Doge

This one was originally intended to be about people but with some interpretive flexibility it applies quite well to those god damn stupid little pills. I am letting them infect my thoughts so much over the past couple months it drives me crazy. So this one is resounding with me. Go Will! I love him.

That is a good point. I may be using the term incorrectly but when I hear "dependence" I think of my body adapting to the drug, which is pretty easy to slide out of with a couple weeks of abstinence. "Addiction" on the other hand, is a fucking BEAST to deal with and (from what I am seeing from the veteran users of this site, and from my own experience of course), freedom from which is a battle that takes years of fighting one day at a time.

I don't think it's miniscule, it's that spark of humanity, of living in the moment. Adderall smothers it to the brink of death. It is a noble reason to quit, and you can do it! I definitely hear you there. I am living that challenge now. I am lazy, I can't stay on task or be disciplined when I really need to. I'm finding that building good habits is really hard, and it's really easy to fall off the wagon and get lazy again and have to start the climb all over again. But the spark, the zest for life, desire to love and be loved, the ability to experience intense and genuine, that's the really important distinction, emotion is worth enduring every failed achievement that comes as a result of quitting. Welcome to the forum; you are among friends. Let us know how we can help you!

I'm going to chime in with agreement as well. To be honest I wince whenever I read something along the lines of "I was supposed to refill my prescription yesterday but I'm not going to do it!". I try to be positive in my response but in reality I'm usually skeptical about the chance of success. Because I swore I would do this for months and months and months and my relapses were like clockwork until I finally just came clean and got myself actually cut off permanently. My advice is don't risk delaying or ruining your recovery just to avoid embarassment.

Woo hoo!!!!!!

Thank you so much for sharing your story. While I do think you are being unnecessarily hard on yourself, I can totally relate to your pain and anger with yourself. Remember adderall is powerful though, and you weren't yourself. Ohhhh man I forgot about the numb feet... They go away when you quit I swear! yep you just nailed it there. I smoked 3 packs in a day one time. I don't even smoke or crave a cigarette in the slightest anymore (or ever did before adderall). I know that feeling. Good part our souls never actually left. I think they just hibernate as a coping mechanism. Robin Williams said that the memory fog people experience looking back on years of drug addiction is actually our consciences going into witness protection program. Definitely a ring of truth to that in my case. Awesome! Congratulations on your great choice and positive plan. We are here for you too welcome to the boards!

it is a great thread

maybe I'll just start eating more bananas then after my last flu-like experience with tyrosine I didn't take another one for quite a while. I took one a couple hours ago about an hour before going to the gym. Maybe exercising right afterwards made my body handle it better and I noticed only positive effects. again though, bananas do taste so much better and no risk of negative side effects!

that one sums up the illusion of productivity quite well

waking up is a process. that is for sure People who don't even drink coffee.... they blow my mind.

I hope you really have found something that works for you. And I don't mean to come across as negative but it is worth noting that I for one never noticed any of the negative side effects of adderall when I first used it. I was already hooked (but of course didn't know it yet) by the time I did. I admit I'm talking about stuff I don't know anything about really, but my adderall experience has put a real 'anti-drug' theme on my brain.

Another thing is the part that is entirely psychological. I remember the first few times I took adderall in the library (during the honeymoon phase). When I went to the bathroom and was washing my hands I looked at myself in the mirror and wasted a few minutes because I just couldn't get over how good looking I thought I was, LOL. But sometimes when I'm feeling blue, I look in the mirror and don't really notice my positive traits so much as zero in on the negative ones: blemishes, my lazy eye, how my hair looks like crap, etc. Couple this effect with the slow and steady weight gain from quitting and you have a recipe for a trend which is not worth wasting a thought on! Just stay focused on getting clean and things will just get brighter and better in general.

How bad do you want to quit?

yay i like stalking everyone's tickers

I'm not trying to crap on you here, but I've spent the last week wondering the same thing Nouedis. Often your posts have seemed *JUST* relevant enough to convince me you aren't a spammer, but some of your posts are a bit odd considering the overall theme/goal of this site. In particular: http://forum.quittingadderall.com/topic/2699-adderall-and-eating-disorders/#entry23007 What is with your comments on that thread? Anyways, sorry for thread hijack. Back to advice on school....

It's a very real concern (how would I cope with *insert crisis here* without adderall?) manifested in a non-realistic way (oh no zombies!!!).

Apples are a great way to satisfy sugar cravings. Lots of volume and they taste very sweet if you haven't had actual sugar in a while. Seriously try to eat 3 apples (approximately 150 calories) and not be at least mostly satisfied. AA - where did your ticker go? You stopped it after one year? Greg - I firmly endorse Wendys as superior for unhealthy experience, dollar for dollar (at least in Canada).

Not sure if this is what you were hoping for in responses, but I relapsed so many times I can't count. And due to my binge use fashion "relapsing" was synonymous with "scoring" for me since I quit once or twice per month. I think the crucial factor is stated in the article For me, deciding that, "I slipped because I cannot control my cravings and continuously talk myself out of quitting, despite the fact that I always decide to quit right after a binge/crash, when I realize I am not in control." So for me the change was that I needed to no longer stay silent about it, despite the fact that I wanted so bad to keep this private and not have to admit it to anyone. Recognizing that it was not within my power to quit on my own so I needed to ask for help from someone else in the form of having my supply cut off. EDIT: Of course I only did this after my very last relapse. All other relapses were just business as usual (involved a lot of laying around feeling sad and guilty) until I finally swallowed my pride.

I think it says something about my relationship with this drug (and perhaps my style of usage) but the ones that haunt my the most often are

You should be so proud of yourself! Treat yourself to a dinner out!

awesome article

league is the game I played for hours on end (30 hours straight one time) while chain smoking, once i stopped popping pills I realize that my *PASSION* for that game was ridiculously delusional, nothing to do now but look back , smh, and lol at it i guess, no pun intended haha I do like to play a bit of PS3 these days though so i am sometimes online PSN

I'm really happy to hear about your success. You are doing some awesome!

Just bought some L-Tyrosine today and took 1g last night and I felt pretty happy in the evening. This felt amazing since I spent the previous few days feeling really "relapsey" and stressed right out. I took 1g twice today and shortly after the second dose I got the migraine/nausea thing and was completely knocked down all afternoon. Definitely not something to take lightly so be careful with this one. I think I'll just go back to 1g tomorrow morning and see how that goes.

I tend to read posts when I'm having a crappy day and post my own when I'm having a good day. So it'd be easy to get a skewed sense of what life is like at 5 months clean for me from my posts alone. From what I've heard, 6 years is when you stop thinking about it at all. That's a long time from now but might as well make the most of it in the mean time by taking satisfaction in the small accomplishments! Btw, congrats on being sober for over a year. You are doing awesome and are a huge inspiration!