SeanW

I know because where you're at is about when I first considered stopping for the same reasons. Terrible come down, felt absolutely shitty after the high wore off and didn't want anything to do with anybody. And I can think back to then and when I finally stopped three years later at triple the dose and triple the pain. I wish I had done so when I first considered stopping.

Well you were on it for a relatively, significantly short time and a pretty regular/low dose so recovery should be at most 6 months to a year. You're just going to have to force yourself to get shit done and it should be possible to do so with the short time and low dose you were at. You can do it, it's just going to suck really bad. No supplement is going to be noticeable after using adderall. You'll just need time, exercise and a healthy diet. Maybe some caffeine to supplement. You won't be at the level you were as far as work but you can still do a decent job it'll be hard and mostly likely never feel as good as it did on adderall but you can do just as good a job. You'll just have to force yourself and eventually it won't be so bad. I know you're feeling rough but don't keep using because it can get 100 times worse. Imagine 5-10 years and doses up to 100-150mg days without sleep and food. You don't want that. Not trying to degrade your situation because it's all relative just want to stress stoping and that you're in a good position to do so.

That's awesome @Badderall Fuck adderall!!!

Nice to know @Frank B considering trade school. @Fix as far as the friends sketching and the emotional stuff you have to let it go, the people meant to be in your life and worth having in your life will be there for you no matter what. Also, you have to learn to be happy on your own and love yourself and do what YOU love to do because in the end that's all you really have. You come in this world alone and go out alone so learn to find what you really enjoy and make yourself happy.

Man I know exactly where your at and how you feel.. I've literally been in the exact same situation. I took the adderall, still failed my exams, dropped out and I'm living at home now getting back on my feet. Had I continued using I would have died without a doubt. You have to realize shit will fall apart, things will go bad and the worst thing you can do it keep severely pressuring yourself to try and fix and do things when you just can't and need a break. You have to accept your life might go to shit for a bit but just accept it and lay around do the bare minimum to survive tell people what's going on and know from the moment you decide to take care of yourself and stop abusing drugs things can only go up from there. I know it's so hard to stop but you really should do it as soon as possible. You can literally follow my post from my first one literally just like yours talking about exams and school and if I should stop or when. If it honestly still allows you to pass the exams and your not just lying to yourself so you can go in class high fail the test and feel okay about it cause your high then go do whatever shit you wanna do then maybe you could take it to pass but from what I've learned more than likely your taking it to feel okay about not being prepared and feel good with jotting down some shit that'll just result in a fail anyways. You have a lot of pain and emotion that needs to be felt and you can't run from it forever it's better to stop and go meet it than let it catch you near death like me in an absolute hell unable to even get high off drugs

That's a tough situation, I convinced myself many times to get back on for school and I ended failing anyways and have dropped out since quitting but by next fall I will be able to go back. For me it was impossible to get anything done without it and eventually it didn't matter if I was on it or not I still couldn't get anything done. If you think it will allow you to pass your exams then maybe do it but know when your next exam comes around and finals your be in the same situation and the sooner you build confidence in your ability to do it with out the better. Every time you have pressure for an exam or assignment from now on you'll consider adderall and at some point you have to say no and stick to it and show yourself you can do it without and the sooner the better. I know how hard it is not to take it and to sit down to do something but we're talking life and death and serious side affects you have to consider.

Hey man I'm in a very similar situation. Growing up had a middle class family. All fell apart when I was 11 parents divorced, brother was arrested with felonies, tried committing suicide, the works. Started adderall my first tough year of university. At first was just using it to study but after a year or so turned it to daily use then daily abuse 50-70 mg xr daily some days 100-150 mg ir along with many other drugs. Whatever kept me sane benzos, alcohol, non stop marijuana, opiates, tons of caffeine and nicotine. Two years of all that many near death experiences feeling my soul leave me I finally quit ten months ago. Recently started anti depressant meds. All I can say is have hope that you have a purpose, a reason to be here and to fight for your life and not give up. I've been in very suicidal mind sets and just sat in agony and pain for months but in time everything gets better. I'm dealing with past emotions from childhood along with all the shit I did and didn't do while abusing drugs. I had fucked my self up so bad I pretty much couldn't get high anymore and had gone crazy and I'm still working my way out of it ten months later. It's up to you if you have the strength to save yourself and take care of yourself. I believe you do. Things can get worse or better it's up to you. Continue seeing a therapist and take care of yourself (i.e. eat, sleep, walk) Just know there's love out there and happiness waiting for you if you choose to be strong and fight for it. Any questions or need to talk about anything else don't hesitate. Much love Cameron

Considering getting my test checked. If given the option I'd prolly do hormone therapy. The reason I think mine is screwed up is because a few years back my dumb crazy ass took some stuff that was sold legally, nothing illegal but was pretty much a steroid because it eventually was taken off the market. I know from what I've read people on hrt have a huge mood boost and pretty much feel great all the time. Also from what I've read there's pretty much only positive effects even from long term use when used as prescribed.

Agreed. That's exactly what it is for me, the smallest decisions result in ridiculous amounts of options and just not sure/certain of any decision like on adderall despite like you said whether it was right or wrong it was made with absolute certainty lol

Definitely do not feel mental clarity.. my thought process is all over the place all the time unfortunately..

But they do have ridiculous amounts of caffeine and thermogenic stuff that'll prolly get you jacked like a very low dose of adderall

Some have some very distant derivative which is hardly even related to the amphetamine family usually put in there because of the name knowing someone will be like "whoaaa! This has a methyl-1-blah-amine , in it!! "

Personally I couldn't imagine being on it for life. Being 70 years old and have been on it for 50+ years I would think it would have serious health effects and coming off it at a later age I would think would be harder on you. I'm not sure what to say because I don't want to encourage the use but the fact that you were on and stayed on such a low dose and didn't abuse and for so long your health risk are definitely minimized. I would definitely give it another year and really contemplate all aspects and risk of using. I really sympathize with you for being on for so long it must be significantly harder for you but you're doing it! I hope you feel better and things get better.

I've oddly had identical thought process Eric lol I almost bought a dirt bike a few months ago because on that thing you have to feel some sort of excitement but I didn't. Then I went and bought an Xbox one about two months ago and I'll play in the evenings for an hour or so most nights. I usually don't feel that into it but once I start I'll kinda get into it sometime more than others. Still thinking about that dirt bike though

Well said ^

Yeah trust me I understand. I've been there. Eventually something has to give/break. There were like 20 times where I was sure I was ready to quit before I did and to be honest I was pretty much forced too because my source was cut off and I would have to reschedule a doctors appointment if I wanted to start again and just didn't. You can stop if you have to.

Nothing I say will motivate you to stop. The pain and suffering from that cycle will be the only thing strong enough to make you stop. One day you'll have had enough of that terrible cycle. It will get old. Do yourself a favor and stop now. Good luck.

Of course when these happen they just happen and there isn't much to do with belief but as far as why and future events have more to do with belief

That's awesome. Yeah really, probably isn't a difference. Could it be the mind "hallucinating" or creating our reality which very well the mind could be transcendental into a different realm such as an afterlife or spirit realm. Sleep is an interesting thing. Our consciousness just shuts off for huge portion of the day and in a way our consciousness is you without it we're pretty much useless who's to say what exactly it is or where it goes or does while we sleep. I've had terrors where something was touching me and that shit is bizarre and freaked me the fuck out. Also have seen huge shadow figures off to my side. After exploring these theories for some time I've come to believe a lot of it comes down to the power of belief and the mind creating our reality. If you focus and believe something it seems to come into existence and if you ignore and disbelieve something it seems to fade away.

Also something interesting about the dream above was the places in each false awakening where all places I had lived before. Possibly my spirit or mind revisiting them or just the brain processing old shit and spazing out who knows

It's been about a month since I've had one like described above. I still have really vivid elaborate dreams but not really terrors or sleep paralysis. About a month ago though I had one and it was the deepest layered one I've had. I woke up four times into another dream before actually waking up and when I did I couldn't remember where I was or time and place. It felt like I had time traveled which if you get really sprirtual and philosophical maybe I did lol it took me a good second to remember where I was and why I was there

I haven't tried but I've heard good things. Not sure where to get it

Four

Did that same shit too. Crazy looking back how I lived for that high and the shit I would do for it

Don't let me down man, been following your post. We're in this together haha pretty much at the same point in recovery