Frank B

I understand the sleep issue its like all day I want to sleep then bed time its hey whats on my DVR? I normally take something to help sleep every night. I use Melatonin, Z-Quil and benadryl find if I rotate them I get the best results. One of the meds I also quit that was hard was xanax that really use to knock me out after indulging on addy but that shit changes your brain chemistry started having massive anxiety if I skipped a day. One day I just freaked out while driving I had to pull over in a parking lot and just sit for a hour to calm down knew that day it was time to quit xanax. I never experienced that besides the time I was subscribed Zoloft it was pretty similar why I don't trust any SSRI's although my doctor says I should try them again even though I had a complete mental breakdown on them nearly submitted myself to the ER. I still have cravings for pain pills but dont feel that addiction holds a candle to the long term after effects of adderall. It feels good to let loose on here although hope my words do not persuade anyone to give up its worth the fight give it all you can its just a long battle that sometimes seems never ending.

Thanks for the positive feedback even when my message is not so positive. I should probably hit up a NA meeting its been awhile they always make me feel better after going. Just want to be a hard worker provide for my kids like I use too. Now Im budgeting everything never had to live like this I never was a big spender but always had money saved for when they needed something. Now I'm living in debt and instead of getting motivated to work harder I still slack a lot big time. I'm sure that my motivation is improving but I want more and just so tired of waiting for my brain to kick back into gear. The only thing that gives me hope is I know that Im not back to my normal self this was not me pre-addy I started my own business without adderall I had a strong drive but of course found addy and I took off with unlimited stamina and will power. But of course that came to a end plus being a Oxycontin addict didn't help. I know if I go back to adderall Im giving up on life itself hints why referenced dying of a heart attack because Id rather die vs being a adderall junkie again. On a positive note I found a new supplement that seems to be helping my depression some. Its a little to early to know if its actually making a difference or its a placebo effect. If I keep improving on it I'll post about it in the supplement section.

I'd like to say your dead wrong it gets so much better. But you know what fuck you might just be right it's 14 months for me and I still work like a 90 year old man. Sure I can hit the gym etc be fine. But when it comes down to bust your ass earn a hards day pay im truely pathetic. I've done everything on here eat right, take supplements, exersize and it's still the same. Fucking sick of it people say keep going etc but no ones donating to my family to keep me going nor should they. Fact is we all need to work some harder then others and if we can't do that how can we survive? I haven't been honest on here for awhile try to stay positive for people trying to quit but know what I don't have much to be positive about and no one has a fucking solution besides keep sticking it out 2, 3 , 5 years when does it end ?!?!! I really don't know what to do my mindset at this point if I go back on addy die of a stroke and can give my kids life insurance money they will be better then having me not making money at all because I can't get my act together being a dead beat motherfucker. Something has to change soon I'm at a breaking point with this "recovry" bs fucking heroin addicts recover in less time. Just look at all the other substance abusers when they quit get their life's back then look at us we quit year later we'll I still can't really work hard , I hate work, everyday fucking sucks but I'm sober. This is my rant maybe tomorrow will be a better day but sick of keeping all these feelings bottled up.

Trinity I feel you 100% ! I know this site helps tried to stay off it a month made it couple weeks. Thought maybe I was not moving on because I kept coming back here and focusing on being a ex addict. But what I've found is this site is very important we are a small minority of the population going through the excact same thing helps to hear from others and give encouragement. I hope to get back to who I was pre addy know I'm not at that point yet. I'm not looking to be superman again but like you said just be a productive member of society.

Funny never heard of flax seeds until a week ago used it to make some protein energy balls they turned out pretty good. Sort of enjoy cooking meals etc now such a difference before I got pissed having to slow down and eat took up too much time.

I waste to much time on them myself log on this site from my phone why I'm always on here. I should probably try quitting it myself lol

Go Chiefs! Its hard brother do the best you can try not to give in again. Exersize vitamins and eating right help but time alone off it seems to be the only way to get back to normal motivation levels for work.

Hopefully your passion for photography should come back. Just do your best to get by however you can. This is why so many can't quit not because they don't want to its bills keep coming and doesn't wait for you to recover. It only made it worth my while to stop addy when I finally saw that adderal no longer helped me profit it was doing the opposite I couldn't focus on what made me money instead in some fantasy land doing things that were more of a challenge to my adderal brain vs paying the bills. I'll be honest I'm a year out and I still struggle getting my shit together still feel a little lost still hope and pray I have the motavation and energy to keep working harder and get totally out of debt that mostly this drug created. But I had no alternative I know if I never stopped addy I'd be in a way darker place if alive at all. I think part of my problem now is I'm in a bad relationship I feel trapped in. It's a long story but think if I was single or in a healthy relationship I'd be in a much better place by now. I don't know why I put up with it and then again i do my son. Anyways going off track here hope you tough it out and quit for good it's worth it even with all the bs that comes with it.

If you don't mind me asking what kind of work you do?

I feel I'm starting up that last hill still raining on me some but getting closer to feeling back to who I was before addy I'm feeiling the changes for the better more often lately.

You know the diet has helped a lot I was against it for awhile but now sticking to it pretty hard core. One thing I find funny is how eating like total shit is just considered the "American Way" u go against it your some damn hippie. When you don't eat junk food or fast food you realize how much media brainwashes you that it's how you can enjoy yourself. It's funny in between a Taco Bell or Doritos commercial a anti tobacco ad comes on. Says how uncool it is to give money to Big Tobbaco and it's not cool to smoke. But every other ad is people eating just total crap. What about giving money to all those huge food corporations they give two fucks about your health! You eat enough crap it's really no less harmful then tobacco. Here is a story of why kids these days are pressured into eating crap . I happen to be at my sons school for a birthday party. The parents brought pizza for lunch ice cream and cake for desert. Of course kids all wanted pizza and hey when your that young it's not that bad for you. But here was what's messed up a few kids did not want cake, the parents had a look of belief told the other kids "Can u not believe he no want cake? "(They were Mexican ) anyways after the parents and pressure from peers they all decided to eat cake. Why the hell is that? If a kid doesn't want cake just say ok or you sure? then move the hell on. We got this kids on very high sugar diets and wonder why they all have ADHD. I'm not a perfect parent I wish my kids are better but you know right now I'm at least setting a example so maybe when they get older think," Dad ate this and that worked out maybe that's what I should do now." at least I hope that's the case got my oldest to stop drinking pop with me so already seeing it work.

Pic feels pretty close to my outlook and reality.

I consider working any 8hr-10 hr day in a office behind a computer or on a construction site building stuff off adderall true hard work. Working a 48 hrs straight non stop marathon which I did on adderall was not true hard work. It was cheating and dumb and I regret doing it and lucky to be alive pushing myself to those limits. I only accomplished that because I was stung out on adderall and sometimes pain pills too. You can't compare the sober you vs adderall you not worth it adderal you is a cheater who didn't care about food, rest, health, family or friends. The sober you for the most part will hate everything besides wathching tv for a couple months you'll have to be patient try to start working out, eating right and do your best at your day job or school u can.

This time is your last u need to make drastic steps to beat this. If you have the outlook that maybe you will maybe you won't call in that new script adderal already won. You must make sure you have no access to that new script if you have one in writing burn that shit. Check out the campus counseling or find a local NA meeting it's free. It's hard and scary thought to quit for good I know but u can do this I was on this shit for years plus oxyContin and Xanax quit it all for a year plus now its possible.

Man stories like this should be posted on college campus. Your in real deep and feel ashamed but can't stop. Have you told your parents what is going on? You need help don't feel guilty abusing a powerful drug that was given to you by a doctor they are the ones to blame. People at one time could get cocaine and morphine tablets from a Sears catalog. Now do you blame them for getting addicted or Sears? It's sort of the same thing doctors giving out adderal scripts know the dangers of abuse yet they still do it to anyone who says, " I have a hard time concentrating , get distracted easily." Well who the fuck doesn't these days with smart phones instant access to unlimited info most which is just mindless bullshit. Good news /bad news. Good news you've only been on it a couple years so over all recovery will probably be shorter vs most of us. Bad news your on a really high dosage the physical withdraw will be pretty harsh sounds like you have little control to no control so cold turkey is probably the only way to go if somehow you can get into a in house rehab clinic go be your best hope. Talk to your parents if you haven't get this part of your life over ASAP it's a long recovery but worth it really have no other options if you want a meaningful life vs being a speed addict.

If you look up my older post I did quit caffeine 100% for about a month. I felt less anxiety for sure it was a good thing because I was using way too much caffeine. Now I do have a cup of coffee most mornings and maybe icetea at lunch but try to cut off any consumption by 1pm. Just be aware if you do cold turkey like I did u may have one night of terrible headaches and I even vomited from withdraw when I quit caffeine it was crazy. Overall quitting sugar and limiting my carbs to good carbs I think gave me more energy. Today is my cheat day had a big dinner roll with dinner felt tired after eating once you restrict your diet and then have what you normally ate all the time u really feel the difference makes you almost not want to cheat feeling u get is not worth it at times. Guess I'm a damn health nut now go figure went from drinking 4 cans of Redbull a day , few Dr. peppers eating Doritos or Mc Donald's popping addy all the time to one of those people who won't even eat bread and orders steam vegetables instead of fries for a side. But anyways back to the caffeine the more you use the less it does and the more you need it to just feel normal so try to cut back or do like my quit a month for the hell of it just to say u can and no drugs can control you.

Great your already seeing some benefits. The biggest thing I've learned but still struggling with at times is just being ok with myself. It's easy to get mad irrated with the lack of motavation but it's a slow recovery and being upset won't help.

Good to hear you are going to quit! It's a battle but this site helps a lot I'd say I'm addicted to it but rather be on here vs facebook. This site people are real not like Facebook putting on a fake show to promote how great their life's are.

Just had a really good workout tonight ate a bowl of oatmeal before I hit the gym felt it really gave me a good boost. Realized how much progress I've made hit the uneven training monkey bars for the first time since I started. I easily completed it a couple times. When I first started working out after quitting addy doing it once simply was not possible lol.

Could be right and maybe once we subconsciously forget that feeling felt in the past we can move on. I've often wondered if hypnotherapy could help speed up this recovery process but it's expensive and a crapshoot.

I think you need to focus on yourself right now if the new relationship was meant to be it still might down the road. Its really hard for anyone to understand what this is like its horrible and dont blame you for not moving even if you really wanted to. If you think not tapering and staying on adderall would have been worth this new guy you are wrong. Maybe you feel cold turkey would have been better for me it wasn't I failed going cold turkey. Doing the step down worked been a year plus clean going that route but I stepped down pretty fast not how the doctor recommended I recall when I stepped down to 10 mg it did way more harm then good so only took it a couple days before finally quitting.

Unless your competing in the Olympics I wouldn't skip a cheat meal once a week life's too short just my take. Sounds like your in good shape maybe bump up the cardio a little more but if your going for the muscle mass look it may take some of that away. Im a medium build when I stopped addy I got up to 200 now around 185 avg like to reach 175 and maintain. Ive been really laying off the carbs if I do eat some besides my cheat meal ( or day) try to do it before a work out. Overall Im in the best shape since I was in my early 20's I wish that carried over to energy levels but Im still the laziest Ive been in my life its frustrating I go to a gym run couple miles hit weights eat healthy and feel tired most of the time!?! I guess adderall must really fuck something up in us and only time itself can truly heal each month gets a little better just at a snails pace. One day I just want to stop thinking about adderall altogether think when that happens you know your healed a few people on here have reached that point but its well after a year of quitting. I have no craving to take the pill but I use it as a excuse for my laziness and so tired of that mindset.

Good progress I'll try to do in comparison when I get time. Have you considered not worrying about calories and focus on cutting out carbs much as possible? I feel personally it's way more beneficial to loosing weight. Also do you mix in cardio into your workouts or just do weights? Just thinking those two things might get you where you want to be.

I'd say quitting and taking on a new job is a bad idea. Personally would take a month off if possible to get your head right. May not be a option for you bills don't stop etc I understand believe me. But your in the, "If I only take one for this" state of mind. So u take one for the interview bet you'll need to take one for your first day to impress then you'll need to keep taking each day to stay the course then you'll probably need to take more each day because one isn't doing it. So when would actually stopping be a reality if you take on a new job right now? Just my opinion sounds like for the most part you have this all under control.