LILTEX41

It will pass. Just hang in there!

How's it going Zoka? You hanging in there?

So nice to see you back! What are your biggest struggles when it comes to quitting you think?

DOGE, Check out these articles. Hope this helps! http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/debunkingaddiction/2013/02/addiction-recovery-is-not-a-linear-process/ http://www.spiritualriver.com/drug-addiction/long-drug-addiction-recovery-take/

Hi Dirk! Great job on 6 months! Sounds like you're doing fantastic! Who did you get your prescription from previously? Did you tell them? I would just give them a call and let them know about everything. I know there is some sort of system in place now where they will red flag you if they think you are abusing it. Truthfully, I don't know how it all works, but I remember hearing about it awhile back. I don't know if it's in effect yet, but there is supposed to be some type of system that will hold your records accountable showing if you have more than one prescription going at one time. Again, this new system might not be in effect yet, but I hope it is. Sure would make it easier for those people trying to quit to stay off it for good. Let us know what happens!

That is AWESOME!!! GOOD JOB!! Proud of you!! You GOT this!!

Doge, You GOT this! It's in the past. Don't look back, just forward. It's a like a flat tire. You're right. Just get back on the road and keep driving. I've been there. Others have been there too. Don't beat yourself up over it. You have worked so hard and come so far. I'm rooting for you!!!

Hi all! So after reading your responses to my survey about relapse, I came up with some idea that might hopefully help you dispute these thoughts. I learned how to do this from Smart Recovery. Here is a link regarding this tool below. The process is called DISARM (Destructive Imagery and Self Talk Awareness and Refusal method). It's about disarming the addictive voice in your head. DISARM is a tool which exposes the self-talk and images which tell us to use, as lies, excuses, and rationalizations. - SMART Recovery@. http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/library/Tools_and_Homework/Other_Homework/disarm.htm This process could also be known as comparable with AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique). http://www.rational.org/index.php?id=59. Recognizing this voice, catching it in time, and defeating it is what I would consider your number one mission in recovery. You just have to keep your guard up and be ready to squash it whenever it pops up. Think of it like that groundhog game at the arcade. ADDERALLIC VOICE: You can’t live without me, you will fail. YOUR VOICE: Bullshit, you are the one ruining my life. ADDERALLIC VOICE:You know you want to feel euphoric today. YOUR VOICE: Um, what about when it wears off? You know the part where I am exhausted, angry, hostile, severely depressed, dying for another pill, and isolated for days? ADDERALLIC VOICE: Nothing will be fun anymore without me. YOUR VOICE:]Bullshit again fuck face! I can actually laugh and smile again without you. My dopamine levels are no longer depleted and I get a genuine natural high from normal things like [/size]exercise, being outdoors, and having fun actiBullshit again fuck face! I can actually laugh and smile again without you. My dopamine levels are no longer depleted and [/size]I get a genuine natural high from normal things like vities in my life. The fun I had with you was fake and manufactured. It was NOT real. ADDERALLIC VOICE:You can control it this time. YOUR VOICE: How many times have I said that in the past? List specific examples of when I said I would control it and ended up taking more than prescribed again. What happened? ADDERALLIC VOICE: You’re tolerance has gone down, you won’t need as much. YOUR VOICE: I won’t need as much right NOW, but over time my tolerance will INCREASE again and I will be stuck trying to get my doctor to up my dose, buying off friends, or the street. I will still be stuck in this addictive cycle regardless of my tolerance. ADDERALLIC VOICE: You’re gaining too much weight. You’ll never be skinny without me. YOUR VOICE: Remember, if you take adderall for weight loss purposes, you will have to keep increasing your prescription amounts over the years because your tolerance will increase. Adderall is not a long term fix to weight loss. Also, if you keep taking it for weight loss and you are skinny, you are not healthy. (see URL link below). Look at picture titled, "Negative Health Effects." (site won't let me post pics anymore for some reason). url ADDERALLIC VOICE: I only need it for this one project, test, etc. Then I’ll stop. YOUR VOICE: When was the last time I only took it for that one time fix and then stopped? IF I take one, I am going to get caught in the trap all over again and I will be back to square one of craving it, taking it, withdrawing from it, and taking it again. IF I stay stopped, it will keep getting easier and easier. The cravings will be less frequent. The voice telling me to take one is just like the venus fly trap below. It’s my addictive adderallic voice and if I want to take it again, it means something has triggered me. Visualize the pic below - click url-as your adderallic voice calling you. url Oh snap, it got me again! url ADDERALLIC VOICE: Maybe I really do have ADD and need it to function. YOUR VOICE: Even if you have ADD, you are still addicted to it and will abuse it. There are alternative ways of coping with ADD. Research coping strategies and implement them. Recover! ADDERALLIC VOICE: Your day was terrible, so come take this and feel better! YOUR VOICE: OR you could do something that will actually make you relax like call a friend, exercise, play with your pet, take a nap, read a good book, go out for a fancy dinner, snuggle with your partner, or rent a good movie on net flix and actually go to bed and wake up refreshed! ADDERALLIC VOICE: Just take it today, and then use the weekend to detox/quit. YOUR VOICE: Again, let’s refer to picture below. Once you start, who knows when you will find the willpower to quit again. url ADDERALLIC VOICE: Got work to do? You know you can't complete it sober! YOUR VOICE: Do it in small manageable chunks. Just do it half assed. Think of all the people on this site who have quit and are actually doing better in their career/school now that they have been clean for awhile. ADDERALLIC VOICE: You'll get so much done. You'll do everything that you've been putting off and it'll be great fun. YOUR VOICE: Refer to picture again and take note the “fun” you will have will followed by “withdrawal” and “intense cravings” to follow all over again. url OR Stay STOPPED and be free!!!! url ADDERALLIC VOICE: Aren't you tired of being bored and sad and tired and fat? YOUR VOICE: Solve Problems Boredom: Find new activities, clubs, and set goals. Sad: Being sad is a temporary state and will pass. It’s okay to not feel happy all the time. Seek help from a therapist or support group if you have on-going depression. Fat: Exercise and change your diet. Adderall addiction is a short term fix that will destroy your life. Exercise/diet will be a long term change that will change your life immensely for the better! ADDERALLIC VOICE: You've already fried your brain, you're 40 and by the time whatever is left of your brain starts to function, you'll be close to menopause and bat shit crazy so why bother? YOUR VOICE: So you want to turn yourself into a vegetable and die young when you could actually heal your brain and live out the rest of your life in good health and happiness? You could challenge yourself to turn over a new leaf and try something new. What if by giving up this drug addiction you recovered your self esteem, health, and ended up feeling better than you ever had in your whole life? url ADDERALLIC VOICE: Fuck it. YOUR VOICE: Go back up to the top of this and start at the beginning. Repeat. url

That is AWESOME!!!! I swear to you, once you get rid of those pills and call the doctor, you are going to feel the weight of the world lifted right off your chest. YOU GOT THIS!!!

These are all so great!! Thank you for your responses! I am compiling a list and will post it here this week.

Hey my lovely adderrallics!! I have an idea for a tool I want to create to help all of you still struggling. Here is what I need. Can you tell me a list of all the deceptive ways your adderall addicted brain has lied to you in order to get you to use again? Think back to when you relapsed or if you are in the middle of a relapse or feel like you are getting ready to relapse. What is that voice telling you? Thanks! LT

That's great you've been off of it since July!! Great job!! Yes, rehab is a safe place. It will help you get a solid footing in recovery and help build your clean time. Do you have any support meetings in your area?

How long have you been off of it? It's definitely going to be an adjustment period so whatever you do be easy on yourself right now and don't expect much of anything of yourself. Just be proud of everyday that you've stayed off it for now. I would not set your expectations of yourself any higher than that. You are in the right spot!

Hey, I am listening to a really good podcast on Smart Recovery for family and friends. I think this could be helpful for your situation. Just click on the little button thing. http://ec.libsyn.com/p/d/c/c/dcce6d2937dfadab/Family_and_Friends_Meyers_Foote_March_2015_.mp3?d13a76d516d9dec20c3d276ce028ed5089ab1ce3dae902ea1d06cc8f34d0ce5cfd41&c_id=8678730

Bluemoon, Can you maybe just slowly taper down until Christmas? Might make it a little easier for the quit and still allow you to function at work until then. Just a thought.

Do you want to quit? Thinking you might be contemplating this considering you came to this website and life has not been going so well for you. I'm sorry to hear it's gotten this bad, but maybe all this had to happen in order for you to get some clarity. If you quit, you are bound to get better and have some things start to go right. Have you ever been sober for any period of time before?

Ditto what quit-once said above!! So great you are done and moving forward with your life. You never know just much you might be able to help another person so thank you for sharing your story and I hope you continue to stick around the site from time to time. It really helps make this community stronger by having lots of success stories on this site. The feeling of being able to help another person in recovery is probably the most meaningful and significant thing in my life. It is a joy and a pleasure. Best of luck to you!

REJUVENATED - worked out 6 days in a row. Feeling fantastic again!!

BUT you DID it!!!! Focus on the POSITIVE!! That's AWESOME!!! Proud of you!

Wish I could offer advice, but I have never been pregnant. I will say that at least now you will have 9 months under your belt of clean time. Hopefully, you'll feel better once off the pills and be able to adjust to life without them anymore during this time period. You can do it! Also, I would focus on just staying off the adderall. I know the weight gain SUCKS and it's why I always relapsed, but I promise you down the road it will get so much easier to figure out a plan that works for you. Don't let that be more important than quitting. Quitting needs to be #1 and worrying about weight loss later on down the road. You're having a baby!!! That's so exciting!!! Congratulations!!

WTF, Sounds like an excellent plan!!

WTFadderall, Love your example of what it did to you. I was the same way. I would try to hide from people because I knew I looked a wreck and it made me too paranoid to be seen when I'd go out blasted. I remember walking around the grocery store and always freaking out that everyone was watching and talking about me. I don't take any meds now just to make that clear. I've found exercise to be the best possible medication ever and being outdoors in nature. I'm not saying meds are bad, just coming clean on what I've found that's worked best for me.

Fading fast, Wow, can't believe you just posted this. Look, you did something AMAZING today. You actually ONLY took half of your normal daily dose! Please give yourself kudos for this. You deserve a big pat on the back! I completely understand where you are at. You know you are addicted, your life is seriously fucked up because of this drug, and yet the thought of giving it up is absolutely horrifying. Believe me, I get it. I think it's actually a great thing that it's gotten this bad for you. Sometimes you have to sink pretty low before you are willing to quit. The week before I went to the ER I was so fucked up my lips were purple, my knuckles had scabs because my skin was so dry it actually cracked open, my hair was falling out, and I was like 95 lbs. I was hallucinating at work and extremely hostile to one of my subordinates. My co-workers were ALL giving me extremely concerned looks and I felt it so intensely I had to leave. I was at my breaking point. I knew I had to change. Seeing the looks on their faces told me everything I needed to know about myself. I had hidden it for awhile, but that week I was under stress about some presentation and I just kept taking so much, not sleeping, and I was tweaking out. I needed for that to happen. I just wanted to get better and never have to go back to work in that condition again. I was mortified. It makes me so sad now when I think back to that time in my life where I isolated for months at a time in my apartment, 1200 miles away from all my friends and family, and I was all alone with my pills, pot, and alcohol. I hate thinking about it. That's no way to live. It just makes me feel sad I ever went through that and I would never want to wish that on anyone ever. Yet that is the heart and soul of an adderall addiction. It will leave you isolated and ROB your soul of all the amazing wonderful things life has to offer. You need friends!!! You need family!! You need sleep!! You need good nutrition, exercise, and a life full of hobbies and things you actually enjoy doing. Life can be so good again if you just rip the band aid off and throw away those fucking pills. You don't need them!! They are sucking you dry and stealing precious years off your life. Once you are off those pills you won't be scared of people anymore. You won't have to hide your addiction. And how badly do you want to prove those dickwads wrong about you that said you'd amount to nothing?! Don't let them dictate your future like that. DELETE that shit from your brain and start imagining the life you want. Make a plan to quit and then JUST DO IT. Don't look back. Don't second guess it. Don't think for one minute your life is going to be better on this shit because it's not. When was the last time you laughed and smiled? When was the last time you woke up and felt good inside? When was the last time you felt content, peaceful, and found some sort of joy in your world? And don't let your addicted brain tell you it was the last time you popped a pill. That's horse shit. That's speed. That's not real joy. That's not real happiness. It's a drug tricking and deceiving you that is fucking up your life. Ok, I gotta go to bed. I hope you are okay. I just want you too see that there is a GREAT LIFE for you ahead when you are ready for it. You CAN DO THIS. I have SO MUCH FAITH IN YOU and I don't even know you, but I can just tell. I know you can do it!!! Hope you get some sleep tonight. Hugs!

Hmmm...did this ever happen to you before you started? I don't think I had panic attacks like that afterwards.

WTFadderall, You said, "So basically no support system for me emotionally or financially, besides my faith and my determination to be of some good use in this life." This may be true right at this moment, but you can easily change that. You can come clean to your loved ones and ask for support. You will feel so much better if you do. You are digging yourself into a pit further and further. You will stop sinking if you put the shovel down and stop digging. It really can be that simple. For me, one of the things that I've been doing is to make a few lists and keep them with me at all times so that way whenever I have an urge I can refer to my lists. Here are my lists. 1. Reasons to NOT use alcohol/drugs 2. Reasons for being sober 3. Consequences from using in the past By reviewing all of these things every time I have an urge and hear that addictive voice speaking to me, I can distract myself long enough for the urge to pass and remain sober. I hope you might consider giving it a shot.