ashley6

It sounds like your anxiety is really getting the best of you right now. I can't tell you when you will return to normal. Your dosage is so low, and I truly think you won't have near as many issues as me "recovering." I was abusing the hell out of the drug, and I was never even on as low of a dosage as you. I have anxiety and panic attacks, so I understand the fear of things can sometimes become irrational and out of control. My advice to you is to try to stop focusing on how you're feeling constantly (I'm very guilty of doing this)...try to let it go, and I think things will come together again for you sooner rather than later. You haven't done permanent damage, your brain is fine...just try your hardest to be patient.

It's good to hear from you again....thank you I didn't go to rehab. I decided to go and have a consultation with a rehab center in my area, because I was so ready to be done with that life. Just going in for that consultation was a huge wake up call, so I decided I was going to give this adderall-free life a chance on my own, and if I relapsed I'd go to rehab and that's been my deal ever since. I've gone to meetings here and there but not much. This site has been my meetings. Stay in touch

MFA, I read the last sentence of the first post and was like nope, not right now. Thank you for your consistently kind and uplifting posts. They mean a lot.

I just scrolled up and realized we've talked a lot on here :)Sorry, those months were a big blur. You really helped me during that time, so for that I'm forever grateful!

LilTex, Wow, I haven't read this thread in forever. Honestly, I couldn't pull myself to even read my full post. I'm doing much better....9 months adderall-free!!! I still just take it a day at a time, but oh it's been worth it! You mentioned you took part in an article in a magazine that's coming out soon. Is that for Liz Welch? I ask because I'm doing it too, and she gave me a brief story on the other two girls in the article. I remember you posting on here awhile back. I'm glad you're doing well!

You haven't ruined yourself. You are extremely hard on yourself. I get that. We take being our own worst critics to a whole new level. I'm not downplaying your adderall issues, but you are dealing with minimum dosages here, and you didn't abuse it. You have that on your side. Some of us here were taking over 10 times the amount you were taking daily, me included, and we're getting through life again. I think maybe finding a medication that helps your anxiety like Lexapro or Wellbutrin could help WITH therapy, not just taking meds and sending you on your way. Like Cassie said, reading horror stories online isn't working in your favor. YOU WILL BE OKAY!

Neversaynever, I'm curious why you aren't a part of AA or NA anymore. I know you just decided to sober up again, but it seemed to work for you in the past. Is there a reason you're not going back? I'm asking because my counselor is so pro AA and suggests I go. I've gone here and there, but I never felt comfortable really. It was a great place, and I could totally relate to what people were saying, so I guess it was just me not being comfortable sharing in front of others. This has been my AA, but I still sometimes think it would be good for me to go. Thoughts?

I hope your friend gets some help. My boyfriend's brother overdosed on heroine a little over a month ago and died. He was 27 years old. He was shooting up, and it all started with a pain pill addiction when he had back problems. I watched that show you're talking about. It was interesting. The cocaine addict was the epitome of grandiose thinking.

Cassie, Thanks! I'm glad you're doing so well, and one of the most important things I've learned on this website is everyone's journey is going to be different. I think sometimes I don't even realize my own progress. I'm excited to see what the future holds, but I know one thing...staying off of adderall one day at a time has to be top priority.

InRecovery, I did just that, and I'm shocked at how similar the struggle is for the people on those boards and us. I never knew people used pain pills to get things done, and they seem to struggle with feeling they need to have pain pills to be successful at work. I think the only real difference is the health risks of quitting pain pills cold turkey and getting physically ill. As I read about benzo withdrawal, since I want to work on quitting it sounds just as scary as pain pill withdrawal can be....awesome!

Neversaynever, You went to freaking Bill W's house?! How cool is that. I agree with you. Even though I don't go to AA, I have, and I have the blue book. That guy did some amazing things for addicts and the field of addiction in general.

Motivation Follows Action, I hope your day gets better, and even if it doesn't today, it will because you're not in that awful cycle anymore. This too shall pass.... I cried my eyes out in therapy the first 2 or 3 months. I cried sometimes at the drop of a hat in early recovery, but therapy was the most emotional. I agree with you, I think it's the reality of the situation setting in. Fighting like hell is exhausting. I once told my counselor that I sometimes felt worse after leaving. She reminded me how normal it was because I was facing the situation head on without my usual escape. I don't remember the last time I cried in therapy now. It gets better. Good luck with your phone interview and remember be kind to yourself. Don't give yourself too high of expectations right now. Time will help.

I've realized I check this site like I check Facebook, which is A LOT. I like this place

InRecovery, I didn't know much about Percocet until this thread....interesting. Another reason why the members of this site are awesome. Way to be proactive and put your recovery first despite feeling so sick!

Thank you! Don't get discouraged. It seems like you're doing what you need to stay off this shit now, and you came here completely honest about it. I think that's a good sign you want this whole recovery thing. We're addicts doing what we can to stay clean, and perfection and addiction don't belong in the same sentence. One day at a time, man.

This post made my night. I read it like 5 times. Thank you I agree, I feel like we're friends too....so glad you're here on the forums, and I've "met" you.

That's really cool. I never thought of doing something like that. Necklace looks good for sure.

You can have your views, but being so close-minded is really off-putting.

Absolutely. I think we all agree all prescribed stimulants are pretty similar....doesn't really matter which one it is. Welcome to the forums!

I didn't personally have the option to choose cold turkey or taper because I couldn't control my use, but I really believe it is the best option. I can't believe a doctor would prescribe that high of a dosage...shame on him/her. I think the max dosage suggested is 60 mgs/day, not that I didn't exceed that regularly, but not by my doctor's hands....wow. Best wishes to you, and we're all here for you. Fight like hell, it's worth it!

I think New Years Resolutions are good. Yeah, it's just a day, but if it helps people make better choices about their life why would you hate it? It gives people motivation, and I think forgiveness is a damn good one.

I've never heard of Percocet as a fever reducer. That's crazy. Get well soon!

Neversaynever, Very well put. I wish you all the blessings life adderall-free can bring. And remember you're not only getting help from people on this site, you're helping us in return. Happy New Year to you!

Whoami, That genuine smile doesn't exist on adderall. Thank you Synergistic, Thanks! Quit-once, Thank you for sharing. I'm glad I'm not the only one that does the "I was doing this on adderall last year at this time." I associate a lot of negative with it, but there are times when it's "poor me, this is hard." I hope my timeline is similar to yours. I've read that timeline many times, so I know exactly what you're talking about. What a wake- up call that you experienced with your friend. I'm sure you were a huge asset to them during that time. You have so much wisdom that we're lucky enough to have you share with us. I can attribute much of this clean time to learning from you, Cassie, and InRecovery who have had more sobriety than me under your belt--the newbies help too! I can only hope my timeline is similar to yours. Everybody's recovery is different, so I'm going to try not to get discouraged if mine doesn't follow yours, but one can only hope! Happy New Year to all of you!