BeHereNow

Sooooo..... how'd it go?!?!

"I'm so glad that I know more than I knew then. Gonna keep on tryin' till I reach the highest ground."

Instead of a handful of blue/orange nightmares, a handful of supplements and vitamins to start off every day I am posting this because it's Sunday, a.k.a. the biggest work day of my week, and if I'm not going into it happy about quitting, I'm going to be miserable and frustrated with my own mind. P.S. This is my 100th post!

I'm kind of thankful I didn't read this while I was still taking it....... I may have started getting some very dangerous ideas.......

WOW that is so f*ing tragic...... Thank you for sharing. Poor guy.

Yessssssss go ldmcniel!!! I know everyone's depression is different but if its possible for you to work through the depression and move forward.....then GO FOR IT!! Life is too short! CONGRATS on day 7!!!! You have come so far!!!! For me, staying distracted and busy and positive is key to overcoming the doldrums..... even going out drinking with friends is better than staying home laying in bed being depressed. Not that I'm getting any work done in either case..... but you know what they say, laughing is a great way to avoid crying.

It IS sick. But not surprising. Well, I guess adderall helps you focus in on anything.... including losing weight. I am 100% sure my sister's quasi-anorexia is adderall-related. Anyway, if you scroll through the site, really it's just a bunch of crap about drinking water and going running. Blah, blah.... maybe I'll go on there and tell them about how adderall can make you gain weight in the long run, how it can make you sedentary..... how it only helps you run for a little while before that benefit goes away. Has anyone seen those "thinspiration" websites and videos? Look it up if curious but be ready.....I do NOT recommend these to anyone with body image issues......shots of anorexic young women with bones sticking out, designed to help encourage eating disorder willpower. I'm just thankful those are not on the adderall weight loss tips site........

Yeah INTJ! As of 7 years sgo anyway..... I wonder if my 3.5-year relapse back into adderall-land changed that....

If I ever get over my Skyping phobia I will take you up on that

Ashley, you have so much going for you! You are a gorgeous soul and very intelligent and witty and kind and probably the coolest girl this guy will have ever met. Don't be intimidated by the ivy league brand name. No offense if anyone here went to an Ivy, I know there are good people at those institutions, but the prestigious elitism they represent stems from the fact that they were originally established as a boy's club for rich white men. I've met a lot of people who went to Ivy League schools and I honestly don't think they are any more intelligent than any of the rest of us...... some of them just think they are because they have that name brand stamped on their resume. The have been told over and over, i.e. by fellow Ivy club members, that they are more intelligent than the rest of us.....and the general public believes this too, so our responses can reinforce this belief. So, do not be intimidated by this guy because you ARE his equal! Good luck and have SO MUCH FUN!!!

I have to agree with you on this one ldmcniel! Music and dancing and singing every morning and every night and on my ipod walking around all the time I don't care who sees or hears, I'm dancing all the time and I swear by it!! There is something magicall healing and uplifting about music, singing and/or dancing

Yep-- that's why people with seasonal depression sit in front of those UV lamps during the winter.... I think it is vitamin D, but I also wonder if there's something more to it. Vitamin D from sunlight is supposed to be better than supplements, but is there something about the sunlight itself that's good for maintaining a positive mood?

Yeah, what Sky said...NOT COOL....NOT OKAY.....and also NOT LEGAL. you do NOT have to put up with that. Is there an HR person you can speak to about this? It's totally sexual harassment. You can't cut someone's hours because they rejected your unwelcome advances. And he's lying about you too? F that, you should fight back girl!!

Sorry to hear that Falcon! Sky is right, it really does seem to be going around......I'm blaming it on the doldrums of winter. (The sunlight does affect seratonin as I'm sure you know.....and the cold is pretty demotivating....) Sending all positive thoughts your way..... You will live through this....it will pass.

Is this all for today?! My to-do lists are equally long and ambitious.....and I always feel like a failure for not accomplishing everything on them. I've been making shorter to-do lists that break down each item into small chunks I can check off. Still not accomplishing everything. So .... Good luck!! (And if for some reason you don't get to everything today--because if you do then you must be superhuman--well.....please try not to be too hard on yourself!

Yes we are Cat! I didn't have it in front of me or anything, but yesterday was such a bad day I momentarily started thinking about how to find a supply and go back on it full time. Just couldn't get anything done. At. All. Sitting around the library staring blankly and falling asleep at my desk for hours, couldn't stop thinking things like "I'm a fraud and a failure." And then, I call my mom up to wish her a happy birthday and she casually tells me that my work performance now WILL AFFECT THE REST OF MY LIFE. She meant well, (and she doesn't know what I"m going through), but ummmmmm, THANKS MOM! I was like there's no way I can get through this depending only on myself! To keep up with my work load, I used to work 12-14 hours a day on adderall (so actually getting something rather than nothing done) and now I'm lucky if I work 2-4 half-assed hours a day....couldn't stop thinking I'm a fraud and a failure, that I'm fucking up my whole career by quitting.....and so lonely right now without a soul numbing drug to make me not notice the loneliness....... Yeah, that was yesterday. But then I return here and you all help me remember the reasons we're on this road. Cheers to yesterday being OVER. Here's hoping the cholera in our shanty town has passed, or passes soon. We have no choice but to carry on!

Wow, this REALLY hits home. All those moments of potential happiness, all those "small" things like the people you love and beautiful places, ruined by a soul-numbing pill that we think will make us happy, but doesn't. That seems like it will enhance the experience....but really only removes us further from it. Thank you for sharing this. I was on the verge of trying to relapse until i re-read this and remembered.

It must be going around....... Oh the doldrums......you're not alone!! damn I mean its 100% for the better but it totally sucks to get cut off and try to f*ing function at the same capacity as before..... I kinda just wanna start a party too Heather!! Or, I want to press RESTART on today. And also RESTART on my life so I could go back and NEVER EVER have touched that horrible drug!!! I WANT MY MIND BACK!!!!!! Will it ever come back? I feel like such a fraud and a failure. Well, OK.... I guess there's nothing to do but start a party...a speed-free party since we have no other choice....... right?

Yeah MIA... me too....... I think this is more of a goal than real life. I hope someday, somehow, I can actually motivate myself in this way, with carrots, and make it work. I too berate myself for not getting things done, for my brain not working the way it used to, and then skip directly to the carrot. It's not much of a carrot when you jump directly to it without the hard work. But I guess it's OK for now..... Moving in the direction of frogs and carrots, but not quite there yet. Maybe someday....

The only part I found weird was the relationships section..... but I think that is geared for relationships with people who don't have ADD/ADHD. And that must be really hard.......I wouldn't know though......!

Adult ADHD management tips (the kind of thing we don't tend to look at when a pill seems to solve everything.......!) http://www.helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_adult_strategies.htm Some of this is what we basically already know, but this really spells it out and offers some cool strategies.

I have to agree that posting on this site and reading everyone's stories every day, even as a new member, has been helping me more than I could even convey!! I've never been in AA or NA, but that 100% makes sense--it works if you work it. Very few people in my life know my "dirty secret," and those who do either a) couldn't understand (i.e. "why don't you just drink coffee?") and/or b ) don't need that kind of burden. Here, we understand the struggles and share the process so we don't have to go it alone It's working!

Great point Olivia! It's true, making friends in your classes to help (and help you cope when the work load is too much) is great. I love having work "parties" too, either at home or a coffee shop, usually with just one good friend. That way, work isn't as lonely and you can keep each other in check, and then take breaks together, chat about what you're working on, etc. Now that I'm off adderall, I'm starting to recognize that working as hard as I was isn't how most of my peers seem to be functioning. Sometimes they too are semi-unprepared. And you know what? Those seminars yesterday were really not that bad. I faked it really well, I think I may have even learned more and burned out less, and I'm just gonna catch up this week. Not the end of the world.

Brainstorming creative techniques of self-motivation, it occured to me that "normal" people take time for themselves and do fun things that make them happy. WOW imagine that?! The classic technique of rewarding hard work with a juicy carrot. And the best part is that since they don't take adderall, they get to be present and truly ENJOY it. I'm curious to hear peoples' favorite "carrots," the ones that help you motivate for hard work (Breaking Bad, anyone?) I want to start building "carrots" into my schedule and making deals with myself that if I get x y or z done, I get a b or c "carrot." I'm thinking this will also help stave off the post-adderall boredom, esp. since February is coming. Here is my list of possible carrots. Some are more "everyday," some are more "special." I feel like most of these are weekend activities rather than "everyday" carrots, but maybe that's the adderallic mind still telling me I'm "too busy." Lunch/dinner with a friend Calling a friend Going for a hike or walk or run Going out dancing Watching movies Just plain free time Hopefully, once I get it back together, painting/art time Going to the thrift store Getting a tattoo (e.g. after completing a really big project--I have several I've wanted for years...but have been "too busy" tweaking out to actually design or get.....LOL......)

YESSS!! Okay let's be in touch friends! I'm so down!