Frank B

Ok I've had a migraine tonight and vomited. I had no idea withdraw from caffeine is like withdrawing from crack or something. But I was consuming way too much so guess my body is shocked like "Where the fuck is the caffeine dude? " Hope this is worth doing guess just love to torture myself at this point

Day two actually of no caffeine. I decided to stop because I've been buying 5hr energy drinks that give me the quickest shot of caffeine. Two problems I don't really feel any different and they are expensive. Had a bad headache most of the day which is a typical caffeine withdraw symptom. So maybe why I'm in a foul mood but tired of wasting money on crap that does not work for me.

Think I'm gonna give up caffeine also it does nothing . I should just embrace living like a freaking Mormon I guess.

I watched wolf of Wallstreet love that movie boy reminds me of how I somewhat lived my life just fucked up but making money not as much as him course lol. : "On a daily basis I consume enough drugs to sedate Manhattan, Long Island, and Queens for a month. I take Quaaludes 10-15 times a day for my "back pain", Adderall to stay focused, Xanax to take the edge off, pot to mellow me out, cocaine to wake me back up again, and morphine... Well, because it's awesome." Not trying to glamorize my drug use or his from the movie just in a funk wondering if the rest of my life will be a boring shit fest of being a lazy fuck with low ambitions. I always been on drugs in some form or another since a freshman in high school I always needed them to feel happy not to fit in etc. Just wish I could be happy sober but it's so fucking boring just how I feel now sure it will get fucking better whatever blah

Sick of not finding interest in so many things I used to. Why do I still think laying around in bed on my off time is better then doing things enjoying life getting fucking old

Good advice having a postive outlook for the future is key. I feel in my own mind trapped like I won't allow myself to think postive or Im waiting for the right time to have a better outlook and allow myself to be free. I'm going to do what I should have already focus on postive thoughts today not wait for tommrow thanks for your post!

I think if you read my post I wouldn't have gone through the trouble of listing supplements to possibly try if I truely thought none of them helped and were not worth trying. I simply said what you did 'don't expect a miracle' your right because most of them do absolutely nothing and majority of the time it's a placebo affect. If it works even just in your mind then it's worth doing. I see often on here from time to time in this section people pushing hard some supplement where it's obvious they are only on here to advertise. That shit pisses me off trying to make a buck from people just looking for hope from this drawn out recovery.

You sure haven't posted much on here to be talking trash. Sounds like you have a hidden motive to possibly push a certain product you may have investments in yourself? I never stated I expect a miracle from any supplements and listed what I use and others have used on here that might help. Sorry no link to whatever you posted and feel others should buy.

Never fucking said I did majority don't do shit.

It does get better your in the thick of the battle right now I recall 3 months -6 months the hardest. I still feel pretty numb to most emotions but Im getting better. Slowly Im getting more ambitions for long term goals now I just need to start acting on them but also taking it slow day to day. I posted this topic to encourage anybody to say how they are feeling it shouldn't be just when they feel good in recovery. If you go to NA you know a support group isn't about just bragging when something good happens leave that fake egotistical crap for Facebook.

Just for the record today I feel sort of like I'm on adderall, not in a good way. Been a little stressed getting everything ready for the school year to begin sort of feel my heads in the fog from stress/anxiety again blahh! Backs been hurting too miss pain pills but need to start working out again noticed when I lifted etc had less pain.

Doing pretty good works slowing down some which means I need to hit the gym again. Still frustrated my locker got broke into but the truth is with all the stuff I have to work out at home I simply do not. I even go to the gym just to run outside but at home wont even run around my own neighborhood. I guess its actually going to the gym that tells my brain its time to focus on working out at home too many distractions. I never canceled my membership because I thought this may happen guess I wont bring anything but my membership card inside sad you cant trust people these days.

Been kind of dead on here lately just checking in lol.

Love the story how you obtained a script. I recall so many years ago the same rehearsed script to get mine then being like , "No Dr I'm not really sure what this adderal is you speak of." knowing damn well I hit the jackpot this idiot just gave me a script I came in here to get. But actually I was the idiot for getting hooked on this crap. You've already seen the dark side it took several years of fake bliss for most of us to figure out how bad this stuff is. You already know you gotta stop its not the answers to your problems in fact making your life already harder. Visit this site often and take the steps to ready yourself to stop using them.

I took xanax to crash after nights of addy, pain pills and alcohol I'm lucky to be alive. Xanax changes your brains chemistry you will end up needing it to just feel normal. Toss those pills away don't even consider it a option they are dangerous and highly addictive. After investing in countless supplements myself I really feel like majority are just snake oil remedies. Some people may benefit from certain ones if their body is actually not producing something offered in a certain supplement but seem to be rare cases. I still take a few supplements and multivitamins but never believe the hype on the expensive brands that claim to be a miracle pill. Ive heard to some people these below can really do wonders IF YOUR BODY IS LACKING, for me most did very little. Vitamin /Mineral Supplements Most Effective Vitamin D * Still use daily DLPA * Some on this site love it but did nothing at all for me. chromium picolinate * Diabetics beware affects insulin levels, some doctors claim it cures depression and helps curb appetite in some people. If your overweight and over eat this one is worth a try not expensive at all. Herbal Supplements Most Effective St. Johns Wort * Cannot take with some medications, I found them to make me even more tired personally takes 30 days to kick in and can get expensive taking full recommended doses. Ginko Biloba * Still use daily Green Tea * Still use daily 5-HTP Hope these help just basing these from personal experience and what I've read about them.

What anxiety overwhelming to you right now? Realistic problems you can work on or worried a loved one may die in a car wreck etc. For me personally I find it better to list down what I'm worrying about see what I can change or have no control over. Also I rarely watch the news while recovering call it selfish but I don't care. The media is based on selling fear so with the medication giving us bad anxiety out of nowhere who needs that additional bullshit.

So tonight after getting done working all day in a part of town I down get to very often I call my friend to see what he's up to and says come on by for dinner. Good guy nice family not a drug user by any means. So I'm at his nice house just chilling thinking I'm glad I'm not just rushing home to go to bed this is good. Anyways talking to his wife noticed a new scar on her neck she had some neck disk problem that I can't fully explain but she had surgery. Then she tells me " of course not knowing what I've gone through past months" I have all these pain pills I never used, I wish I could just sell them haha or just give them to some one who needs them. She said "They gave me a ton and I hate to toss them away but I don't like how they make me feel." I swear to God this happened I felt my heart drop then raced with adrenaline. A million thoughts raced through my brain so fast, the main voice told me "Hey pain pills wasn't you're big problem it was adderal , pain pills just made you feel happy nothing bad." I also said, " You've suffered enough just get a few pain pills be happy for once in 8 months! " Instead of listing to the voices I straight up said, " I know your semi kidding but want you to know I'm recovering from being addicted to pain pills please dont not talk about them and for shit sakes don't let me use your bathroom where the medicine cabinet is." She said ," Wow I can see how that can happen I liked them but stopped because I got sick once on them from a empty stomach." Anyways it's still racing in my mind how they have such a powerful impact, when I was popping them bet your ass I would have got all of them motherfuckers and played it off perfectly like I'm not a "addict" somehow. I'll say this not to take away from the brutal struggles of stopping adderal but if she would have told me "I have a bunch of adderall I don't need." I would have been like, " No not for me." I would not have felt the need to say why , pain pills opioids just on such a different level of seduction especially after a long work day. Anyways hope this is entertaining I don't know had to share the taste is still so fresh in my mouth glad I said no but damn that was close!

"That sounds intimidating considering you're having to self-motivate in order to keep your business afloat. " It's been a challenge but I really enjoy the job itself. People call me to fix something they need to be comfortable it's a gradification. It's like helping people who are sick etc but a much easier task lol. The office work sucks off addy but loving what I do for a living has made it possible to continue off Adderal. The installs are the hard part physically and mentally and can be challenging. In the past was easy to take a pill to push me through the fatigue and a pill to take all the aches away. But I mostly do repairs which are not bad at all. I do installs a couple times a month but the money I make on them are pretty good motivation to take them on lol.

I did at times use Benadryl or Zquil on nights that the anxiety was going shit bat out of control. I know it's not good to depend on any drug if even over the counter but it did help.

Not sure what to say about the court order but try a vapor shop to help stop smoking.

Not sure what your asking.

The best part about stacking up time off this stuff is new memories off the drug. I keep thinking like every birthday this year holiday I'll recall a year ago I was on adderall. Now come thanksgiving I'll say last year I was not on adderall and I survived all that time without it. It's hard to believe now last Christmas I was already off it seems so long ago and don't recall the bad parts of just getting off the meds only the good things with my family.

Be strong her loss until she gets off that stuff nobody will make her happy.