Doge

Best to flush it all and get it out of your life again!

This is something I often think about. Many of our surroundings during adderall life can be triggering. And by default that includes the surroundings that were "grandfathered" in from our pre-adderall life. I long for that life sometimes, as I'm sure we all do, to the point of painful sadness. But it's good to remember that the pre-adderall life was a life that was on the road to addiction, and it's best to be on the other side of that, even with the wounds and scars we carry. Anyways I'm babbling. That's awesome you've got a bike! I'm riding lots lately myself. Sounds silly but it takes me back to the days of being 10 years old. Great feeling! I hope it does the same for you.

I have relapsed more times than I can count. And the reason each attempt failed is this: I didn't cut off my supply. When I decided to quit, I didn't take action to tell my supplier what was really going on. I did the same thing as you, pretended everything was fine and that I didn't really need anymore but "hey, might as well have em just in case right doc? yeah everything is else is fine too doc, how is the family doing? same old same old eh? yeah, well... hey thanks for the refill, if you really think I should keep taking it I guess I will.... I probably wont even take any though because I really don't care about them, see you next month, maybe...." Did I tell him that I was sitting at my desk with my head in my hands bawling my eyes out after binging on a months worth of prescription in two days? We addicts are the best liars. Most important piece of advice is, CUT OFF ACCESS. Or you will become like me. There is nothing to feel like a loser about. It's a viciously addicted chemical that is irresponsibly prescribed by those who should (and are paid a FORTUNE in salary) to know better. Avoiding the shame of admitting your problem is not worth continuing the cycle of self-abuse that a life on adderall (or dexederine, or vyvanse, or zenzedi, it's all the same shit under different names) amounts to. Necessary Disclosure: Easy for me to say, I haven't had the boldness to take my own advice. I've decided time and time again to quit, and right now it's been about 5 weeks since my last pill and I don't feel any desire to go back to it. But really why haven't I totally cut myself off? Is it because I'm ashamed to admit it and am clinging to a hope that I can successfully quit without doing it? or is it because deep down on some subconscious level I'm saying "maybe" when I really should be saying "FUCK NO"? I don't know but based on my history I'm taking a big risk for the sake of pride that has not turned out well for me in the past. So that's my advice with a bit of background of where it's coming from.

Of your whole post, this is the part that echoes in my skull. I think this feeling is very common. It's ironic how excited I got when I first got my hands on a fistful of pills, and how great I though I was going to become from them. The drug ground me into dust, chewed me up and spit me out. And post as much as you need to! We're all here for the same reason.

This is chillingly accurate. Thanks for sharing!

Hey TDT!! I'm a bit late here, but I'm really glad you flushed those fuckers. I understand all too well that feeling, after being clean for so long, slipping and watching your inner addict come back to life and start to tighten its grip again. Flushing those pills is huge, even if its not the first time. It's an exercise in free well, and a display of the power to use it, during your weakest moment of despair. It is an agonizing choice to make and you did it. That progress you gained in that 8 months clean is not all gone just because of a few slips. You taught yourself how to live again and those lessons will be valuable in the coming months. Remember that fighting with adderall is not a single battle but a long sequence of many battles. We should always be preparing for our next one. Thinking of you and wishing you the best!

Remember when people say it lasts two years. They don't mean it's horrible for 2 years straight before you see any improvement. I think they mean that they still felt symptoms of it for up to two years, but imagine how much better the second year is than the first. Remember to take it one day at a time, and have faith that things will get better (not totally better, but better) soon. Tomorrow is always a new day and it might be just fucking fantastic for all you know.

asparagus is suppsoed to be the number one most healthy thing you can eat

its up to you, but I think during recovery, gentle exercise is best (yoga, core strengthening, meditation, wall pushups, walking etc.) boot camp sounds pretty extreme

You can play around with it and edit it to get rid of the url I bet. But the 5 months free looks pretty awesome whether its a boot or a palm tree...

at 1 week, just take it one day at a time and celebrate small victories. rest and recover as much as possible

just looked it up. watching their videos now, haha. never heard of this band

Well said LILTEX. Thank you so much for sharing!

Congrats man!! Huge accomplishment! Now that you are feeling strong again with resolve, go root out any possible access you may have in the future and burn those bridges to the ground! Soon we'll be celebrating your 10th month clean!

i never ahve felt compelled to take it more than once in a while so i feel safe taking it once in a while. the last time i took it was when i started this thread. i've had the bottle for almost a year now and have only taken it about 6 times. honestly it's too intense for me. Also, heed very carefully the words of Quit-Once: More is not better If you take more thinking it will be better, you're going to have a REALLY shitty day. But yeah I don't think it's a supplement that is intended to be taken every day. You probably would build a tolerance. I think it's best to take once in a while. Like if you've been in a shitty mood for a week straight and just can't take it anymore.

OMG!! congrats!!! so happy for you!

The message is as clear as the analogy. Hope you find a solution. Let us know if we can help in any way!

one will do absolutely nothing for you but make you crave 1000 more

Start with gentle stuff, like just some yoga poses on your living room floor, core strengthening and stuff. Wall pushups. They feel so good! But yeah you will get there. That's great about your food!

Of course you shouldn't! Get rid of any possible source of it from your life. Don't go down that road please!!!!!

I'm naturally an introvert. Adderall at first made me more extroverted in the short term. In the long run once I started abusing I was back to extreme solitude and loneliness. I'd say I'm back to being pretty balanced now in comparison, but still more introverted than I was before adderall. At about my 5 month mark last year, I had a lot of friends scratched off my list, and was very very introverted by default. As for energy, hows your nutrition and exercise going? Exercising is like hitting the gas on the recovery wagon. It speeds it up a lot, and helps make you feel true joy again, even if it's in really small doses at first.

Yeah i tried one of those $300 or less machines. They are terrible. You read the specs and think "hey, still sounds a heck of a lot better than my old machine" but the industry is rigged so that you will always have to spend more if you want a decent experience. The computers that cost < 300 are just so crappy they can't even properly handle the operating system that comes installed on them. Glad you got something you like!

i remember the first time i had one, and it made me superman for a whole day (even after it wore off i was a machine, just a tired one) i remembered thinking "Holy fuck, they get a whole bottle of these things every month? They must have TONNES extra..." i had no idea how it actually works and neither do they. fuck em all, and quit. the ones who are your true friends will understand

i was the same way, bought off dealers and friends for 3 years. my friend charged me his own price, what he was paying, rounded up to the nearest dollar, but the dealer I knew took advantage of me and kept jacking up the price

our chat about full moons interfering with sleep was the first i had ever heard of the topic. i thought you were joking at first actually but then i looked into it and there's actually something to it. in fact i spoke to people at work that day and many of them said they barely got any sleep at all that night