Doge

We all are trying to make an effort to make posts even when we aren't feeling great, to give the newbies a more accurate depiction of what later recovery looks like. I'm chiming in here. I feel really sad today. Yesterday was terrible for me and I had a few small little tiny innocent accidents which are going to end up being a devastating financial setback for me. It is really hard for me to stay positive and keep looking forward; and I have been thinking about pills a LOT yesterday and today. But I'm just going to put those thoughts away and just keep grinding away and hope that this is just a sign that in a couple weeks I'll be feeling really good. Doge out.

congrats!! Nice to have some good news

good work! by the time i got to that laundry more had piled up so im back at square one THIS weekend will be differnt

one day at a time, you are doing really well!

Nice profile pic!

Wishing you a full recovery.

I soooo remember spending a lot of time in that phase.... Congrats for quitting!! Cant' wait to see you around the forums!

Yes 3 months is amazing!!!! I'm sorry that the side effects haven't gone yet but for what its worth my eyes were still twitching well into the 5th month and now they've stopped completely. Some side effects linger for a long time.

just stop and you can heal. I was a binge user as well for years. it's no way to live

if you can live without caffeine you can live without anything

Day 57, Congrats, almost there!!!! Those are all good principles to live by. I tend to take diet advice with a grain of salt when it is coming from people whom, for the most part have professions that 100% align with their nutritional and health goals. It's literally part of their job to be healthy and/or maintain their weight/figure. They tend to have a problem empathizing with people who need to focus on their job (programming, technical writing, analysis of data, to name a few examples) but are constantly distracted with thoughts of hunger and frustration, and feel intellectually disabled by their hunger. However, eating out of boredom is something that none of us have any excuse for. But it's so haaaaaaaardd not to......

Thank you so much for sharing. My experience with life sounds so much like what you described right now. I think a huge part of your feelings stem from the fact that being in graduate school sucks. There is no short term validation, it's all one big long grind that never feels like its getting any closer to completion. Couple this with abusive/absent supervisors and barbaric administrations and its a recipe for depression and feeling like "you'll just never be good enough". But grad school is just a means to an end. Remember that. Whatever it is that you are really good at, passionate about, you aren't doing that right now. But when you are doing that, I think you will be much more motivated and naturally driven/excited.

there's usually nobody in there so nobody ever checks. if i see someone in i'll usually pop in but by then they've already gone afk so they dont answer me. its tough to match up times but occasionally it happens. if you really wanna talk to someone in real time just be willing to stick around for long enough

Well if it makes you feel better I ate about 2500 calories of PURE SHIT FOOD (just a rough estimate) between 7pm and 10pm last night. Then I had the nerve to post dieting advice on this thread.

Hahah I hear that.

I wish i had some advice for you on the grad school thing. As for staying clean you are doing great. I'm so glad you are feeling at least a bit better physically and mentally.

the ones from starbucks??? they looked SOOOO good

one thing a lot of people do not know about, is if you can feel like you are about to cheat, there are things you can do to protect yourself and your metabolism (which is going to be your ally cleaning up after you) let's suppose you've been good for 2 weeks, eating clean and on track, but you just bought a bag of potato chips or a couple chocolate bars from the grocery store and are sitting on your couch, staring at them sitting on your coffee table. before you rip that bag open sending greasy potato crumbs flying into a fury across your living room, force yourself to eat the following 1) apple 2) cup of blueberries 3) sorry, this is the least fun, two fistfuls (or one REALLY honest fistful) of dried spinach leaves It will fire up your metabolic rate so that you can burn through that irresistable shitty food faster. Note: this is of course not easy, and involves planning of some sort. the extremely impulsive diet-blowing cheat days do happen and steps 1-3 are probably cast aside. oh well, just get back up and forgive yourself and start over the next day (which is what I'm doing right now while sitting here)

binge - i ate so much candy last night i want to die

3 months was my lowest point during recovery. Things seemed to be getting better before that and then it all plummetted for me. Proof (warning, long read): http://forum.quittingadderall.com/topic/2647-my-close-call-last-week-and-hopefully-my-last-big-hurdle/?hl=%2Bclose+%2Bcall Then things started getting much better after that, but there was a very distinguished "black period" which lasted about a week, mostly because I let my thoughts get out of control. Make sure you're eating healthy foods too, watch out for caffeine in the evenings, and if you really can't sleep I'd try melatonin. If insomnia persists after that I think you should see a doctor. It could be a symptom of something serious. There could always be an underlying health issue that we never noticed because we were too wired on adderall. Not every negative symptom is from adderall withdrawal, so listen to your body.

Of the 20 you lost, I'm guessing some of it might have been water weight (especially if you were on a carbohydrate restrictive diet). The 10 you gained back was probably mostly the water weight (did it happen quite suddenly?). If so you are doing much better than you think.

Keep it up!!! You probably also managed to remember things that matter more, rather than latching onto non-important digressions that don't really matter except to adderall's obsession with detail.

Yup thats exactly what kept happening to me. Congrats on 23 days Firefly!

I think this was the most painful part of my recovery. The reality of the things it made us do starts to sink in as you get more and more clean. It brings a lot of pain and sadness. Adderall takes so much. Try hard to cut yourself from slack, past present and future, and be willing to forgive yourself. KEep up the good work you are doing awesome!

a lot of people here have. I tried tyrosine but it made me nauseous but even then i could still feel its positive effects, but it just wasn't worth it for me.