LILTEX41

Ok, I guess nobody saw it, but I'll post the link to it tomorrow when it's available. It was weird this segment was featured today as I feel like a lot of people are struggling right now. Sounds maybe a little insane, but I am a huge believer in people from the other side trying to help us. When I was in the depths of my adderall days, I went to a psychic one night after all this bad crap went down. The psychic called me out on my addiction issues (like absolutely nailed it) and told me get help immediately. Then that night I got home and there was a segment on E about Lindsay Lohan and her decline highlighting adderall addiction. I swear on my life that was not by accident. I just get this strong sense that today's show was not an accident either. It was about how rampant ADHD drugs are now on campus. One kid said basically, "EVERYONE is doing it." The best part about this segment airing today was the overwhelming gratitude that came over me knowing I am so blessed to have overcome this struggle. I still can't believe I did it and almost have 6 years. Sometimes I question how the hell I got this far and I just pray that I never relapse. There have been so many times I have contemplated it. There have been times I've come pretty freaking close and I just thank GOD I didn't. It's a miracle still to this day because this drug was HARD to overcome. But it's not hard anymore and it feels awesome to keep in touch with all of you and be able to lend a hand whenever possible. Some people don't make it and for that I am very sad. I pray they come back to us. And there are those of you who kick this and I pray you stick around and visit to help the people struggling. We don't always have the same exact battles and nobody is going to take the exact same path as someone else that will make them stay clean. But what we do have is maybe tidbits here and there from everyone and I think those tidbits of help from the group as a whole are what makes recovery work. You just have to keep adding more tools to your tool belt in your efforts to get clean. If something doesn't work, try something else. If someone gives you crappy advice, go to someone else. The answers will come if you keep searching and don't give up. They may come when you least expect it or maybe it takes longer than you anticipated. It is good if you can learn to accept your feelings along the way good or bad and try not to get caught up in the short term shit storms life can throw your way at times. You just keep reminding yourself of your long term happiness and well being ahead. Adderall is a temporary fix and will just keep you coming back for more and more causing you to be dependent and trapped. Break free now and heal your brain, mind, body, and soul. You will thank yourself down the road. Just don't quit your quit!!!

11 months sober today 1 month away from 6 years adderall free!!

No way!!! You boys have fun!!

Anyone watching this today? "Academic Doping" on the rise. Growing number of college students abusing ADHD drugs.

Best Smart quote ever, "Learning to cope with your urges enables you to achieve your long-term goals. There’s no way around this."

Wow, that is amazing!! I am so happy to have you on this site!!! Over 3 years clean - fantastic!! Can't wait to hear more! Welcome!

I LOVE hearing success stories!!! Congratulations!!! So happy for you!! Thank you for coming back and sharing the great news and giving hope to others out there. YOU ROCK!!

You can make your life whatever you want it to be. Maybe your life just sucks right now? What CAN you do to change it so it doesn't suck so much? What do you want to be doing instead? Do you have any hobbies outside of work that you enjoy? You said your parents work 60 hours a week just to enjoy the weekends. Man, if that's their worst problem and your worst problem is that you hate working, then is that really THAT bad? Have you ever tried making a gratitude list of all the awesome things you have in your life? I suggest doing it every single day. Focus on ALL that is awesome in your life. The things you take for granted each day like maybe having parents that are still alive, healthy, and together? Parents that you get to talk to every single day if you need a shoulder to cry on or support. How about a job that pays the bills so that you are fed, have a shelter, car, and even get to enjoy a weekend of downtime to do whatever you want. How about just waking up and having your health. There are people battling cancer and fighting for their lives. The fact you GET to wake up every day, go to a job to see what you CAN accomplish, have time to debate why life sucks when there are children in Africa starving to death, people homeless, mentally disabled, and you have every opportunity in your lifetime to figure out what will make you happy and do it...is life really THAT terrible? Try this....every single day at the end of your day - write down 3 good things that happened to you. Could be as simple as you enjoyed a fantastic meal with a friend, you watched the sunrise while taking a morning walk, you helped an elderly person in need, you called an old friend and caught up laughing about old times, you spent time with one of your parents, you came to this site and saw that your words of encouragement lifted someone else up when they were struggling, you checked an item off your bucket list, created a bucket list, got a great workout in, or maybe just woke up from a great 8 hours sleep feeling refreshed. Do this every night - 3 good things that happened. Then in the morning make a gratitude list. FOCUS on what is good and I promise you, life will stop sucking so much. All the best!

Facilitated 2nd Smart Meeting - feeling excited.

Few things. 1) You said, "I first flushed them, then went a long time without it." Good, you can draw strength and experience from this that quitting adderall is possible and you CAN survive without it. 2) Sounds like with having young children like that, maybe your best approach would be a very slow taper down method? If you can slowly adjust to getting off of them so you are still functional instead of a cold turkey quit where you are paralytic for some time, that would definitely be better for the sake of your kiddos. 3) You said, "My live, or rather my mental well-being depends on adderall." Yet, you also said, "When i tske mtly prescdose of 30mgXR i dont feel anything." How is not feeling anything equate to healthy well being? So if you are knocked out and numb to all your feelings (joy, happiness, love, kindness, sadness, frustration, hurt, excitement, and for example enthusiasm) then your mental health has improved? Am I understanding what you are saying correctly? It's better to feel tranquilized than to have feelings? 4) Your addicted brain is rationalizing staying on the pills because you dread the day of working again without it and the comment made by co-workers, "I was even asked at work if i was ok because ive always been so active and outspoken." Understand that these are ONLY short term problems of quitting. These problems will disappear in the long term and yes to the people around you, you may seem like a totally different person in the beginning. They will not understand what changed, BUT you don't owe them anything. THIS IS YOUR LIFE AT STAKE. You owe it to yourself and your children to be a happy, well rounded, mentally stable parent. You deserve a good life. We all do!! Don't let adderall steal it from you!!! 5) You said, "I cannot function without it yet it gives me constant anxiety and headaches." Again, change your thinking process to, "I cannot function without it in the short term. In the long term this is the best decision I could ever make for myself and my children." It boils down to weighing out the costs/benefits of this drug. On one hand, in the short term it makes you super woman. But it makes you anxious, headaches, probably feel like crap, and incapacitated without it. You are dependent on a substance RIGHT NOW to carry out your daily tasks, but again you can re-learn how to function and be successful without it. All the damage it causes you in the long term is far greater than some short term benefit. It's just not worth it. If you slowly taper down, you can still manage to take care of your children without falling apart. You can adjust to being clean during your maternity leave with none of the difficulties of going to work. IN this time, look up everything you can on how to get organized and better manage your ADD. There are so many things you can do that will help you and strategies not just for people with ADD, but that anyone could use. Thank you for sharing your struggles with us. I wish you nothing but the best in your quitting efforts. Stick around the site and you'll have all the support you can ever imagine!

How much were you taking? I was still hearing voices almost 6 days off the pills in detox. However, every day the voices got quieter until they became so faint and then finally gone. It amazed me I could still hear them 6 days out because they sedated me with seroquil and a few other drugs. Have they started to get less and less during the 3 week time or still sound just the same?

I hear you Frank. But remember you're not even at a year yet! I think I started to get past it more at 2 years. It screwed all of us up. You're doing great though. Proud of you.

LOL, the food was quite surprisingly great! Healthy and delicious! So yeah, to answer your question about the craving for adderall - no, I didn't even want it. SO WEIRD. But I did have that euphoric memory of being high as balls racing around that store. It was kind of like, "Wow, that sounds good." But that feeling lasted for like a split second. I was thinking about how awful I used to feel all the time. Just thinking about my armpits drenched in sweat, having to go outside and take smoke breaks, and that constant agitation/paranoia that people were watching me. For the first time ever it sounded terrible. I was just so stoked that I was having just as much fun and excitement stoned sober. And it was weird when I think back to my first year clean now and I thought I would NEVER be the same again. I just felt like I couldn't do anything without adderall and I'd never be successful in my life again without it. It tricked me. I can do just as good of work now without...actually WAY BETTER and it's not stressful. I just remember second guessing every decision I would make on adderall and things taking 10 times longer because I would be obsessed with making it perfect. I could slave for hours on a spreadsheet or rearranging furniture and now it's like you just do the task and it's done and you move on. SO WEIRD. I guess more than anything it's crazy to think I overcame this drug. I NEVER thought I'd be off of it for this long or be able to do it. It's exciting to realize I never needed that shit!!!

Frustrated

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

All, So I discovered something truly awesome this weekend in my recovery. So back when I was in the heights of my addiction, one of my favorite things to do used to be going to IKEA and decorating my apartment. It was back when I first moved to Houston and like the 2nd time I'd ever been there. I remember the first episode in IKEA lasted literally like 6 or more hours. Now, granted I didn't know how the whole store worked exactly and it was my first time there shopping, I just remember being obsessive compulsive about EVERYTHING. I would go back and forth a thousand times over what I was going to buy and just totally OCD about the whole experience. Then I'd get home and realize stuff didn't match or whatever. I remember assembling furniture and being absolutely EXHAUSTED. Probably because I'd been up for 48 hours obsessing about decorating, chain smoking, and going a million miles a minute. I loved it, but it wore me the F out. So this weekend I had my first SOBER experience at IKEA. I CANNOT believe how easy it was. I planned out what I wanted ahead of time. I looked online and got ideas for what I needed for my condo. I took pictures of my condo. Anyhow, I got my stuff home and my place looks freaking ridiculous. I can't believe how amazing it looks and how EASY it was to drive 2 hours, shop, get crap home, unpack it, hang it up, and go to bed. It was NOT exhausting and I did not get OBSESSED with EVERYTHING. More than anything this entire experience just goes to show me how I never needed adderall. It made me a basket case and I do better work when I am well rested, healthy, make a game plan of what I want/need to get done, and then execute it. It's really not that hard. Life is so easy without this drug. I know that seems bizarre and crazy to hear when you are in the depths of addiction to speed, but I'm telling you. That shit is whack and will destroy your life if you let it. It is terrible for you in every way possible. Don't believe the lies your addicted brain feeds you that you need it to be successful i this lifetime. You don't. I am living proof. Thanks for letting me share. LT

Insinuating someone has a mental disorder on a site about quitting "speed" seems a tad ironic, don't you guys think? Come on guys. We are trying to help one another get off this junk and none of us our doctors. I was diagnosed with bipolar when I overdosed on this shit too. Do I have bipolar? Um, no, but on this drug I absolutely did. People come here looking for hope and encouragement from those of us who have been strong enough to resist this shit and get off of it for good. I get the whole "tough love" concept, but does it really help to kick someone who's already down as it is? Just please try to think about the things that would help you if you were struggling and how you would want to be treated. That's all. Much love ya'll

You gotta get some tools for when these urges pop up! Make a list of all the consequences you have experienced when taking adderall. Then make a list of all the rewards you will gain by staying off of it. Refer to these lists when you have urges and surf the urge until it dissipates. Urges will always go away if you don't act on them and they will lessen over time the longer you remain adderall free. They won't kill you, but adderall might. Arm yourself with as many tools as possible!

Maisy, I am so proud of you. The fact you caught yourself and threw away the pills is awesome and you need to pat yourself on the back. Get some sleep and rest well knowing you slipped, but stopped it in time before you went spiraling out of control. That is a huge victory!

If you have an addictive personality and want to do a triathlon then you are in for a treat. Races are like my cure in recovery. I have given this a little thought recently, but I break it down like this. 1. They give me an ultimate goal to focus on which I cannot conquer if I am in the throws of addictive substances. 2. When I am following a training plan, it forces me to plan out my weeks/days in advance for training purposes. Checking the schedule everyday, I end up planning out my day ahead of time and also plan out activities and other goals as well. It's kind of like the snowball effect as just getting the ball rolling and then boom, I'm doing 10 other productive things that day. 3. It forces me to eat healthy. 4. It gives me something fun to look forward to. 5. I love the endorphin high and feel so much better than I ever did on drugs. 6. The feeling of accomplishment when you cross the finish line is unbeatable. 7. I love socializing with other people training for the same race. 8. It gives my anxiety an outlet (all the cardio) and soothes that shit out. 9. I like adding medals to my collection. 10. I like getting faster, stronger, and staying lean. Ok, that's all I can think of off the top of my head. I really hope you start training because once you start and feel all the benefits, you won't want to go back to drugs. There is a better way to live! Praying for you!!

Maisy, I used to do the same thing. I'd pop on this site when I'd run out of meds and it would help inspire me to want to quit. That was a good first step. I had a lot of up and downs with adderall. What it takes to get off of it for good is maybe a breaking point. The bad times had to seriously start outweighing the good. It's different for everyone. What worked for me may not be what works for you. It sounds like you are in pre-contemplation stage which is the first stage to quitting so by all means that's a start! We all have to start somewhere. Even if you are not ready yet, at least you have a vision of where you'd like to be. You can't get to where you are going without a map so from the sounds of it you've got the first few things you need so that's good! It will be totally be fine when you are done with this drug, but you will go through some hard times in the beginning. But we are here to tell you it will get better. The sooner you quit, the sooner you'll get your life back and be out of the trap. Just remember that! As long as you stay hooked on it, you are just like a rat inside a maze forever spinning it's wheels. Welcome to the site and thanks for opening up to us! LT

Glad you are still here with us! You're writing is so eloquent. I'm ready for fall too. I really feel you have good things ahead. It sounds like you are getting to a better place. Let go of what was and ready to embrace all that is yet to come. There's always that adjustment period, but sooner than later you'll be back in a good place again. Wishing you all the best!

Rockbottom, Wow, I really feel for both of you and LYoung614. I remember how hard it was to get off this junk and stay off. All of your concerns make sense, but I think what would be helpful is if you choose to start thinking about all of this in a new light. How has this affliction and struggle made you a stronger person? Imagine a few years from now when you no longer think about it and you are free just living your life once again in peace. Imagine looking back and saying, "Wow, I once was addicted to a drug and I overcame it." Not everybody who gets addicted ever finds their way out and look at what you've accomplished so far!! You are over a year clean!! That's amazing!! I sometimes almost thank adderall/cocaine for pushing me over the edge faster in all my addictions. Who knows if I'd even be sober today had it not been for the adderall which escalated my alcohol/drug use to the next level. Adderall definitely took me to rock bottom places and even then when I thought I would never touch it again, I'd go back. I often wonder what path I would've taken myself had I never touched alcohol or any drugs for that matter. But I tell you what. My life would've been WAY EASIER and I wouldn't have faced so much damn adversity. It is through the adversity and pain that I gained so much inner strength, compassion for others, knowledge in the field of mental health, and really just expanded myself in all ways possible. Had it not been for my years of drowning in so much loss, pain, and self sabotage I would not be the person I am today. It feels AMAZING to look back and say look what I did then and look where I am now. I think the best thing you can do is to try and first off start ACCEPTING yourself immediately. Rate your behavior and not yourself. You are NOT a loser!! Do not speak defeat like that over yourself!! Start saying, "I am a champion. I overcame some hard shit and I am better for it!!" Stop all the dwelling on what coulda, shoulda, or woulda been. It's in the past. It's dead and gone now. All you can do is learn from it and choose to do better in the present and moving forward. So what's next for you? What do you want out of life? What are your dreams, hopes, and aspirations? Start trying to rebuild your life in all areas and focus on how far you've come. And think about how you can help others with this struggle indefinitely. It is so great to give back and be able to help someone else. As far as feeling depressed and not wanting to socialize, do it anyway. Fake it until you make it. Don't allow yourself to isolate because it's uncomfortable right now. The sooner you face it and keep facing it, the easier it will become. Do volunteer work if possible. That's a quick way to start feeling better about yourself fast. Just try to focus on what you can do and make the most of it. And again, if you think you can't, do it anyway. You can do anything. It's just a matter of getting your mind to believe in yourself once again without adderall. You girls CAN do this!! And visit Smart Recovery if you seek new ways to enable better thinking patterns and start changing your unhelpful beliefs into more helpful beliefs. Rewiring our distorted thinking patterns is crucial to recovery and will keep you much saner in the process. ((((hugs))))

70.3!!!!!!!!

Hi Pug and welcome! Way to go on 110 days!! That's awesome! Sounds like you are off to a great start. I think the best therapies for combating anxiety/depression is exercise and CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). Getting outdoors and doing physical activity will definitely help lift your low mood and keep depression at bay. I think the major cause of depression has to do with our thinking though. When you are used to thinking repetitive negative thoughts, it's hard to just snap out of it especially after you've been on adderall for 4-5 years. It takes a lot of discipline and constant effort to revamp the automatic negative thoughts that come and turn them around into something positive. However, the better you get at catching these thoughts and doing something constructive with them, the better you will feel. It takes time, but it can be done. Just hang in there and keep looking for anything that can help you. Therapy is always a great place to start as well. Glad you are here!