LILTEX41

Fading fast, Wow, can't believe you just posted this. Look, you did something AMAZING today. You actually ONLY took half of your normal daily dose! Please give yourself kudos for this. You deserve a big pat on the back! I completely understand where you are at. You know you are addicted, your life is seriously fucked up because of this drug, and yet the thought of giving it up is absolutely horrifying. Believe me, I get it. I think it's actually a great thing that it's gotten this bad for you. Sometimes you have to sink pretty low before you are willing to quit. The week before I went to the ER I was so fucked up my lips were purple, my knuckles had scabs because my skin was so dry it actually cracked open, my hair was falling out, and I was like 95 lbs. I was hallucinating at work and extremely hostile to one of my subordinates. My co-workers were ALL giving me extremely concerned looks and I felt it so intensely I had to leave. I was at my breaking point. I knew I had to change. Seeing the looks on their faces told me everything I needed to know about myself. I had hidden it for awhile, but that week I was under stress about some presentation and I just kept taking so much, not sleeping, and I was tweaking out. I needed for that to happen. I just wanted to get better and never have to go back to work in that condition again. I was mortified. It makes me so sad now when I think back to that time in my life where I isolated for months at a time in my apartment, 1200 miles away from all my friends and family, and I was all alone with my pills, pot, and alcohol. I hate thinking about it. That's no way to live. It just makes me feel sad I ever went through that and I would never want to wish that on anyone ever. Yet that is the heart and soul of an adderall addiction. It will leave you isolated and ROB your soul of all the amazing wonderful things life has to offer. You need friends!!! You need family!! You need sleep!! You need good nutrition, exercise, and a life full of hobbies and things you actually enjoy doing. Life can be so good again if you just rip the band aid off and throw away those fucking pills. You don't need them!! They are sucking you dry and stealing precious years off your life. Once you are off those pills you won't be scared of people anymore. You won't have to hide your addiction. And how badly do you want to prove those dickwads wrong about you that said you'd amount to nothing?! Don't let them dictate your future like that. DELETE that shit from your brain and start imagining the life you want. Make a plan to quit and then JUST DO IT. Don't look back. Don't second guess it. Don't think for one minute your life is going to be better on this shit because it's not. When was the last time you laughed and smiled? When was the last time you woke up and felt good inside? When was the last time you felt content, peaceful, and found some sort of joy in your world? And don't let your addicted brain tell you it was the last time you popped a pill. That's horse shit. That's speed. That's not real joy. That's not real happiness. It's a drug tricking and deceiving you that is fucking up your life. Ok, I gotta go to bed. I hope you are okay. I just want you too see that there is a GREAT LIFE for you ahead when you are ready for it. You CAN DO THIS. I have SO MUCH FAITH IN YOU and I don't even know you, but I can just tell. I know you can do it!!! Hope you get some sleep tonight. Hugs!

Hmmm...did this ever happen to you before you started? I don't think I had panic attacks like that afterwards.

WTFadderall, You said, "So basically no support system for me emotionally or financially, besides my faith and my determination to be of some good use in this life." This may be true right at this moment, but you can easily change that. You can come clean to your loved ones and ask for support. You will feel so much better if you do. You are digging yourself into a pit further and further. You will stop sinking if you put the shovel down and stop digging. It really can be that simple. For me, one of the things that I've been doing is to make a few lists and keep them with me at all times so that way whenever I have an urge I can refer to my lists. Here are my lists. 1. Reasons to NOT use alcohol/drugs 2. Reasons for being sober 3. Consequences from using in the past By reviewing all of these things every time I have an urge and hear that addictive voice speaking to me, I can distract myself long enough for the urge to pass and remain sober. I hope you might consider giving it a shot.

How's it going Restoration? Did you quit yet? Hanging in there?

No!!! You should NOT do that!!! There are people here on this earth like your family and friends that need you. They need the real you back. There are other people you could help recover. You have so much to offer this world, but you can't offer anything when you are hooked in a trance from adderall/xanax like this. Your family probably does not have any idea that this is not who you really are and it is in fact the "prescriptions" you are taking which have turned you into this mess. In my opinion, your best bet would be to come clean to them and get the help you need. Stop taking them and crash for however long it takes until you can rebuild yourself back up and into a new person. You can start over at any time. They won't understand it and don't expect them to, but ask them for help, support, and encouragement. They will be proud of you for coming to terms with your problems and trying to fix it. And believe me, they will be more proud of you for this than probably anything else you could do in life. Once they see the real YOU that is not tranquilized by all these drugs, it will bring them so much joy. Please just take care of yourself and do whatever you need to get clean. There is a better life for you out there and you won't find it in the state that you're in. I hate to tell you that, but it will only continue to get worse no matter how many things you achieve. If you want help getting clean try Smart Recovery or AA or go inpatient to a rehab center. Get an addiction counselor and come clean to your doctor about what is really going on. Please take care of yourself. This site is a great place to help support you along this journey, but it can only do so much. Get the extra help you need and you will be so grateful down the road. And one last thing, the way you are feeling right now is a result of the adderall. It is setting you off on this extreme roller coaster of euphoria and deep dark depression. People have hurt themselves and not been given a second chance because of this drug. It's like cocaine. Please understand that what you think is helping you succeed has the potential to kill you in the wrong frame of mind. If you are walking around in a psychosis like this all the time you are absolutely right. You cannot differentiate between what is real and what is false. I was there myself dozens of times and felt suicidal. Here I am now to tell you if I can quit so can you. I was on it for over 5 years and went to a psych ward twice after overdosing. Please get help. Godspeed

Awe, that's very encouraging Sleepystupid. I'm glad you found someone to start over with and happiness again.

Awe, thanks everyone!! I've missed you too quit once. I'll be back a lot going forward. I have a lot of catching up to do. Glad you're still here!

Well, you could always try weaning off and see if that works. If you find it doesn't then try the next best thing and go cold turkey. I've done it both ways at different times and the thing I made sure to do was make sure I had plenty of time to sleep for days after I finally took the last pill. You definitely want to plan it in advance and know that you won't be capable of much. Just take the time to sleep, get hydrated, and be a total vegetable. Glad to hear back from you!

It's going to take a long time to get used to life without it, but if you just stick with it, you'll be so much better off. I know it's seems impossible in the beginning, but it absolutely can be done. This site was a great help to me when I first quit and for years after. Whenever I wanted to go back on it, I would come here and read stories of people still suffering in the trenches and that usually could give me enough of a reminder what it was like and why I wanted to stay off of it. However, I will always have my guard up with this drug because it is incredibly addictive and I know I could just say screw it, and start taking it again one day if I'm not careful. It does get easier with time though. You can do it!

Happy

Good Luck!! Think about how much better you'll do not being jittery, sweating, and rapidly speaking. Just go slow, breathe, and have faith you will come off much better as your true normal self. You can do it!

I went through the exact same thing. The adderall only exacerbated my depression and heartache. You will be amazed how much better you feel and how much easier it is to cope with life once you are off this drug and back to your normal self. It took me some time, but I promise you quitting is the best thing you will ever do for yourself. You can reclaim your life and actually be happy again. Is this your first time ever trying to quit? Do you have a plan in place?

Jade, Why do you feel you can't tell anyone? Screw the embarrassment and shame!!! This is your life and you need support!! Have you ever heard that quitting is more of a linear process? There is nothing to be ashamed about. People will want to help you. If you are truly serious about quitting, you have to open up to the people around you. This site is a great place as well. Lots of people to help, but I highly recommend having some face to face people that know as well. Tell your doctor you're addicted and to never prescribe it to you again. I can't tell you how many times I've contemplated going back and calling the doctor, but knowing it would be holy hell trying to find a new doctor and see if I could bypass the series of tests of not getting caught, by the time I really thought about it, I never did it. You know this is no way to live. You can end up giving yourself serious heart damage and all kinds of problems if you keep going at it this hard. It's not healthy. Please ask for help. Thinking of you. Hugs

Hi everyone, It is with great joy I am able to say today marks my 5 year anniversary from quitting adderall. I wish I could tell you it's been an easy journey and quitting was simple and with zero setbacks. I can't tell you that, but what I can tell you is that in my experience it is a lifelong process that I will have to stay on top of until the day I die. The most important thing I've learned is to always remember, "Never ever ever give up." I think it's important to realize how everyone is different as well and no one approach is ever going to work for everyone. You have to find your own way and best strategy in order to reach your ultimate goal, whatever it may be. I got the idea from people on this site and other books and such about trying to moderate my drinking. I decided to give it a try for the past 5 months and have finally concluded it will just never work for me. For me, the only thing that has ever worked is 100% sobriety and I am back on this journey again and grateful to have finally arrived back at this place in my life. If you are trying to quit adderall because you feel you have an addiction to it, I highly suggest cutting out everything else as well for 30 days. Just try it 30 days and see how much better you feel. I've been up and down this roller coaster for so long and somehow no matter what happens I always arrive back to this point. It's so much easier than trying to control it and there is no risk of screwing up your life by giving up alcohol and drugs. Anyhow, I haven't posted in awhile now, but I am relieved to be back offer hope to others again. Best luck to all of you. You are in my prayers. Hugs! Lil Tex

Are you addicted or you just want to stop taking it?

Hi there. This is a beautiful piece. Glad you are here and hope to hear more about your journey post adderall soon.

Bumming

Awesome response Occasional! So well put. I think this is probably the best place to start as far as meeting people who understand what you are going through. I am more than happy to support you in whatever way I can. Please feel free to message me if you need someone to text, email, or talk. It helps me to help others so I am very glad to act in this capacity if you need someone to just hear you out. I like what Cassie said too. You can always find recovery buddies in NA or Smart meetings. There are some other recovery groups out there as well. Just check in daily on this forum and let us know how you're doing. Someone is usually always available to respond pretty quickly. Wishing you all the success in the world. You got this!

Excited!

Congrats Z!!!!! That is fantastic!!

Congratulations!!!! That is AWESOME! You are such a great help around this forum to the newbies and very inspirational. Thank you!!!

It sounds like you have a good plan in place! I wish I had advice for weaning off, but my experience was going cold turkey. Good luck to you! You can do this!

Love this!!! You are so right and what's so awesome is watching you come out of this fog. It's like you've been trapped in a dark hole and you saw the light and walking towards it. It will keep getting better and better! Wow, I am so proud of you and so happy for you!!! I do love what your counselor said too. Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes. "I'm not telling you it's going to be easy. I'm telling you it's going to be worth it." - Art Williams

Are your friends trying to get you to take a pill with them?

Hi there! Glad you are here. Looks like you are in the initial stages of change. I like this model (comes from Smart Recovery), but it is very helpful to see there is a process one goes through when trying to make a change. Hope this helps and hope you keep posting! The Stages of Change FAQ's 1) PRECONTEMPLATION STAGE "It isn't that we cannot see the solution. It's that we cannot see the problem." Precontemplators usually show up in therapy because of pressures from others… spouses, employers, parents, and courts… Resist change. When their problem comes up, they change the topic of conversation. They place responsibility for their problems on factors such as genetic makeup, addition, family, society, destiny, the police, etc. They feel the situation is HOPELESS. 2) CONTEMPLATION STAGE "I want to stop feeling so stuck!" Contemplators acknowledge that they have a problem and begin to think about solving it. Contemplators struggle to understand their problems, to see its causes, and wonder about possible solutions. Many contemplators have indefinite plans to take action within the next few months. "You know your destination, and even how to get there, but you're not ready to go." It is not uncommon for contemplators to tell themselves that some day they are going to change. When contemplators transition to the preparation stage of change, their thinking is clearly marked by two changes. First, they begin to think more about the future than the past. The end of contemplation stage is a time of ANTICIPATION, ACTIVITY, ANXIETY, and EXCITEMENT. 3) PREPARATION STAGE Most people in the preparation stage are planning to take action and are making the final adjustments before they begin to change their behavior. Have not yet resolved their AMBIVALENCE. Still need a little convincing. 4) ACTION STAGE Stage where people overtly modify their behavior and their surroundings. Make the move for which they have been preparing. Requires the greatest commitment of time and energy. CHANGE IS MORE VISIBLE TO OTHERS. 5) MAINTENANCE STAGE Change never ends with action. Without a strong commitment to maintenance, there will surely be relapse, usually to precontemplation or contemplation stage. The Stages of Change for Addiction Recovery Most successful self-changers go through the stages three or four times before they make it through the cycle of change without at least one slip. Most will return to the contemplation stage of change. Slips give us the opportunity to learn.