LILTEX41

At 2:14:30 they discuss ADHD medication. "These drugs cause brain shrinkage. They shrink brain tissue. The pharmaceutical companies know this." When you are having a hard time deciding to quit, remember this.

What was the anxiety attack all about?

I think as long as you find exercise that you enjoy, it'll be great! There are so many different activities you can do..just find something you like so you'll stick to it. I personally love running, biking, and sports. I also enjoy weight lifting and yoga. I think more than anything though, just get out and start doing something and you'll start feeling so much better each day. Good job!

Frank, I can't help it, but your post is making me LOL. Maybe you should do standup. Life is tough without speed. Yep, it sucks, but sooner or later you gotta quit all this complaining and suck it up. Bitching and moaning about it constantly is only making you MORE miserable. I don't mean to trivialize your despair because I DO remember being there, but I can I tell you the dream I had last night? I had a dream my friend was taking adderall and there was this GIGANTIC BOTTLE (the size of a protein powder jar) along with 3 other ones labeled ADHD MEDS. Instead of wanting one, I was freaking out about my friend who was acting ape shit crazy and all I wanted to do was tell her STOP!!! But even in my dream, I knew that wouldn't help her and she'd have to come to quitting at her own time when she had had enough. ALL I am saying is that the fact I did NOT WANT it in my dream and had NO DESIRE was a freaking MIRACLE. I NEVER believed this would happen to me. Just hang in there. CRY, BITCH, MOAN, WHINE all you need. Hopefully, it feels good to just vent. Just try not to stay stuck there. You are creating your own self fulfilling prophecy. You gotta just DO IT. Work hard. Set some goals with a deadline. Watch some inspirational videos or something. Just whatever you do, stop dwelling on how great adderall was to make you a work machine because that is PRO-DRUG thinking and it will lead you back there if you keep the momentum going in that direction. I mean do you really want to fall back in the trap again? Play that shit all the way through and don't just think about the high and getting shit done. Think about the behavior from start until finish and being stuck in that f-d up cycle all over again. You are FREE right now. You're just having euphoric recall....don't forget about all the bad parts. All you have to do is get motivated. You have no other struggles than motivation with work, right? Life is good. Don't forget that.

That's so awesome!!! Way to go Flow!!!! Congratulations!!!

Yeah, I won't get into politics on here, but thank you for the compliment, lol.

Hi Flip, So glad you posted. Sounds like you are struggling and I can see where it feels like the weight of the world on your chest trying to keep all this locked inside and hidden from both your wife and mother in law. I definitely think it would be good to have that conversation with her about everything. If you don't, the cycle you're in is just going to continue and it's going to eat at you along with the damage it's doing to your well being. I pray you can come to some sort of resolution together for your family and please keep us posted!

Tantan, Love your idea about, "I'm not sure but i am allowing myself to feel the sadness in the hopes that i can process it and let it go." I think this is a great place to start! Take a moment and just allow yourself to feel sad that you are no longer the adderall machine. It's okay to feel sad about that. Embrace it and really allow yourself to grieve about it if you need to. In fact, why not write a goodbye letter or have a funeral for the pills, lol. I think if you can just allow yourself to be okay with being sad and disappointed about it, that will help you move past it. Ok, so after you do that, then I suggest you to VISUALIZE an entire new work strategy ahead. I think you need to re-vamp your old ways of doing things and chunk down your deadline. So for example shoot for just doing a tiny portion of it first like step 1: Brainstorming. After you come up with as many ideas as possible for the article, then take a break and reward yourself. Go get some starbucks and read a magazine or strike up a convo with strangers there or whatever. Then come back to the blog and create an outline. Reward. Section 1 - reward. Keep doing this and just knocking out a little bit at a time. I think you seem overwhelmed because you are telling yourself you have to have the ENTIRE thing done by a certain date and then get upset when you can't knock it out in 1 day the way you probably did before with adderall. However, remember non-adderall users most likely don't do that either and that's NORMAL to function at a slower pace. You can actually have an enjoyable experience doing it if you take your time, give yourself rewards, and try to make it fun. Socialize with others more during the process. That will help! Just remember that recovery is a new territory. It is kinda similar to your past prior to adderall, but different. You can reflect on the way you used to be before this drug and then add on old strategies of how you used to get shit done. You have to visualize and CREATE a new effective way to operate in your world adderall free. Don't kick yourself for not being the robotic machine that you were due to some pharmaceutical enhancement designer drug. Look at the exciting challenge that lyes in front of you as to how you are going to conquer your world without adderall. You just have to find new strategies to be successful. And you CAN and WILL find them. Just don't compare yourself to the old way or you'll get depressed. Know that once you have mastered new effective strategies to achieve at work and in life, these strategies will be PERMANENT and LAST for your entire lifetime. You won't be a slave to some pill that is detrimental to you overall. Keep us posted on your progress please. You GOT this!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! (to Teamwin, Frank, and Flow too!) That is so exciting you guys!!! There must be something about this week in November that makes the perfect quitting time!! I am so happy for all of you. What a joy it's been to share the journey and watch you progress to getting back to some normal healthy living again. Way to go!!!

Hell yeah what Frank said! If you are being tricked you need it really quick to lose weight, remember that it is not a permanent solution to weight loss. It's only a temporary quick fix and if you go back to it again, you'll re-enter the adderall trap. Outside of the trap you are free to figure out permanent solutions to any of the issues being dependent on this drug will fix temporarily. You've made it all the way to the end of your taper!! Congratulations!!

Thanks HC! So thankful for your support along the way! I am by no means advocating 1 path to recovery though. There are all kinds of recovery programs out there. I think the most important thing is just to find one that you connect with and get plugged in. Being in contact with other people on with the same goals is a sure way to stay motivated, encouraged, supported, and on the right track. This site is my favorite place of all of course! More than anything, I just wanted to share my individualized path that I created on my own account that's worked for me. I'm sure everyone on this site has their own recovery method that has helped them along the way. I have so much more I could add to this list, but it would go on forever, lol. I totally forgot to add mediation and yoga! Along with seeking therapy as well. I think that's probably a great step for those that can afford it. Hopefully, with the new pres in office, they'll work to come up with an actual affordable health care system so those of us who really could use some help can actually get it!!

Whooooo hoooo!!!! Congratulations to him!! That is fantastic!

Thank you BlueMoon!! Means a lot. Never thought I'd actually make it this far!! You almost have 1 year too!!! Yay!!!!! Yes, Joel is such a great motivational speaker. He always lifts me up when I start dragging down back into the swamp land of negative thoughts. I'm so glad you found him helpful too!! P.s. I feel naked without my old screen name, but I decided it was time to let go of LilTex as I no longer live in Texas. Feels so weird to put my real name on this site. Ahhhhh!!! Scary, but fun!

Gooooood morning everyone! This week has been amazing. I celebrated 1 year sober and 6 years clean from adderall. It has not always been easy, but reviewing my history I just wanted to take a minute and share what has worked for me personally. I was in a bit of a funk yesterday and it wasn't until this morning I remembered the most helpful things I've done in recovery. Here are the top things that I've done that have helped. 1. Alerted the doctor I am addicted, went to the ER for an adderall overdose, and to NOT prescribe these pills ever to me again. 2. Quit all substances 3. Exercise - joining running/biking/triathlon club teams have been immensely helpful and fun. I feel so immensely good after exercise and I always try to remember how awful it felt to wake up hungover and feeling like shit in comparison. The best I've ever felt in my life was when training for races and I would rather spend the rest of my life feeling that good physically than go back to feeling sick, hungover, tweaked out, always getting sick, and feeling exhausted. 4. Smart Recovery - Used the tools available to combat urges and cravings. The lifestyle balance worksheet and VACI (vitally absorbing creative interest) worksheets were great too because it helped me resolve to rebuild my life with finding fun things to do instead of just constantly dwelling on no longer using drugs/alcohol. 5. Allen Carr's books along with This Naked Mind - These books are outstanding to help reprogram my mind in the way that I thought about drugs/alcohol so that instead of feeling deprived I actually started feeling relieved that I no longer need that junk to be happy. If you remove the desire, then you are seriously FREE! 6. The Law of Attraction using affirmations. So the other HUGE part of everything is changing your thinking patterns. This all started for me when I found Joel Osteen. I was never a huge religious person or anything, but what he preaches is off the charts amazingly wonderful messages. I believe his messages are all based on the law of attraction and that is you will become whatever it is you are telling yourself. So within this, if you are constantly dwelling on thoughts of defeat then that is what you will have. You have to start dwelling on thoughts of victory. Use affirmations and do them every single day. The power of, "I am." I am blessed. I am sober. I am healthy. I am strong. I am recovered. I am peaceful. I can handle this. I got this. I can do this. Take off the negative labels you call yourself and rebrand yourself with something positive. Labels are NOT helpful and if you call yourself by a negative label that is what you will be so why not call yourself something POSITIVE. You have to speak out what you want before you believe it and as you keep speaking it out - it will come to be. 7. Diet I used to restrict myself with certain food groups for long periods of time like 6 months. This has always erupted badly for me and I do not recommend it. This is one area I don't quite have fixed yet, but the answer I always come back to is STOP RESTRICTING and eat normally. I know not everyone that takes adderrall has issues in this area, but a lot of people do and I think that is why we turn to adderall in the first place. From everything I've learned on this subject, all I know is watch the way children eat. Watch your normal eater friends who are slim and are never dieting and eat everything. This is normal eating and it is the answer to a good relationship with food that will keep you from insanity. Ok friends, that is all. God bless you all in your struggles and I pray you will find peace in your struggles and find happiness you all deserve! Much love! Erin

Thank you quit-once!! Means a lot!!

OMG - 6 YEARS!!!!!!

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this post!!! Can't say it enough this morning. Wow, that is amazing what you've already accomplished in your recovery and so inspiring for others to read. Congratulations!!!! Thank you for sharing this with everyone!!

Good job Phil Eaton!

1 year since my last drink today!

Happy

Distraught, yet still sober.

Hi amh! Thanks so much for your post. Yes, would love to hear your story. To answer your questions, I took adderall and drank heavily for a total of 6 years. I did not ever have my liver/kidneys checked. I am pretty sure my health is good to go now as I've exercised like an insane person for the past 6 years. I may've had some issues back then when I first quit though. Not sure exactly. Now back to your current story. Yes, I know exactly what you mean by the merry go round. I have a few Smart tools off hand that could be helpful. These are from the website. Might help you figure out a roadmap of where you'd like to go. http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/library/Articles_and_Essays/Stages_of_Change/stages_of_change.htm The Stages of Change FAQ's 1) PRECONTEMPLATION STAGE "It isn't that we cannot see the solution. It's that we cannot see the problem." Precontemplators usually show up in therapy because of pressures from others… spouses, employers, parents, and courts… Resist change. When their problem comes up, they change the topic of conversation. They place responsibility for their problems on factors such as genetic makeup, addition, family, society, destiny, the police, etc. They feel the situation is HOPELESS. 2) CONTEMPLATION STAGE "I want to stop feeling so stuck!" Contemplators acknowledge that they have a problem and begin to think about solving it. Contemplators struggle to understand their problems, to see its causes, and wonder about possible solutions. Many contemplators have indefinite plans to take action within the next few months. "You know your destination, and even how to get there, but you're not ready to go." It is not uncommon for contemplators to tell themselves that some day they are going to change. When contemplators transition to the preparation stage of change, their thinking is clearly marked by two changes. First, they begin to think more about the future than the past. The end of contemplation stage is a time of ANTICIPATION, ACTIVITY, ANXIETY, and EXCITEMENT. 3) PREPARATION STAGE Most people in the preparation stage are planning to take action and are making the final adjustments before they begin to change their behavior. Have not yet resolved their AMBIVALENCE. Still need a little convincing. 4) ACTION STAGE Stage where people overtly modify their behavior and their surroundings. Make the move for which they have been preparing. Requires the greatest commitment of time and energy. CHANGE IS MORE VISIBLE TO OTHERS. 5) MAINTENANCE STAGE Change never ends with action. Without a strong commitment to maintenance, there will surely be relapse, usually to precontemplation or contemplation stage. The Stages of Change for Addiction Recovery Most successful self-changers go through the stages three or four times before they make it through the cycle of change without at least one slip. Most will return to the contemplation stage of change. Slips give us the opportunity to learn. http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/library/Tools_and_Homework/Facilitators_Handout/Change_Plan_Worksheet.pdf Change-Plan Worksheet Changes I want to make: How important is it to me to make these changes? (1-10 scale) How confident am I that I can make these changes? (1-10 scale) The most important reasons I want to make these changes are: The steps I plan to take in changing are: How other people can help me: Person Kind of help I will know my plan is working when: Some things that could interfere with my plan are:

Isn't that crazy?! 25 years!! I have a friend with around the same amount of time...maybe 20 or so and says he still has the "a drink sounds good" craving now and then. At least it's helpful to realize not to expect it to just disappear entirely. But it has gotten easier. I've noticed if I surround myself with people who are sober it's nowhere near as hard than if I am around people raving on and about their drinking and how great it is. You are mine too!!! It sure does help to have people on your side sharing the same struggles and fight! Thank you for everything you contribute to this site!! Big (((hugs)))!!

WOW, good for you!!! Big congratulations for you!! You got this!!!