LILTEX41

Rockbottom, Wow, I really feel for both of you and LYoung614. I remember how hard it was to get off this junk and stay off. All of your concerns make sense, but I think what would be helpful is if you choose to start thinking about all of this in a new light. How has this affliction and struggle made you a stronger person? Imagine a few years from now when you no longer think about it and you are free just living your life once again in peace. Imagine looking back and saying, "Wow, I once was addicted to a drug and I overcame it." Not everybody who gets addicted ever finds their way out and look at what you've accomplished so far!! You are over a year clean!! That's amazing!! I sometimes almost thank adderall/cocaine for pushing me over the edge faster in all my addictions. Who knows if I'd even be sober today had it not been for the adderall which escalated my alcohol/drug use to the next level. Adderall definitely took me to rock bottom places and even then when I thought I would never touch it again, I'd go back. I often wonder what path I would've taken myself had I never touched alcohol or any drugs for that matter. But I tell you what. My life would've been WAY EASIER and I wouldn't have faced so much damn adversity. It is through the adversity and pain that I gained so much inner strength, compassion for others, knowledge in the field of mental health, and really just expanded myself in all ways possible. Had it not been for my years of drowning in so much loss, pain, and self sabotage I would not be the person I am today. It feels AMAZING to look back and say look what I did then and look where I am now. I think the best thing you can do is to try and first off start ACCEPTING yourself immediately. Rate your behavior and not yourself. You are NOT a loser!! Do not speak defeat like that over yourself!! Start saying, "I am a champion. I overcame some hard shit and I am better for it!!" Stop all the dwelling on what coulda, shoulda, or woulda been. It's in the past. It's dead and gone now. All you can do is learn from it and choose to do better in the present and moving forward. So what's next for you? What do you want out of life? What are your dreams, hopes, and aspirations? Start trying to rebuild your life in all areas and focus on how far you've come. And think about how you can help others with this struggle indefinitely. It is so great to give back and be able to help someone else. As far as feeling depressed and not wanting to socialize, do it anyway. Fake it until you make it. Don't allow yourself to isolate because it's uncomfortable right now. The sooner you face it and keep facing it, the easier it will become. Do volunteer work if possible. That's a quick way to start feeling better about yourself fast. Just try to focus on what you can do and make the most of it. And again, if you think you can't, do it anyway. You can do anything. It's just a matter of getting your mind to believe in yourself once again without adderall. You girls CAN do this!! And visit Smart Recovery if you seek new ways to enable better thinking patterns and start changing your unhelpful beliefs into more helpful beliefs. Rewiring our distorted thinking patterns is crucial to recovery and will keep you much saner in the process. ((((hugs))))

70.3!!!!!!!!

Hi Pug and welcome! Way to go on 110 days!! That's awesome! Sounds like you are off to a great start. I think the best therapies for combating anxiety/depression is exercise and CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). Getting outdoors and doing physical activity will definitely help lift your low mood and keep depression at bay. I think the major cause of depression has to do with our thinking though. When you are used to thinking repetitive negative thoughts, it's hard to just snap out of it especially after you've been on adderall for 4-5 years. It takes a lot of discipline and constant effort to revamp the automatic negative thoughts that come and turn them around into something positive. However, the better you get at catching these thoughts and doing something constructive with them, the better you will feel. It takes time, but it can be done. Just hang in there and keep looking for anything that can help you. Therapy is always a great place to start as well. Glad you are here!

6 days!!

I love this so much!! This is exactly right! What we think about and dwell on will come to pass. If we think negative, dark, gloomy thoughts about life then that's exactly what we will have. Luckily, we can re-write these limiting beliefs and turn them into something positive. You will become what you tell yourself, so you better think positive!

I am so sorry to hear this. I didn't realize he was gone. You are a very kind loving wonderful woman. Someone will be very lucky to have you someday. Please stay close to the site. We are here for you. <3 ((((Hugs))))

So sorry to hear about all the bad news!! If you need someone to talk to, please message me. It's not worth it!!

Absolutely. Thank you for admitting you're feeling down. Overcoming this drug is HARD. It is a crutch that makes you feel like superman and hell I don't know what heroin feels like, but I imagine it would be somewhere in the same category. Adderall (in the beginning) makes you feel like rainbows are shooting out your ass and life IS FANTASTIC!!! WHOOOO HOOO!! But it turns on you and destroys you in the long term. Just remember it's going to take time. First year is the hardest. I still get down from time to time, but I just keep hanging in there and that's life. Everyone has ups and downs. We are just back to facing reality and what all other people face once off this drug. The contrast between adderall world vs. reality is frightening in the beginning. It sucks. But I promise you will be thankful eventually that you are no longer a slave to some piece of shit soul destroying poison that has warped your mind, body, and all that life has to offer you. If you will just hang in there you can develop yourself in all kinds of ways to reach your potential without this poison in your life. Think of it has finding long term happiness rather than a quick fix. The things you do to find your happiness without this crutch will last a lifetime. Take this pill to solve your temporary problems and you remain stuck on the hamster's wheel. Don't ever give up the fight!!

Today I am feeling great. When I think about all the times I've wanted to go back to drinking in the past (almost 9 months) and I overcame it, I feel so grateful.. Some days are harder than others. Just so thankful to still be on the right track and moving forward. God is good. I am blessed. How about yourself, Frank?

So sorry to hear your pain right now Traceme. Praying things gets better. Thank you for sharing. It's hard watching someone you love be so sick. I guess all you can do is pray for him. All the best. <3 LT

Hi Lalalie, Reading this post was like going back in time. All I can tell you is get off this drug ASAP and don't look back. Don't worry about your future without it (you will figure it out and it will get better/easier over the years). I would be more worried about staying on it and how your future will play out. The longer you stay on it the harder is to quit. It already brought you an OUI as a "welcome to adderall" greeting, right? (I had a car crash into a median one night after taking 15 mgs after being off it for months. I feel your pain). I also took 60-80 mgs a day for the final years. I was having the exact same reaction you are now. I would be so tweaked out at times. I thought everyone was out to get me. I wouldn't sleep for 2 days sometimes. I was on it for 6 years. It was the unhealthiest period of my life. It was very dark and a lot of bad stuff happened. The pill is addictive as shit and you are trapped. Free yourself and be happy again. It's that simple. Tell the psychiatrist you're addicted and enlist your friends and family for support. Stay connected to this site and you'll get all kinds of help from everyone in the same boat. They will help encourage you on your worst days and then soon you'll be able to encourage others. It's a pretty cool deal. All the best to you!

Excited!

Wow, you did awesome!!! So impressed, Frank!!! I bet you feel great today! Way to go!!!

Z, Have you tried practicing mindfulness meditation? This is some good stuff! I've been watching a few videos on youtube past couple days. I think this might be the answer for so many of us!! I've heard people preach about the benefits of it for so long, but was never really able to apply it until today. I don't know, but it suddenly clicked for me. It was weird, but as I got up this morning and felt my thoughts spinning in a million different directions (some seriously negative thoughts) I thought about what I learned last night and decided to just detach from the thoughts and let them pass by as clouds. So then I was able to focus on the present moment and crap I needed to get done. Suddenly, I had a flashback of my adderall days and realized that's exactly what adderall used to do for me. Adderall cleared out all the racing thoughts and just allowed me to focus on the task at hand. I sincerely believe IF i keep training myself to detach more and more from feelings and intense emotions I will be more at peace able to focus on the present moment. It keeps you out of dwelling on the past and fretting about the future.

Awe, thanks.

I needed to hear this tonight. In a bad mood and this was like the healing fresh breath that I needed. Thank you and congratulations!!!!

Z, I have found that when I am happy with myself, I don't really let others get under my skin as much. When I'm feeling down on myself I tend to project that onto everyone around me. I can turn whatever they say into something negative when that might not've been what they even meant. Can you try to focus on all the positive changes you've made in your life and try not to judge yourself so harshly? I feel like it's your inner critic that is the underlying cause of so much of your distress. If you can find a way to be more kind and loving to yourself, it might roll off a lot easier when people attack or act like assholes. As far as other people go, I practice the following 3 steps. 1) God is my vindicator. 2) Do not repay evil for evil. 3) Just keep being your best. Matthew 5:38-45 "You have heard that it was said, 'AN EYE FOR AN EYE, AND A TOOTH FOR A TOOTH.' "But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. "If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. "Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. "Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you. "You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR and hate your enemy.' "But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. Also, check out this article on Smart about Anger. There is recommended book called 3 minute therapy. Maybe it could help! http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/library/Articles_and_Essays/Rational_Thinking/anger.htm

Congratulations William!!! That is awesome!!! Keep up the good work!!!

I can't imagine being in your situation Bones and I'm so sorry you are going through all this. Have you tried marriage counseling?

Delaware, OH Half Ironman http://www.ironman.com/triathlon/events/americas/ironman-70.3/ohio.aspx#axzz4FyS5Rpu9

3 weeks!!!!

So true Z!!! In the beginning, recovery SUCKS!!! But in time it just finally goes away and it's like the last thing you even think about other than when I come to this website to help others. You don't have to feel deprived anymore or miss the old days. You just finally forget about that shit.

CLARITY

Wow, this is a tough question. I don't think there is probably a one size fits all answer to the question. I think it's probably very individualized like you said. For me personally, it took me at least a few years before I stopped craving adderall. Maybe even up to 3 years. It's hard now looking back to really say. I don't crave adderall anymore though. I also smoked a lot of pot. For me exercise has helped a ton. I do marathon and triathlon training. I think all the cardio has been extraordinary at helping me to overcome these poisons. That's my best recommendation to cure it. Quit these things and do a lot of cardio and eat healthy! Best of luck!

That's awesome, Frank!!!! Good job!! Glad to hear it's getting better. You're making amazing progress!!!