Doge

Yeah I just went back and read it from the beginning. I have already started forgetting some of these things.

Your plan sounds rock solid man! keep posting and stay positive!

Glad you reached out! It sounds like there are many reasons you could use to justify continuing your usage, and supporting a family with a child and a newborn is amongst the most noble I could ever think of. But it sounds like you know you need to stop. I think you need to set up some time off of work for yourself to deal with the crash that will inevitably ensue. If this is going to be financially difficult, maybe some preparations involving reducing expenses will be in order first. The good news is that you are super young and you can make a full recovery from this drug relatively quick. But it will still be challenging to adapt to life without it. If you have always been using it consistently and not for partying or binging or whatever, then that would mean that quitting wont be an urgent issue of life/death. So you can use some time to prepare for a well thought-out quit. The bottom line is that you know you cannot be the father you want to be while jacked up on that shit. Good luck and extreme kudos to you for reaching out! You can beat this and change it all!

OMG I'm jealous <3

love stuff like this!

I've been feeling kinda like that too sometimes lately. the very thing I've put my whole life into isn't really sparking my passion right now. it's tempting to look towards a quick fix. before I say any more, congrats on 6 months clean thats amazing and inspiring! my approach is I'm going to ease myself off the path I'm on. Finish my program with minimal effort (i.e. just get the piece of paper so this all wasn't a waste) and then I'm going to go find my true passion. Remember what it felt like when adderall stole that from you in the first place! Remember why you quit in the first place! EDIT: I always try to be careful and only speak for me, but in this case I will dare to say that if you abused adderall in the past, in my judgement, there is almost no chance of going back to using it responsibly.

edited my post, in case it was a spoiler for someone. yeah i really enjoyed his storyline. sometimes shows do too good of a job of romanticizing addictive behaviour, but Bloodlines in particular shows a pretty accurate angle on Danny's addiction.

2 months is a huge milestone!! buy yourself something! or celebrate somehow you deserve it!!!

So glad you posted! I never had a prescription either, and like you I always binged. I know exactly what you mean by While I never quite made it up to those dosages, I wasn't much lower, and I had the whole thing down to a routine/ritual/whatever. I could cope really well with the crash and was really good at "walking the line" of barely holding my public life together while my private life was a path of self destruction. Greg's words are a sobering and chilling reality check. The good news is you are still so young! Your brain can do miracles given enough time. Please rest up and fill up with some calories and post back! We can make a plan to fix this and start whenever you're ready bro!

"adderall will never love you back" <--- so true but I would never admit it during those dark days Congrats on all your sober time!!!! You are doing great!

If that's the real reason you're not telling your doctor, please discard it and tell him! If it makes him slightly more hesitant to prescribe it to another patient (or at least more attentive to those he does prescribe it to) that's a good thing! Plus the risk of relapse if you don't tell him is extremely high! I can only really speak for myself but if I still had access I would have relapsed a long time ago during one of my weak days!

Good to hear about any downsides of something to be well informed. We should take them seriously (like most of us didn't when trying adderall LOL). I couldn't find anything bad about it though. Where did you see this AA?

Amen to that brother!

just finished it. its really good and has a really chilling and compelling plot line. the ending sets up really nice to have a great plot for the next season, assuming they make one.... I watch too much tv....

I'm gonna try it!

This is exactly what my experience was like. I was a binge user as well. I'd go through the hangover/quick recovery every month, only to resupply and begin the binge cycle all over again each month. Every time I'd swear never to do it again but then fast forward two weeks and it was like automatic for me to get more. I was powerless (or so I thought). Confessing my addiction to my supplier (be it a doctor or friend or whatever) was my only successful recourse. It was really hard to humble myself enough to do it but it was really that simple, and ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. The adderall will tell you not to do this, and try to make you afraid to admit it to others. Don't listen! The good news is you are very young and I'm willing to be that your body will be able to overcome this relatively quickly compared to others. Congratulations on your great life decision and welcome to the forum!

I myself am in the non-ADD category. My attraction to the drug was born out of desperation for help during a seemingly impossible situation. It got me during that time (when in fact perhaps withdrawing from my academic program would have been by far the better choice) but then my use continued and evolved into a full blown addiction due to greed and ambition - so I'm not sure if my experience would be helpful at all. Maybe some other users can offer better answers.

You are the BEST. My hero for flushing pills that is like the hardest thing to do! That is huge proof of very serious commitment. I'm so happy for you.

Your story is a good cautionary tale. Being clean for 2 years is incredible! - but it's amazing how powerful *just one little pill* can be. The first pill causes the personality change, and you no longer value your sobriety. It's cripples all the strength you used to avoid getting that prescription, next thing you know you have a stash again. It takes so many days of recovery and sobriety to build a tower of freedom but only one little pill to knock it all down. :< Sorry just rambling now.... You have 3 and a half months before your program starts. You can be almost 4 months clean by then if you start now! Good luck and welcome to the forum!

This sums up my experience precisely. Me too. I'm convinced my relatively low age saved my life. If I were in my mid 40s/50s when I lived that lifestyle I'm sure I would have been dead.

I've probably already said this before in different words but the thought just hit me. I still have cravings often, but the power dynamic between me vs them shifted at some point during the 3rd month. I now feel much stronger, and I dont have the anxiety, or impending feeling of doom - like I used to feel like deep down it was just a matter of time before I caved. At some point between day 60 and 90 I started feeling stronger than my cravings were. Keep at it and you should expect this too!

That's the spirit! Welcome to the forum. Always keep looking forward and don't beat yourself up for the past too much. Just learn and move on. It wasn't the real you!

Sorry to hear about what adderall has taken from you. Did you quit? Do you want to quit? Are you planning to quit? Tell us more information so we can help! As for constipation cure.... I think more information is needed. If it's really bad see a doctor of course. Otherwise lots of fruit (and all the vitamins we tend to avoid when on Adderall) is always good under any circumstance.

I think the worst part about approaching the 2 month mark is that you have the worst of both worlds. 1) the lethargy from it still being fairly recent that you quit 2) you start to put more expectations on yourself because you're frustrated with not wanting or being able to do anything

there is something about the 60 day mark which was bitter sweet for me. after that the bitterness fades and the sweetness becomes fuller and richer! You are doing SO AWESOME you will see the other side of the hill soon, i promise!