Doge

Just bought some L-Tyrosine today and took 1g last night and I felt pretty happy in the evening. This felt amazing since I spent the previous few days feeling really "relapsey" and stressed right out. I took 1g twice today and shortly after the second dose I got the migraine/nausea thing and was completely knocked down all afternoon. Definitely not something to take lightly so be careful with this one. I think I'll just go back to 1g tomorrow morning and see how that goes.

I tend to read posts when I'm having a crappy day and post my own when I'm having a good day. So it'd be easy to get a skewed sense of what life is like at 5 months clean for me from my posts alone. From what I've heard, 6 years is when you stop thinking about it at all. That's a long time from now but might as well make the most of it in the mean time by taking satisfaction in the small accomplishments! Btw, congrats on being sober for over a year. You are doing awesome and are a huge inspiration!

yeah the preview looked really cool. its high on my list for sure.

Woo! Passed half way to 30 days! Won't be long and you'll be on the 60 day challenge!

Im a few episodes into Daredevil and it seems really good. I actually can't stand watching TV unless I'm eating nowadays so I only watch about 1/3 of an episode at a time while I eat sometimes. Funny hearing myself say that, about 4 months ago I was worried that I would never actually want do anything EXCEPT watch TV. I bet I cracked a solid 500 hours of TV in my first two months. Now I probably watch between 1 and 2 hours a week. So anyone who's stuck on the couch don't worry just go with it for now and try to enjoy it, haha!

and dont hate yourself

hang in there buddy, it gets so much better I swear!

I began detoxing at home on Saturday of a 4 day weekend, so I had more or less 3 days of lounging around watching netflix and eating comfort food. When work started up again on Monday, I literally chugged a massive pot of coffee and showed up at work each day to put in my minimal required face time and then high-tailed it home and went straight to the couch to have more snacks and vegetate in front of.... yes more netflix. Glad they have so many shows. Whenever I had progress update meetings I would just bullshit things that I hadn't actually done. I would spend 10 minutes skimming research papers and try to bluff that I had read them carefully in order to justify how I was spending my time. Fortunately the person I report to likes his booze in the evenings, so he called in sick for many of our meetings anyway so that made it easier for me to lay low. Nice to see you on the forum Katers, 6 months is really awesome keep it up!

I'll bet money the same thing happens again. Just give it time!

Congrats CreativeGuy! I'm so happy for you! It's going to get easier soon. I also agree with the ticker. Getting to watch your turtle, bike, or soccerball slowly move along the day counter.... idk... there's something about it. It gives you some short term gratification which you are probably sorely missing right now. Kinda like trophys or achievements. You said you were a gamer right?

yeah its really creeping me out to look at, sorry i had to!

haha i'm sorry this was supposed to be on the one word status update. my mistake, not attempt to hijack your thread with my dreams of lounging in a tropical beach! I swear!

hawaii - i want to go can someone take me there plz thx

CreativeGuy: I'm soooo happy to hear that you stopped taking them! I can't wait to hear about your transformation to a better life! Keep us posted!

CarpeDiem: i know what you mean about the grumpiness! Don't be too scared. You are still re-calibrating and you will be amazed at the recovery you are going to make. You will keep surprising yourself day after day. You have already done the hardest part, gotten through the first two weeks! It only gets better from here on out! Dont forget your own words:

Haha finally someone else likes Hemlock Grove!! Such a funny/creepy show. I didn't like the second season so much but the first one was just grand. You've given me a tonne of new material, catw66, thanks!

OK well I am rooting for you! I just hope adderall isn't preventing you from finding a real sustainable solution.

Have you told your doctor this? I believe this is the best way to get a prescription that is best for you. When things aren't working, inform your doctor! Something about adderall just tells us to "stay quiet" about it though, and is one of the many reasons I don't trust that it's actually good for anyone. These are some common things I have experienced/know someone who has experienced as the root of problems with energy and motivation: Have you had your thyroid checked for an imbalance? How is your nutrition? How much exercise do you get? Are you getting enough sleep at night? How much coffee do you drink? Do you have a Vitamin D3 deficiency? Might be worth searching harder for the cause of your depression than to just mask it with a highly addictive drug. Almost everyone on this forum will agree that adderall leads to pain and destruction. And addiction forms its devastating grip long before the user is aware of it.

I totally get what you mean. Your humanity is no longer dulled by the pill. Even pain is a gift which should not be taken for granted. Sorry for the loss you experienced. Your job must be really hard. Keep up the good work you are doing great!

congrats!

I'm happy to announce my 5th clean month completed. I've been really stressed lately as the clock continues to tick for me to finish my dissertation and I have made no real progress yet. Whenever this stress leads to temptation I just have to remember that a relapse will only make things worse. I just keep plugging away inefficiently every day. The good news is that I feel like I am at a stage where the horrible feelings of regret are seeming to fade a bit. Of course I still wish I never went down that dark road of addiction but I don't lament for the past as much now. I am dealing with the consequences of my actions every single day but I just keep looking forward and try to remember that some good can come from it as well. The simplest example being the ability to empathize with other addicts - especially ones in much more hopeless situations than I ever managed to wander into. It's amazing how the majority of the population looks down on homeless people and de-humanizes them so readily. There are a lot of hopelessly desperate people hanging out on the side of the road in my city and when they ask for money for food, people's first instinct is "oh they just want their next fix I'd just be enabling them" and hurry on their way avoiding even making eye contact. Yeah well, of course they just want their next fix! They are viciously addicted to extremely powerful substances that are chemically engineered to have exactly that effect. That doesn't mean for one second that they aren't suffering, starving, and practically dying on the street from malnourishment. And as a fact, I have never once in my life seen a homeless person that wasn't extremely grateful for even the smallest amounts of kindness that came in a non-monetary form - a bottle of water, an apple, a cup of coffee, a sandwich. Give them anything and they practically get tears in their eyes. It's so easy for people to say things like "oh they should just quit doing drugs" or "why do I have to work for my money and they just sit around begging". But they just don't have a clue what it is like. The reality is that many of them are sitting because they are so weak that they would probably faint if they stood up. Anyways, this was a rant I never intended to go on and I only have seen a tiny glimpse of what they go through. I do however need to cling to these epiphanies as they are the only silver lining to my self-destructive choices in the recent past. Thank you all for being here to help pull me out of that dark hole.

Well good luck. I'm rooting for you. Let us know how we can help.

This is precisely the issue that it comes down to. If you truly want to quit, there is no reason not to just cut yourself off and tell your doctor you are addicted. EDIT: I read your post more carefully and you say you don't think you are addicted. If that is the case, then just stopping is the simplest way to achieve what you desire (although dealing with physical withdrawals will still be a challenge). This sounds exactly like my behaviour in the past. And I am absolutely and unquestionably addicted. Don't write off the likely possibility that you are addicted. And I don't mean that to come across as judgemental in any way. I am an addict. Most of the people on this site are addicts. That's why we need eachother and help eachother. But awareness of the problem is the first and a very important step in the healing process! The fear of not having them in the future in case you need them is a sign of either your addictive personality talking you out of quitting, or a symptom of not truly wanting to quit bad enough. I went through this exact battle for months before I finally took the big leap and cut myself off. I feel that once you are addicted (I certainly am!), this is the only way to not just go running back to it the second things get hard. Personally, I'm not totally there yet (in saying I don't want them anymore). But I have no doubt that I'm fully recovered physically. That being said my usage was different than most peoples. I never took them for more than a few days in a row because I would always run out and then dry out for at least a couple weeks. So frequent recovery was part of my habits. I feel like this made my final recovery go faster, although I still have intense cravings occasionally, my most notable ones at around 2 months clean and 4 months clean. During the past month I've gotten better at recognizing my thought patterns before they get out of control and steering them in a more constructive direction. But I still think about adderall almost every day. But in many ways my life is completely back to normal. I'm just much lazier than I want to be.

+10 One of my worst nightmares would be having to go back in time and be a fly on the wall, watching how horrifically brain damaged I must have looked during my binges.