Doge

I think this was the most painful part of my recovery. The reality of the things it made us do starts to sink in as you get more and more clean. It brings a lot of pain and sadness. Adderall takes so much. Try hard to cut yourself from slack, past present and future, and be willing to forgive yourself. KEep up the good work you are doing awesome!

a lot of people here have. I tried tyrosine but it made me nauseous but even then i could still feel its positive effects, but it just wasn't worth it for me.

Awesome both of you!!!! idonttan: Yeah adderall won't make the fat burn off anyway. It'll just help you burn off more of your lean muscle mass so that the next time you quit, you gain even more weight because your metabolism is slower. You are making the right choice! Adderall takes you in the exact opposite direction of where the true you really wants to go. Carpediem: 80 days is great! Keep stacking more days You both are getting close to a milestone so start thinking about what you are going to do to celebrate!

You seem to really be hung up on caffeine being a problem. It won't give you that "I CAN TAKE ON THE FUCKING WORLD!!!!" feeling that adderall gave you, but it will keep you awake. If you feel like it's a problem and affecting your anxiety, maybe try stopping. But personally it helps for me. I turn into a mental case when I stop drinking coffee. That being said I've been addicted to it for 13 years whereas you probably haven't. Either way I hope you feel better soon, but my timeline went something like: 2 months - feeling rather empowered by this point 3 months - having a nervous breakdown, trying everything I could to get more adderall (but I couldn't get it) 4 months - feeling better, similar to 2 months 5 months - feeling MUCH better, filling my time with more useful things, reading more books, cooking new meals 6 months - I literally did not even notice this day click by because I was busy living life 7 months - just happened recently. I don't think about adderall hardly as much, and when I start to feel cravings coming on, I'm much better at redirecting the thought patterns before they get out of control This is an example of how many users have said: Recovery is non-linear. There are ups and downs like a rollercoaster but that's your brain recalibrating the chemicals side of stuff. In the long run it always gets better.

i feel you. I think it will improve with more time

Glad you have some advice. I wish I had something to add but all I can say is we're all rooting for you and nice to meet you!

I lived like this for soooo.... long. Hope your last hibernation is going well so far. Things will get so much better but it will just take time. Lots of snack/chill time hopefully. The time to reflect during recovery is actually very useful. It helped me feel like I made up for some lost time in terms of personal growth. (I feel like once I started adderall, I stopped growing and when I stopped it was like I had just fast forwarded in time and was still the same maturity level, well at first quite a bit lower, as when I started.

This a thousand times; because they do!

abnormal thoughts, for sure. even well into recovery psychologically paralyzed? I'm not sure what you mean. I could definitely use this phrase to describe how i felt on adderall at times, but during recovery... you'll have to explain

congrats on 60 days that's excellent. at your age it is totally reasonable to not depend on caffeine (under normal circumstances), though if it's helping you feel better during adderall recovery (6 years or so is a long time), I can't see anything wrong with it. I wish I knew what to say about the anxiety attacks, but the fact that you are so young can only work in your favor.

Glad to hear you are feeling better! 15 months is huge!

I think you should tell her about your experience with adderall. Of course you don't have to go into every detail; your privacy is obviously your privacy. But the reason I think you should tell her is twofold: 1) to protect her and give her ample warning since her psychiatrist sounds like a quack already and honestly more importantly 2) to protect yourself from the inevitable temptation to ask her to share. It's sooo much of a risk for you to be associated that closely with someone who has full access to the drug. Just my thoughts.

i just binged bojack horseman because i was hungover yesterday like a fool. there is a pretty good adderall scene that accurately portrays the illusion of genius pretty well, can't remember what episode though sense8 i just couldn't get into really - was bored of feeling confused, let me know if it gets good i might give it another try. Narcos i watched the other week and enjoyed quite a bit. There is a netflix thread somewhere with a really good list but here are some ones I have enjoyed recently - you may have already watched them though -bloodline -Salem (US only, first season is pretty good) -bojack horseman (As i said its pretty good once you give it a couple episodes) And of course these ones go without saying, if by some chance you haven't seen them all, I envy you. -breaking bad -dexter -prison break These ones aren't on netflix but if you are download/torrent savvy you can find them easily and are the two best shows in existence in my opinion -game of thrones -the wire Oh and if you feel like getting emotional and watching something that will make you cry, try Derek with Ricky Gervais.

Didn't keep my word. There is still laundry everywhere waiting to be done. By Monday I will deal with everything (you can literally hear the procrastination in my voice.....). The good news is that I have joined two sports clubs that meet once a week. So I can do something besides jogging on the treadmill like a brainless hamster for my cardio now. It should be fun and a great way to start socializing more and work on those skills that decayed.

the fact that you are here and trying to remember rather than just chasing the script is a testament to how strong you have become in the last 16 months. you definitely don't want to throw all that away. a single pill of adderall will sweep through like a tidal wave and almost immediately destroy what you have built. The person you were before you finally quit for good, that person that you despised, the person that the adderall turned you into, will come soaring back within 20 minutes. but by then you probably won't care, because thats the effect it has. it lets you watch your whole world burn and crash into nothing, while you shrug it off like its happening to someone else. for the alive and awake brain feeling: clean diet, vitaminD3, fishoil twice a day, exercise, and a good nights sleep is the way to go! It's the harder way to achieve the result but it feels so much better in the long run!

You rock! pizza bagels sound delicious. what show are you into on netflix?

just surface cleaned lol. but a drawer/cabinet clean would be something to shoot for too. Maybe I'll allow a week or so for that to happen. laundry is getting done tonight though i swear

welcome back and glad to hear you stopped taking the stimulant if you didnt feel like it was right for you. yes i find that even if I drift away from this site for a few days the cravings return.

made it through the kitchen and bathroom, both spotless then I burnt out before I got to the laundry. gotta save something to procrastinate

the wire season 4 made me cry like a baby during early recovery, i remember feeling like the experience had a profound impact on me it's probably just a lot of built up emotion and stress that has been supressed for such a long time, maybe just finding an outlet through empathizing with characters in a TV show makes it all gush forth like a waterfall, idk just speculating TV/food escapism is truly a gift during recovery and you are awesome too!

happy birthday zerokewl!!!!!!! still a long way to 40. don't rush it!

no easy feat

actually today im blasting tune and going on a ballistic cleaning spree on my apartment