Doge

Just stop. It's simple at this point. Don't let it get bad. Wishing you the best!

in Love

Most of us quit cold turkey. So I have no advice here. But by the time you get down to 2.5mg you're probably very close to what it will feel like completely sober. So yes, we all felt like crap of course, brain fog, fatigue, depression. It's all standard. We ALL go through that.

i think stepping down works well for things that you can't step up.

well if its any consolation know that its over two weeks later and im still in the procss of doing what I planned to do way back when i posted that post

Yeah sometimes I wish life would just fuck off

So awesome to hear. I'm glad you're feeling positive. This post 100% mirrors how I felt and still feel. I absolutely hear you about the junk food. It was like. Step 1: Not eat for 16 hours Step 2: Come down Step 3: Binge on pizza/perogies/potstickers/anything i could just throw in the oven. Just crap.

Haha... amen!! Someone take me to Hawaii please! Anyways, I'm glad you're feeling better. There will be ups and downs still for the next few months while you recalibrate still. But they eventually calm down and stabilize. In fact since you are so young you probabily will feel better even sooner. It's so awesome that you quit early.

I clung to this so tightly. It was my precious silver lining during the period of black despair when I was waking up to the stupidity of my destructive choices.

mmm buffets.....

Wow I can't believe it's 3 months already. You rock! Congratulations! I'm so happy for you. Have fun in Vegas but stay safe and be smart!

Never heard of it. But congrats on 14 days!

FKADDERALL: hey take it easy. you are correct about many things but remember how painful it is to be in the clutches of those demons. Zara: I remember feeling this way in my last half a dozen or so relapses after going between 2-8 weeks without adderall. There was a certain path I would walk to my dealers house and it became part of my ritual. On my way there I was torn between giddy elation (being excited to get more pills) and black despair (wondering why I was doing this to myself even though I knew it was self-destruction of myself). I don't know how to explain it but it was like I was watching myself from 3rd person, thinking "This is a stupid idea. This is a stupid idea. Why are you doing this. This is a stupid idea. Don't do it. Just go home." But I just kept on walking as if I had no control over my actions. Of course I did actually have control, I was just acting on impulse rather than reason. It was probably through this insight that I finally accepted the fact that I was full-blown addicted and that I would never quit through sheer willpower alone. I had to admit to others I was addicted and ask for their help. Fortunately my dealer cut me off and ever since has refused to sell me any (even when I begged him). Addiction is terrifying. Forgiving yourself is the first step and reaching out for help is the second. Don't ever let your pride stop you from reaching out for help.

I remember this feeling so well. I'd go from being clean for a month or so, and having my body adapted to no adderall, and then I would suddenly go on a 300mg binge. I remember that scary feeling at the end of the "night" when your heart is beating so hard and irregularly you think you are going to die. You will be amazed at how much your body can heal if you quit. It will be hard but what you are doing now is no way to live, and it's obvious that you've already decided that. Don't be so hard on yourself. There's a reason people get addicted to this stuff. It is vicious.

OMG U ROCK!!!! Congratulations Firefly!!!

bumped it off my desk and it landed on a floor which clearly did not have enough give. I should sue!

bah, i spilled an entire cup of coffee (not hot thankfully) on myself while typing that and didnt notice until the end

I agree. 5 days is not enough time to step down properly. I say invest in a shopping buggy full of comfort food and snacks, and threw a new set of sheets on your bed. Then quit cold turkey and lose yourself in some TV shows for a couple of days. Home detox. But on another note, congratulations on your decision to quit. It takes a lot of courage to reach out to a rehab clinic. I bet you will learn a lot while there and have plenty of wisdom to share. Hope we see you around lots in the future!

Same here. 100%.

I'm really sorry about your Mother. That is indeed a traumatic loss. I have nothing to offer you on this note but I will be wishing you my very best as you get through it. Your mother must have been truly wonderful to make you miss her so much in all those ways.

ugh i did that the other day too :< does it still work?

I've been making points of making lists for myself the last couple days and I have already noticed more things getting done and a general feeling of satisfaction that I achieve from it. Thanks for this post!

When I was using I had two dealers. One sold me adderall, the other dexedrine. I could never distinguish between the two.

yeah its like every adderallic's dream. To be the only one who is immune to the side effects "NO Im too smart to be addicted. I'll just take a little bit now and again." Yeah I definitely know what you mean by hate-watching. That's how I watched Requiem for a Dream. As pathetic as it sounds, watching the scenes with the old lady destroying herself triggered cravings for me. Granted I hadn't quit yet, so at the time my mindset was less strong. But the sad reality for me right now is I find that even the most innocent thoughts can degenerate into destructive thinking. I caught myself yesterday thinking something like: "Man a year ago today I was probably doing the exact same thing as right now but with twitchy legs, gnashing teeth, clenched jaw, and paranoid delusions." "Sure glad I'm not like that anymore." "Ahhh... I feel so calm now. A year ago I could have only dreamt of feeling like I feel right now." "I used to just rush out of work, avoid seeing anyone I knew, and fly straight home on the train as fast as I could just to hide in my room and resume my destructive habits." At this point, the memory of the "train ride home" ritual starts to trigger elevated heart rate and desire. "It was pretty fun though......" And next thing you know I'm riding out a brutal craving which, best case scenario ruins my whole evening and worst case scenario..... well. Let's not entertain that possibility. I'm not always this vulnerable, like depending on my mood that day I might just shrug it off and forget about it within minutes. But lately I've been feeling sad and a bit relapsey (probably because the school semester is starting up again so I'm exposed to a lot more triggers that remind me of the old days. Always trying to use quitonce's advice of getting in the automatic habit of "changeing the channel" to prevent time, thoughts, and energy wasted on thinking about bullshit pills. Ahh well work in progress. Note I'm not trying to be a naysayer against the show limitless for other people, but these are the things I have to be wary of right now.

I didn't find the movie all that great, however the premise was really cool (I watched it before I had ever even heard of adderall). I feel like watching the show would probably be a trigger for me, due to exactly what you described - only showing the unrealistic romantic view of the pills.