Doge

i realy should quit drinking because being drunk is always when i get the worst addy cravings. but its tough because its everywhere, and having a few beers is so easy to justify to yourself

your fear is typical of anyone facing this tough decision. just know that eventually the adderall will not work at all, and by then its grip will be iron tight and quitting will be even harder. I like the quote, "when you've got to eat shit, best to swallow and be done with it". tell your doctor to cut you off!

re: that video HOLY SHIT that is powerful. every bit of it is so beautifully horribly accurate. that was totally me in the shower holding my head in my hands with my brain screaming at myself "why... how could you do this again...." re: the lottery you totally had me going there too haha

i for one can say that a change in environment can be soooo helpful, although the adjustment period is always a bit awkward congrats on appraochign your 1 year anniversary!

I wish I had wise words of wisdom but LILTEX nailed it. We're all thinking of you. <3

and if you do plan on getting a masters or doctorate after, then all the more reason to quit now. you don't want to be chained to adderall going into one of those programs. its not worth it.

it was a nice meet

my ankle and knee hurt so much but its nothing compared to the crying and emotional agony from coming down from an adderall binge. im still happy to be free

so happy to hear back. glad you are doing so well keep up the awesome work!

awesome that you have been clean for so long. congratulations! it's so nice that you want to participate and share here.

welcome!

Having time to hang out with friends, or play sports, or go out drinking, (and even taking pills to do these things at all costs), but never having time for you is a common theme I hear from partners of users posting on this site. I think it's because all the other things, there is some sort of activity involved, that adderall makes you better at. It makes you better at drinking, better at golfing, better at hockey, etc. But it takes away your ability to just be available and be who you are for the other person to enjoy being with. There are so many analogies between addiction and abusive relationships. You are what is good for your boyfriend, and the right choice to make, but adderall is what he chooses anyway, every time. It's really sad. I think you made the right choice for yourself by getting out of that situation. Sorry for the pain and I hope you find healing.

congratulations! welcome to the boards!

sneakerheads is a cool documentary on netflix which is really entertaining.

glad to hear that you are still sober!! dont look back now!

those dreams feel so soooo weird and creepy. blech!

if you are surviving and not really drinking coffee then you are already a super hero. I drink like two full pots of coffee a day to myself and strong coffee too

My pill supplier used to always talk my ear off when I visited about his whole family and how much he loved them. His nephews, sister, parents etc. I saw a family picture of him with his family on facebook, and was standing in the back looking like a serial killer about to murder each and every one of them.

Sounds like you know what's up! Welcome to the forum!

If this were reddit post it would get gold.

To clarify, I'm assuming by context that FKADDERALL and sobrietysucks are the same person. If not, this may not make sense. You can totally turn back now, shrug this off as a relatively harmless slip, and flush what you have. Your 14 months sober are not thrown away. You know deep down that you don't want to go back on the pills long term. If you let this slip continue into a full blown relapse. It will be agony again.

And if you are anything like me, it already has. If you've already developed a binging addiction, taking one pill is nothing but torture. So returning to responsible use is not an option anyway.

you build up to it, in baby steps. mike wrote a good example, like pushing a giant wheel. it's hard to start, but once it gets some momentum it doesnt seem so bad

I hear this. There are good days and bad days for sure. The motivation will come. Just survive the mean time and be as easy on yourself as possible. It sucks knowing work is piling up though. Got any vacation time saved up?

That's an amazing demonstration of commitment. You've left yourself no place to hide from your wife. That's great that you brought her on board with your plan. You are awesome (Is your doctor aware of what is going on? That sounds like the only bridge left to burn.)