SeanW

Damn..

interesting post, also would like to hear more on this

Don't mean to be an asshole but is your body that hot or is it your inflated ego due to adderall.. a healthy body is hot and I've never seen a healthy body as a result of stimulates I've seen skinny fat or fat fat or sickly skinny with no muscle tone. I think society's pressure on woman to be skinny and achieving that is what makes you feel hot but I believe a healthy weight and muscle tone from exercise is what most men will agree is actually hot

Yeah very true, my first one I enjoyed then this past week I remember in the middle of playing that I actually wasn't really enjoying it. Those four songs I wrote were on a whim. Every couple months I'd be sitting around and pick up the guitar and one would come out. I feel pretty good about them. Out of all the song I wrote on adderall probably only 10 I really like.

Yep. I was a little negative before but overall alright. Now I'm just terribly negative and unhappy.

Some very good points here.. I was engulfed in guitar and song writing to an obsessive amount that I drove myself crazy over it while on adderall. Now almost a year clean I've written maybe 4 songs in this year and wrote about 60 maybe more while on adderall. I feel very similar to you about music and trying to convince myself to play but like you said before it was a lot of how I identified myself. Just recently started going to an open mic night once a week because I know before adderall I was very passionate about music so I know it's an authentic passion I contribute a lot of my loss of motivation to quitting adderall and feel that one day music will be a big part of my life again further on in recovery maybe not but I hope so.

I hope you can too. Seems like you're in some pretty dark times and hearing it reminds how I felt. I also abused the sexual aspects but it wasn't worth it in the end I ended up isolated and in a terrible place. I hope you do better for yourself and take care because life can be good without adderall.

From such high levels of abuse plus the downers Wellbutrin will probably make no noticeable difference. Although you can still try it if you want. I was abusing about the same as you not quite that bad but also for a shorter time. It's been rough for me but it's a little different for everyone. Good luck. Don't die, I've been in those moments where I thought I was going to: losing consciousness, feeling weak, etc the highs not worth dying for especially since you're not really getting high anymore just punishing your body.

Paying the piper , prison is a good way to put it

Man fuck that documentary. Has me contemplating future use.

Definitely share these feelings. End up caught in a thought loop trying to figure shit out and just makes it worse so I try to do something/anything so I'm not stuck in hell aka depths of my twisted mind

Lol yep, thank god my dad is letting me bum it at his place or I would be homeless or in the military. It's daunting but real as fuck. I also had physical and still do sides such as twitching and sweats. But then again I used other hard drugs like benzos and opiates. I wish you the best and you start recovery as soon as possible.

11 months

Yeah they mention "are we willing to pay the price" I hope they go into detail of what that is ha

I wish you the best. You understand the situation very well. What I guess I'll stress is that the person you were before, and now on adderall, will fade away. You'll come to realize how much it's changed the real you. You're right about beginning to paint the picture but know you might be starting in a very dark corner. Anyways, you seem very strong willed as most are in the field of science including myself in engineering. It's daunting to even begin to explain what my eleven months clean has been like but no worries. You'll do it. Don't lose belief in yourself.

Comes out on my birthday, sweet

Klonopin 'benzos' pretty often for come downs, alcohol a lot, marjuana all the time, opiates 'pain pills' prolly once a month on average for a couple days, Kratom, psychedelics occasionally 'lsd,mushrooms'

And I mean I didn't start at 100mg went from 20-100 of the course of the four years and didn't use a 100 till within the last 6 months but for over half the time I was at at least 45 a day

At most my "off days" which maybe two or three a month. I'd at least have 10-20 mg and tons of caffeine. I also was abusing 3-4 other hard drugs which prolly contributes to my particularly shitty situation.

Pretty consistent, I'd use my script then my gf script then buy from roommates

Same position as you except from 20-24 and same dosage sometimes up to 100mg a day. Had psychosis, and lasting delusions. Eleven months clean next week. Still feel pretty damn terrible and out of touch with reality like I'm living in hell.

Yes.. if you don't quit be prepared to watch a lifetime burn away in front of you

Cold turkey. Stop taking it and get some rest. Then, get your shit done. You're in a very early stage and your brain has hardly been effected. It will recover quickly. Of course you won't feel the motivation and high adderall gives you but you won't be in the hell a lot of us are in from years of heavy abuse. Please do yourself a favor and quit that shit, learn some self discipline and train yourself to work without it. It won't be easy but nothing worth having ever is. A new, self disciplined, stronger version of yourself that will last a lifetime is what you have to look forward to if you stop and start taking care of yourself and work hard for what you want instead of taking a pill. Good luck. I wish you the best.

Yeah just get it done and before you know you'll be a badass getting shit done regardless