Doge

First of all, welcome to the boards. I'm so happy to see you made the decision to end this madness. You seem to be conflicted on some things and I would like to respond to a couple of your statements. This is only half the story. If you ask us, "How long until I feel exactly like I did before adderall and am completely recovered?". Then yes the answer is many years. But instead ask the question, "How long will it take for me to start feeling happy without the pills again, and able to function like a normal human being. How long until I can feel genuine emotion again, without all the horrifying side-effects of pounding heartbeat, profuse sweating, jaw clenching, paranoia, rage, anxiety (I could go on and on)?". Then the answer is a happier one. I was almost exclusively a binge user for the record, and when I finally quit my official crash period was about 10 days. Within two weeks I was beginning to feel occasional waves of peace. Within 3 months I had a way more positive outlook on life. Now I'm approaching 7 months and I hardly think about it at all. When I do think about it, it's like, "Thank God I don't have to deal with that anymore." I don't even think about the high anymore I just think about the pain it caused. This is not true. The healthier you eat, the faster you will recover, and some exercise always help. But I chuckled a bit when you said "strict healthy diet". I ate so much unhealthy food: pizza, chips, frozen food from costco, chocolate, ice cream, etc. And I lay around as much as I possibly could just being lazy and binge watching netflix. This is initial recovery. Just drag your ass to work for the minimal expectation to not get fired, and then drag your ass back to the couch/bed/TV whatever. It does pass in time and you emerge the better for it. This made me laugh because it took me back to those binges. I would do sometimes between 100 and 200 mg (my highest was 300mg) in a single binge, working on what I felt was groundbreaking at the time. Now that you word it like that I must have felt like I really was inventing some sort of world saving device when really I might was well have been using a pencil to colour the squares on endless sheets of graph paper. I can't tell you how good it feels to be done with that. The years just whizzed by. This one does concern me. I hope that you do not know the combination to that safe. Once the initial crash ends, the adderall truly starts to work its evil on your brain and it is SOOO tempting to go back to those pills. If you really want to quit. Tell your doctor about the binges and tell them you're addicted and have him/her cut you off. I relapsed like 20 times man. I could have been getting sober a long time ago but I just kept going back to the pills once I craved them. The addict inside us tells us its harmless to just go back for *only one pill*. It convinces us that the pills were way better than they were. It makes us forget the negative side effects, the comedown, the crash. Worst of all, it tells us we aren't addicted anymore. Prepare yourself for the overwhelming desire to use again, and it may not hit for several weeks or months, but it'll come. You do not want those pills anywhere near you when it hits. Fortify yourself with safety nets because you won't want to go through this again. Aside from that, let me welcome you again. Thanks for sharing your story. Let us know how we can help. Post lots and check out the 30 day challenge in "Tell Your Story"!

Hey! I was just thinking of you today, wondering how you were doing and where you went! So glad to hear you are still on track! Congratulations can't wait to hear your story.

Totally. I remember this feeling. I was always racing against the clock because anxiety about "how long do I have before this wears off and I start to feel like shit again.....???" was always racing through my mind. Hi Andi, are you new to the forum? are you struggling with the decision to quit? are you looking for support? We're here.

Maybe Russian Roulette should be approved for treatment of boredom.

Did your latex get cut off or was that part of the joke?

Waaaaaat?!!? I wanna watch!

Definitely indulge in something awesome to celebrate!

I'm very proud of you. I'm sure you already know it but there will be tough times ahead still. I was plagued by thoughts such as "Oh, I'm not addicted anymore, I should get some and just use responsibly now...." or the very evil lie that "I quit once for two months, it wasn't really that bad.... I could just quit again" NEVER EVER forget how hard you had to fight to get to where you are now. Adderall temptation will try to tell you that it was easy. Sorry for this unsolicited ranting. It's just that I'm very excited for you and I happened to have some deadly cravings around the 3 month mark that almost completely annihalated my recovery and sent me back down a path of destruction.

It sounds almost exactly like the adderall articles I read when I was first exploring the drug and considering trying it.

I think it's great. I think you're great. I think you are doing absolutely just star-spanglingly fucking great! I can't wait to congratulate you for finishing 60 days!

I like that this thread exists. In my recollection, it wasn't until after the 90day mark where I started to not feel the need to count in terms of days anymore.

It sounds familiar......

Regarding a 90 day thread, maybe we could totally make one? You could start a topic and just ask one of the admins to sticky it? I can relate to the things you are saying and it takes me back to when I was around the 50 day mark. This is the first time you've given an update in a while other than your day count. It's nice to know how you're feeling. I am not a pharmacist or a doctor so I can't say anything conclusively but I feel like I know in my heart that almost none of that damage is permanent. It just starts to feel that way since it takes so much longer than you'd expect to heal. Here's an example. My right eye would twitch constantly towards the end of my adderall use. After I quit, this actually persisted until some unclear point between 90 and 120 days. I was convinced this would never go away. At some point, the twitching didn't stop, but it moved! The bridge of my nose (the spot right between my eyes) would start to twitch instead. In hindsight maybe this was just a more mild form of the same twitch. But it occured to me a few weeks ago that it has completely stopped. And I can't recall exactly when. My guess is somewhere between 5 and 5 and a half months. For such a stupid little side effect to persist that long but eventually be repaired.... imagine all the other tiny little bits of damage scattered around our brains that are slowly repairing themselves without our knowledge. You are doing so awesome and keep up the good work!

I've been coping with depression by drinking. Not recommended.

so close! you rock!

which show are you excited for?

Totally!!!! I would lounge around all day in bed watching TV, then when the time came to actually go to sleep, my mind would be racing with thoughts (usually negative unfortunately) and would just feel too shitty to sleep. I highly recommend small doses of melatonin to help sleep. It works really well and is relatively quite easy to stop when you decide it's time.

congrats on day 18!

OMG SO CLOSE NOW!

sorry im addicted to tumblr some insomniatic nights

Edit: Sorry for the distasteful use of God's name. I know that is very offensive to some people I swear I didn't mean for it to be. I cropped it out of the image (it wasn't my comment).

Inspirational Quote from Orange ITN Black intro - "Taking steps is easy. Standing still is hard."