SleepyStupid

hi @Zorena57 wow - what a powerful story, thanks for sharing! many people are quick to pass judgement on a parent medicating their child, but I believe stimulants can be an appropriate intervention for some patients. it's hard to say if stopping Adderall earlier would have made things different. it sounds like you have all had a challenging life, but so glad to hear that Danny is recovering in a way that will allow you to bond like you never have before (:

this is so true!!! also, it's so interesting how Adderall flips everything in your life on its head - most normal people would consider folding laundry as a "going through the motions" type of activity congratulations on 2 months! this is a huge milestone - welcome to the forums and hope you'll keep us updated on your progress (:

hi @guupo thanks a lot for finally sharing your story! I swear some parts of that sounded like me word-for-word (crazy to think that 4 to 5 days without sleeping was literally the norm for me at some points!!). so glad to hear that you've made it out the other side of this journey. we all have slumps from time to time, but I think that's just the human condition. (:

Testing creating a new post on the new server!

@dolssa just remember that all your hard work has not been erased! you've only been using for about a month or so - the acute withdrawal won't be as bad as it was in 2019 when you first quit, so give yourself a couple of weeks to readjust and you'll be right back to where you started on your recovery journey! (:

congrats @quit-once !! I love the imagery of the melted pill on the rock - an awful habit meeting an unyielding force. I too still consume (a bit too much) alcohol and weed. while I don't see myself stopping altogether, I would like to have a better relationship with them!

swamped

being mad at yourself is a good sign!! anger is a great motivator - use it to get yourself back on track! something to keep in mind is that when you quit again this time, the withdrawal won't be nearly as bad as it was last year. speaking from relapse experience myself, you'll still get the acute lethargy for a couple of weeks, but with the right mindset you'll be right back to where you left off on your recovery journey. it's not too late to just pick up where you left off (:

"adulting" reasonably well is about the best anyone can hope for, much less addicts great progress!!!!

^^^ well said guys! you need to give yourself permission to heal in the beginning while you're in the worst of the detox and withdrawal until the "real you" is able to think clearly about things (:

hi @OnSomething I'm sorry to hear about your past trauma, though discovering it's impact on your life can give you some control over it, and can be very therapeutic. it's kind of like in fiction where knowing the true name of a demon gives you power over it! Adderall as a coping tool is a story many of us know very well. there's no denying that when it works, *it works* , but it's simply not sustainable. for what it's worth, I think the most effective coping tools in first few months of your recovery journey will simply be distractions and forgiveness. you need to try to keep yourself distracted and occupied as much as possible. i know it's easier said than done because you won't feel like doing anything for a while, so even if it's just binging Netflix or video games, immerse yourself in something. if an activity that you enjoyed while on Adderall is too frustrating now, let it go for the time being. if you truly love it, it will come back to you later on down the road, but don't get trapped in a cycle of depression, constantly comparing to how it felt while on Adderall. the forgiveness part has to do with being kind to yourself. one of the hardest things in recovery is letting go of the guilt, remorse and embarrassment associated with your addiction. there will be plenty of time to unpack that in the future when you're thinking more clearly, but you need to be sober for long enough to actually get there. in the meantime, just forgive yourself enough to be a sleepy blob till you hit the first milestones of recovery - your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to just stay sober no matter what it takes! gl and keep us posted, we're here for you (:

this is awesome to hear! when I have those types of days, I certainly enjoy the heck out of them, but I wouldn't hold myself to that standard for "normal days". ...though I might be a little biased because I tend towards introversion and low energy activities

this all sounds like TREMENDOUS improvement!! I'm so sorry that your mother's comment robbed you of that accomplishment, but I think you've rightly recognized that it's not really her fault. our addiction is definitely unique, and the long term effects are seriously misunderstood. Pharm companies and doctors do a very good job of marketing Adderall as a "medication", but we all know it's just pharmaceutical speed. If you were addicted to "drugs", I'm sure your mother would never encourage continued use! hang in there - things are going to get A LOT better this year (:

@hyper_critical this is awesome, and just what people need to hear! when you're early in your recovery process, it's so hard to envision a future that's in fact better than anything Adderall could have delivered. I think something really important to consider is that even if you accomplish things on stimulants, you don't feel good about it. it feels like someone else really did the work. thanks for sharing your continued success (:

@dolssa first of all, congrats on a year!! this relapse doesn't erase all the great work you've done, so don't beat yourself up over it. it is very telling that that within 2 weeks of restarting Adderall, it's already a regretful, negative experience. unfortunately this won't stop the addict in your mind from rationalizing to stay alive. you need to listen to your heart on this on this one. listen to the version of you that's literally crying over this. you've been on this forum long enough to know that people make HUGE progress throughout their 2nd and 3rd years. give yourself that time, don't worry about "accomplishing things". 26 is so young - you have SO MUCH TIME to accomplish things! but when you do, you want to know that it was YOU not the pill, right? (:

Discipline!

oops I forgot about this last month lol - BUT I SHALL START TODAY! dry April - i'll keep yall posted

FORWARDDDDDD

this this this!!!! life is too short to wallow in regret! for those still struggling: just keep moving forward, even if forward means a different thing than it used to for you.

its crazy how obviously everyone see's the monster that we fail to see while we're strung out on speed! so glad to hear things are on the up & up for you. @LILTEX41 i'm doing pretty well (all things considered), though I have some life circumstances that have kind of stalled my progress to the "next stage". its not a bad thing necessarily but I'm kind of stuck in bachelor mode for another year or so lol. its nice because I still have a lot of time to myself, but has seen my alcohol and weed consumption go up quite dramatically. its crazy how quickly you can go from drinking a couple of nights a week to every night, immediately after logging out of work. i think i need a dry month to reset!! regarding the slowness around here, I know that activity kind of fluctuates pretty regularly, but I wonder if this time it coincides with the lockdowns and many people working from home? Adderall is the kind of addiction that is perfectly happy to be home all day with little to no supervision from bosses or interruptions from co-workers (or people, or family or basically anything!)

this is awesome news - congratulations!!! things are a little slow around here lately, but that's indirectly a good thing? lol looking forward to hearing about this exciting project!

sleeeeeeepyyyyyy

hi @TheRealBigfoot welcome to the forums! congrats on finally taking the plunge - 10 years is a long time! certainly, it is going to take some time for your natural energy levels to return, but you'll feel progress along the way. first couple of months you'll feel like a zombie, then staying awake through the day will become easier but your energy will be unfocused. learn to recognize and appreciate the small but decisive steps, challenge yourself when you feel ready (that fence project seems perfect!). don't worry about "losing" weight - eat healthy, but eat enough that you're satisfied. just listen to what your body wants for a while till your past the initial hump! (: gl and keep us posted!

totally this^! another thing along the same lines - consider quitting social media for a while. everyone posts the best versions of themselves and when you're feeling really shitty about yourself, it can easily lead you to a spiral of comparison and shame. curious whether you had the insulin resistance tested and diagnosed? I had the same suspicions for some time, also some related diabetic symptoms like swelling of hands and feet. I never got tested but I think I'm fine, though I still have a bad GI system and lots of bloating (mainly from spicy foods which I used to be able to eat no problem). I am not sure of the specific metabolic mechanisms at work, but I do believe that years of stimulants will have some lasting impact. wish I had more concrete advice on this, but I suspect that we simply need to work harder than normal for a while!

hi @LuLamb this certainly could be PAWS. i've experienced similar types of anxiety attacks, months after quitting, though I liken it more to a mild PTSD effect. I also had a very specific trigger for the episodes: it would be when I was driving down a certain stretch of road on the way home from work, and suddenly my mind would flood with all these anxious thoughts, worrying that there tons of things I'm forgetting about that are piling up (unpaid bills, errands, IMPORTANT SHIT!). in reality, I was doing pretty okay. I think part of the problem is that we don't let ourselves truly believe that we're okay. there's some lingering sense of "residual damage", its almost like your subconscious doesn't trust your conscious mind that everything is okay. It may be that deep down you're still waiting for a sign (like a big accomplishment or win) to truly feel normal again. those anxiety attacks subsided for me once I had firmly convinced myself that I was "recovered". that said, if the anxiety is crippling or interfering with your progress, you could see a doctor about it but be careful with prescriptions - anti-anxiety and benzos are often MORE addictive than stimulants! hope you feel better, you've made such amazing progress (: