Zerokewl

cowork space isolation sucks

stress is caused by giving a fuck

Jon you are so wise.

Great to hear from you Reset! Congrats on making it through 2013! I am so happy to have put that year behind me!

congrats on 12 days!

Thanks. When I am well I am a very positive person. The depression/anxiety I am currently experiencing is unbearable. I know it will pass, I know things will get better. Maybe this is a paws episode? Maybe not I seem to remember this type of depression ,major unable to move,impacting my life before pre-adderall/ritalin /concerta. I hope I am feeling better tomorrow. I was doing much better a few weeks ago. I'm sorta in this pattern of emerge and fall down, emerge and fall down. I know things will get better.

a new day

ugg I tempted to delete this post however.. I think I should leave it up to remind me I can't drink & smoke pot even moderately. This post was the result of what i can only describe as a depressive episode. Not exactly the way I wanted to start the New Year. I'll take it as a warning, I must be ever vigilant of depression. Yesterday was just plain awful, awful, awful. Today is a new day.

I think sometimes I don't want discourage newer members or want to put a brave face on this thing. I'm really not doing that well. I am struggling with all my projects. I am trying so hard to be well that it seems like my only focus. I sit at my computer trying to focus on web development and end up just lost. Ok I decide maybe you need to go to the coffee house and try to concentrate there, no luck. Next the library no luck. I just can't focus and the depression is so severe some days. I am alone most of the time so I am stuck in my head all of the time. Anyways not to be a downer, I just feel like a fraud for always posting positive shit when thats not really how I feel. I'm struggling, I struggle daily with this mess I've made. I so badly need to focus and finish some projects. All I want for 2014 is to be able to focus again. -edit this highly negative post was the result of a hangover causing severe depression.

Hey welcome to board. Congrats on your decision to quit Adderall. There is lots of information in the articles section of this site. Arm yourself with as much info as possible. The safest way to dispose of the pills is to take them back to pharmacy.

"The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality, and it was vitality that seemed to seep away from me in that moment." In a talk equal parts eloquent and devastating, writer Andrew Solomon takes you to the darkest corners of his mind during the years he battled depression. That led him to an eye-opening journey across the world to interview others with depression -- only to discover that, to his surprise, the more he talked, the more people wanted to tell their own stories. (Filmed at TEDxMet.) http://www.ted.com/talks/andrew_solomon_depression_the_secret_we_share.html

1st post of 2014...

5 things to do in a crisis

Chimo5.5 hours left of 2013. I will be glad to put this year behind me. Wishing you all a healthy, productive, focused and abundant 2014. Much love to all the great people here. Thank- for making this year less miserable. Tally Ho!

The model for drug testing is just so broken. With software and most products you release versions and get user feed back almost continuously . We are going to are doctors and saying this drug has been a real issue for me. Where does that data go is it even reported? When my browser crashes it sends anonymous data back to Google (I use chrome) saying what what happened. The programmers analyze the data and if they see a pattern they release a code fix.

I just got back from the doctors for Anti-d's. Pretty frustrating when you have to convince medical professionals that even 7 months clean you are having difficulties. I think we are before our time and in the coming years you will see more and more in the media about Adderall's after taste. Thank God for this site without we would be lost.

500th post...

Great post. Well done on making it a year. Your habit list is amazing, I'll probably copy and paste a few into my New Year plans.

Nothing I've read documents the difficult recovery process. Which makes me wonder if it is real sometimes.

The pharmacy I used to score at is about a block from my home. So in the last 7 month I've walked past the pharmacy roughly 400 times telling myself I don't need it, I don't want it, I'm better with out. I've posted on this site almost 500 times and spent countless hours reading articles. I've slept a lot and done some serious soul searching. I was a very different person 7 months ago. Angry, confused, exhausted,malnourished and tweaked. This journey has been really hard at times. It has also been really rewarding, taking time for myself and learning to love myself has made me a better person more at peace. Still struggling with depression, focus and fixing the mess I made. I'm moving on and momentum is everything. Occasionally I have these wonderful moments of clarity and I get seriously excited about the new life I am building. We will overcome this. 2013 redefined us, the civil war in our mind has defined us. Adderall took everything from me, and everyday i'm taking it back by force. Decide what you want and lets make 2014 comeback story of or lives. Thank you to everyone for all your support over the last 7 months.

2013 was the worst year of my life therefore 2014 must be one of the best.

Might want to try a SMART recovery meeting. Kind of a different approach a little like NA one of the senior members Liltex swears by it. Ultimately recovery is DIY choose what is gonna work for you. I don't think full on rehab is what you need. You've identified that depression is why you failed. I totally understand, my bouts with depression have been horrible. Its heavy shit, caused by your brain chemistry re-balancing itself. The depression and lethargy are the #1 reason people relapse.