SeanW

Appreciate the share man, much love

Tonight’s open mic

Thanks guys! Much love! I’ll keep y’all posted.

Hey guys, as you know I recently relapsed after 18 months clean. I’m now moving from Biloxi MS to Denver CO. I feel it’s times for a change. I’m going to be able to stay with a family member till I get a job. I’m hoping for the best. I haven’t really been able to get things going here in Biloxi because of all my old friends I just go out and get drunk on the weekends and since my relapse I lost the job I had. Anyone thinking about relapsing FUCKING DONT. I had a job and was working weeks and playing music on the weekends. Since my relapse I lost my job and I’m now just getting drunk when I can. Anyways, wish me luck. As soon as I get to Colorado I’m going to find a job and never fucking get back on god damn adderall. FUCK THAT SHIT!!!

Yeah my girlfriend was completely heartless about the end of our relationship. She was cheating and she literally ended our 7 year relationship on nothing. Didn’t even say good bye. Came home one night and she was asleep then I went and picked up some food came back and she was gone. Blocked me on everything, didn’t return my calls. Zero closure.

First two years I felt like a super human. Towards end of the third year I was falling apart physically from not sleeping or eating. For the next year and a half I tried quitting about 15 times before I finally quit one year and 9 months ago. So about four and a half years

Man you guys stories are rough. I was with my girl for seven years and she cheated on me like every 2 or 3 years. She finally left me once I got addicted to adderall. I never cheated on her or even thought about it. I believe Women are more prone to cheat and seem to be in some cases more heartless. At least in my experience.

Thank you everybody. I’m 8 days clean. I was in a really bad place when I got on here. I’m feeling better now. Sorry if I discouraged or scared anyone.

@Cheeri0 nice to hear someone else experienced this. I’m still struggling with it..

Man, adderall does some crazy shit spiritually. I’ve considered the idea of me losing my soul at least the one I was use to and the one I had pre adderall and thought about the idea of a new soul taking its place during all the terrible nights of not sleeping and not eating and massive amounts of crank. I don’t think about that idea anymore though because it led me nowhere and just caused me severe paranoia and psychosis. The dillusion of soul loss and new spirit taking its place has stuck with me and caused me a lot of anguish.

Wtf!!! Euthanized your pets what the hell!!

Damn yeah I’ve never seen that much prescribed. Do whatever you gotta do to detox. I spent a lot of time alone. Being around people including fam gave me anxiety.

Just gotta tough it out. Quit the shit. Buckle up for a hard ride. The reason the shit ain’t working is because you’re not sleeping. You might close your eyes and time will pass but your not actually getting sleep with all that speed in your system.

@ladypantz maybe pick a day where you have nothing going on and set a goal to get some of it done. Do as much as you can and afterwards you’ll feel accomplished maybe? I know how hard it is to do anything but since your beating yourself up over you mine as well give it a shot.

I have/had all the symptoms you’ve mentioned. I’m at 18 months clean and I’d say about half have subsided. It’s been a rough recovery but I think another year from year they’ll all be gone hopefully.

This drug really regresses you emotionally. You end up very immature, avoiding any responsibility, playing the victim and so on because you’re out of touch and want to just keep getting high and avoid the person you’ve become and all the problems that have developed from your drug abuse. Some people come to realize this fact and this realization was a big part of me getting clean. It broke my heart to see the person I had become and to look back remember the person I was and realizing I destroyed that guy and all the years it took to develope that good character that I had before this drug. This has been a big motivator for me to stay clean because I loved who I was and I want to get that back. It’s also a depressant because I’ve spent 19 months trying to get back what I lost and there’s been little progress. Although it did take me 22 years of sobriety to become the person I was before I started adderall. I hope your wife eventually developes some self reflection because that will be a big part of her quitting. I know what it’s like to deal with someone who blows up when you discuss touchy subjects. Thats a method of emotionally manipulation. They do this to keep you from bringing it up. Don’t give them what they want. Stay strong, confront them, fight, argue, whatever you go to do but they need to face these issues. You’re not helping them by giving them what they want, what they need is to be held accountable. If you’re thinking about leaving you mine as well before you go give it a shot to confront and discuss these issues. Worst case she just keeps blowing up and it doesn’t help and you leave as planned or possibly you’ll get through to her and save things. Anyway, I wish you the best and I’m sorry you’re going through this.

For me it had to do with my state of high. First few hours and the peak I was extremely social, empathetic, curious. Couple hours later I could give two shits about anyone or what they thought and had no desire to interact even with my closest relationships. I just wanted to be alone because it felt like a burden to have to think of conversation when I didn’t give a shit.

I agree it would be a great idea to show some stories of similar situations on here to her. Even show her your own post. I think it will help her. She needs to know how much you care and how hard you’ve been trying to stay with her. Of course if she’s deep in the grasp of the addiction she might get angry or lash out because you implying her to stop what she happens to love the most at this moment which is the drug. But if she has happened to have a few thoughts of quitting on her own or second guessed her usage, seeing all the people on here and how closely we can relate to her might give her more motivation to stop.

Man.. I hate to hear this. You’re really doing good to still be hanging in there with her. This is to a tee exactly what adderall did to me and my relationship. Of course like any sane person my significant other decided to leave me. From the sound of it I don’t think I was even near as bad as your wife has been. I would get a little frustrated, sometimes i’d avoid people or just want to be alone even if it meant away from the person I loved the most. This drug poisons you and your genuine love and all you care about is getting high and other dumb shit. You forget the kind of love and care you use to have and you ignore your own shitty behavior. Good news is everyone eventually figures it out although for some the price is much higher for example losing their family, job, friends, mind. It looks like your wife is on track to lose you and I don’t blame you at all. Until she decides to quit adderall she’ll continue to get even worse than she is now. Luckily after I lost my gf and job and dropped out of school and went to mental health rehab I realize what I was doing to myself and people around me and got clean.

I love sleeping now lol I’ll sleep for 12 hours straight when I can.

Adderall is ruining his life he just doesn’t know it yet. There will come a day when he realizes that. I hate to hear it and see it because it really is sad to me. It breaks my heart to watch what it does to people and their relationships.

Yes, thoughts like that have cause me to relapse recently after 19 months clean I still had thoughts like what you’re having. I felt I could handle it now and a low does would really help me. While I did handle it and I didn’t abuse it and I did stick to a low dose and I ate and slept and worked I still felt guilt for relapsing. I still had this feeling to be a real, healthy, person I needed to not be on speed.

Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately adderall does this to a lot of people. It ruined my relationship of 7 years.

@Cheeri0 thanks! Man, I’m nervous as hell that I won’t even be able to make the c’s. But yeah, like you said if I can just make myself go and make myself put in some effort and befriend my professors I might have a chance. It’s so hard be social and I’m afraid despite my effort they’ll think I’m an ass because I tend to have that resting bitch face and being emotionally out of sorts makes it even harder to get past that. Anyway, thanks for the advise and support. Wish I could land a internship but in my field you literally have no chance unless you have a 3.5 or higher not to mention a badass resume on top of that. Ahhh!! Stressed af.

I’m starting school again in the spring. How’d you do it? I’m nervous as hell about going back