SweetCarolinee

I am in LOVE with this forum. It is amazing and I agree and relate to it allll!!!! Besides the fact, I was always super horny on Adderall, like unhealthy horny but it may have been because I was always drinking Jose Cuervo while on it lol

Hi there and welcome! So glad you found this site and joined the forums, it's wonderful to have you. I think you are very smart and brave to want to stop before you start down the adderall path of doom, if you know what I mean. I'm sorry this is gonna be so long. I'm pouring my heart and soul out to you guys about Adderall so here goes: Just remember AT FIRST everything is great (just starting out on Adderall) -- along the lines of butterflies, ice cream, shooting stars, discos and unicorns and it starts out that like because the addiction and horrible side efforts aren't as noticeable at first or the good simply outweighs the bad in the beginning but then shit gets real. I don't mean to be harsh but super mom turns out to be not so super mom. Everyones experience on Adderall is different and experience different things, side efforts, and feelings but I will share with you mine: Adderall can make you be very self involved or very cold at times, I was a way more pissed off person on it and naturally I'm pretty happy, hyper and outgoing. If someone moved my pencil over 2inches, I would be pissed at fuck. Seriously. Like what? That's NOT normal or healthy. Now (I'm been clean for a little over 3 weeks) I could give 2 shits less about a pencil haha It changes your personality and what you see as important. It also messes with your body, mind, sleep and eating patterns, it makes your memory go to poo. It puts certain things you once loved (like working out for me) on the back burner because you have too many other "important" things to do on Adderall, like cleaning or getting ready to go out for 2 hours. While I was on it hardcore in college it made me want to literally go out and rage 24/7 while it made my roommate want to stay in and clean so it effects people differently. I bleed and bruised way easily on it and became in a nutshell: crazy. On Adderall, it made me try and do things I never would have done WITHOUT taking it. I don't know about everyone else but it made me get into more fights with my boyfriend for the stupidest reasons. It made me more paranoid and jealous and down the road, worsened my anxiety. Before starting Adderall at age 18, I was never depressed nor is depression in my family history. Now this is the second time, I've been on an anti-depressant and I honestly think it's because of the Adderall and mixing it with drinking. It makes some people smoke on it, some people drink, some people try meth, and some people do "Snow White." I honestly believe its a "gateway" drug. It made lights and sounds brighter and louder. Sometimes I would see things that weren't really there. Some people, it makes them shop more and spend a lot of money on useless shit. It changed my style and sometimes not in a good way haha like "what was I wearing?" It made me look tired all the time and have bags under my eyes because I always was - so I looked a lot older than I was. I was always late for everything - classes, work, etc. I looked very unhealthy because I was. I used to only eat a candy bar a day on Adderall, my body hated me. Its very easy to become "cracked out" on Adderall. Its just an endless, vicious cycle that sucks and looking back, I can't believe I was on it for so long but I was addicted. I wish I had stopped sooner. Oh and the "comedowns" became so bad for me in the beginning, I started drinking at night everyday to just feel "normal" again so I wasn't only addicted to Adderall but booze too. Man, did I mess up my brain chemicals. I look back, I was out of control, so reckless and honestly at times didn't care about the outcome. I also was never addicted or on anything before taking/starting Adderall. Your tolerance goes up very quickly on Adderall and everyone I knew on it, was taking way more at a time than they were supposed too and ran out early. Adderall becomes like water. You become dependent on it and need to take it (and more and more of it) to function and do daily tasks and live. On days, you don't take it, you will most likely be lying in bed all day and eating 24/7, at least that's what I did. It was like a really bad hangover and that isn't normal. You need to ask yourself, do you want to take the easy way out or really work for what you want? And do you really want to be dependent on and controlled by a stupid pill? I know most people have to learn on their own and sometimes its hard to learn a lesson through someone else's personal experiences but I hope this little bit of info helps. I honestly don't think I would have as many mental health problems as I do now if it wasn't for the Adderall and that is my biggest regret in life so far. I know I can't go back in time and change ever taking that pill but I can change my future and that is what I'm doing right now. I want to live, a long, healthy happy life on my own and not a short, unhappy one on a little, devil pill. I have no desire to go back on it. For me, the bad outcome and side efforts outweighed the good. Adderall is basically speed in a pill form and I'm so over it and that way of life. I'm done and just want to live a clean, healthy happy one and I believe you honestly can't on Adderall. Adderall is a quick fix, it's made in a lab, it's not natural and like someone said above, if things are "too good to be true" they usually are and I couldn't agree with that statement more relating to Adderall! I think Adderall is just like an abusive relationship, you love it so much and hate it at the same time, it keeps hurting you but your weak, under its spell, you keep coming back…. ENOUGH! It's like have some self respect! We are worth so much more. In conclusion, walk… no run in the other direction of Adderall asap. Save yourself from all the bullshit, hurt, heartache, unhealthiness, bogus unnecessary and painful side effects, the relationships that might get ruined, etc.

Haha I was in a graden club on Adderall!

Great job everyone and thank you ALL for your amazing support, it means so much! Day 24 & hot yoga: check & check We got this Luckyducky and everyone else!! I gotta get me some sleep but I'll be on here tomorrow, everyone have a great night!

I was on Adderall for 5 and then Vyvanse the last 2 years and I went cold turkey the Saturday before New Years of this year. Different ways of quitting works better for different people. Your doing great so far so hang in there and keep going! I never thought I could quit, I was too scared or weak too and kept making excuses but look at me now. I know I'm not even at 1 month and still have a long journey ahead of me but it's been a hell of a ride so far and I'm on a path to become the best possible me I can be. Even better than before the drugs. It's been hard but it's so worth it. I feel like a real human again. I feel genuine and organic and not like a crazy, speed out robot with life blasting by in a blink of a eye. I'm excited for life and to be living. While on speed, I felt like I wasn't in control of my life or my feelings and I was always more on edge. Now I'm more calm and relaxed. You will have good days and bad days but overall your quality of life will be and get better. And the longer your clean, the stronger and better you start feeling along the way! If we can do it, you can do it and we're always here for you for support.

How are you doing Dave!?

Thank you sir!

Great first steps, keep it up... Your headed in the right direction my friend!

Day 23: free as a bird!!!!!!! Luckyducky: you got this, great job, keep going and feel better! Eat lots of yummy chicken noddle soup and watch lots of good TV

Thank you everyone so much for your wonderful, helpful answers. Both were amazing and I'm gonna try to incorporate everything you both said into this upcoming week/s. And I'm definitely going to read that article, it sounds great and so interesting. Thanks for sharing it. It's been really hard but I know this is the road I want to go down -- the clean and healthy one Thanks again!

How long does this PAWS last for and does it ever go away? I know it's different for everyone but I was just wondering what is everyones personal experiences with it?

I just asked a similar question to this! I had no idea you asked it haha Thanks so much!!! I've been so focused on my health and working out again lately without Adderall, I feel my motivative towards work is really lacking and I'm scared because I own my own business!!!!!

22 Days clean and I've mostly been luckly enough to focus on my health and body and trying to get my life together without Adderall and that has been pretty good so far. I still need to get myself together for work. I feel I have not been productive with my job lately. To be honest, I haven't done shit for it since quitting. I've done a few patterns but I still don't have much motivation towards my business (even with coffee). I'm self employed so I have to motivate myself or my business is going to go to shit. I have an Etsy shop and trying to get my LLC but I don't even have the focus to figure out how to get it without Adderall. Luckily, I'm also an indie/freelance designer and have been able to work on that lately and design new patterns but everything else though, not so much. I'm a little scared but with time, hope this will get better. Any advice or feedback with how you all have been able to get on with your jobs/work without Adderall would be appreciated! Thanks in advance

Hey everyone, Day 21 & 22: confirmed (yay!) Yesterday I woke up feeling a lot better, I think I just needed some sleep and I went to my 2nd hot yoga class yesterday morning. It was great, I'm super sore today. Hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend. I woke up this morning and it was SNOWING and freezing outside. I hope everyone keeps warm and safe in this weather. Today I feel really refreshed and have more energy than I have had -- I think from starting to work out and I started to eat extra clean and healthy yesterday. I think this will be a huge part of my recovery and healing process. Since quitting, I figured out I need to make a full 180 and completely change my lifestyle (old way of life full of Adderall, unhealthy eating, and drinking a lot) to never go back to that pill/unhealthy habits. So yesterday I made a personal tumblr blog (like an online journal) to write down and keep track of my lifestyle change and my process and progress. This may sound crazy but I'm trying to keep note of what I'm eating/putting into my body, my workouts, how I feel, recipes, etc. to keep me motivated and to inspire others. I think this will help me with staying clean and starting my healthy new lifestyle. I think this will help me be more consistent and motivate me to stay on track and not go back to my old, bad habits so we'll see. I'm taking it a day at a time. I think this will also help keep me motivated on days I want to give up, I can look back and see how far I've come. I think I have to do this because I'm the type of person if I'm gonna do something, I'm gonna do it 100%, completely and full heartedly. I'm not gonna do it half assed so my new addiction is this site and my health and fitness. Let's do this together guys! I've been vegetarian for the last (almost) 8 years and recently I've started eating more veggie proteins like nuts, soy, etc. and drinking a lot more water and I feel this has been giving me much more energy and making me less hungry, which is great. I feel like I've overcome my first small hurdle. The key for success for everyone is different but I just wanted to share what I think may work for me. For the last 3 weeks, I've been starving and sooo sleepy. Even though it sucks and is no fun to be so healthy, it feels great and I already feel a difference. I'm trying to convince myself, this is what I need to do for survival. Everyday I feel stronger and healthier and it makes me never want to go back to my old, crazy Adderall ways. Luckyducky - Don't worry about it. I think you should forget it happened and just try to quit again today. I agree with everything Ashely and Justin said, try to figure out why you used and get to the root of the problem but don't beat yourself up too much. When I feel strong temptation or I'm bored, I go on this site. This site and all these amazing people on here are a Godsent. Maybe it wasn't the right time for you. If your in school, you might have to wait for the right time, during a week off or a light semester. I quit during the recent Christmas/New Years break but I'm not in school anymore. I definitely think in your case, you should get rid of the pills. I have read a lot of people here stopped when their bottle ran out. Or you can always try to ween yourself off of it (little by little) instead of going cold turkey - that way works for some people better. It really just depends on the person and their situation. But don't give up! We believe in you and you have the power to quit for good, just try again! I love this quote by Michael Jordan - "I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." Because he never gave up and always persevered! I actually have "perseverance" in red tattooed on my wrist. How is everyone else doing today?

Great job Justin, we're so proud of you, that is awesome and welcome FreeBird, it's great to have you here! I'm a newbie too, we can DO this! I think I'm running a fever though, I feel terrible and probably shouldn't be on here (haha people may think I'm wasted messaging or something) so I'm gonna hit the hay early but hopefully I feel better in the morning and can talk to you all tomorrow Goodnight!

Hey everyone! Thank you so much Justin, Freedom's Wings, and Jon -- ya'll have been AMAZING!!! Day 20: success I'm not feeling too good today guys, I think I may have a fever. I'm not sure though. I'm gonna hit the hay early tonight and hope I wake up feeling way better and able enough to go to yoga. . . because I didn't go today I've been in bed all day. I also hope I feel better tomorrow so I can get on here and talk to all the new members and of course, the awesome regulars. And I have a lot of work to get done. It's been hard. I need to step up my game. Hope everyone is doing well. Hearts!

Haha!! I am on day 19 guys WOOT WOOT!!!! I never thought I would get so far. Thank you all so much for everything, I love this site and it reallt has made all the difference in my staying clean. I meant to get on here sooner, been so busy! I didn't get to go do yoga today I was wayy to sore... I felt like Gumby when I got up lol My arms hurt so much like someone pulled them. I will try to go tomorrow morning and start the 30 classes/30 days challenge!!! I'm so glad LuckyDucky is on here now too, you go, we got this and thank you Justin and Freedom's Wings for all the support, you both ROCK my socks... Speaking of socks, I am a Jets/Mets fan so that makes me a Boston fan as well!!! I'm totally corny but I love that song, it never gets old I gotta go to bed guys but hope everyone had an amazing day and I will talk to ya'll tomorrow!

Thank you so much Justin! I appreciate it and everyones support so much. It means a lot. I think my new addiction is this site... Day 18: Check This morning I got up early and did my first Bikram Yoga (hot yoga) class for 90minutes and it was AMAZING -- I think I'm already hooked. At the end, I was dizzy and thought I might pass out but before I knew it, it was over and almost 2 hours later, I feel like a million bucks. You guys, I'm not kidding, I feel high on life right now. You all should try it and you may get hooked too. My mind and body is at ease but more focused and motivated at the same time, than it has been since quitting! I'm thinking/hoping this will give me energy for the rest of the day. I also think starting my day off with exercise is helping me to stay on track being/eating healthy, which is great. Not only am I doing this 30 day "clean" challenge, tomorrow I think I will sign up for the 30 day/30 classes "Bikram Yoga" challenge… woot woot! Hope everyone is doing wonderful, I'll send love towards everyones way

I love this! What a great idea. Count me in Day 17: CHECKMATE!!!!! It's been hard so far. Went for my first exercise (Off the "A" word) Saturday -- which was my 2 week mark of being clean. I was able to jog for an hour but since my legs have been killing me. I'm still very hungry and tired all the time, can't focus and have a lack of motivation to do anything besides stay off this bad stuff. On a brighter note, overall I feel pretty damn good, happy, and thankful to be alive! Life is more beautiful on the other side. *Thank you guys for starting this!*

Your beautiful!!! You go girl. You look so much happier and healthier in the 2nd pic and so much more alive! I feel I looked the same way in my speed days. Man, I used to wear the craziest shit and I went to art school so anything goes. It was out of control. I think people were able to completely tell I was on a bunch of adderall back in the day and I look back like "what the hell was I doing?" I was nuts. I would spend hours cleaning and redecorating my room when I was supposed to be studying and doing homework haha I completely thought I WAS getting away with being a drug addict too!!! Me and my roommate, our first and second year of college on adderall looked like and wore clothes like the Olsen twins. I think we thought we were them. I remember once my mom and dad picking me up from the airport and asked me "where is my daughter and who is this bag lady?" I used to wear the baggiest / biggest clothes to hide my skinny, cracked out body haha It feels good to be clean now! I want to never go back but I'm not gonna lie, I had the time of my life but now it's time for me to grow up!!! I'm really proud of you and you've been very helpful on this site and an inspiration to me so thanks girl!

Hey. Nice to meet and hear from you! You wrote a lot and I still have brain fog from not taking addy so I don't really know where to start. I can completely relate with you and your story on some levels during different times of my use though. So know your not alone, my friend. Your not the only one in this battle/war. To start, maybe you should do what Jon suggested and find a different psychiatrist. You looked for and found this website for a reason so I take it your on the fence of quitting or not. Maybe you should write a list of the pros and cons of quitting -- kind of like you did but maybe a shorter list with bullet notes. I also think you need to take a while and really reflect on what you want and how you want to live the rest of your life. You may not think so but you have a choice. And you have the power to change. There is life without Adderall and it is actually a better, healthier, more balanced and fulfilling life but you have to fight for it and work even harder for it. A life without Adderall for an addict/someone recovering isn't going to be easier (than life on it) but it will get easier with time. With time, you won't even think about it anymore but that may be a long way away. I will be 2 weeks clean tomorrow and it hasn't been a walk in the park but it has't been as bad as I thought either. I stopped taking it during the Christmas/New Years break and that has really made all the difference in the beginning of my recovery. I suggest you quit during a break from school or during a light semester. I'm not dying without it. Life goes on. If anything, I feel stronger and more free. I feel lighter. More like a human. Yes, I'm cranky and tired and hungry as shit and I gained 5lbs already in 2 weeks (which is a lot on my 5'4" frame) but that is the price I'm willing to pay and live with, to live a life without "A"... I will learn to get my willpower, motivation, body, health, fitness, mind, soul, energy, drive and focus back soon enough. You said you've spent most of your life on Adderall so if you ask me (note: I'm not a doctor at all / I'm just giving you my personal feedback) I would try to be without it. You just have to do your homework, research, etc. and prepare yourself, know what to expect and plan out your recovery because you will be more likely to succeed. Also this site has been really helpful. This community and support system has meant the world to me these past few days. What also really helps is reminding myself why I choice to quit and get my life back. I already feel more at peace with myself and less crazy. My thoughts are more calm. Before Adderall, I felt kind of like the Scarecrow from the "Wizard of Oz." Like you, I have bad ADHD and my life wasn't as great as I wanted it to be. I felt like I wasn't living up to my full potential. I not only have ADHD, I'm dyslexic and was diagnosed in the 1st grade with learning disabilities. It took me longer to learn to read and write but I was always extremely advanced in drawing, in special art classes, and super creative. Hence, I ended up graduating from one of the best art/design schools 2 years ago. But because of that, threw out school (before college) kids would tease me and call me "stupid," which really really hurt. That is why I felt like the Scarecrow, I was always looking for my lack of "smarts" (my brain, you could say) so when I found Adderall, I was hooked and not only that, it helped me lose weight so that was a bonus. But now on the other side like the Scarecrow at the end of story, I'm realizing I'm smart and I didn't (and don't) need Adderall and the Scarecrow didn't need Oz. What we were looking for and wanted, we had inside all along, the entire time. And you do too. You have that power inside you to overcome taking Adderall and ADHD. You just need to realize that and figure out how to. And you need to want it enough and want it enough for you. Not for anyone else. You kept saying "you love when your not on adderall" but your friends and family don't like how you act. I think you should stop telling them when your off it, if you do. If that is why your scared to quit, you need to stop making excuses and do this for you. And your life and overall well-being. Your friends and family will still be there for you threw this rough time and if they aren't, we will be. And if your friends don't understand or don't stick around, they aren't real friends to begin with, if you ask me. I see Adderall now as a crutch or excuse. And I'm 25 years old, I'm done using crutches and making excuses. In the end, I know, I have the power to be who I want to be and get what I want to get out of life and that is a person and life without Adderall. And that is the path I'm choosing to go down. Goodluck… I hope this has helped. I don't mean to sound like a corny syfy movie or anything but you have the power within you!

I'm with ya buddy. I have to keep reminding myself WHY I'm doing this in the first place. Like you, for a better life -- not only a better life but hopefully a longer, healthier, more fulfilling and happier one. Make a list for yourself if you haven't already and/or use post it notes. I've been trying to pretend like the "a" word doesn't even exist. Today has been the hardest day of my recovery so far and it sucks. I'm lying in bed right now freaking out of all the stuff I gotta do and get done and I go back to work again Friday. Yeah, it's gonna take way longer w/o it but it's so much more worthwhile doing it the nonadderall way. We got this. You got this. You can do it! Just hang in there and stay strong. Pick a long, happy life. Not a short, unhappy one on that shit. You should try Hemp oil and Grape Seed Extract. I just started and LOVE this stuff. I haven't had bad depression but it's probably because I'm on day 11 and I'm on Zoloft. I had to get on it a few months ago and I think I became depressed bc of the addy and mixing it with booze or wine for so long, I think I made the chemicals in my brain unbalanced. Before taking addy, I was never depressed nor does it run in my family. I do feel like poop today thow. My head hurts, I have no energy or motivation to do anything. All I want to do is eat and sleep. Hopefully once I feel better being off the addy, I can get off the zoe. My end goal is taking nothing besides natural/healthy supplements. We can do this. Just think about WHY your doing this and the life you want in your head and how to get there. Goodluck, you got this.

Thank you all so much for your thoughts, advice, etc. It really helps me. so much. I'm on day 11 And today has to be one of the hardest days so far. I woke up, my head hurts, I'm so tired and have no energy. This sucks. I quit over the Christmas/New Years holiday break and have been visiting my bf in FL for new years, I was supposed to fly back home Monday but my flight got canceled (from the weather) so I'm flying back home tomorrow. Since my quit I haven't had work so I'm scared quitting is going to be way harder once I'm home again/Friday when I have to go to work again. Ugh, I'm not looking forward to it. This is the longest in 6-7 years I gone without taking the "a" or "v" words. I don't think at the end here (b4 quitting) I was most addicted, I think I was more so the first 4-5 years when I was on Adderall and still in college. The last 2 (years) I have been on Vyvanse. I just try to keep reminding myself all the reasons why I quit -- wellness, to be alive and healthy again, to not be crazy, to be naturally kind and loving again, to get my energy and hyperness back (again hopefully one day), to not overthink things and think everyone is out to get me, and to not be depressed or have OCD negative thoughts anymore. Which I have never had or been in my life until being on Adderall and Vyvanse, that totally saids something! Ashely -- that is so true. I never thought or asked myself "why am I hanging on to them?" I think what you said is dead on ("what if I need them"); esp. since I have to go back to work soon. I probably should get rid of them asap. Thanks for looking out!

I have the same problem. I'm 10 days clean and still have my nasty bottle, a deadly 3 month supply. I haven't done anything to it yet and lucky haven't taken any since the big quit. This quit for me has been a long time coming and I'm so proud of myself so far but I have a long way to go. I can't think of it in that form (the bigger picture) because that may scare the shit out of me and make me want to quit quitting so I set myself smaller goals. Literally, I take it a day at a time, just like while running, I take it a mile at a time (regardless my overall daily goal of 6 miles). This helps me a lot. I was going to ask everyone a similar question so I'm glad you did. Everyone on here may think I'm nuts and this is so stupid and may lead to my relapse but I don't think I want to throw away my bottle. Yes, it is way easier to fall off the van wagon again but the way my mind works is if I don't have something -- I want it WAY more and can't stop thinking about. I feel this method is working for me because I'm gaining back my self control and will power. Which is something I never had -- I was a teen before taking addy and then addy gave me everything I wanted and then took it all away. I need to rebuild my willpower and control, motivation, concentration, and drive, etc. I don't know what to do. Do you all think I'm crazy for hanging on to them and think I can't be successful at never taking them again if I have them in my mitts?

Hey girl! If I were you I wouldn't do it. It would be too tempting to fall back into your old ways. You've been SO strong and good so far. 64 days clean, you go girl, that is AWESOME! I am only on day 10. You can do this, just keep telling yourself that. Your strong and a fighter like the rest of us here. If you ask me, it is too easy to just pop that little pill. Don't take the easy way out. Remember and remind yourself why you quit in the first place and that adderall is NOT your friend. It is the devil on your shoulder. And your better than it and don't need that shit. For your bad anxiety, I suggest talking to a friend, doing art, reading, playing with your dog, shopping, or going for a jog or any form of exercise to help relax you and release endorphins… This article is "How to Release Endorphins: 10 Steps:" http://www.wikihow.com/Release-Endorphins If you are feeling stressed, it is best to avoid caffeine, which can sometimes add and worsen anxiety. Maybe run to the health food store and try the product, Calm by Natural Vitality: The Anti-Stress Drink. I really like it but if you take anti-depressants you aren't supposed to take it and mix. I know it is hard but you can do it. What I've been trying to do is just not think about it and that it even exists. Seriously, I'm pretending like "a" was never even invented. I don't know how long this is going to work but that where my head is at right now. I will do anything to not take it anymore. Also, think about how you will feel after it wears off and how guilty/shitty your gonna feel, that may make a difference! Goodluck