Zerokewl

I think like everyone, I regret the time I have lost in recovery those months I spent just laying around watching Netflix. I miss my old job , the more I reflect on it I miss the routine. I've recently found some cheap downtown office space for my freelance bizness and I am looking forward to being in a office environment again.

I relapsed a number of times before this quit. I'm terrified of relapsing , I've been thinking about pills a lot lately and I don't know what I would do if I found one. I walk by my old Dr.Feelgoods office almost everyday (cant be avoided its close to house and on an important intersection). Every time I walk by I look in the window to see if the shady Doctor is working. Yesterday I saw him through the window. When I was using I had a few doctors prescribing and this Doctor would write a script for anything. All you can do is learn from the experience and apply it to your next quit. Don't look at starting all over again most people will use a "total clean time" number after a short relapse.

It's been a shit summer for movies! I sorta enjoyed TMNT but probably because I watched the documentary about the creators on Netflix a week earlier.

Rain grey cold sky bummer

Hey Krax! Hope your doing well.

Welcome

Didn't do much this week. Been on a few bike rides and a few walks. Noticed my mood has been down and pretty dark maybe the lack of exercise is a factor. Hoping for a better week this week.... Scratch that I'm gonna make shit happen this week.

Where is Justin?

As soon as I ran out.

Rip Jay Adams thanks for making skateboarding really hard

No big deal... Lots of people need a few attempts to get it right. It is tough as you say.

I was "fired" though it was more like I wanted to be fired from my 10 year career in advertising. Months later I realized what a colossal mistake I had made. Likely my greatest failure in my career I am determined to rebound from it. Though I am still haunted by it, impossible to ignore I worked for a large media outlet. My heavy adderall use caused me to be late, erratic, prone to crazy misplaced outbursts of creative energy. My employer tried to find me help, in my psychosis I decided the assigned physcoligist had it all wrong etc. Finally my employer let me go with benefits, severance for 6 months. I am thankful for this because I began getting clean 3 months or so after getting fired. The severance gave me time to sleep and recover. Something I desperately needed after countless all nighters and poor self care. Adderall taught me that corporate life is just a stupid game, and should be approached that way.

one of those days

I've never come across any pills, I remember one night ran sacking my apartment looking for pills. I wonder if there is one lurking in my apartment.

summertime fun times.

drinking again... 2 beers don't call an ambulance or anything

wow. shortest 1 year post ever. congrats

Yah thats how everyone feels at the beginning perfectly normal. Just watch what u are eating try to get some exercise. Sleep, watch Netflix and wait out the early months. Don't overdo it.

Welcome to the board take some time to read the articles and other materials. I look forward to hearing more from you.

Ugh hangover day 2... so old so lame

Hangover, hangover, hangover I will never drink gin ever again.

Yah this shit ain't no game. I know with the cigarettes when I relapsed the addiction always came back with a vengeance stronger and stronger. People on redit are posting all this stuff about talking to your doctor about depression blah blah. When I quit adderall and when I was in the last months of using adderall etc I experienced that kind of black depression where sucide seemed like a logical solution. It seemed logical because we come hard wired with a permanent self destruct button that we can use at any time. People are always shocked when people die this way but why can we execute a kill command. Why doesn't our genetic API prevent a self destruct sequence? Robin must of been in a horrible place... I pray he has found peace in his decision. I pray I never relapse because I don't think I could rise from it again and I'm too much of a freak to be a high functioning addict. I pray for his children, I pray for his fans, I pray for any addict relapsing, I pray .... But when someone like Robin Willams, a fine sample of what it means to be human, commits the ultimate sin I question who I am praying to. RIP Robin Williams.

I know.. I hate it ... when you are a fat man the world expects you to be a funny man ... it sucks when you don't feel like being fatso the clown.. I know I will overcome this and so will you. It takes time and perseverance. Join us in the 12 miles a week running club a thread.

Wow occasional you are a machine. Boot camp was cancelled last week but I am back this week. I went on a super moon bike ride last night which was amazing. Going to get in as many bike rides as possible before the weather changes.