Doge

bah, i spilled an entire cup of coffee (not hot thankfully) on myself while typing that and didnt notice until the end

I agree. 5 days is not enough time to step down properly. I say invest in a shopping buggy full of comfort food and snacks, and threw a new set of sheets on your bed. Then quit cold turkey and lose yourself in some TV shows for a couple of days. Home detox. But on another note, congratulations on your decision to quit. It takes a lot of courage to reach out to a rehab clinic. I bet you will learn a lot while there and have plenty of wisdom to share. Hope we see you around lots in the future!

Same here. 100%.

I'm really sorry about your Mother. That is indeed a traumatic loss. I have nothing to offer you on this note but I will be wishing you my very best as you get through it. Your mother must have been truly wonderful to make you miss her so much in all those ways.

ugh i did that the other day too :< does it still work?

I've been making points of making lists for myself the last couple days and I have already noticed more things getting done and a general feeling of satisfaction that I achieve from it. Thanks for this post!

When I was using I had two dealers. One sold me adderall, the other dexedrine. I could never distinguish between the two.

yeah its like every adderallic's dream. To be the only one who is immune to the side effects "NO Im too smart to be addicted. I'll just take a little bit now and again." Yeah I definitely know what you mean by hate-watching. That's how I watched Requiem for a Dream. As pathetic as it sounds, watching the scenes with the old lady destroying herself triggered cravings for me. Granted I hadn't quit yet, so at the time my mindset was less strong. But the sad reality for me right now is I find that even the most innocent thoughts can degenerate into destructive thinking. I caught myself yesterday thinking something like: "Man a year ago today I was probably doing the exact same thing as right now but with twitchy legs, gnashing teeth, clenched jaw, and paranoid delusions." "Sure glad I'm not like that anymore." "Ahhh... I feel so calm now. A year ago I could have only dreamt of feeling like I feel right now." "I used to just rush out of work, avoid seeing anyone I knew, and fly straight home on the train as fast as I could just to hide in my room and resume my destructive habits." At this point, the memory of the "train ride home" ritual starts to trigger elevated heart rate and desire. "It was pretty fun though......" And next thing you know I'm riding out a brutal craving which, best case scenario ruins my whole evening and worst case scenario..... well. Let's not entertain that possibility. I'm not always this vulnerable, like depending on my mood that day I might just shrug it off and forget about it within minutes. But lately I've been feeling sad and a bit relapsey (probably because the school semester is starting up again so I'm exposed to a lot more triggers that remind me of the old days. Always trying to use quitonce's advice of getting in the automatic habit of "changeing the channel" to prevent time, thoughts, and energy wasted on thinking about bullshit pills. Ahh well work in progress. Note I'm not trying to be a naysayer against the show limitless for other people, but these are the things I have to be wary of right now.

I didn't find the movie all that great, however the premise was really cool (I watched it before I had ever even heard of adderall). I feel like watching the show would probably be a trigger for me, due to exactly what you described - only showing the unrealistic romantic view of the pills.

The best part about this site is that we want to know you as you truly are (not who adderall tells you you're supposed to be), and we love you along with your procrastinating self.

Thanks clinx!

We all are trying to make an effort to make posts even when we aren't feeling great, to give the newbies a more accurate depiction of what later recovery looks like. I'm chiming in here. I feel really sad today. Yesterday was terrible for me and I had a few small little tiny innocent accidents which are going to end up being a devastating financial setback for me. It is really hard for me to stay positive and keep looking forward; and I have been thinking about pills a LOT yesterday and today. But I'm just going to put those thoughts away and just keep grinding away and hope that this is just a sign that in a couple weeks I'll be feeling really good. Doge out.

congrats!! Nice to have some good news

good work! by the time i got to that laundry more had piled up so im back at square one THIS weekend will be differnt

one day at a time, you are doing really well!

Nice profile pic!

Wishing you a full recovery.

I soooo remember spending a lot of time in that phase.... Congrats for quitting!! Cant' wait to see you around the forums!

Yes 3 months is amazing!!!! I'm sorry that the side effects haven't gone yet but for what its worth my eyes were still twitching well into the 5th month and now they've stopped completely. Some side effects linger for a long time.

just stop and you can heal. I was a binge user as well for years. it's no way to live

if you can live without caffeine you can live without anything

Day 57, Congrats, almost there!!!! Those are all good principles to live by. I tend to take diet advice with a grain of salt when it is coming from people whom, for the most part have professions that 100% align with their nutritional and health goals. It's literally part of their job to be healthy and/or maintain their weight/figure. They tend to have a problem empathizing with people who need to focus on their job (programming, technical writing, analysis of data, to name a few examples) but are constantly distracted with thoughts of hunger and frustration, and feel intellectually disabled by their hunger. However, eating out of boredom is something that none of us have any excuse for. But it's so haaaaaaaardd not to......

Thank you so much for sharing. My experience with life sounds so much like what you described right now. I think a huge part of your feelings stem from the fact that being in graduate school sucks. There is no short term validation, it's all one big long grind that never feels like its getting any closer to completion. Couple this with abusive/absent supervisors and barbaric administrations and its a recipe for depression and feeling like "you'll just never be good enough". But grad school is just a means to an end. Remember that. Whatever it is that you are really good at, passionate about, you aren't doing that right now. But when you are doing that, I think you will be much more motivated and naturally driven/excited.

there's usually nobody in there so nobody ever checks. if i see someone in i'll usually pop in but by then they've already gone afk so they dont answer me. its tough to match up times but occasionally it happens. if you really wanna talk to someone in real time just be willing to stick around for long enough

Well if it makes you feel better I ate about 2500 calories of PURE SHIT FOOD (just a rough estimate) between 7pm and 10pm last night. Then I had the nerve to post dieting advice on this thread.