Doge

1.4 miles today! It's not much but I definitely broke through that first threshold, and got the endorphin buzz I've been wanting so badly. Feeling really lightheaded and happy right now. It's the cure it truly is

day 45 almost complete! just a warning you guys i'm probably going to change my name to some new stupid thing again when i hit 60 days lol

of the things you listed, I think 2) is something I've never really thought of quite like that. it's a nice way to put it and I think spirituality is a great thing that is very helpful for staying hopeful. many people have different beliefs but they all seem so share a lot of the core tenets that are so important. sounds like you have developed some great coping strategies. that's awesome! and yes being alone during this struggle can at times be depressing, but it has its advantages also. having support can be great but i think it can also add pressure to "be a better person" during recovery than you really feel capable of being. either way there are pros and cons to both situations --- as an aside. i spent a semester in law school actually but i dropped out after the first semester becuase i hated it. I had never heard of adderall back then, but i remember hearing rumors of people selling ritalin to get through the insane amount of law readings and endless case studies, and i remember not understanding why... oh to be that naive again.. im really lucky i didnt start my adderall use back then or else i'd certainly be a lawyer right now. a really shitty, strung out, drug addicted lawyer. it just wasnt for me but adderall would have made me feel like it was the most important thing to me

that's fantastic. i definitely remember you and your tapering journey congratulations keep at it and keep us updated. i'm really glad that the tapering is working for you

that's great that you were strong and resisted temptation. but remember next time might not go so well you can only handle so much. protect yourself in advance from these dangerous situations

5K? I thought people in the US were allergic to the metric system? hehehe Seriously though 5K is my personal record, and it's a really magical distance for me. I run really slow so it takes me about 40 mintues or so to run that far (though currently I still have to work up to it again). but the head rush and euphoria that come afterwards..... omg it's unbelievable. i used to just want to melt into a puddle on the floor right there on the spot and its REAL and it just gently fades away over the course of about 30 minutes with no crash or negative feelings afterwards. just pure and natural bliss. I miss it so much. I'm promising myself to be pulling those off again soon, hopefully a couple months from now. it's the best motivation for not smoking anything (cigarettes/weed, etc.) because you NEED your lungs to be at their best WHICH reminds me. tonight is run #2, wish me luck!

If you do decide to break down eat something really unhealthy, force yourself to eat a bunch of vegetables (raw spinach leaves are the absolute best if you can manage it) immediately before hand. It has the dual purpose of a ) filling you up a bit so you don't overindulge as much (this is pretty intuitive) but more importantly, and less people know about this b ) (bro-science) it basically stabilizes your blood sugar levels and revs up your metabolism, so that when you do eat the junk food, your body incinerates it like an engine rather than storing it in places you dont want

I used to think of my inner addict as some sort of fun loving, rule breaking, live in the moment, don't care about the future or consequences, irresponsible side of myself. But now, particularly after my most recent (AND FINAL) descent into insanity I believe with all my heart that it's a demon who wants to kill me and everything good about me.

i'm a little late coming into this thread. But yes I smoked a lot of weed during early (first few months) recovery. no it doesnt help with motivation but it helps you just have something to look forward to and is much better for you than drinking (at least I think) since my relapse happened, I went back to weed to use it to help me get through the hard part. but I have pretty much kicked it now. it's a terrible habit honestly, but if it helps it helps. and fortunateley it is just that. a habit. it's not really addictive. I was a heavy weed smoker for 12 years. when I quit cold turkey, I had a few days of absolute misery and then boom, it was over, just like that. no withdrawals nothing. it's just a habit which is harmless in comparison to stimulants. so if it helps you I say go for it just don't let the cops catch you with it! (obviously) Again, this is way late but I can't resist chiming in here because I am pretty obsessed with nutrition and diets: The Atkins diet (which is one of the most well known LCHF diets) demands that you have a VERY large vegetable intake. Atkins diet is often misunderstood and confused with it's "induction phase" (critics of the Atkins program like to perpetuate this confusion, go figure) during which participants are encouraged to consume lots of fatty meats like bacon, sausage, steak, cheese, and everything has a lot of butter. It's not lifestyle that is sustainable as it causes quite a bit of wear and tear on your organs and digestive system, instead it's meant to kickstart your metabolism into burning fat, and is to be used as a transitional tool to get yourself into the program. Nobody is intended to stay in that phase for very long. But that aside, I think paleo (and pretty much all of the variations that I've read about) is the way to go anyway. It is the way we were meant to eat, and our bodies run so much better on it. So I think you are doing the right thing. I've tried Atkins in the past and I just couldn't handle the side-effects of being in a ketogenic state (when your body burns fat for fuel instead of carbohydrates).

this is my second day of rest after that short run i mentioned. I want to take it easy and not go too hard on my back and hips just quite yet, so i've decided to run once every three days for now. looking forward to my next run tomorrow. maybe I'll make it two miles!

i can finally look at cigarettes and see them for the disgusting sticks of death that they are rather than some sort of treat like candy or champagne to indulge in to excess. I want nothing to do with them ( except maybe the odd one when im drinking but of course this is when I will be craving adderall the worst too, so the two things are probably no coincidence, and why us recovering addicts should be very careful with alcohol ) i know its been said already but the cigarettes to me were probably worse than the adderall itself

you should be very proud of yourself. buy yourself a present!

wow thats longer than i will ever run probably. that's amazing. I'd be thrilled with myelf if i can run for 5miles one day though though

Made it 1 mile! hehehe Felt good to get going again, but really didn't give me the real head rush that I used to get once I break the 2-3 mile mark. Oh well, something to look forward to I guess. Thanks for resurrecting this thread LILTEX, I have been meaning to get back into this (I even went out and bought a really expensive pair of shoes last week to motivate myself) but have been putting off getting started. This was just the push I needed. I'm really excited to get going again! I even had a dream a couple nights ago that I was some sort of super athletic soccer player that no goalie could handle, then I woke up to realize I was still my fat self LOL. Maybe we can start some sort of 25-50-100-300 mile challenge threads?

you just made me so happy the thought of those little pricks being flushed down the toilet warms my heart I can't remember if you said you were a binge user (like myself) or if you used the prescribed daily dose, but I look back and realized that every binge could have been the one that killed me. you just saved yourself so much pain (or even your LIFE!!!) remember that. GOOD for you!! it's the best thing you could have done

Traffic fluctuates. Some days it's almost like instant messaging. Other days you wait a week for a response. But the response always comes. Sorry to hear that the meetings didn't go well. Maybe try another one? And I believe with all my heart that you can be happy sober, just not 100% of the time. Happiness in some sense really just boils down to chemicals I think. And we've all fucked our brains up with this drug and healing takes some time. Eating right and exercise are two of the most important things we can do to help our bodies and brains. They will thank you for it (in the form of happiness). Stay strong and have patience you will get through this!

I've been thinking about this all day, I want to get my running shoes back on. I smoked a lot of pot in early recovery (though last time I didnt stop until the 5 month mark) but decided to kick that habit again a few days ago, which naturally makes cardio much more pleasant. Gonna lace up and see how far I can run tonight, will post back!

your choice, but no drug is ever a problem, until it is

Adderall produced a boost in sex drive for me (while I was on it). I think this is common for men. So when you stop, predictable results ensue. Congrats on 3 months clean! It is a strange time, as you still are still dealing with recovery problems, yet you are clean enough to be able to look back clearly (with horror) at how much adderall has damaged your life. It's a tough time, but during my last stretch, it did start to get better (WAY BETTER) around 5 months. And I started to feel like a superhero in comparison. Send me a PM if you want to talk about the sexual dysfunction issue, and I can share some awkward details which hopefully will lend some insight.

im drinking some right now. but yeah that diet coke habit sounds awful, not just for the caffeine, but all the other things that are in pop (especially zero calorie diet pop) you'll probably sleep so much better once you adapt to not having it anymore (at least as much)

awesome guys, nice to put a real face to the personality

lol is this how far we have fallen

that's great about being sober for 8 months. a great accomplishment. the xanax doesn't sound like a great idea though. explore other solutions!

yeah doesn't seem like much substance anymore

I totally know what you mean here.