Jon

1/22 - 1 hour shoveling snow 1/23 - 66 Shoulder presses 1/24 - 22 pushups 1/25 - 66 wrist curls 1/26 - Missed target 1/27 - 22 pushups 1/28 - 46 curls All I can say is that it's keeping me honest. I'm not pretending that these acts are workouts. They are the baby steps and it helps me keep faith in the process.

Thanks for replying Quitonce and Cassie. I know I need a job of some kind to give me a sense of purpose, so why not keep the same job that will add to my pension and maintain my current wage? Don't a lot of us end up in jobs we dislike, but stay in them for the pay or stability or pension? I have been reminded by people that "you chose your career path." This is to imply that I have no right to whine about it now. They are right. We are responsible for our choices in life. Yes Cassie, I rotate overnights with the 3-11 shift. I also am required to work the 7 AM - 3 PM shift, but was afraid that I couldn't get out of bed for that shift and have been able to avoid it completely during the first 7 months of my quit, by wheeling and dealing with my co-workers....but that is coming to a head. I will have to work the 7 AM - 3 PM shift very soon due to training sessions that will take place within that time frame. Rotating shift work was added to the list of known carcinogens in 2006, I believe; Colorectal cancer in men and breast cancer in women. I've rotated shifts for most of my life. It was much easier when I was younger. I don't find any consistency in working permanent night shift because you will always rotate back to a normal schedule on the weekends and be part of the world. I did it once for 9 months and it nearly killed me. Unlike your sister Cassie, I would rather rotate. While the 3 PM - 11 PM shift has given me some consistency it has also caused me to become lazy. The shift has a history of being called "The Lazy Man's Shift." I have nothing to get out of bed for, unless it is to report to work early, which happens quite often, at least once a week, sometimes every day of the week. It is impossible to predict. I love dogs, but never wanted to keep a dog on a quirky and unpredictable schedule. It would be unfair to the dog. I guess I just have to try, on my own, to make a reason to get out of bed for health's sake. It is a battle between the Jon's in my head. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the subject. I'm sorry that your new job isn't all you hoped it would be, Cassie. Looking for a new job is hard work. Where's the fun in life?

Thank you for the great breakfast ideas, SweetC! I don't wake up hungry and can't remember if I ever did, but will give these a try anyhow. They look so yummy! I do remember sitting with my back on the heat register in the kitchen while Mom was preparing our lunches. I guess I had cereal after I was warm enough. The best breakfasts I've ever had was when I was in college. I had a part time job as a farmhand. We started early and worked for an hour or so and then Joanny, the boss's wife and cook, would ring the breakfast bell. It's amazing what kind of appetite you can work up in an hour. Everything you could ever dream of having for breakfast was on the breakfast table. I can't remember exactly how many people Joanny cooked for, maybe a dozen hay bailing men and boys. I noticed a 60 day challange out ther for you. Congratulations!

From the makers of "The 30 Day Challenge, " lol.. I present to you, "The 60 Day Challenge!!" This idea is the brainchild of myself (Freedom's Wings) and a good friend who goes by the name of Lunax on this Site. The format is simple, as it is merely a continuation of "The 30 Day Challenge!!" The 60 day challenge is designed just as the 30 day to keep those taking it mindful and accountable, while feeling supported, on a daily basis, along the road to recovery. This challenge does not take away from the 30 day, instead it makes room for more people to join the fitting "category," while we continue to check in with and support each other. If this in any shape or form resonates with you, do not be shy, feel free to create your own version of this same challenge or won't you join us right here in taking "THE 60 DAY CHALLENGE!" Here are the easy to follow guidelines: -Daily (preferably) log into this site, this forum, and simply "CONFIRM" or "DeNY" your ability to abstain from adderall for that day. Ex: Day 39: Confirmed! See..Easy as pie. Lol. Well for now I will leave you this, "What matters most is not how many times you fall, but how many times you get back up! " Also, for those entering this second leg of the journey, you may have begun to develop a few new "healthy habits," feel free to list those here, eg., diet, supplement tips, or maybe a new workout plan. Til next time, If not good, may you be Well!

I think maybe that's my problem too Ashley and Cassie: Sleep Hangovers from "laying around for too long and my energy and momentum for the day go down the tubes". I agree with your solution Cassie: "have something external that forces you to get up at the same time every day, whether it's a job or a pet. I need to have something to get out of bed for - something that depends on me getting up." I work shift work rotating 2 weeks on midnights and one month on 3-11, or rotating all 3 shifts every 2 weeks. Does anyone have any ideas on how to get a handle around that? I have 29 years in with the company and I want to retire. I would do so this year, but I don't feel that my recovery is far enough along...only 7 months. So I have postponed it until January 2015. Am I using correct thinking about these things this way, Cassie?

RxExVxOxK, I am just reading your post a month after the fact. At the bottom of my own personal rabbit hole into Adderall addiction was being bit by a deer tick and getting the bulls eye rash. I went to the doctor and got the 20 day treatment of doxycycline and was told that was it. About a month later, I started a new job that I didn't like, but kept me employed with the same company I had already worked for 20 years. Around that same time, I started feeling like you so accurately described, sleeping all day, and experiencing depression, brain fog and chronic fatigue. I found a Lyme disease support group and they had their own list of doctors. I started seeing one and the first thing he suggested was Ritalin for my fatigue. It felt good at the time, but 12 years later, I'm coming off Adderall because I can't hack staying on it any longer. After taking 6 weeks off from work to receive intravenous antibiotic dosing twice daily, the company I work for sent me to their own infectious disease specialist, who laid it all out for me. You don't have Lyme's disease. If you did you would display the arthritic symptoms. He really convinced me, and the company, that the Lyme’s disease support group was a farce, as were the doctors they sent me to. I already had strong suspicions of my own. I was ordered back to work, but continued to seek out stimulant medication. I had a taste of the fruit and that was all it took. Now I'm back to sleeping all day, experiencing depression, brain fog and chronic fatigue, but these things are a normal part of recovery. I'm just waiting it out and hoping and trying to get a life back. I hope you get a chance to read my post. I'm sorry I took so long to notice your's.

Congratulations SweetCarolinee! I knew you had the right stuff after reading your first post. We are lucky you found us. I could use a little pixie dust you've got too, please. LuckyDucky: Congratulations on finding an addiction therapist. My sister is mad at me that I am doing this without therapy. Jay: You are hanging tough....through a cold and all. That says a lot about your commitment. Show me the way through!

Since I work rotating shifts, I'm not going to be the best source of information on the topic of sleep. I've always known that routine is critically important to establishing a good sleeping habit and that may be the best foundation for getting a good night's sleep. How has your recovery affected your sleep patterns? Sleeping way too much at first, then bouts of insomnia followed by nights spent sleeping and nights spent awake. Now, I am back to hyper-sleeping (sleeping too much). I feel like a real slug and it take me hours to wake-up! What interferes with your sleep? Work stress interferes with sleep as does people stress and sometimes worry about when will I get better so I can retire and have the energy to ehjoy it. I'm ready now, but I'm delaying it for a year, if my endurance can hold out concerning the overtime. What have you found to help you sleep better? I used Ambien on Adderall and until recently. It cut sleep short in the end allowing me to sleep for only about 5 hours before waking me up. I was unable to go back to sleep after that. Last month, I've discovered 5-HTP and it knocks me out and keeps me out for a long time. I'm only using 1/3rd of the powder in the capsule, using the short end of the capsule to measure. I'm going to cut that in half tonight. When you know that 5-HTP has no affect on some people at all, it's feels pretty creepy to have it knock me out so hard and for so long.

The struggle

I didn't have the same luck quitting Ambien as Cat did. I'm still just as lackluster as before swapping Ambien for 5-HTP. I'm only taking a third of a capsule of the 5-HTP, but it knocks me out. I sometimes wake up with heartburn and can't get back to sleep, but some nights I sleep the whole night through, but still not wanting to get out of bed. I wonder if the 5-HTP is causing "hangovers" the next day? I haven't had an Ambien in over a month and I'd rather not go back down that path again if I can avoid it. Sleep disruption (too little or not enough) is a major problem, as we all know.

Cassie, Your post is appreciated and it makes me want to go back to bed for a couple of years, until all of the lashings have been administered.

Whoa, Z!!! Your last sentence is a real mind blaster....the reasons we abused in the first place? Why indeed? Care to start a thread on that idea? I needed to escape my new horrible job and even more so the horrible commute. The precipitating event was getting bit by a deer tick and getting the bull's eye rash. The stars were all alligned for me to get hooked on Adderall or something worse.

FW, I am hanging in there after the blizzard and I look forward to my daily activity. 1/15 - 24 pushups 1/16 - 42 curls, 40 tricep kickbacks 1/17 - 5.5 mile walk. 1/18 - 50 curls 1/19 - 20 pushups 1/20 - 60 wrist curls 1/21 - 2 hours shoveling snow.

Janus Blues

Don't worry Robin, nevergiveup is telling his story from three years after his quit. You and I, and many more people are still struggling with the great challanges related to our recovery. I'm glad you didn't delete your post from earlier. I like the quotes you added to your signature.

Thank you for sharing your story with us, nevergiveup. I offer my condolences for the loss of your mother and brother. I am happy for you that your father came out of his coma and is your Dad again. Your story offers inspiration and hope for us all. Thank you. I like your handle, nevergiveup, and the other Winston Churchill other quote: "If you're going through hell, keep going." When Great Brittan was being crushed by German forces during World War 2, Churchill gave a speech where he just kept repeating the words "Never give up". It was a turning point for the Royal Air Force and defeating German forces in England.

Thanks SweetCarolinee, I'm having a hot meal now to warm me up for the car dust-off before going home. It's really cold out there with the wind!!!! I am amazed by your level of energy with the HOT yoga and snowboarding!!! It's like you are ahead of me in your quit time. Maybe you need to teach me how to eat? Whatever you're doing, keep doing it because you are kicking butt on your quit! You are inspiring and I'm glad you are here with us. You've got guts too!

Hi Mathieu, Welcome to the forums. What an incredible experience you collected on your walk from Paris to Santiago! First you had to believe that you could do it, without chemicals. Now that you are back in Quebec, you need to find a way to believe in yourself again. You have stated that you have been on and off "the devil in a pill" for 7 years and you still have a doctor that will write you prescriptions. Are you willing to tell that doctor that you are addicted to speed? Why not seek someone to help you with your "inner walk" to Santiago? We can help you with the quitting part when you are ready to quit for good. Nice travels! Thank you for sharing.

Another thing that works for me is using the buddy system. I try to make commitments for walks in advance, so I have accountability with my walking partner. Necessity is the mother of invention (or motivation). Today, we got 8 inches of snow by 3 PM. The weatherman said to expect 3-4 inches. I had to get my exercise emergency style, shoveling snow so I could get in to work. Unfortunately, my job is considered "essential personnel", so I have to go to work under all conditions. I work in IT for a Utility company. If I can't make it in, they send a lineman in a big truck to my house to give me a ride in to work. I was shoveling too fast today, as the snow was falling more than an inch an hour, and I think I may have pulled my groin. That's what I get for doing it in a hurry! The storm isn't supposed to end until 5 AM tomorrow morning, with snowfall accumulating to14 inches, or so they say! Snow is only great when you don’t have any responsibilities. I know it's exercise, but it is always a pressure pot of stress: Hurry up, dig out and get to work. At least my bird feeders suet stations were all filled up....so I've got that going for me, which is nice. The rest of the world is home by the fireplace with hot stew simmering on the kitchen stove, and biscuits in the oven. That’s the only time I like snow; when it is snowing outside and I have nowhere else to be.

I'm an end unit townhouse and I've homesteaded into the woods. It takes and hour to cut the grass. I have 6 garden beds, two in the woods. There is lots of maintenance. I did it all on Adderall. I just couldn't stop building....you know the grandest of all enchanted woodland gardens? Now I must pay the price for my visions of grandeur. I have to work to maintain it with energy I do not have. Justin: Nice. A rider. QuitOnce: You are welcome to come over and join in on the exercise. It's exercise all right....for 3 or 4 men.

Yes, you should tell your boyfriend about your addiction and especially about stopping. If you ask me, having a boyfriend who takes the very drug you are trying to quit, will undermine any success at quitting. You need to change the people, the places and the things that are related to Adderall to be successful in quitting. Please get the drug counciling you spoke of. Go to NA or AA meetings. You have 20 tender days under your belt. They are precious days. Protect them with your life, because that is what's on the line.

At this point in my recovery, the only way I have found to get ANYTHING done is to lunge into it: Motivation follows action. The "just do it" approach. It is also very important to break things down into small tasks. It is a whole new way of doing things for me and I still have trouble approaching things this way. My only success to date is the "one big grunt of willpower" to get started and after that things start getting done. A word of warning is that, in my experience that whatever I do or get accomplished, I pay for it the next day. This was especially evident this summer cutting the grass, but I find that I notice I owe a payback even after a social outing. Maybe it's just me?

Freebird, We greet people because it keeps us sober. The active participation reinforces our resolve and comittment to stay off the junk. There is no better way to help yourself than to help others, even if it's just saying "Welcome to the fourms." Plus we still consider ourselves Newbies and greeting a new post comes with the job. Sometimes when a situation is posted and I don't have the experience to field the topic, I'll just wait for one of the members of the community who has more sober time than me to pick it up. Eventually even the tough ones get replied to. We all have our own unique way of contributing. Working together brings us to the circle as a team with a common cause....and it feels so fucking good.

Congratulations SweetCarolinee and LuckyDucky with your success in the 30 day challange. I wish you both well being as you continue on your journey.

Tinybudda, I had the same sleeping problems that you described, just last night. It was very uncomfortable. I went through fits of it initially, but over time has calmed down. I had been having fantastic success sleeping using 5-HTP amino acid (I use the NOW brand. I got it on Amazon) in capsule form, so you can take only 1/3 of the powder. If you take full 100mgs pill, you’ll probably sleep for 16 hours and have a sleep hangover. I don’t know why it didn’t work last night, except I was trying to cut back the dosage even more to avoid the grogginess the next day. It got me off the Ambien. I had been down to .5mg (half a pill) for about a month. But I don’t need it with the 5-HTP. By the way the Ambien is a hypnotic type drug (not that addictive, except psychologically) and it will only keep you asleep for about 5 hours after using it for a while. The grogginess it leaves is subtle, but definitely present. I think it is sabotaging you into sleeping only for 5 hours. Try the 5-HTP. I am on the same page as you when it comes to the mornings as the worst time of day. It’s first thing in the morning upon awakening and slumbering in bed because you feel so horrible you bring on a morning depression that keeps you in bed. Without hope for the promise of having a good day, why not stay in bed, is the attitude. Two months into my quit, I had to give up coffee because it was causing me a lot of pain. This was a 30 year habit ripped out from under my feet! So now I have no morning routine that is productive. I think structure is important in recovery. It’s important in general, but more so in recovery. I work 3 PM – 11 PM and 11 PM – 7 AM alternately. Mostly during my quit I’ve been on 3-11. It’s good to have the lead time to get into work, but doesn’t force me to charge my way through the uncomfortable mornings. I never was a morning person anyway, which is one of the items on the check off list for ADD. “Not a morning person. Give ‘em Adderall.†I have to be ready for the day before 2 PM, (the exception is overtime at work—I drag myself to the job because it's a life or death situation) which is the earliest I am available for a telephone call or engaging in a social activity….or anything human. This has got to change! Most of my friends are up at 6 AM! They want to eat dinner at 5:30 PM. It’s normal human behavior and it eludes me utterly. Cold, with short sunlight hours to get out and take a walk, is a real depression making machine. Isolation caused by working 3 PM – 11 PM and 11 PM – 7 AM. I feel your pain.