SleepyStupid

isn't this what most of television is? lol. unfortunately, you can't blame the media DIRECTLY, in the same way you can't blame doctors DIRECTLY for their practices- it's simply capitalism. all these things are a business, and the way they make the most money is to pander and prescribe.. because that's what people want. that's not to say it's ethical by any means, but to be fair there are also cases where its pure greed. like the stuff in this article probably crosses a pretty black and white line:https://www.cnn.com/2018/03/11/health/prescription-opioid-payments-eprise/index.html right now everyone is concerned about the opioid epidemic. i can almost imagine a time ten years out where we cite this Netflix documentary as the catalyst of a new epidemic.

hi Catherine, 11 years is a long time, but i'm glad that you've recognized that enough is enough. "do i want to live the rest of my life on speed?" is essentially the question everyone needs ask themselves. so how do you quit once and for all? 1) cut off your supply. tell your doctor honestly about your decision to quit, and don't make it sound like the drug just isn't working any more. unfortunately, the response most doctors have is to simply up the dose or move you to another pill, and when you're sitting in that room it's mighty tempting to simply comply. you need to tell him / her that getting off stimulants is a lifestyle choice you've made. also be honest about your concern during tapering. they will probably still put you on a taper plan, but should severely restrict the quantity and dosage. if you go the taper route, also consider doing weekly prescriptions rather than monthly. 2) figure out a strategy for work. some people have the luxury of taking paid time off, but there's also FMLA for unpaid time (enough time for rehab if necessary). ideally, you'll want to take a week off initially to get through the really acute withdrawal phase. how much time off you need after that really depends on the person and your life circumstances. 3) stay active on the forums (: that's basically it from a logistics standpoint. the rest of it is honestly the strength of your conviction. why do you want to quit? how badly do you want to quit? how much harm is adderall causing you? where do you see yourself in 5 years if you continue to take adderall? gl and keep us posted!

sounds like you're in the right mindset for this. there's no value in a dream job if you need to drug yourself to perform it! yes, but also be sure to take it slow and easy in the beginning- be kind to yourself. as reasonable as "proving yourself" sounds right now, there is nothing fair or reasonable about PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome). you may find yourself struggling to execute this "force of will" plan, so you need to prepare yourself for the scenario where you will need to do just enough to get by. good luck and keep us posted on your progress! we're here to help (:

lol this is going to have the same effect as D.A.R.E had on middle schoolers- introduce you to a whole new world of drugs, and you simply ignore all the negative stuff. i totally agree with OP, this is going to glorify the use of adderall. i wouldn't even be surprised if there's some money from big pharma in this production. the message in this trailer is that "everyone is taking it, this is the drug of the future.. it MAY have some side-effects." our society has a very bad track record of educating and communicating the risks of drug abuse. just take marijuana for example- it's a Schedule I drug... why exactly? according to our government, marijuana is WORSE than adderall (which is Schedule II). how many people do you know who have never tried pot? if the media glorifies it, if doctors hand it out like candy, and our government is too involved with its own agenda to care..

exhausted

abused for 6 years, 3 of which were heavy binge use. at least 100 mg a day, awake for ~90 hours straight on average. you're not too far gone. no one is. its true that for the first 6 months or so, you'll probably hate everything besides watching TV. beyond that though, you may find that the person you become is not the person you were even before adderall. but that's okay. you're really young, your interests will change, you'll give less fucks about things. that's just growing up. it's really easy conflate recovery and maturity- i did for a long time after quitting. music and songwriting was my life before and during the adderall years. it's how i defined myself. for the first year after quitting, i drove myself nuts thinking about whether my passion would ever return. i blamed it all on the adderall, which reinforced my depression even more. i'm over 2 years out now (minus a brief relapse), and frankly still have no drive to start writing music again. but i definitely enjoy things in general now, "really actually fucking enjoy". i feel thrills, excitement, love... so objectively, and clinically, there's no anhedonia anymore. but if i kept struggling to recapture my love of things past, i may not recognize that i've recovered.

the excitement of starting something new can definitely help through recovery. the only reason i made it through was that i started seeing someone new, and the excitement of that relationship kept me mentally and otherwise occupied (: if you're starting the new job on Monday, maybe you should start your first clean day tomorrow, so you have a couple of days to vegetate? good luck!!

there was this post a few months ago. i read through it- interesting stuff, and just as much shady behavior as you think going on. but ultimately, i'm not a victim- i used adderall to boost performance and get high quite knowingly. this may be more relevant to others.

i'm really sorry to hear about this duffman- i can't imagine what it feels like to embarrass yourself in front of your hero. for what it's worth, i know the feeling of having adderall turn on you in at the worst possible time. my friend asked me to sing / play piano at her wedding, for her father daughter dance. several pills later, i bombed... so hard.. in front of hundreds of people. to this day i can't listen to that song without a sinking feeling. (which sucks cause it's in one of my favorite episodes of The Simpsons! lol) you'll be fine- it was just that one day. it will be hard, maybe impossible to erase the pain of this memory, but it will always serve as a reminder that adderall leads to disaster.

awesome, keep it up! and before you know it it'll be a month and you'll be feeling a lot better! one of best feelings in the world after quitting adderall is not having to worry about those chemical mood swings and dealing with comedowns. for the first couple of months, you may still have some depression, but i think it's still better than dealing with the comedowns. then a few months after that, your mood will stabilize, and it becomes such a relief to feel emotionally normal again. (:

don't trivialize your condition. while it's true that you've only been using for a few months, the danger of adderall is that you can't unknow the feeling of having that "edge". you rationalize that you're not taking that much, or that you're just a casual user and that you can use it in a controlled fashion to get ahead in your career.. that's how it all starts. even in the future, there will be times that you feel pressured or opportunities that demand a lot of effort... and you'll remember the edge. you need to be REAL careful with this, because you can adderall yourself into a job or commitment that demands a lot from you, and then you simply continue to take adderall to maintain that situation. you'll rationalize that it'll only be for a little while, till you get situated, etc. etc. and all of a sudden its 2 years later and quitting seems impossible. see how easy that can happen? you should give yourself some credit for recognizing so early the slippery slope towards dependence and addiction. flush the prescription. walk away from it forever.

lol, i slept so little during my binges, my alarms were no longer for waking up. they were to remind myself to start getting ready for work cause i'd be up all night obsessed with something or another.

yea, this is definitely the toughest part of recovery. it's why the "do nothing" stage is so important if you have that luxury. understandably, many people don't, and the pressure to perform can make it very tempting to return to adderall. here's something to consider: there is a difference between performance and delivery. adderall makes you feel like everything needs to be done at the highest level of excellence. this is why abusing adderall can actually end up making you less productive. when you come off adderall, you can't and shouldn't measure yourself against your adderall self. the regular you is more than capable of delivering under pressure. you just have to re-learn what a sufficient job actually means. it's a skill that every "normal" person has to rely on from time to time. (:

totally this. well said. @Fix good luck on your exam today! i don't know whether you've decided to dose up again, but as others have said, there is never going to be a perfect time to quit.

hi Fix, it sounds like you've had a rough life. i'm very sorry to hear about those things that were out of your control, and how they have led you to your current state. your counselor is right about the poly drug abuse- it's less of a coping strategy and more of an escape, but i'm sure you're already aware of that. i'm sure you're also aware that mixing drugs is always a recipe for disaster, and that adderall overdose sounds like an interaction with the anti-depressant (Wellbutrin?). you have to be really careful, ESPECIALLY, with anti-depressants, because their interactions and side-effects are very unpredictable. health stuff aside, an addiction to adderall is a little different than the other drugs in that it is serving two purposes in your case: enhancing performance (therapeutic) and getting high. unfortunately, once you start using it to get high, there is no way of going back to a regulated usage, much less a therapeutic usage. this is doubly dangerous because your mind is now relying on the rush of adderall to do anything productive, but you're at a level of abuse that doesn't allow for that. what is your school / job situation like now? are you still abusing multiple drugs at once? if so, is rehab an option? given your history of usage and suicidal thoughts, going back on adderall is going to be the most disastrous move you can make. as of now, you are only a year in- NOW is the time to rid your life of it. your life isn't over, your legal troubles are behind you, RIGHT NOW is the time to fight for your life, before it gets worse.

interesting topic! in the context of everyday life, it's really hard to measure things like cognition and performance. i'm very skeptical about "smart drugs" and nootropics- i've tried some before (racetams and such), and they don't feel much like anything. what does it feel like to feel smarter? seems more placebo than anything to me. adderall on the other hand has a very real and distinct feeling- it too has no direct effect on cognition, but certainly has an indirect effect on performance. you didn't get an A on that exam because it made you smarter, it just made studying super interesting and enjoyable. generally you'd think that the best way to rid yourself of something is to abolish it from your life, like an ex-girlfriend (cause "friends" never works lol), but with a drug addiction it's different. paradoxically, staying close to these forums and keeping adderall an active (but different) part of my life actually keeps me off it. being here and helping others through recovery is a constant reminder of the pain and suffering it has put me through. (:

hi Littlemissnikkie, welcome to the forums! i'm sorry to hear about your experience out of town. panic attacks are bad enough, never mind being in a foreign place when it happens. i can definitely relate, i remember having a particularly scary one while driving to work for the first time after quitting (thankfully, incident free!). after that episode, i too shut myself indoors for a few weeks. it was so bad, i couldn't even bring myself to call work and explain that i was not coming in. there was a constant dread and panic that i had seriously and permanently fucked my brain up, and my life was ruined. of course, these types of things can become reinforced by overthinking and catastrophizing, but there are the other types of panic attacks that just come up out of nowhere. my theory on this is that the panic is mostly a result of your mind being in a totally new, never before experienced state of neurochemical imbalance. it's such a foreign state that your mind / body doesn't know how to deal with it and you get the panic response. this makes sense to me because the majority of my panic attacks occurred the first time i tried to quit. i eventually relapsed a few months later, then was back on it for 3 years, but the panic attacks never came back on my second attempt. to answer your question, i would say the period of intense panic attacks shouldn't last more than a month or so. i wouldn't say avoid the Xanax altogether- if the panic is severe enough to land you in the ER, you should definitely keep it handy, but just be careful about relying on it otherwise. good luck and stay close to the forums (:

this is awesome news! i've had the same exact worries, as i'm sure many people here have, and this is super encouraging to hear (:

i'd actually consider 10 lbs in a year a fairly normal amount of weight gain (depending on your age and activity level i guess)- that being said, i totally relate to the embarassment. it's the kind of embarassment that makes me routinely avoid social encounters with people from the past who probably haven't seen me since my emaciated adderall days. i think the post-adderal weight gain stage was fairly short but extreme for me. it's kind of obvious very early on that you're simply craving more food (especially carbs). i remember being insatiable. this also happened when i'd run out of my script early, so i'd binge eat whatever i wanted knowing that once i re-filled, i'd starve it all off in no time. so of course when you finally quit, there's no starve off period. also, you feel so lowsy early on, a proper diet is generally the least of your concerns. probably the less obvious mechanisms at work are hormonal changes, biochemistry, etc... it's probably impossible to tell how long that may take to "normalize", but it's possible that the changes in your metabolism might just be from getting older? that being said, there are plenty of people here that are in better shape than ever after quitting, but sounds like it's mind over matter and hard work. if we have the willpower to quit adderall, then we surely have the willpower to lose a few pounds (:

lol, love this.

it's hard to define "mental clarity", but this here is what i call "indecision anxiety". especially in the early days of recovery, this feeling would be paralyzing. i'd just (sluggishly) think about all the possibilities, and never be able to decide on something. it was way too much effort, and it would result in me just zoning out from mental fatigue. it even happened for stupid things like choosing what show to watch next. i'd just mull over all the different shows on my list and end up watching nothing lol. as you mentioned, adderall not only has you moving so fast you don't care about mistakes, but also it makes you feel GREAT about every choice you make, no matter the right or wrong of it. this is a double edged sword- it can lead to bad decisions, but also sometimes good decisions that get executed faster.

i totally relate to this. i spent over a year basically shuffling through work, coming home, and just watching TV for hours. weekends would be wake up, eat, watch TV, nap, wake up, watching TV, go to bed. lol i started taking Wellbutrin again recently and I think it has helped a ton with the depression , but as you said, the major effect is making me "content with my laziness". but i think i'm okay with that, because depression is a feedback loop nightmare- you're depressed about being depressed about being unmotivated. so at least it breaks you out of that cycle. the thing is, even taken as prescribed like you have for 20 years, the point of the medication was never to "motivate" you to do things in life, right? adderall is SUPPOSED TO be prescribed to alleviate ADHD in children, which really has nothing to do with motivation. at this point, if you can drag yourself to work and more or less function in society, you don't need adderall (and possibly never needed it?). it's a God damn shame that you were put on this stuff so young, and i don't know what your condition was like at 6 years old, but i'd argue that every negative feeling in your life is now a result of adderall- not any kind of latent ADHD or depression. that being said, i've never had any success with any specific supplement, but Wellbutrin has helped a lot. it is an atypical anti-depressant, and works a bit more on energy than mood (in theory anyway). it also has far less side-effects than other anti-d's, and there is little to no withdrawal if you decide to come off it. perhaps you can discuss this option with your doctor if the other meds don't help.

20 years is a long time. i'm tempted to ask whether you even remember a time before adderall, and what you were like, but at this point that comparison would be meaningless. i think your reason to quit is as valid as any: "do i really want to take this for the rest of my life?" i've heard the argument made that a diebetic needs to take insulin for the rest of their life- how is this different? i'm not a fan of this argument, mainly because the diagnosis criteria for these diseases are very different. many people aren't even convinced adult ADHD is a real thing. either way, it seems to be that adderall is probably not a life or death type intervention, so the next question is how bad is it for you? here's a really in depth article written by a physician on the potential risks of adderall, from a purely medical standpoint. (thanks to @Speeder906). it's long but the TLDR is that if used as prescribed, it has few long term health risks. as with everything, you need to approach these kinds of articles with skepticism, but i think that aside from the physical health risks, adderall poses a depedency risk which you have already experienced. if you miss a dose, you're less than useless. http://slatestarcodex.com/2017/12/28/adderall-risks-much-more-than-you-wanted-to-know/ that being said, 14 months off after 20 years on is not long enough to answer the question of whether you can function without adderall for the rest of your life. you need to give yourself at least 2 years. i'm sure you've read plenty of stories on here- 14 months is a fantastic accomplishment, but the depression and apathy you're feeling is still quite normal for this length of time. hang in there! you OWE IT to yourself to find out what being completely free of amphetamines feels like. (:

or join a fight club? i was in an accident not too long ago, and i also remembering being strangely calm as it was happening. i think maybe these kinds of things happen so quickly, there isn't time to process or for adrenaline to kick in (until after the incident). for what it's worth, it took me a year of recovery to enjoy playing videogames again, and i think it has to do with this exact same thing. i didn't feel the rush and excitement of it, and then one day i did. nowadays, i actually have to stop myself from playing at least an hour before bed cause i get so worked up (:

remember this? i was SUPER impressed by this- and a little jealous honestly lol. if you have the discipline and will power to WRITE A BOOK, you can absolutely fight your way out of this depression.