Zerokewl

Concerned. My cat is currently undergoing surgery.

Life goes on as they say. Really starting to be able to live again. I'm begging to Crawl out from under the rock I've been living under. I'm close to 2 years and looking forward to some of those year 3 milestones. Thanks for the follow on Instagram!

spring cleaning

meditation, exercise, sunshine, gratidude, sleep and good overall self care. Are really the only tried and true things that work, anti-D's are effective but not a cure all. There is no magic bullet just create good habits and keep moving forward. Stop looking for cures and focus on managing your depression. I still have bouts with depression but I'm living in that fog any longer. When I was in early recovery I had a really difficult time with depression. But it eased up significantly over time. Learning about depressions and its triggers helped me considerably.

hey Ashley! Welcome back & congrats on 3 years.

no one can hear me scream. I am so behind on everything.

I really like your take on living with ADHD. Just living with it, I've got a little go station a shelf for headphones, change, wallet, keys, cellphone charger) in my front hallway makes a big difference I am still always looking for my keys etc. My iphone has a wallet style case so i keep my debit card & id with my phone. I have a big wallet with more stuff in it but i usually just need debit. Creating an inbox for mail and documents that need to dealt eventually with saved my life. I'm thinking of hiring a cleaning lady to help me stay on top of things. Though I can't really afford this right now. I have a 2nd kitchen table specifically for clutter. I use fiverr for tasks like proof reading a lot. Anything I can delegate I do.

yes we are somewhat fairly active. Welcome

Some really great posts from the advanced members. Punch your shrink in the face for recommending Adderall. Karate chop to larynx and finish it off with a DTD. Seriously after everything you have been through why would that even be a topic for conversation. I know exactly how you feel. I am mentally foggy often, and I am no where close to being on top of everything I need to be on top of.

Motivation is funny thing at your stage of recovery. A new job can be good, but I would be careful of switching jobs just because you are bored and feeling unmotivated. Good jobs can be boring to the adhd brain.

Trap

it is not all bad. I am meeting new people. I don't rely on people to do things anymore, I have no issue going to the movies by myself or coffee alone anymore. I am less afraid to strike up a conversation with people or go to a meetup I've never been to. Post adderall I need people more than ever, I can't work endlessly on a project without some social breaks. I just went for brunch with someone and I feel like I refilled my social interaction tank for about a week. On adderall I just wanted to be left alone and thats what happened. Finding new friends is possible.

yes I really just wanted to be left alone to "work". Work involved pacing endlessly and smoking 1000's of cigarettes. I alienated every one. My personality completely changed and I lost my ability to just hang with people. Then when I quit I was too tired to engage with people socially. I think the thing I regret the most is destroying the relationship with my girlfriend, skipping out on events that were important to her because I was busy getting fucked up. At a certain point in my Adderall abuse I was just getting fucked up I wasn't even using it as performance enhancer. I ruined alot of relationships on Adderall and life doesn't wait for you to get better. In recovery I found myself very isolated my friends moved on in life with kids and jobs. Meeting new friends is hard.

Adderall seriously fucks with your brain chemistry. What you are experiencing is a calibration of sorts which is why you sleep a lot in early recovery. Its hard to think clearly and easy to be distracted. When I was at 2 months I was filled with grief and heavy with regret. Depression had really set in and I was feeling horrible about everything and sleeping alot. Maybe stop looking for your failth and let it find you. Just distract yourself with excercise, netlix or any activity you can loose yourself in. The negative thoughts you are thinking are a product of depression, which is very common in early recovery. I struggle with the big D still. Many here go on anti-depressants you may want to explore the option with your doctor. Exercise is the best anti-depressant , i know every fiber of your being is telling you to stay inside with windows drawn. But you have to make it your mission to get out for a walk or the gym. I'm praying for you. I know things seem bleak. But when the first rays of light break through it will be glorious.

I listen to this it helps

Congrats on 2 months. You are still very early in recovery things will be still rocky try to focus on your routine eat well, sleep well, exercise repeat. Just allow this process to happen , sleep, go to meetings,etc. Your job is to recover right now. You haven't melted your brain. Most of what you are experiencing is depression and well it sucks. If you want to research look into the recovery process of people getting off speed and meth. It is a similar recovery process. The problem with Adderall is little research exists I suspect a lot has been suppressed.

Always good to go an hear about a new opportunity. You don't have to say yes.

I gained about 50 pounds I think. I quit smoking 9months ago and that didn't help. I was a heavy smoker and ate to cope in the 1st 3 months of non-smoking. I'm working towards the goal of not overeating, eating right and getting exercise daily. The weight is starting to come off. Just trying to create healthy habits and exercise. Creating habits that will serve you. In my first year I slept so much it was unreal. Just do your very best everyday and things will happen. The motivation will start to come back when you least expect it. My housework is still a disaster post Adderall I think you just have to accept some clutter.

I lost some friends because of flaking on events. I even did try to explain the addiction thing but it just got seen as me avoiding hanging out. It is unfortunate, but i've come to realize they were douches. But at 9 months you should try to do fun things volunteer some effort even if you have to go home early or show up late. Just try sometimes you catch some energy from the group. It is counter intuitive to what every fiber being is saying but try and go out try to talk to people. Isolation can feed the depression and lethargy.

Congrats on nine months. It might do you some good and read an essay or project that you did on adderall. Addie had a funny way of making everything seem amazing and really productive. The reality was different.

For me Adderall and cigarettes went together like peas and carrots. I had quit for about 6months prior to adderall and started smoking shortly after starting adderall. when on adderall I began drinking more than usual because I was taught by a addy buddy that was a way to come down. I smoked heavily on adderall, fuck even still I can't believe the path of destruction this pill has left.

it will take time but it is worth it. Welcome !

METAL!

I remember seeing the gnats and swatting the air around me. Or hearing a mosquito buzzing.