall..... the way in which we used to shortchange ourselves becomes so much clearer as we emerge from the rabbit hole. Sounds like maybe you are just not a morning person? Was this an issue before you started the adderall? Is there something fun, something you enjoy, that you could do in the morning to start off your day on a better note? Go for a morning run to boost your mood? Dance party? A favorite food and/or activity you enjoy? (And that you will actually get to enjoy now that you're back in your own skin?)

Yeah that's what I usually do when it gets late. You know, I've been advised to figure out what time of day is your peak time to get work done, and set aside a couple hours every day, at that time, when you HAVE to get that done. When you are just as accountable as when you have to be somewhere like for a job....cause it IS your job. Haha, I wrote that advice off because I was ilke, oh I have adderall so all day is my time!!! LOL! Anyway, might be worth a try. i'm not a morning person but I do feel like my work is no longer so great late at night. I feel ya on the procrastination thing....I like your idea about equating it with misery. It is a work habit we must overcome...... We have to do everything in small chunks now, no matter how much it sucks or how badly we don't want to. The procrastination only makes everything worse. Meh, you'll catch up!

Hey Sebastian, That totally sucks. I am so sorry to hear you are feeling that way....I can't speak to the meds question right now, but for whatever it's worth, my immediate response is..... Thing 1) What a hardcore badass you are for saying no to your shrink!! There is no way in hell I could say no if it was like that.....You have come SO FAR in your quitting process. I know it's hard right now to feel proud of your accomplishments, but you are doing something really tough and life changing and its soo hard. Probably one of the hardest things any of us have EVER done. I've tried to explain it to someone who has never taken it recently and there is NO WAY to explain the many sides of this process....... Thing 2) There is NOTHING wrong with being single.......at all........ Most of my favorite people are. I know it must be tough right now esp while quitting....But I think one of the FAQs says that people tend to wind up having plenty of alone time while quitting in general. Theres a lot of loneliness going around.... Also, single is soo much better than being in a bad relationship, never forget that!! LOL! Also, any time that you get to just be yourself is valuable..... Thing 3) I think it's impressive you're questioning the pharmaceuticals, whatever decision you make, it's ALWAYS important to be informed and make your own choices. Thing 4) You're making the RIGHT choice by quitting. Also you are neither a fuckup nor a disgrace, because everyone makes mistakes, but we also bounce back. Our mistakes don't define who we are in any permanent way. Thing 5) I saw a bumper sticker once that said, "YOU ARE LOVED." I think it's true. I have no doubt that your family misses and loves you. Especially if you are feelin that way, I'm sure they are too, they must be. Is there a chance you could try calling and re-connecting with someone?

YEAH GIRL!!! keep it up!! Congrats, you have come so far!!!

Sometimes the need for complements is a legit emergency! "They've never told you this, but your boss is really impressed by you." "You don't get drunk, you get superhuman." LOL

http://emergencycompliment.com/# Enjoy!

So, to get it started, here's a cheesy old favorite: It's in the way that you use it! It comes and it goes So don't you ever abuse it, man, don't let it go And if you lie you will lose it! By Eric Clapton To me, this song is all about how we can develop and work our NATURAL innate talents, how it's a process that's not always perfect, failure comes into play sometimes no matter how talented we are ("it comes and it goes")-- And the perfect warning not to abuse our gifts. "If you lie you will lose it," as he says...... and adderall is one of the biggest lies ever invented.......

As you all probably know, music is my lifeline through the quitting process..... Mainly, I try to focus on really positive, fun, funky, dance-able, motivating, self-affirming, even semi-arrogant music. Sometimes, on the other hand, I get into those shameful, overcoming-heartbreak types of music, where I sing along really loud and personify adderall as a horrible ex I am happy to leave behind..... In any case, it WORKS! So, since you all seem to have great musical taste, and music is important to EVERYONE, I'd really like to get a community brainstorm going....... What are your favorite positive/motivational songs/videos? (Also, could someone please explain to me how to embed a music video in a post? It only shows up as a link...... Thanks!!)

Yep, not my "thing" either apparently....! Lost my focus, I'm in a class I DONT understand and got frustrated/distracted...was up late, but on the phone and not doing any work! Dear work, when will you PLEASE just do yourself??

Some coping tips that are working for my process of quitting while still teaching-- for whatever it's worth. I teach college so it's a little different, but I've also taught the little ones and I think many aspects of it are similar. -Being there for the students is your main priority. The administrative deliverables are important too, but the students are your #1 priority so focus on them. -Putting my newly re-emergent increasingly social energies into developing my rapport with them and connecting to them. Since coming off of adderall can be pretty lonely, but there also tends to be an increased interest in social life, I enjoy putting some of my social energy into interacting with the students. -Teaching, I am finding, is also GREAT for distracting me from the post-adderall blues or any kind of depression because you have to be ON and OUT of your own head! -When I really don't feel like grading, I look over my roster with their photos and think about how adorable they are and how important education is in helping them grow up into smart, awesome adults. -I think of my teaching approach right now as "improv theater." I write out a basic lesson plan/flow, then I go in there and improvise and try to have fun with them. Just go on stage and see what emerges. That way also, you can be more responsive to the students, their needs and questions, and less strictly focused on delivering an overly packed, tweaked out lecture. -When I'm feeling somewhat unprepared, I have them do group work, or presentations, or videos, or whatever doesn't require me to do much. -EDIT: Also, to get that fun, energetic, on-stage teaching energy flowing, I get ready for every teaching day by blasting loud, positive music and dancing. It beats stimulants any day. That's just one way of summoning your natural teaching energy...remember, it IS a form of acting, but if you fake the positive/fun energy and just keep smiling, you'll start to actually feel it.. Also: If you do decide to quit now, do you have any sick time? It IS flu season.... so maybe take your first week off from work, then you'll feel at least a little better when you go back. I hope this helps! Good luck!!

Oh good for you!!! Awesome!!! Congrats!!! Sounds like it's a bunch of us here in this... I'm about to pull my first all nighter off adderall too!! Or, quasi-allnighter..... involving a quick nap or two. We shall see. The motivation should be arriving any minute now.............It's gotta be around here somewhere.........

I feel you, Rev&Rush..... I'm a teacher too and it's a TOUGH job. Makes adderall very compelling. It is a CRAPLOAD of work....lesson planning....keeping the kiddos engaged....being energetic and fun.......and the grading, OH MY........ It's a lot to stay on top of. Overworked and underpaid, stretched thin.....and we stay in it because we love it. If you weren't taking adderall, would you still have love for your job? I have a feeling that if you stop taking it you might find your natural love for teaching growing eventually, as your brain replenishes itself....because adderall just creates fake love, fake motivation, and it's so disgenuine and empty. You might also find your teaching style changing for the better... you have the chance to find out who YOU really are as a teacher! Ultimately, as hard as quitting is, and as backlogged as I ALWAYS am with grading and attendance management and all that stuff, I think I am a better teacher off adderall. I bet you are too. I think anyone is. It will enable you to connect with your students in a better way, it improves communication, it enables you to move more at their pace. I know it's hard though, especially mid-year. Do you truly WANT to quit? And also, is this the right time in your life to do so? Because you have to really want it... Hope to see you around here!

On more drugs now than before! LOL.... I'm willing to bet the real, full YOU will be returning full force soon. After all that time you spent taking soul-deadening drugs, I bet there is a lot of your personality that's been repressed for all that time......and that will come flooding back full force. Your brain is healing and your soul didn't die, it was just hiding/sleeping for awhile. At least, I think that's what might be happening to my personality.... the waking dead coming back to life, LOL.....I didn't even dress up for Halloween since I was already a zombie....! and now I'm..... making up for time lost and have so much personality flooding back I can't even handle it....or maybe it's also because I just turned 30, the magical age of no longer giving a shit, LOL.....It has to be one of my favorite parts about quitting, this personality returning surprises me every day. Anyway, I'm so glad to hear you're doing well ldmcniel!!! Keep it up!!

Yeah. Time has slowed down for me, and I like it. It was going by WAY too fast on adderall and I felt like it was aging me prematurely.... I don't know about a year, but I'm sure it will feel like a real year...a full year.

I used to run at the end of my adderall day in the first year or so that I was taking it.. in the early stages of addiction... But in the later stages I started losing the motivation to run. I was too "busy" being absorbed in working and taking larger doses. I was also scared of having a heart attack. So, I can see how it would be alluring for that, at first. But everyone's experience is different.

More carrots. I need more "everyday" quick carrots that also activate the addicted/pleasure/reward center of my brain. So, here they are: Checking my phone Checking facebook Checking this website Doing anything on the internet Watching music videos Listening to music If I hold these more highly addictive carrots in front of my nose, and force myself to do something small before I can e.g. check my phone again, maybe that will help... I just got through 10 pages of reading this way....... Hoping I can summon this kind of willpower on a more regular basis.....