Doge

Day 7 confirmed! Week 1 is down and withdrawals are over I'm convinced. I slept like 15 hours a day for the first 4 days. Now I don't feel depressed anymore and I'm sleeping a reasonable 9-10 hours per night without grogginess the next day. I am drinking a lot of coffee though..... oh well. the cravings are going to start hitting over the next few weeks but I will be prepared for them. Whenever I even start to think about it I mentally return to my breakdown moment and remember the grief and pain that led me to flush that shit. Routine will be my ally as I have learned over the past year. So I'm getting up at 7am every day and in bed by 10pm, no exceptions. Back to cooking a bit, but I still need to get back to the gym. That's next up on the list as it will only accelerate recovery. Thanks for listening!

sometimes you just gotta let it out. congrats on 9 weeks!

IIRC spaghetti noodles have niacian and thiamin in them and they are both great for your brain.

first day back at work and oooo was i ever feeling it today. moreso in crowded subway stations and people who decide they want to stand on the escalator (there is a designated *STANDING* side) and block everyone from walking up it. thus prolonging the cruel agony to be endured shuffling in a massive crowd. But i think I also feel that way on a good day too, so I can see how some people just lose it.

The future holds awesome things you for! Keep up the good work you are doing great!

you're still at a point where it is extremely easy to quit, compared to if you let this go on for a couple of years (which that times flies by at the speed of light) don't let it get that bad!

motivated

I am not sure if I do or not. I remember being paranoid about it at one point. At the very least I think it makes those "eye floaters" get worse. Also I think I read somewhere it can amplify your problems if you have a family history of Glaucoma.

LILTEX: Thanks so much! I deeply missed the support from this site and am no longer going to take it for granted. I think loneliness is one of adderalls greatest weapons and this group can be a shield to help with that. Quit-Once: Sorry for deleting it while you were midway through responding. I was still taking the very slow train out of crazy town. The paranoid episodes are something I had truly forgotten about when I made the choice to start up again. I've made some plans for coping strategies to pre-emptively deal with the triggers. I've also changed my mind about what caused this whole thing, both the addiction and all the relapses. The early cravings are going to be the real challenge (like the ones about 3-4 weeks away). I have to confess my plan for dealing with those relies a lot on trusting myself to be pre-emptive and vigilant. I'll type more about this. But right now, I shit you not it took me almost an hour to write this post so yeah...

EDIT: As much as I thought this was profoundly important to write this afternoon. After a solid half sleep I am reminded that I really don't want my hysterical ramblings on this site, as good intentioned as they were. Short and sweet of it is I flushed stash and it felt great. Thanks to all of you for being here. I'm getting my shit together now.

Thanks so much for sharing this Cassie!

The first 3 days or so escapism is your best friend. I prescribe 72 hours of TV/Movies/Sleep/Snacks/Blankets/Pillows/Couch/Bed. After that take it one day at a time and only do what you can handle. Take it from me, nothing is worth a relapse!

Congrats flow3! You are doing great!

Sorry about your husband's diagnosis. That is good that it is at least treatable. Glad to hear that it sounds like you are coping very well. Your family is lucky to have you.

Yes you are going to kick the shit out of it!

Thanks you guys. I really appreciate the understanding. I will do better.

well said!

You bet!

Thanks I appreciate it very much.

I never would have dreamt I could find myself in this position again. About a week ago I slipped up. I worked on my friend relentlessly for a couple of weeks until he caved and he gave me some of his script. I didn't post for the last few days because I couldn't even face this site because of the guilt. But I have to tell you guys the truth as you all are the only ones I'm accountable to. I am really disappointed in myself but there is nothing to be done except get back on the wagon immediately. This is a major set back, as I have just fed the cravings a renewed sense of strength. I will have to face them all over again. It doesn't mean that everything I have worked on for the last 10 months is completely gone, but I am going to have to work harder now in order to keep it. The fact that it really is a slap in the face to all of you who encouraged me so much over in 2015 is not lost on me. I will make it up to you by not letting this drag me back into insanity. Time to start the ticker over and smarten the fuck up. I was such a God damned fool. I'm really, really, really sorry guys.

That's so awesome that you flushed them. That shows extreme commitment.

I'm really glad you are not going to take adderall while pregnant. Honestly from what I hear there are so many positive precious emotions that go along with being pregnant that really help you bond with your child. You wouldn't want to miss out on those. PLEASE don't worry about weight gain right now. It's secondary to all the other important things right now; first and foremost the health of you and your child.

I feel like we all experience a relative rock bottom. But it's up to us to decide how low we are willing to let the addiction take us. One person's rock bottom will be different than another person's, but we all experience a "lowest point" of some sort that makes us turn around.

If you've binged before, I believe it's just a matter of time before your usage style returns to that method.

i used to have panic attacks like that but smoking marijuana by myself was usually the cause, paired together with social anxiety I don't think I ever did from adderall or directly from adderall withdrawal. that might be a health issue to check into. i agree with the posts above stress is the first thing I'd be suspicious of