Doge

congratulations! 5 years is amazing! thanks for being an inspiration to all of us

i can't find it now either... ill try to find it

but it can't be any worse than stepping down to half as much, which is inevitably going to have to happen at some point if she is tapering might be a good intermediate step between 10 and 5

going from 3 to 1 was definitely a jump, though you've gone almost 3 weeks now so the worst of the adjustment is probably over. it's up to you, but I wouldn't recommend bumping back up or you'll throw all that progress out the window. maybe open them up and split them into two? one for the morning and another for the afternoon? then you'd be taking the same amount but spreading it out a bit more? maybe just go easy on yourself and give yourself a lot of time before stepping down further. all of this is just ideas, please don't take it as advice. i know nothing about tapering or what it's like. only a few people on this site have tapered successfully.

Let me chime in here with a dark thought. I'm 9 months clean, and for the most part I don't even think about adderall anymore. Yet I swear that if I knew you in person and we were friends, and I knew that you had access to pills, I would be tempted to ask you to get them and sell them to me (even now). If you didn't know about my addictive history and I thought I could keep it a secret, then eventually I'm sure I actually would ask you. That's how powerful that hold can be in the back of your mind. That's why, the only reason my quit was successful is because I completely cut off my sources. I know I'm repeating myself and you've said you don't want to do it, but you can solve this problem instantly by telling your doctor what happened and have him cut you off permanently. Any access you have now is a landmine to step on in the future. Times of weakness are inevitable.

counting the pills is a good idea, but i'd say have a talk with him and make it clear that forgetting is to lock them up NOT an option for you and the consequences could be a disaster. he can make it a habit to keep them in the safe. like, unlocking and locking should become part of his process (like unlocking your keys before starting your car, it just happens without fail). i dunno how hard that will be. but its a really tough situation for you to be in

you are doing are sleepy! keep up the good work!

I am a huge fan of these fundamental exercises that you can do at home. (though I believe the elbows look too high in the diagram below, they should be closer to your sides to avoid over stressing them) Try to work up to 3 sets of 40 with perfect form. It's great for helping repair the back and shoulders and posture. Also this stretch is great for regaining some flexibility (that is usually lost while sitting at a desk in horrible writing position for hours and hours and hours). I like to use a pair of jeans because it's easy to grip and everyone has a pair lying around. And these are great for the hips (I still cant do 3 sets of 20 slowly) which is important for lower back stability - especially if you want to start jogging eventually you can get started with these until you get your membership. I promise it will feel so good enjoy!

i just lold so hard here

im so sorry, i can't help it. I'm on a roll with these

no doubt the thrush was connected to your dry mouth. this is not an uncommon thing for adderallics to deal with. hope it went away and never comes back!

For me I found that for the first 5 months or so I just needed to become comfortable on my own. I'm naturally an introvert, however. I spent time a lot of time procrastinating work, learning to cook new things, watching tv, reading, video games (though they just weren't as fun without adderall, and this has been pretty much phased out of my life now - not a bad thing lol). The gym and drastically improved nutritional intake has been the only consistent and productive thing in my life since I quit and the benefits have been unfathomable to my confidence and energy levels. Going from watching your own life slowly degenerate away day by day into a progressive routine of daily self improvement is great for the self esteem and outlook on the future. I know for a fact now that even if I fail out of school over the next year (which may happen though I hope they at least let me leave elegantly with a lesser degree than the one I'm working on) I will find joy in life still, somehow, no matter what. This is worth more to me now than all the dopamine that all the adderall in the world could ever give me. As for the rat park, I'm still working on it. It definitely takes time and doesn't happen overnight.

That's awesome! You must feel good after a few nights of sleeping adderall-free. I know what you mean about the 45 days thing. For me it was about 60 days. This was a consequence of binge style use. I'm not sure how you used but I binged hard every two months or so, then recovered, quit for a while, but around the 60 day mark I just kept going back to it. It was like my brain was a pot boiling on the stove, and every 60 days or so I went through my binge/crash/withdrawl episode just to depressurize, so to speak. I can see where the saying "blow off steam" came from. Sick as it sounds, even during the crash I felt better, like I was thinking more clearly. It's like I had to keep reminding myself every two months that I was addicted. Finding your husband's key on the table is pretty dangerous. Do whatever you have to do to cut yourself off properly and completely, otherwise it'll just happen again like clockwork. This is what finally worked for me. If I hadn't, I would have just kept on relapsing.

hearing this makes me even more happy that you quit. my thoughts exactly. its only recently (and this is the first time I noticed it for real now that you brought it up) that my eye twitching has finally stopped. it kept happening for the first few months sober (which I panicked about quite a bit), and then it devolved into the bridge of my nose which started to twitch isntead for a couple months. it did eventually go away but holy crap did it ever last a long time (probably about 7 or 8 months after quitting it lasted) If I realized how long it was going to take to go away I would have taken it more seriously when I first noticed it (deep into one of my binges) EDIT: actually no i wouldn't. I knew I was killing myself but I didnt even care back then

for me the answer is simple taking it responsibly (assuming this could even happen now) was boring and took the spark or passion out of life taking it in binge fashion (which would be inevitable anyway) was catastrophically damaging to my brain and body. my back is still damaged (permanently I am now certain) from sitting with horrible posture for days on end (literally) and yes it is so crazy how we kept going back to it even though all of this is not new knowledge. I remember that horrifying feeling when I realized that I was just behaving like a puppet (with a demon pulling the strings) and felt like I could only watch helplessly while I destroyed myself

This theory is really consistent with the fact that when people completely change their surroundings and start a new life somewhere else they have a better chance of staying clean. Also, this is probably why rehab clinics work so well.

sorry to hear about your relapse. 5 months was a really stressful time for me and I remember I had a meltdown around then Sorry to hear about your relapse but very glad to hear you have come back. Best wishes

this guy hasn't been around in a while

you should stop taking them this weekend, i bet you will be able to function by monday if you relax for the weekend even if you aren't quite at your best.

those dogs are so funny!

so chilling. i never thought this myself but when you say it it really takes me back

awwww what kind of doges? i love doges