LILTEX41

Frank, I just want to say you are making so much progress!! You sound like you're finally getting to a better place in recent times and it truly makes me happy to see this!! I can imagine that does hurt, but you are present for them now and in the future and that's all that matters going forward. They are lucky to have their real dad back in a healthy state of mind. I'm sure they are very happy about that!

You CAN do this!

Traceme, There are definitely good reasons for this method. It is like having a bloody wound that won't heal. The more you keep picking at it and pulling off the scab, you begin to bleed again. It just won't heal. If you want to move on with your life and be with a man that is truly deserving of all the love, energy, and time you have to offer him, then from the sounds of it, it is best to not respond. You will heal a 1,000 times faster by segregating yourself, grieving the loss, and then start to find a healthier place from which to try and start a new relationship with someone who is ready and wants to reciprocate your love. IF he truly wants to make things work with you, he will let you know. If all he does is throw you half hearted crumbs of affection now and then, do not respond. Of course he is going to miss you and want to talk to you. You've been together for all that time and it's not easy to walk away. But what he's reaching out to you for is probably not what you want it to mean. Unless he actually is contacting you with a legitimate, "I screwed this up and I want to make this work with us" kind of tangible evidence, leave it alone. He's wasting valuable years of your life that could be spent with someone who loves you back. Don't let him do that. Wishing you all the best. LT

I drank probably 3x as much when on adderall. It grew to an alarming rate when I lived alone and worked odd shifts/hours. I'd get my apartment spotless in the day, bills paid, and have everything absolutely perfect. Then at night I would drink a TON to come down, but sometimes would still not be able to sleep. It was a disaster.

Have you tried couples therapy?

Ironman Chattanooga 2017!!!!

The feeling of dependency to something externally outside myself. It left me feeling powerless and paralyzed when I ran out early, but couldn't get any. I remember the times I would find myself going off on the doctor's admins if they did not call me back in time to pick up my prescription the day I had it planned. And then there was the feeling of knowing I was 150% hooked and that I'd never be able to quit for good. I felt doomed.

Rachel, I started off on Ritalin, then Concerta, then to Adderall. Yes, they are all stimulants and do the same thing. Who gives a shit if they are extended release or not. They are speed. Maybe the psychs should take these pills and see how it works for them before handing them out like candy to their patients. I am not a psychiatrist, counselor, or have any formal training. However, I am someone that has taken all these drugs along with doing coke and guess what? They all do the same thing. They make you high and your brain becomes dependent on them to function. Screw the psychs and all their medication b.s. Get clean and you won't have to deal with this nightmare anymore. No more depending on the pharmacy, scripts, doctor visits, and relying on pills. I honestly can't believe you are in a program for addiction and they prescribed you yet another stimulant. Mind blowing. I was sober for 6 months back in 2003 when I was put on ritalin. Then I switched to concerta. These drugs triggered the urge for MORE. I wanted to keep the high going. 6 months later I relapsed on alcohol and then switched to adderall. My life fell apart. Just get clean. That is my best piece of advice. Best wishes To further reiterate my point, this article sums it up. Although Concerta might not be as strong as adderall, it is still speed. The effects hit after 40--45 minutes and you get that initial euphoric high for the first hour. Then it slowly wears off over the next 8-12 hours but you are still left in that robotic trance like zombie state. Do you really want to live the rest of your life in that state? Or having to fight urges and cravings for more of the drug? Just break free from the trap of all of it and do not take any of them. Find an ADD specialist that can help you find alternative ways to cope with concentration without drugs. https://www.drugs.com/illicit/speed.html

Beautiful post!!! So glad to hear you made the decision to seek treatment and take care of yourself. That's great!

Omg, Danquit!!! My incident was so similar to yours! I thought I had created a global strategy for my company and I created 1,000's of jobs for my company. I thought I had launched a world phenomena that caught on at the emergency room I was staying at. I thought there was a control desk and everyone was watching me. I was so far gone!! Adderall is some crazy shit!!!

I needed to hear this today so thank you!

I just quit school today. It was too much. I am so thankful. Recovery comes first. Hope you feel better soon. I wish I had answers for everyone, but I don't. I booked an appointment with a therapist today. I think this is a critical step I missed and I'm hoping to see good results. Will let everyone know how it goes.

Bluemoon, I quit caffeine once and it was the worst I've ever felt. I had an awful headache for days and felt absolutely lethargic. I definitely think that's what's going on with you, but of course I'm no expert. Again, I am sorry for blowing up at all of you. It came out sideways and I don't mean to minimize your struggles. I just needed to unload and unfortunately, you all get the brunt of it. I hope you feel better soon. Yes, breakups can suck the life out of you, but I do know I'll get over it and be okay down the road. I was just so stressed out because I had 3 quizzes, 2 homework assignments and an exam within a 3 day period and freaked out. I didn't know how I was going to accomplish all this work on top of my job and everything else. For a split second I had this epiphany of going back on that drug and just saying, fuck it. But luckily, I snapped out of it quickly and thought it through. I'm thankful it's hard to come get your hands on. Thank GOD for that.

I'm sorry Frank. I have been under immense stress and a recent breakup. I snapped in my post the other day and just went off. I know you're trying. You're doing well. I just flipped out when i read this post and everyone was complaining about how much life sucks without adderall. It triggered the shit out of me and I started thinking positively about the drug again. I fucking snapped today and tried to order it online. I didn't even think that was possible and I'm sure it was a scam. I cancelled it 5 mins later and freaked out. I have been clean for 6 years and 3 months. I NEVER thought I would get this close to a relapse. I should probably stay away from this site, but sometimes I come just to read the stories of everyone addicted and destroyed by it as it reminds me why I do NOT want to go back to it. I hate to hear that people are miserable in recovery. It makes me lose faith. But I know damn well the answer is not in that pill. Anyhow, hope you understand. Vent away.

Ok, my turn. I have been trying to refrain myself from speaking because this post dug into my heart somewhat. I keep getting updates sent to my email and I feel I'm ready to comment so here goes. Addiction to adderall is one intense mother fucker, ok? It's NOT easy to kick this habit and for anyone that does, you are a walking miracle and ray of hope for those out there still afflicted. But like quit once said, you have two options: 1) Go back to being enslaved to some piece of shit pill that will annihilate you slowly over the long haul and continue being it's bitch. OR 2) Go through your temporary hell on earth of however many years it takes to recover and live the rest of your life unaddicted and no longer with this problem. IF you feel the need to bitch, moan, and scream about how much life sucks without it, please by all means...get it out. You have all the right in the world to talk about how much it sucks and this life just isn't fair anymore without it. However, what I can tell you is that you are making yourself miserable. There is a mountain in front of you and all you do is stare at it and say, "Look at this mountain. It's so big. What a piece of shit mountain. I hate this mountain." When what you could be saying is "How the fuck am I going to get up this mountain? Where are the paths? Is there a plane? What can I say to make this situation better rather than repeating these negative toxic thoughts that keep reminding me of how awful I feel without this piece of shit drug adderall?" Hmmm.....maybe I could try some positive thinking techniques and proactively tell myself things like, "Life is good, I got this, everything will work out, I don't need that fucking drug to be awesome, I will prove it to myself that I can beat this shit if it kills me, this won't defeat me, I don't need that shit, I am a fully well functional human being that was capable of handling life before this drug and I will once again master my old way of living, etc." You keep telling yourself how you WANT to feel and be and eventually you will catch up. You have to be mentally strong and stop having being mentally weak. I know it blows, it sucks, and life is hard. But guess what? You CAN HANDLE IT. YOU CAN DO THIS. Keep reminding ourself this is for the best interest in the LONG TERM of your life. SHORT TERM is tough, but it will get better. HAPPY RAINBOWS AND SUNSHINES OUT MY ASS ALL YOU LOVELY PEOPLE!!!! XOXOXOXO

COMBO of all of the below, but ultimately it was my 2nd trip in a squad to the ER for an adderall overdose followed by 2nd trip to psych ward that lead to my final quit. #6years 3 months 1) 2 psych ward trips - should've been raped and killed during one of these episodes by a stranger 2) Destroyed reputation at work 3) Car Accident 4) Toxic relationships that became abusive 5) Constant paranoia, agitation, hostility, and hallucinations at times that made me feel bat shit crazy

Can I quadruple like this post, please?!

Houston Half Marathon!!!

I'm having the same problem. I emailed Mike, but haven't heard back yet.

Happiness

Where are the tickers?!

I quit cold turkey and went to detox. I doubt you need detox (I was on a bender of adderall, pot, and alcohol for like 5 days straight) and didn't sleep. Anyhow, when I got out of detox I called my doctor's office and spoke with a nurse. I told her to leave a note for my doctor to never prescribe it to me again and that I was addicted. At that time, I really wanted to build a sober support group so I started going to AA meetings in town. I am someone who had to quit everything as I struggled with alcohol and had done other drugs too. I had been sober before and after debating it for years and years I knew it was the best option. There is no risk involved and no trying to worry about controlling it. I was too vulnerable under the influence and would make terrible decisions at times. I knew that I'd had so many close calls and one day I wasn't going to be so lucky. I'd also been sober in the past at various points in my life and the amount of success I found in sobriety always drove me wanting to get it back. I just couldn't seem to ever get anywhere good under the influence of drugs and alcohol. They destroyed so much of my life I was just sick of it. I wanted to do some cool shit with my life and decided enough was enough. Anyhow, I also found Smart Recovery online at the time. There was only 1 face to face meeting in Houston so I'd drive all the way downtown and go to it once a week. After I got involved in AA more I realized it was never going to work for me as it never had for any long amount of time. I decided to just stick with Smart and utilized the crap out of the online program and chat. I also got involved with a bunch of different biking, running, and triathlon groups. I met a whole new set of healthy people. I started going to different churches in the area and met new friends there as well. I took Smart's advice and tried to fill in the holes of my life that were consumed by alcohol/drugs and lead a healthy balanced lifestyle. I quit my supervisor position and went to night shift in order to reduce my stress from work while trying to work through all of this nightmare. I did a TON of exercise and I saw a therapist for a little bit. I felt amazing. I was genuinely HAPPIER than I'd been in YEARS. I did a TON of races and took Smart Facilitator training to start a meeting in our area. It took a good year before I stopped always wishing I had some adderall when I to do basic stuff like laundry or clean. Oh and for the first 3 months I was drugged up on a cocktail of sedatives. I was tranquilized and I slept insane amounts. I was so ready to be off that crap after 3 months I weaned off and then that's when I got my life back and got so involved in all kinds of stuff. So there it is. That's what worked for me. IF I had to do it all over again, I'd say quit that shit cold turkey, and round up your troops (family) to support you. Call the doctor. Get involved in some sort of support group (this website is great), but face to face is great too. Learn as many tools as you can that you can use when urges strike and be prepared that they will strike. KNOW that you need to have a preventative game plan in mind ahead of time. Read as many books as you can and try to find other endeavors that you enjoy and can pursue to fill in the void of your addiction. You have to find something to replace it that is positive and will give you something to look forward to and enjoy. Life is so much better without hangovers, regret, shame, and feeling trapped by life destroying poisons. Look inward and get excited that once you have all this junk out of your life, you can become and do anything you want in life. You will be blessed for having gone through this struggle and appreciate all the good times so much more once you are over the hump of missing toxic substances! Stay close to the board and keep us posted on your progress! You CAN DO THIS!

I would love to put this entire disclaimer as a warning label on adderall. This is such a GREAT detailed explanation of exactly what this drug will do to someone and the effect it has on their loved ones. I am so glad to hear he's made it to 7 months! Prayers for your family that things will keep going smooth sailing in his recovery.

Grad School baby!!!!! Whoo hoooo!!!