Motivation_Follows_Action

I met a guy at the airport last week (if you ever want an interesting way to meet people in a totally random way try being at an airport when a winter storm hits... I was stuck in O'Hare airport for 11 hours [sigh]) who was a sales guy for some agribusiness company that sold supplements to farmers for their cattle feed. Being a farm girl myself, I asked a few rudimentary questions because I really don't know too much about how cattle get fed here... and boy, it was not a fun answer. I stopped listening after a couple of sentences because the dehumanization and "scientification" (my word) of beef production is really, really scary. I don't eat beef much these days anyway but I'm considering veganism now.

Oh, Heather, you crazy cat!

Printed this and put it on my cork board in the study. Wow. Thank you so much for posting, these statements put it all in perspective, don't they. Wow.

I think that's a pretty normal reaction - the hardest thing coming off it is relearning who you are and how to get stuff done when menial tasks just aren't interesting any more. Seeing other people who "have the secret sauce" to motivation and task management might be a big trigger for some people to relapse.

That makes me terribly sad. Broke and unhealthy is a terrible way to have to live your life.

Sky how did you/do you feel hanging out with adder all users now you're off it? Do you notice their behaviors and try to figure out if they're tweaking when you're together? Does that change your own behavior in response? I don't know too many other people who take adderall but I suspect I'd find it hard to genuinely want to connect with someone whom I could tell was high...

Awesome stories to read, especially one after the other like that. Stay strong, it's hard. It's funny, when I was in college we didn't have adderrall, we had no doz, which is basically a whole load of caffeine if I remember rightly. I really feel for college students these days, the pressure to outperform on everything, be effortlessly good looking, always on with no downtime due to mobile technology places just an incredible amount of pressure on you. College is always a tough transition as you're learning how to be a "proper adult" (hopefully), but nowadays the competition and pressure just seems out of hand. Stay strong!

Well the secret's out... seems that sugar is as toxic for the body as tobacco. What will happen next I wonder? http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/02/27/its-the-sugar-folks/

Do I feel an episode of "The Californians" coming on?

Congrats on staying strong and for having the willpower to question yourself when temptation struck. Instant role model just joined the forums, everyone!

Agree with the above... also I'm told calcium and magnesium can help? I just took Advil (lazy person's excuse) but I think I read somewhere that amphetamines deplete your magnesium stores...

Just sayin'... miss you mate. Hope everything is ok...

Thank you so much for sharing such an intimate part of your life with us. I feel humbled to hear it. I've had my own daddy issues through this whole process but this forum really helped when I was going through stuff early on in my recovery.

I love the way you're tracking your recovery here. Keep posting, it reminds me of the stuff I went through really early on and that I never, ever want to have to feel that exhausted and/or anxious again! And by the way, your descriptions are hilarious - I laughed out loud at the "strapping a bag of chocolate on to my face" one... Congrats and keep going!

You do realize QO that you have poo-pooed this on behalf of your entire gender, so far? C'mon guys! Kyle? InRecovery? Sky? ANYONE got the balls to do this with us? (ha ha see what I did there...)

Stay the fuck away from it unless you are into or curious about how far inward one can travel into the dank, sloshy pit of paranoia. In that case, you go there girl. You know that Oh-no-the-cocaine-is-wearing-off-very-quickly-and-if-I-don't-do-another-line-soon-I-will-succumb-to-the-hot-depression-rising-inside-my-ribcage-like-a-river-full-of-black-watery-shit-stink in your stomach feeling? Thinking so hard and deeply on the most insignificant tiny pore of thought that you can almost hear the skull tightening in on your grey matter and wringing every bit of wetness left of your brain till it feels like a strangled, powdery, dry blowfish stuck behind your eyes? Having to find the most all-hole-filled, rapey, S&M, blood-splatter porn to satiate your sustained state of psychotic horniness? The constant hum of silence becoming unbearably deafening and making your ears swell like heaving bullfrogs tied to your cranium? What is that hum???!!! The air is pixelated? Your face is dots? If grandma tells me she loves me one more time I am going to stab her face until its one satisfying giant hole? And yay! This is time-release and that means basically forever. The docs finally did it, and took every tiny slice of fun out of pill abuse with this little orange attack. The pill adventure that will unveil the wicked!

Tax withholding forms have become ridiculously complicated. Ok, it's more of an opinion than a new piece of information, but it's also true. No wonder there are so many tax accountants in this country...

StillHereSomewhere, I'm really happy you posted and can relate. Stick around, there's some pretty amazing folks on here and yes there is some neuroticism and perfectionism and self-criticism and other common traits, but one thing I love about this forum and I've never seen anywhere else is how SUPPORTIVE people on here are. You've made the right choice to quit. It's the first step.

Yay Occasional1! I've been a big supporter of you right from day one and really enjoy reading your posts and all about your journey. So glad to have you here and CONGRATULATIONS! Hope you're doing something big or small to celebrate this milestone (that doesn't involve doing anything damaging, of course). Are you feeling better? Aren't you glad you made the right decision? Doesn't adderall SUCK BALLS?!!

Adderall is acidic and causes dry mouth. Dry mouth creates porous teeth, so sugar and coffee and other stuff tends to sink further in to the enamel. Also not sure about you but the jaw grinding made my teeth get more misplaced in the time I was using it than the previous 5 years collectively. I have just signed up for invisalign!

Hi Dia, Welcome to the forums and congrats on being clean for 2 years! You're an inspiration for us here. I'm only 4 months clean and I come here every day looking for stories of success like yours. I did what you did - I took adderall for about 2.5 years, came off it for 6 months and gained 20lbs, and thought I'd go back on it "just to lose the weight", which led to a full-on, life-wrecking addiction and within 4 months although I was skinny, I was psychotic (literally) and lost everything (job, health, nearly my marriage). Just to remind you - the weight you lose on adderall you will ALWAYS gain back unless you establish healthy eating, sleeping and workout schedules which will need to ramp up once your metabolism stabilizes, so you will always be yo-yoing on and off adderall forever. Sorry, there are no short cuts. You might find the attached helpful:

Welcome, and congratulations on the beginning of the journey for your recovery to health and life without adderall. I'm sure you will find people here to be helpful and supportive as you go through the process. It sounds like you've done all the things at this moment you need to to get the help and support you need at least in these early days. Are you working full time throughout this period? How will you manage that - most people find the first couple of months really tough, especially those that were on a high dose... Congrats again, and welcome!

I have been lucky enough to only have relapsed once during my quit (I honestly would have relapsed full-on by now if I'd had my supply so that's why it's so important to trash it before you think you need to), but it's something that's been buzzing around in my head for a while and I wanted to express my opinion on it here. It may be unpopular and is definitely not something I have researched or anything so feel free to shoot me down! I'm genuinely interested in the consensus on this one. Ok here we go. I believe relapsing is part of recovery. Like we say, recovery is not a linear path, and many of us just find ourselves at breaking point at some time. I admire those who only quit once, but I think it is probably the exception rather than the norm. What is more important to me about relapse is how you deal with it. If you are able to kick yourself upside the head and berate yourself for a bit, that's step number one. But to me the most important step in getting on with recovery is PUTTING THE RELAPSE BEHIND YOU. If you fixate on how much you fucked up , it will derail you and you'll be tempted to give in altogether. I was really upset when I relapsed and my therapist said to me that it was only a big deal if I thought it was a big deal. She asked me if I had any more supplies, I said no, she said, "well you're not getting any from me, so that's it then. Problem over. You now know your triggers, so let's work on them, not the drug." Essentially, she was saying just keep moving, nothing to see here. What does everyone else think about this? Have been curious to discuss with the forum for a while.

Welcome to the forums. Good idea to take the opportunity, that's what we're all here for - to help you as you do! You have to do it yourself first, though, take the first step towards your recovery. Quit-once's recommendation is a good one, and I'd echo it. When you're going through withdrawal having that list beside you is really important so you are not tempted to relapse. Let us know how you go...