LILTEX41

Thank you Justin!!

WON.... (my first ever half marathon last Sunday)!

It is way easier IMO to just get sober. I've done it a few times in my life and currently at 105 days. Once you are free of all mind altering substances, the fog lifts and you become crystal clear on everything in life. It is so much easier to just avoid all of it and not have to worry about what, when, how, or if you are abusing another substance. And there are no risks! You get used to living sober 100% all of the time and get to feel everything and learn how to deal/cope with it. The thing lately that has made me so excited is keeping track of my emotions throughout the day. In the past, I used to allow myself to relapse over stressful situations or anger, resentment, sadness, etc. Now I've learned to just simply watch how quickly my feelings pass and know that whatever it is that has me worked up one minute will soon dissipate and I'll be fine again. Tonight I was in a house with a two year old and got to watch him go through the same process. One minute he was screaming and crying punching the floor and then the next minute laughing hysterically. I think the biggest part of addiction is that we quickly learned whenever something upsetting happens, it's best to get high. And then we get hooked. And getting clean is relearning how to unhook yourself and self soothe instead. Hope this helps and best wishes!!

Thank you so much you two!! Today is already Day 95. I cannot begin to tell you how much easier it is to just stay on track and do not relapse. The battle to stop again has been pretty dang challenging, but it's starting to get easier. I'm so glad I was an inspiration to you both and hope I can be again. All I know for sure is that there is a way better life for us that doesn't involve this crap. I am so blessed to have endured enough pain I had the drive and motivation to get sober again. I am beyond thrilled at what lyes ahead. All good things are possible on this path and I pray we can all continue to support one another as we travel this road together.

Way to go!!!! Sounds like you're in a great place emotionally right now. Hope it just keeps getting easier for you day by day.

"2nd" Place Age Group Division #NewMoonHalfMarathon Finish Time 1:43:35

LOL frank

Awe, you guys are so awesome!! Thank you!!! Yes, I'm doing SO MUCH BETTER. I'm back on track and feeling wonderful again. So glad you're all still here and haven't left!! Greg, can you believe it's been over 7 years now? I can't. Feels surreal to see how far we've come. Your story is awesome. Love you guys!! Missed you!

"If I continue using, I'll be dead." This is extremely serious. You need to do whatever it takes to stop and stay stopped. Give yourself 1 year of doing the bare minimum. Take as much stress out of your life as possible and make it the easiest year of your life. If that means dropping out of school for a year, taking a less stressful job, selling stuff, moving to a smaller place, moving in with your parents, or whatever you need to do to be financially ok for 1 year, then do it. Get a chill job at a golf course or recreation center. Just something easy and manageable. Watch movies, get outside and exercise outdoors. Sleep. Get TONS of sleep. Get rid of anything that triggers your use. Yes, creating new routines is an excellent idea. Do the opposite of whatever you were doing in your adderall life to build new neural pathways in your brain so it starts deactivating all your old habits associated with adderall. Manage whatever tasks or things you have to do in small chunks. Just set small goals and reward yourself for achieving them without adderall. Go for a swim, hike, bike ride, grab coffee, see a movie, find a book in a book store and sit for hours reading, go see a concert, or camp out under the stars one night in your backyard. Do the kind of fun stuff you probably haven't done in years because of this drug and learn to enjoy these things again. Give yourself 1 year to allow your brain to heal and get yourself back into a positive happy place in life again. I promise you it's worth it. You're worth it. Don't give up! <3 LT

BeHereNow, First and foremost, I just have to say how freaking proud I am of you!! I remember when you first started coming around and it's so awesome to see you made it 5.5 years!!! WOW!! Great job!! BUT you finished grad school without adderall??!!! That's AWESOME!!! Congratulations!! I don't think where you're at has anything to do with the post adderall slump. To me it sounds like you might be just simply burn't out and tired. I took one month of classes for grad school and decided to get out, lol. It wasn't that I couldn't do it, but I had no life. I'd work all day and study all night and I was just drained. I didn't have any time to workout and I started stress eating which made me start gaining weight so I was like f- that and quit. Anyhow, you stuck it out and did it!! That's amazing. Good for you! But I can see how you'd be really bumming if you applied for all these jobs after all that work and not having much luck. I think once you find a job you want and get settled in your career, you'll get back into a normal routine and feel better. Hang in there!!! Oh, and just wondering if you are networking much? Are you on linked in? Are you part of any professional networking groups? I just no for myself of all the jobs I ever landed it was through someone I knew. We have a group here that's really great. Check it out. https://www.cypclub.com See if you can find something like that if you haven't already maybe. Keep us posted and good luck to you!! <3 LT

I've been off my adderall prescription for 7.5 years now. The biggest change is emotional stability. I am not the train wreck of highs and lows I used to be. I used to be strung out for 3 weeks straight, then comatose for a week when I'd run out of pills. I'd fall asleep at work. I was very isolated from everyone unless I was high and trying to come down by partying. I was pretty much bipolar and there was no consistency to my life. Today I sleep 8 hours a night. I show up to work and do a great job for 40+ hours a week. I consistently the same person day in and day out. People don't have to walk on egg shells around me or be nervous of who they'll get today. I train for marathons and ironman's now. I feel awesome. I'm in the best shape ever again (I quit all drugs and alcohol btw) and I can get a million things done just like I used to on adderall. I am highly productive. I just planted an awesome yard of flowers and pimped out my patio, working on remodeling my condo, and go on lots of fun weekend excursions. Life is so much easier when you are well rested and don't have a cocktail of speed pumping through your veins in which you are constantly battling all the negative side effects. My relationships are a million times better and I feel absolutely great about myself. I could go on and on, but I'll stop here. Thank you for this topic. It's a great one! LT

I don't think the specifics matter near as much as whether you just actually do it or not. I called my doctor and ended up speaking to a nurse that left him the message. "I am hooked on my prescription adderall. I have a serious addiction which landed me in the emergency room 2 times. Please put in my file to never prescribe me these pills again." Ever since I did that, I've known there is no going back. Even though I moved from Texas to Ohio, I still believe that message has to be on file somewhere and if I ever tried to get a prescription again, they'd say, "Um, seriously?" Once your source is cut off, it makes it a 1,000,000 times easier to stay quit. Let us know how it goes! You got this! LT

I really feel for you Danquit. I hope you end this relationship soon as for some reason I don't see this being a good thing for you. Does she know anything about your problem with adderall in the past? Any chance you can open up and just be honest? If it were me, that's what I would do anyhow. I'd just tell her look, I used to be hooked on the pills you're taking and they pretty much came close to destroying my life. I have fought really hard to overcome this struggle and I've noticed myself being triggered at times being around you unfortunately. If you ever get to a place where you stop or want to stop and need support, please feel free to contact me. Wish you the best, etc. Just remember you have got to protect yourself first and foremost. If you relapse (and you're like me), your life will be discombobulated and a mess again and you won't be good for anyone. Just being around someone taking it is going to make you think about it all the time and possibly start having euphoric recall. The thing that messed me up in my relapse a year again on alcohol was being around drinking friends who were pro alcohol and kept glorifying how great it was and singing it's praise. They kept making subtle hints about how lame life was as a non drinker and it finally got to me so bad I drank again. Don't let her bring you down like that. You've worked too hard to fall back now. Wishing you the best! LT

So proud of you HC!!! So awesome!!! Way to go!!

Hi Greg, Thanks for checking in with me. Well, I'm not gonna lie. Had a slight hiccup last week, but back on track. I've got a total of 47 days sober now in the past few months which is really great. No need to count the days I slipped. I'm back on my own recovery program and this one works best for me. I'm so happy to hear you're at 7 years now! Wow!! That's where I should be!! Dang it! Anyhow, sometimes when I add up all the times I've stopped with success I realize I do actually have like 7 years or so sober since I started at a young age so that makes me happy. Ok, I'm rambling. Glad to see so many of you are still active on here and great to be back!

Thank you girls so much!! I am so proud of you two!!! Way to go!! I made it to day 21 today. I recently figured out a major part of my problem and have fixed it in the past few days. It is suddenly easy to stay strong and I stopped having cravings thank God. I am praying it keeps getting easier and I will be back happy again here soon. I can't tell you how happy it makes me feel to know you are both still in recovery and here for me upon making it back. You girls rock!! XOXOXOXO LT

All, I have missed you guys. I hate to come clean, but here I am and it feels incredibly good to be back. I resumed drinking again 11 months ago and that was not a good idea. I never went back on adderall full time thank God, but I did have some run ends with it here and there. Anyhow, I know I am back to being clean and sober for good this time. I have zero doubt in my mind that I'll fall off again. I just want to tell you if you ever think that it's worth it to go back to your addiction for any reason, it's not. It will always achieve the same outcome - misery & pain. It's a great way to self destruct everything you love and care about along with your self respect. I haven't felt this great in months. I am loving being sober again and so excited to be back on this journey of health, fitness, and happiness. All the pills, drugs, and alcohol cannot fill that void within and will only make it worse. I'm just grateful to know what awaits me on the path of recovery and stoked to embark on this path again. Much love you to you all and GODSPEED my friends. <3 LT

HC, That's so awesome! I want to show you my favorite website for training plans. This site will give you training plans for all distances and varieties of races. I just started my training back for a half Ironman yesterday and it feels great. I am so insanely out of shape and can't wait to be fit again. Thank you so much for your help this week. Means a lot. Day 6 today. http://www.halhigdon.com/training/51135/Marathon-Training-Guide

Denver!

That's so great to hear! The longer he's off it, he will stabilize and go back to his normal self. In the beginning, it's such a drastic change. His brain will eventually recalibrate though. In Smart they have a thing called the 3 p's (patience, persistence, and practice). Hang in there!

Happy Good Friday everyone!

Omg, no it's not!!! I have it too! I swear it is strictly genetic.

Try to focus on the people you are with instead of worrying about how you will be perceived. If you make it a goal to try and learn as much as you can about the other people, really listen, ask questions, then you'll feel less anxiety and more at ease. Plus, you'll feel more connected along with gaining a little bit of confidence going into social settings without being high. The more you do it, the easier it gets!

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THIS!!!! YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!! So happy for you!!!

Hi Speeder, Ok, so right off the bat let me just say that you did what you thought was the best solution to your problems at the moment you decided to get the script filled. IMHO, I think you need to make a stronger list of reasons for why you don't want to be on it and keep it with you at all times. You've got to have enough compelling information on hand as evidence of what the long term equation of going back on adderall will look like. Here are the reasons you listed: Reasons for relapse: 1) Shattered self-esteem (Irrational Belief - I will never accomplish my dreams without adderall. I am doomed for the rest of my life.) 2) Reading was harder to focus in law class 3) Weight gain paranoia New Reasons to stay clean (things to remember when trigger thoughts come spiraling down upon you) 1) Shattered self-esteem is a short term detriment from adderall recovery. It will take time to rebuild, but the NEW improved self-esteem you will GAIN in recovery will FAR EXCEL anything you had while on adderall because it is authentic and NOT induced by a pill. As you slowly make progress even doing the smallest of things without adderall you will start feeling more confident in your abilities with it AND carry a POSITIVE feeling of well being knowing you've overcome something EXTREMELY challenging. 2) Not all reading will be challenging though. School is temporary. It will be tough without adderall, but you can readjust and learn to keep trucking along clean. IF you fail a class, re-take it. Cut back a class or take a semester off if possible. Just remember you have to put your recovery first or you will stay stuck in this trap with adderall. 3) Remind yourself that any weight loss from adderall is NOT permanent. You can't depend on adderall addiction for the rest of your life to stay lean. Your heart is going to be severely damaged by this. 5 days @ 740 mgs is like 148mg/day!!! Imagine if you stay dependent for years on end what is going to happen to your internal organs. Those are what's most important for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. Once the crash phase is over with stopping, you will be able to get back into a healthy place with everything else. Just don't mess yourself up for life. Ok, so with all that said, just try not to beat yourself up. I remember relapsing at various times for similar reasons, but I know I was like you and didn't think it through to the future. All I could see and think about was the here and now. It really helped me a lot to see the ENTIRE PICTURE and what I wanted for my life towards the end. I tried to imagine the tape backwards as well. At the end of my life, what would I want to see that happened while I was here? Would I want to leave knowing I was addicted to adderall and it destroyed me or did I want something amazing instead? That non-adderall life you envisioned early on is still there. Don't let the euphoria of the dream slip away. You have to stay strong and when you want to use, post on this site first. There are plenty of people that can help you see the bigger picture when you are clouded by urges and cravings. Stay strong!!!