BeHereNow

CONGRATS JUSTIN!!!! That's amazing!! Time to celebrate Thank you for all that you contribute here!

Coffee, but I also like Yerba Mate. Or caffeine pills. Stacker 2's. But only during very, very desperate times cause they're so damn strong!

Great job this week friends!!!!

ANYWAYS, Check in Sunday!!! I'm finally happy to post this time! Running: 12.7 miles total. 2 of these were on the treadmill, the rest were outside Rowing machine: 4.5 miles Hardcore ladder/climbing machine: 5300 vertical feet/ virtual elevation gain total. Planks: 3 or 4 days I remembered to do about 2 minutes each time Worked out a total of 4 days this week Hooray! I feel so much better about myself!! How did everyone else do?!

LOL, I had been considering ice skates too! I got some cheap stabilizers I just tried out. They are pretty helpful on ice.... as long as it's not tooo icy/slippery. You can also get higher quality similar products like mini crampons depending on your budget.

I don't have kids, so I can't speak to that special aspect of quitting. It must be hugely challenging. I'm also extremely lucky to have a partner who likes to clean and cook. Unfortunately I don't really have any specific concrete tips to offer. I like what Cassie said about throwing money at it, and making food in advance. Shortcuts like that can go a long way and are well worth it. I do think that a lot of it comes down to how we deal with the deeper-level psychological aspects of quitting. Work on building your self-confidence. This part is huge. The fact that women are judged so intensely on our appearance makes quitting especially challenging in terms of how people view us, which definitely affects our confidence. And the loss of confidence is part of what's so devastating about quitting! We have to really work at building up confidence in OURSELVES. So I spend a lot of time directly working on that. I'll get there someday. If I'm confident in myself as just plain ME (not some tweaked out version of me), then I'll be much less likely to relapse. That goes for appearance as well as skills and personality. Love and appreciate yourself for who you are!!!! Also: Remember that quitting is also especially rewarding because it ultimately improves everyone's appearance. For example: recently, a friend asked me (about another female friend), "What happened to her?? She used to be so beautiful, and now she looks....so....old, and pale, and she has huge red welts from picking her face." What caused this? You guessed it. So, keeping the fact that adderall ruins beauty in mind can help you stay clean. I agree that having a supportive partner who understands and appreciates your need to quit this poisonous horrible drug, who accepts appreciates and loves you for who YOU are, and who doesn't scrutinize you or criticize little things, but who sees your beauty and supports you through your quit is really, really important. (Actually, I think this is something that we all deserve. Nobody should settle for less!) Having a good support system is important too. Accept that you are going to need some help during this time. Ask for it if you need to. Cleaning? Meh. I did the bare minimum for a long time. I also use it as procrastination. Same with staying fit. It takes time to get that energy back. You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to live up to what someone else says women should do. Just be you. Do your best you can with what you have. In some ways, I'm not sure that the male/female emotions part is all that clear-cut, because there are so many counterexamples (i.e. men whose personalities are really emotional/sensitive, or women who are more reserved and stoic.) All I know is, quitting is a MAJOR emotional roller coaster for all of us. I think it's probably worse for women though. Because, clearly, female-specific, hormone-related issues that directly affect our emotions can DEFINITELY intensify the already existing emotional roller coaster and depression that comes with quitting. Like PMS. Or pregnancy. Or having a miscarriage (an especially monstrous kind of devastation--a special kind of hell and pain and deep abysmal loss that can never be fully mourned.) These bring on all kinds of crazy-intense emotions (at least in my personal experience-- OK, I've never shared this, but I went through all of the above during my first 6 months of quitting. It was absolutely, indescribably horrific and I would not wish it on my worst enemy.) I can say from experience that all these are intensified exponentially by quitting adderall. Especially the depression. It seems there is no end to how deep it can be. Because both things-- quitting adderall, and hormone-related stuff-- mess with your brain chemistry big-time. So that sometimes needs to be confronted and treated on deeper levels. BUT, knowing that it's partially because of brain chemistry is helpful in itself. Just knowing that it's going to be a roller coaster helps. Knowing there will be good times and bad times. Be ready for whatever. Be confident you can handle it.

WOW! I have to agree with Ashley and ZK on this one. When I was posting I forgot about a lot of my adderall-related health problems too. I also had most of the other problems people listed. Visual and audial disturbances, extremely heightened sense of smell that made me nauseous, extreme sensitivity to light, pale skin, compulsive skin picking, being cold ALL THE TIME (which is weird because before adderall I had a high tolerance for cold-- I'm into snow sports and mountains and stuff.) Also the horrible BO, stinky urine, peeing all the time, sexual dysfunction/ zero interest in any type of physical affection. The list could go on. Look at all our lists! This is atrocious!!! Almost none of these side effects are listed in the prescription information! Good point QO about how the drug lies to us, even when we're clean and hating on it. Thank you all for chiming in-- I like this thread because I think its helpful to remind each other of the bad health problems we've forgotten. Relapse prevention.

Ashley I definitely had some similar health issues on adderall! OK I'm inspired to share my personal experience too-- At first, it was awesome. I was still working out, I trained for a triathalon, I could still eat when I needed to, I didn't have any bad side effects except horrible anxiety. It got progressively worse. Towards the end, I was getting horrible migraines almost every day. And taking acetaminophen and asprin to deal with that (which are horrible for your liver, stomach, etc.) Oh, and if I went out drinking, my hangovers were TERRIBLE. I remember wishing for an IV of water. On a regular basis. Sometimes I would get chest pain or heart palpitations. Walking up some stairs, or any physical exertion really, would make me feel like I was going to have a heart attack. Which is why I stopped working out. And gained a bunch of weight. Plus, being sedentary for so many hours on adderall really messed up my back. Which led to more ibuprofin/asprin/whatever. Adderall also fucked up my digestive system big time. I was taking pepcid every day, more than the recommended dose sometimes, because my heartburn was so bad. And in the evening, I would have serious difficulty swallowing food. It came to a point where I was too scared to eat because I literally couldn't swallow food. I almost choked one time. No joke, it was a very near miss. That was really scary because I was alone in my apartment! It's like my esophagus had literally stopped working. So, I lived on smoothies, lattes, and beer. Sometimes I would take a shot of olive oil, I was so hungry but so unable to eat. Basically I was on a liquid 'diet' to accommodate my addiction. (WOW.) So I became really malnourished. And (obviously) very, very sleep deprived. I think it compromised my immune system too, because I was pushing it so hard but also weak and malnourished. I got sick more easily. And of course, I avoided seeing a doctor at all costs. The mental aspects are another story. Anyways I'm really glad I stopped when I did.

Hi converse, and welcome!! The closest thing I know of is this post, the 8 stages of amphetamine use/abuse: http://forum.quittingadderall.com/topic/879-8-stages-of-amphetamine-useabuse/#entry14469 It's more related to overall addiction, lifestyle, and mental rather than than physical health. But it's very insightful. Maybe there aren't as clear-cut stages of physical health decline with adderall? I mean you can just read the black box warning that comes with your script..... they list a lot of health effects there, but not with an eye towards abuse or stages of progression. A lot of people on here have reported various physical health problems related to adderall. BUT these also seem to be for the most part reversible. Quitting and taking care of yourself can really do wonders-- The body has an amazing ability to regenerate. Are you quitting (or considering it?)

Ehh, I'm not sure if it's doing anything. Maybe. Overall, nothing miraculous. I'll have to play around with the dosage and timing. I try not to fall for the placebo effect. On the other hand, I did spend the past hour attentively and calmly doing some close, focused reading. Hmm. I'm excited to see if it helps with sleep quality.

Hope for the best, expect the worst.

But oh so necessary.....in moderation

Has anyone tried L-Theanine as a supplement? I've read that it can calm anxiety by helping your brain produce GABA (though it's nowhere near as strong as a benzo). But I also read that it can stimulate dopamine production....both are good for recovering adderallics. I'm trying it out today. I ordered Natural Factors Suntheanine which is supposedly the purest one, and just took 2. I'll let you know how it goes. I'm just curious to hear about whether this has worked for anyone.

Ashley that's awesome!!! I've done 2 running races and they were both REALLY fun. And once you pay for the fee, you kind of have to keep training.... great motivational technique!

What a great topic! Well I'm definitely no master of sleep, but in general: Things that help (sleep aides aside, because I definitely use them): Having a full day-- Feeling like I've accomplished something, however small Working out during the day Eating healthy Being in bed before midnight (I'm trying to have a "bedtime") Watching boring movies in bed. Or reading in bed OR listening to books on tape (via Youtube -- with eyes closed) Cuddling Taking a hot bath before bed Making time to relax before bed Wearing a blindfold and earplugs every night Things that don't help: Alcohol!!! Sugary/carby foods too close to bedtime Trying to fall asleep while hungry (my body can't relax) Exercising too close to bedtime Anxiety Stressing out about the next day Stressing out about falling asleep Having to wake up early the next day (Knowing I have to wake up early makes it hard to fall asleep no matter how early I go to bed, because I lay there stressing about it) My cats waking me up in the middle of the night Taking multivitamins too close to bedtime (agreed, QO) Full moon

Check in Sunday friends........ Grand total of 2 miles this week. SWEET. This must be an underlying cause of the insomnia I'm having lately.... :/

Ambien scares me. I was curious about trying it but I keep seeing headlines about how it induces "zombie-like" behavior and sleepwalking in some people. So I decided not to ask my doctor about it. That said, I have major insomnia issues, especially lately. I've started taking melatonin XR 10mg. I take 1-2 pills and that usually works for at least a couple hours, plus 200mg of 5-htp. I also just ordered some L-Theanine and L-Tryptophan to add to that stack. Haven't tried either yet. I'll let you know how it goes. Klonopin helps my anxiety but I mainly take it during the day. If I have to take it at night, I don't get as involved with those supplements, but it doesn't really help me sleep--unless I'm having major anxiety, then it takes the edge off. Cassie you're probably right that it affects people more than they realize.

BUSTED. At work. Over dropping the ball on some logistics. Stupid logistics :/

I know this sounds harsh, but there really is no substitute for adderall to fill that void. That's probably part of why lots of us got so hooked in the first place. It can serve as a powerful feel-good quick-fix to mask depression (and all the monsters that come with it.) But the good news is that adderall never truly filled any void in the first place. If anything it only makes it larger, deeper, while simultaneously masking its presence. So when we quit, we're left with a huge void and no mask to cover it up. Quitting forces us to confront our depression and other issues square in the face. It hurts. A LOT. Finding genuine joy, inspiration, excitement, and interest in life again is still a struggle for me. And that's a classic symptom of depression. But I think it has to be the only way to true healing. Without adderall we have to find it on our own. Things that help me: Sometimes I still have to force myself to do fun things. For example I'll make plans with a friend in advance and won't let myself flake out when I inevitably don't feel like it. Exercise definitely helps everything. Eating healthy food, avoiding alcohol and sugar, and taking vitamins/supplements, all help my brain chemistry and body, and also help me show myself that I love and care for myself. I'm also hoping to start painting again. I try to be grateful every day for small things. Try to be mindful of my thoughts and attitude. Stay positive. Try to recognize and disrupt the spiral of negative thinking (it's so much easier said than done, but it's one of my goals.) There are some windows of happiness that peek through the darkness. I'm trying to start more fully living my life, because it's too short not to. But it has to be genuine, and it takes time. There is no quick fix to fill the void. We have to fill it up on our own, confront it, we have to let ourselves grow and grow back. And that takes time. But life is too short not to. Life is too short to take shortcuts like adderall. But if we're lucky, it's long enough to heal and grow make progress towards living the full, genuine life we want and deserve. Adderall is a backslide. Keep your head up oyvey, and press on.

Robin, it gets better!!!! It takes time..... in the first months its REALLY tough to get anything done. Don't expect or demand too much of yourself. You're in recovery, you're healing, so give yourself plenty of time. I think we can all relate to your frustration, but trust me it DOES get easier. Is it possible for you to do the bare minimum for awhile?

Congratulations on taking this huge step D Alan! Welcome!! Next you might want to consider cutting off your source. No looking back!

Finally tried this combo and it's pretty great. I started at lower doses and gradually built up my tolerance to both. I take 300mg Wellbutrin XL and 1000 or 1500 mg of L-Tyrosine in the morning with a B-complex vitamin, followed by a healthy high-protein breakfast and I'm good to go. Just don't drink too much coffee!

Lots of good strategies here!! I guess this just re-enforces what's already been said, but my # 1 method is to trick myself into getting started. Set the timer so you work for 5 minutes. Put your sneakers on and just go for a walk around the block if you're having trouble getting motivated to exercise. Etc. Just pretend it's not going to be a huge task. Don't think about how big it is, how long it's going to take, or when you'll be done. All you have to do is take one step. Usually with this method (which goes with the Pomodoro method zerokewl mentioned), I start getting really into it on my own. The timer goes off and I keep going because I want to. I made it around the block, and now I want to run a couple miles. Basically, once I trick myself into getting started, I get into the flow and get motivated to keep going. Another thing: when you're in the middle of a project, DO NOT think about the massive amount of work you have left to do. There is no way in hell I could be a long distance runner if I thought about how many miles I still had to go, in the middle of a run. Celebrate your progress, but most importantly just stay in the moment. Just keep going. The finish line will arrive in its own time.

TRUTH! Depression seems to be a universal part of quitting and I've found that alcohol can send PAWS, depression and anxiety through the roof!! I'm usually a moderate drinker but I really enjoy taking long breaks from alcohol. A month or more. Or I'll set a strict limit, like no more than 5 or 10 drinks in a month. This is something I've done a few times since quitting adderall and it REALLY helps! After a few days of not drinking I'm so much more energetic and productive, with dramatically lower frequency and intensity of anxiety depression and PAWS. It's like automatically I get better sleep, more exercise, and eat healthier. Alcohol is a depressant so I hear this is pretty common. I would recommend cutting/avoiding alcohol to anyone struggling with quitting and PAWS. (Currently on day 10 of my current alcohol-free month-long cleanse. And feeling GREAT! )

Right on Ashley, there's a time to rest and a time to push it! I just went to the gym and actually enjoyed it! They only allow 20 minutes per machine and they enforce it, so I only got 2 miles of running in. Spent 20 minutes on the hardcore ladder machine, and 20 minutes rowing. I almost didn't go & I'm SO GLAD I did!!