SweetCarolinee

Thank you so much everyone, all your kind words and prayers -- they really mean a lot. Liltex: a hug back your way! Thanks for being so awesome. I'm gonna try to stick it out with this Zoloft withdrawal. It has been pretty terrible. I've had the brain zaps as well. A few days after stopping, I couldn't even get out of bed. I do feel like a crazy person sometimes without it but overall, I'm getting my energy back, not so sleepy all the time or zombie like and I'm not hungry 24/7 or craving the naughtiest foods anymore as I was, which feels really nice. For a little bit there, I honestly thought I was either preggers or had a thyroid problem (bc of the side efforts from Zoloft) but then I recently learned Zoloft efforts your thyroid so I don't know, it's crazy. That's great though you were able to quit yours and your now starting to feel better I did feel a little better yesterday. I just gotta take it day by day and try some non-med stress/anxiety techniques to help. Great job everyone this week! I ran 6.5 miles this week. I wanted to run more but my legs were too sore. ZeroKewl: hope you feel better!

Krax, I've been making myself "homemade vitamin waters" -- I drink with lunch or throughout the day and I'm really digging them. Very refreshing, a tiny pick me up and helps you drink more water without even realizing it. It's just regular old water mixed with some fresh fruit and/or lemon and cucumber slices and/or spices. I mix it in a 4cup (2 pints) mason jar but a water bottle or pitcher would work as well. Today I had chilled water mixed with 2 large (chopped) strawberries, 3 blackberries (cut in half), and half a lemon (sliced in wheels) and the other half squeezed into the water. When you run out of water, just add more. I love it. Your drinking more water while getting more natural vitamins and some extra energy. There are so many combos: Lemon and cucumber Strawberry and Kiwi slices Strawberry, blueberry and blackberry Mint and Strawberry Mint and Lemon Lime and Strawberry Strawberry and cucumber Lemon, Lime and Orange slices Lemon and Ginger I've made a Detox Apple Cinnamon water once, as well… The possibilities are endless and this is so GOOD for summer. I know it's nothing like a cup of coffee but drinking this throughout the day can be beneficial, especially overtime. You can also do this with green tea (or anykind of tea but first brew it as you would normally) -- make it an ice green tea with added ice, lemon, fruit slices and fresh sliced ginger. -- Eating Superfoods (kale, almonds, etc.) and foods high in protein also may help. There are also new natural and/or organic energy shots (like 5 hour energy) but healthier, you can find at health food stores. Goodluck!

Occasional, That was such a beautiful post, I loved reading every minute of it. Thank you so much for sharing everything with us. First off, I wanted to say congratulations on 16 months clean, that is amazing and a huge accomplishment and milestone. I dream about the day I hit that mark on my calendar. We are so proud of you! That is amazing to hear your doing/feeling so much better (even better than before starting Adderall) and you have your energy back, more than you know what to do with It's really great to hear you've been working on improving your life and benefiting from the changes you've been making. I am always trying to improve my lifestyle and myself, so it's wonderful to hear what's working for others. I'm happy you've been conquering some of your fears as well. Hell to the yes! You are so right; life is too damn short. That is for sure. We need to stop wasting time and start spending it with the people we love the most and telling them how we truly feel! I love the part you said: "Then I spent my evening with my partner and being in love. On adderall I was never capable of the depth of love that I feel now for this person, that I feel for my own self and my loved ones. It's part of my re-growing intelligence and it's part of how I understand the world better, because I have so much more love in my heart now. Adderall took that capacity from me, but now it's back." That is really beautiful, wonderful, smart, strong, romantic and TRUE and just totally made me smile. I can completely relate and it's a remarkable feeling. That/it alone makes me never want to take or touch Adderall again. Ever. Thanks for this inspiring post and being an inspiration on this site and in life!

Thank you so much everyone. Really, thank you so much for all your kind words about my grandma and just this entire time since I've become a member on this wonderful site. You all have helped me through every step of the way and I have to say, I don't think I would be sober right now if it wasn't for you guys or this site. Liltex, thank you so much for what you said. That really means a lot because I've been thinking about using so much lately and how much easier everything would be, coping with the death of my grandmother and losing the weight I've gained from no longer using the ADHD meds and starting Zoloft and Birth Control (I started them in Oct. 2013 before I even quit) but then I would have to start ALL over again and the weight loss and the feeling of content would be false and only temporally so scratch that. I know that now. And like Ashley said, I couldn't agree more; your grandfather would be SO proud of who you are now and how awesome you are, how far you've come, how strong you have become and such an amazing support to all of us on here so thank you. It is just the worst timing, I stopped taking my Zoloft 2 weeks ago (I was on 75mg) and now all the depression and anxiety has come flooding back this week. Last night I almost had a panic attack and I haven't had one since starting the Zoloft in October, around 6 months ago. I don't know if it's the passing of my grandma or because I stopped the Zoloft too soon or both (probably BOTH) but my anxiety is coming back and I don't know what to do. Death is always my anxiety and depression trigger, when a close death happens. I've always had an extreme fear of death, even from a young age (who doesn't?), not so much myself dying but someone I love and it sucks. I'm sorry this is such a shitty, depressing post. I feel my mood is just so unpredictable right now, after reading all your posts, I started crying. It stinks to feel this way because usually I'm so naturally positive and happy but I know, it can't be sunshine and roses 24/7. I also just got dropped from my families health insurance Tuesday, since it was my 26th birthday so I can't afford to go to any doctors, at least for another month. I took a suntheanine L-theanine pill last night and within seconds, the anxiety lifted a bit and I felt a little relief. Does anyone else take this, if so, how many MGs do you take a day and do you take it in the morning or night time or both? I wasn't sure. I know when things like this happen, it always triggers my anxiety and depression so I am just a little worried and not doing so great but of course, I know it takes a while to get over something as painful and deep as a death. I just can't believe she's really gone It just sucks to the core. I just have to stay strong and hang in there. I'm going to go on a jog right now to try to get my mind off things. Thanks everyone for the support and kind words. It means a lot.

Beautiful poem. I love Lykke Li. And Lana Del Rey Once you give up the pill, you will give up the control it has on you. I always thought Adderall was what made me, me and made me awesome and brave and now that I have been off of it since Dec. 28th of 2013, I have been even awesomer and braver. I don't get as nervous when I am public speaking, that nervous energy is gone now and when I am the only one teaching 40 strangers to paint, step by step, I'm on it and making eye contact. It's empowering. I would have never done that on Adderall, don't want people to see my addicted, blank eyes. It's kinda amazing to have all this freedom and not be under Adderalls spell any longer. I say FUCK YOU Adderall, I will never be your bitch again.

Hey guys, How are you all? I hope you all had a wonderful Easter, filled with joy, love and laughter. Last week I took a walk for over an hour and that is it. It's been a few days since I've been on here. The last few days have sucked. It was my 26th birthday yesterday and I got to celebrate over the weekend, which was nice but I found out Easter sunday at 11:30pm, after I got home from my first time teaching Paint Nite, my grandmother passed away So yesterday I had to pick up my bro from the Orlando airport and we are in Vero right now for the wake, which starts in a few hours. I'm going to make a speech in honor of her at the funeral, as well. I'm very sad, I loved my grandma very much and we were very close but I'm also happy to know she is no longer in pain and she lived a long, beautiful and happy life. She was 91 when she passed. She had breast cancer twice for the last 13 years which spread to her bones and became bone cancer, the doctors gave her only 3 years to live but she ended up living 10 years past that. I'm so proud to have been her granddaughter and I'm just really sad right now. But hopefully I will be feeling a little better in a few days.

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Easter day is also 420!

hahahahah or maybe I was Hannah Montana, who knows!

Hey Robin, Hang in there girl. I'm sorry that happened but hopefully you can just keep your head up and keep looking/moving forward towards your ultimate goal of being adderall free! And Zoloft did work wonders on me in the beginning and it works for everyone differently, it does cause weight gain though (despite what your doctor will tell you, it does). I want to write you more but I feel terrible right now so I will write more too you tomorrow! All my love, Caroline

I used to be a GNC girl but recently noticed how much they overprice everything so I buy a lot of my supplements off Amazon (and you can read the reviews, which I find helpful) and I'm a prime member so it's 2-day free shipping, most of the time. I also don't like the taste of the GNC protein shake powder, it was specialty for women and vanilla favor and tasted like shit and so artificial, I still have like the entire bottle left. I may mix it with another brand vanilla favor so I don't have to waste it. Goodluck!

Hey Ally, Good for you for being 2 and a half months clean, that's awesome and you can do it... If we can, you can!!! I am around 115 days clean right now. I quit Dec. 28th 2013. I was on Adderall 30mg slow release, 10mg fast release for 5 years, I definitely abused and would take/buy more than what I got from my doctor and the last 2 years I was on 30-50mg of Vynasse. So I was on, I mean addicted to AHDH meds for the last 7 years of my life. A lot of the time I would take double or 3x the amount I was supposed to take, to pull all nighters while drinking Jose... I got put on Zoloft in Oct. from 12.5-75mg and quit that slowly on Thursday because of the weight gain, blurred vision, hunger, it slows down your metabolism, made me more lazy and sleepy etc. But don't get me wrong, at first it worked wonders but the depression got so bad I knew I had to quit the ADHD meds FOR GOOD to truly be happy again. And heal. I want to be clean of EVERYTHING and live a carefree, happy life! Recovery is definitely a journey within itself but it's such a learning and growing experience and it makes us that much stronger. I think eating really healthy and as clean as possible -- lots of fruits, veggies, plant-based, whole grains, superfoods, etc. (try not to eat a lot of processed foods) and drinking a shit load of water and green tea with exercise like walking, jogging, hot yoga, getting enough sleep and mediation are the right tools for a quicker or more painless recovery! I also take supplements/vitamins. I've also been drinking way less than I did while on Adderall as well. Take it easy and one day at a time and make yourself daily goals of things to do/get done so you don't seem so overwhelmed by bigger goals/the long term picture. But different things work for different people, I just wanted to share with you what has been working for me! Besides today, which I'm dealing with the withdrawal systems of stopping the Zoloft, I have felt pretty damn good. The only real issues I have had is being so sleepy and lazy and it's been impossible to lose weight on Zoloft.

Lil Tex, that guy is my HERO!!!! That's so awesome you got to meet him and I definitely want to try his technique!

Hey guys, GREAT job this week everyone Ashley, hows the new job going lady!? I'm a day late but I had work last night and thanks for all your answers. I've gotten really bad shin splints and calf cramps all my life, every time I run but I love running and push threw it every time and I do space out my runs every 2-3 days. It hurts like a bitch the day after thow. I remember back in HS I was a runner (but not on the track team, just personal) and I got them then too. I definitely want to do a half marathon and then a full one, it's on my bucket list and I would definitely like to do more than one of each. The longest I've run without stopping for anything is 10 miles on the beach so I know a half marathon is definitely doable! My dad was a marathon runner and run as exercise 5 miles 4-5 times a week up until he fell off our roof 4 years ago putting up Christmas lights, he broke both his ankles. My poor pops! He can walk and swim and use the stair master, he just can't run anymore. I guess it's in my blood. Monday - 3.69 miles Wednesday - 2.5 miles Yesterday (Sunday) - 4.76 = 10.95 miles this week And Thursday was the last day I took my Zoloft… I went from 75mg to 50mg for a week then 25mg for 1 day then just stopped and I've felt okay so far. I think the bad (side efforts) have started outweighing the good. I've been experiencing blurred version, nonstop hunger, weight gain, laziness, so sleepy all the time, etc. Don't get me wrong, in the beginning it worked AMAZINGLY but in the beginning (when I started it in Oct.) I was also still on Vyvanse -- which I think, mixed with drinking is what caused the hardcore depression, panic attacks and bad anxiety. Today, my head really hurts and I kind of feel like I got hit by a bus. I have work tomorrow night so hopefully I will feel better tomorrow and can try to get a run in. I just can't wait to have this shit out of my system.

...and clean!

I was thinking about ordering some Gaba supplements but then I read the reviews on Amazon and they scared the shit out of me so I think I'm better off ordering Suntheanine L-Theanine instead!

This is an interesting read: http://extrahappiness.com/happiness/?p=3582

FW, do not despair, I have full faith that you will do great in inpatient rehab. I think that is a very noble and brave of you and the step in the right direction towards your recovery and well being. We all want to see you succeed here! I'm sorry to hear about the narcolepsy, that must makes things even harder on you. I can't imagine. Hopefully things will start looking up for you soon and we will be here for your return, good luck!

Thanks InRecovery, I got a new pair but I haven't used them yet. Glad your running and feelin' better now! And I haven't tired this yet but I heard you should actually have 2 pairs of good running shoes and switch them off every run. I might try to do this soon

Quit-Once, I've been really slacking on taking the lions mane consistently (I keep all my vitamins and supplements in a drawer and sometimes forget to take certain ones) but when I did take them when I first got them, I did feel a little more of a boost and focus, that is for sure! I ordered mine off of Amazon, they are Host Defense Organic Mushrooms Lion's Mane. I took 2 today and hoping for some good memory and nerve support! I also think it's cheaper to get on Amazon then Whole Foods but it may depend on the cost of shipping. Look into it Quit-Once, maybe you can be saving some extra money! I'm gonna try to keep the bottle out on my night stand to remind myself to take them more.

Matilda, Right now I'm in the process of weening myself off of Zoloft and I've been doing a lot of research on it -- you can go threw withdrawal of course and get brain zaps, have suicidal thoughts, trouble sleeping and lots of other terrible things and a lot of people have been suggesting taking Benadryl during this time because it helps with the symptoms. I'm definitely thinking about taking it if I get any bad side effects. Thanks for sharing!

I did and thanks for asking Liltex… DAMN 26 miles last week, that is incredible. Your inspiring me to get my ass in gear and get on my Nike kicks and start hardcore running this week! I'm in FL now and not really feelin' the hot yoga while it's mid 80s outside lol Does anyone else on here get really bad shin splints and calf cramps while running? I do and I use icy hot and this little balance machine you put your foot in and I stretch before... but it never seems to work, any recommendations? Sometimes I have to stop running because it hurts so bad. Thanks!

Let me know how it goes Zerokewl and love your new pic Quit-Once, that moose is amazing!

Hey guys, So my bf's mom is really into health/natural healing and supplements over medications, etc. and she knows I'm into it too and recently told me about this stuff called "Cellfood" -- I just picked me up some from the health food store and I'm trying it out. I think I may of added a little too much to my water or I drank too much at once because I'm a little light headed right now as I type. But I always love trying new things and sharing it with you all because others can find it helpful (maybe)… This stuff is supported to help get the nutrients IN and the toxins OUT. This Cellfood "is the only formulae that can nourish, clean and detoxify the cells! It's made from the very finest all-natural plant sources, and is rapidly absorbed and utilized at deepest cellular levels." Apparently "Cellfood" supports: enhanced energy levels, immune system function, cellular oxygenation, breathing function, alertness and concentration, normalized pH, digestion, nutrient absorption, removal of lactic and uric acid, recovery from injury, bacteria and parasite elimination, mental focus, regularity and elimination, immune system function and neurological. So I'm trying it out, just started today and I will report back later, maybe tomorrow or in a few days or week or so and see if I notice any difference. Also, I am slowly weening myself off of Zoloft right now so I have a lot going on. I hope this will help with the weening process.