LILTEX41

So great!!! Happy for you!!!! Congrats on 2 years!!!!!!

Hi all, Found a good video just now explaining the process of addiction in the brain. Video shows effects of cocaine and methamphetamine. I looked it up and amphetamines do the same thing as methamphetamine in how it hijacks the natural process of pleasure/reward seeking in the brain. I think everyone needs to watch this, especially if you are just getting clean. Do not beat yourself up if you feel down in the dumps and like crap for the first year off this drug. As you can see in this video, adderall screws up the natural way in which are brain produces dopamine by flooding the synapse with excess dopamine and preventing reabsorption of dopamine back into the presynaptic terminal. I did not understand this process until just now and thought I should share it in case others of you were not aware. This is good to know as to what adderall is actually doing to our brains and it makes perfect sense as to why we feel awful when trying to get off of it in the beginning. I still can't believe they prescribe this crap to us like cotton candy. Makes me sick. Anyhow, through my own experience I can tell you eventually the brain gets rewired after you are clean long enough. You will find pleasure again in the simple things in life. Just don't be so hard on yourself if you're not there yet. It is a S-L-O-W process. And for me it was only after just even having clarity at times when I'd suddenly realize, "Wow, I haven't even thought about wanting adderall for months now. Holy shit. Sweet." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VUlKP4LDyQ#t=529.438038192 Also, it's kind of funny, but I looked up ways to increase dopamine and found this article on wikipedia. http://www.wikihow.com/Increase-Dopamine Funny how it mentions you can get on ADHD meds, but then it gives a warning at the very end and says: Warnings Many opioids, methamphetamine and other illegal drugs can increase dopamine release. However, these drugs come with a marked risk for addiction, cause a loss of dopamine by releasing more than is produced, and they can disrupt the way that your body naturally produces dopamine. You can end up feeling depleted, hungry, depressed and even suicidal after taking opioids or meth. You're disrupting your chemical balance--it's like giving yourself a mental illness. So don't do it. [11] Anyhow, I just wanted to post all of this so that you all can stop beating yourself up if you have been about not seeing magic rays of sunshine and rainbows in early recovery. Just know you are not weak and there is nothing wrong with you other than you took a drug that screwed up your natural brain's wiring. Time will reverse the damage and you can function again normally, but it's going to take some time to get back to that. Also, I've been feeling really great living off my plant based diet. I've been trying a lot of nutritional supplements like maca powder, camu camu, and other stuff that has been great. I can't stress enough the importance of plant foods. If you can try to incorporate as many of them as possible in your diet, I think you'll start feeling remarkably better and have lots more energy. Eat the rainbow of fruits and veggies and try to stay away from all the processed and refined crap. It makes a world of difference. Cheers to your recovery wherever you may be upon your journey. I am with you in spirit and sending positive energy your way!

Hey little Alice, Welcome to the site! Glad you're here! So the first thought that comes to my mind after reading your post is the lies you have been fed about this drug. We all have. We are sold on this illogical idea that we are not capable or we are somehow handicapped in a way that we need speed in order to succeed in life. I swear on my life this is the biggest hoax of crap big business (pill manufacturer's) aim to get us hooked. The truth is we are born with a beautiful body, mind, and soul that does NOT need drugs to function. We are capable of so many things in this life and it is only when we get hooked on these chemicals that all our dreams go up in smoke. We lose the natural born capacity we have and begin to believe we are not functional without this drug (SPEED). YES, at first it SUCKS getting clean from adderall. It's a real bitch. Your brain craves it so bad and you feel exactly like you stated above. How the hell will I ever do anything without it??? But I PROMISE you, you can and will. I think the first place to begin is to start seeing this drug for what it is - an addictive TOXIC POISON. Once you can stop believing that it is helping you and start seeing it as something that has stunted you and prevented you from being your most authentic self, you will begin to desire to change. It sounds like you are getting closer to that and that's good!! Yes, it is scary to imagine your life without it, but think of it as the most beautiful and rewarding experience of your life ahead. Much like a caterpillar going through metamorphosis into a butterfly. That is what you will get back to going through this process and it is worth it!! The next thing I'd do is to draw up a quit plan. Make a strategy, call the doctor, and tell everyone you can you're quitting and ask for support. Figure out if you want to taper or go cold turkey. Come to this site and share your experience. There is a lot of hope here. I wish you the best and just know you can do this!!

You are doing awesome!!! Great job!! You said, "I don't know what it is about this drug that pulls me back, but it does." Here is my answer. Adderall is a HIGHLY ADDICTIVE drug. Do not blame yourself for being weak to this poisonous crap. You are a human that has infinite potential and the longer you resist that little bird (devil) in your ear telling you it's good for you or it will help you, then it will get easier and easier. But right now your brain is literally still craving that crap and just know it's not your fault. My favorite tool to combat urges is called, "Playing the tape." When you want to use think back to the last time you used and what happened. Start from the beginning and work it all out to the end (like you did above). Then play the tape forward and imagine the whole scenario out if you don't act on the urge. Get specific and visualize how great it will feel and what you will do/how you will reward yourself for not acting on it. Because like you said, that little bird is going to come back and tweet in your ear. Be prepared for it and have a prevention plan in place for when it does. Thank you for sharing your victory with all of us!

OVERJOYED!!!! I did it. I facilitated my first Smart Recovery meeting and it went so well. It's only been 3 years since I did the training, moved 1200 miles back home, bought a condo, found a meeting relapsed on alcohol for 6 months, got 6 months clean time back (mandatory time to be a facilitator) and now finally facilitated my first meeting. Wow, it so rewarding. Feels great to check another item of the bucket list and finally be able to give back. Joy!

That is AWESOME!!!! Congratulations!!! Love hearing success stories!! Yay!!!!

Facilitating (my first face to face Smart Meeting on Monday).

Half Marathon in 7 hours!! Anxious!

Excited!

Hi Kam, Welcome to the site! So you didn't mention if you were planning on quitting when you ran out 3 weeks early. It doesn't sound like you really ever made a clear cut decision that you wanted to stop. I think it was great that you had 3 weeks off though because it gave you enough clarity, time, and space to see that life on adderall is jacked up and life without it can be really good again. So this is kind of the deal with recovery. You go through a series of stages (pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, maintenance, and termination) see this link for better explanation: http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/library/Articles_and_Essays/Stages_of_Change/understanding_stages_of_change.htmI It sounds like you are in the contemplation stage now so the next stage would be preparation where you launch an all out strategy as to how you are going to quit. This might include telling the doctor you are hooked and then devising whether or not a taper or cold turkey plan is better. Then I'd reach out to family/friends for support along with finding any support outlets necessary to help provide you with some tools along the way. I found Smart Recovery to be very helpful, but there are other programs out there. You just have to do some research and find something that works best for you. Once you have a plan mapped out, then dive on in and quit. Come here to share how you're doing and you'll find a lot of support. I really hope the best for you and just know you can beat this!

You got this. You're on the right track!

5 mile run w/ hills - Feeling strong again!

I remember feeling this way 5 and a half years ago, WOW. Your post just hit so close to home. I had been clean for 3 months and then I went back on them and within 3 weeks I was GONE. I was up for days, not eating, and just a mess. I was so high the last night I had them, but I had a conversation with my ex and he basically screamed at me to throw them away. I just knew I had to do it and I couldn't worry about the future. I just had to get rid of them because I was going downhill FAST. What happened? Well, it's 5 and a half years later now and I am still clean. Don't worry about anything right now. Just know you ripped the bandaid off and everything can and will be okay from here on out. You will no longer be paranoid, hallucinating, and out of your mind. You will get your sanity back and that's what's most important! It will get better. Happy for you. Way to go!

Here is a big hug blue moon!!! I'm having a rough time right now too in this area of my life if that makes you feel any less alone. It's not easy letting go, but there comes a point like you said, you just know it is the right choice to make. I just keep telling myself how I overcame so many previous relationships in the past and the hurt is temporary. I know it won't last forever. I find it really encouraging though when I look back over the course of my clean time and seeing different obstacles I overcame without turning back to alcohol/drugs. It will just make us stronger in the end. You are so close to 6 months!! That's awesome! Thinking of you and sending love!

Hi Cindyka, I think he needs to know how you feel. I would explain to him pretty much everything you explained to us and be very clear on how he's changed since taking this drug and how it's effecting you. He needs to know the damage it's causing to the relationship. It doesn't sound like he'll be very receptive to this conversation as from the sounds of it, he is in the height of adderall bliss and most likely feels totally justified by having a prescription that he would probably fight whatever negative things you say about it. However, he needs to know exactly how you feel and what it is doing to you and your marriage. At least that way if you pull away, he'll know why and maybe he could start contemplating if possibly it might be worth quitting someday. I wouldn't get your hopes up right now though. I would start looking for a support group in whatever capacity to help you through the tough times. By support group I really just mean a group of people you meet every week on a consistent basis that can open up to and feel emotionally supported. Please keep us posted and best wishes.

I have never read anything on that guy, but I just know he helps people get out of debt. I wish I could be of more help to you. I took anti depressants for the first 4-5 months after I quit. It seems like you are at a place where they definitely might be helpful. No need to feel bad about it!!! You just gotta do whatever works best for you. There is no one exact road to getting better. Thank you for continuing to share with us. We're rooting for you!

That stinks. I didn't think about the cost. That was a dumb idea. What about just getting all your problems out on paper and then maybe trying to come up with a strategy one by one? Break them apart into smaller manageable pieces and find some sort of action step for each. If debt is an issue, you could take action by checking out Dave Ramsey and seeing what he suggests. Here's a quick link. http://www.daveramsey.com/baby-steps/?snid=start.steps. Maybe just get an outline going of figuring out what's wrong and what needs to be addressed might help you feel less overwhelmed. Just figure out what is causing you the stress and then take action on it. Actually, is it a combination of stress and depression? Why do feel hopeless? Is it because you miss the adderall euphoria? What were you like before you got on adderall? Were you anywhere near the same way? If not, it sounds like you are going through PAWS.

Frank, I think it sounds like you need more of a life coach or therapist. Maybe someone who can help you find answers to the life problems you are having. Those are serious issues and it's totally understandable why you are feeling that way. I think if you can find ways to keep tackling the issues head on one by one, you'll feel better. No pill is going take solve the issues you are having. I mean they will make you not care about them as much, but to me it just sounds like you could use some outside help coming up with an action plan for everything. Just a thought.

Looking back I absolutely can guarantee the reason why I personally used to want to eat everything once coming off adderall is because when I was on it, I ate next to nothing. Not to mention I ate mostly garbage food. On top of that I was drinking a lot of alcohol which made me dehydrated. My body was literally starving for nutrition. Once the appetite suppressant is gone, I think the body comes back full force demanding to be fed. If you eat the wrong food though, you will still feel hungry and starved because the body needs key nutrients and minerals. That's my best guess!

5 mile run done in the sunshine today. Feeling good!

How many days have you been on them? The quicker you get them out of your system and decrease the amount of time you've been on them should help.

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Good job!!!! That is great!!! And I love your ticker and profile pic. Beautiful.

Just a flat tire on the road of your recovery. Pull of the road, change it, and get right back on the highway! You beat this thing for 8 weeks SOLID. That's awesome! Sometimes we have to take one step back to move 2 steps ahead. When I get urges and all that junk, I don't blame the urges on myself. Instead, I blame it on the dark side and evil spirits that have tripped me up in my time of weakness and overtaken me. They are out to destroy us. Yes, I feel weird saying that, but I really do believe this stuff. Cast those bastards off and turn toward the light. You got this!!!

Anti-depressants made me lethargic, fat, and not care about anything. But some people like them. I was on them for the transition from day 1 up to 5 months and then i weaned myself off all the shit they had me on. Looking back that is probably why I stayed clean. I was tranquilized in a fog of serotonin. I did get fat though. I just slept, ate, and didn't care about anything. As soon as I got off all of it, my anxiety was back and I started exercising like crazy. Lost the weight in a good amount of time. It might be worth it to just suck it up and say. "Screw it I am going to do whatever it takes to get off adderall for good and if that means I have to gain a few lbs, f-it. It'll be worth it when I am free of adderall for the rest of my life." Looking back, I seriously think I would've relapsed in that period had I not been tranquilized. Just a thought.